Question

[offering251]

I'm a bisexual male and have fallen for a guy that is of similar stature of myself, very attractive. My dilemma comes to sex, but before I ask the question, I'll give a little back story to each of us. He has lived a straight life and been in the closet with very limited gay experiences and I have lived a straight life while remaining in the closet and have had plenty of gay experiences, including dating a guy. When it comes to sex, I am always the top but after a couple months, oral sex isn't doing it for me and I need to have more sexual depth(pun not intended) in our relationship. He has tried to bottom twice and both times were with me. I have bottom' for him a few times now and each time I feel like shit and less of a man after he is done; I don't hate the sex but I'm looking for someone else's wisdom or advice that can help me overcome this barrier. I'm hoping that someone on here can relate to me and offer some advice or share some kind of experience they have had with a similar situation.

So my question for other Bi/gay guys. When your playing the role of top with a guy, what do you get out of it and/or what's going through your mind. When you bottom for a guy, what's going through your mind, what do you get out of it, and how do you enjoy it and be ok with yourself after the deed is done?

I posted this in the Bi section considering that we both live straight lives and I still have interest in women, I'm sure I'll catch some heat for that.

I know this is a stretch and probably going to get a few replies saying to man up or quit being a bitch, but if anyone has some serious words or advice, PM me so I can learn from another's experience.

 

[Hoss]

It would appear that part of your difficulty may be connected to some uneasiness about your sexuality. You indicate both you and he are closeted when it comes to same sex hookups, that may need to change in order for you to get into more of a comfort zone. The comfort zone is necessary for you to get to a place of both enjoying the sex and not feeling off afterwards.


You saying you feel like less of a man after bottoming for the other guy says you need to move into a place of either bliss or just making clear what your preference is and then stay with it. Some men are all about being bottom, some are about always being a topper. Then there are the men who go both ways and enjoy women as well.

Find what's right for you and then live happily.

For me there was never a matter of feeling bad in any way afterwards and never felt I was less of a man, so I can't say I know that feeling. Whatever happens, I am a man, the sex in whatever form doesn't change that.


Wishing you the best.

 

[alex_moore]

So my question for other Bi/gay guys. When your playing the role of top with a guy, what do you get out of it and/or what's going through your mind. When you bottom for a guy, what's going through your mind, what do you get out of it, and how do you enjoy it and be ok with yourself after the deed is done?

Our society puts a lot of pressure on us men to be "manly" and "strong" and then it defines those things in hetero ways. It can be confusing and counter intuitive to gay/bi guy especially as we grow up. It was for me at least. I would suggest stop focusing on who is the "woman" in your relationship. That's not really how things are, and that can lead to negative thought processes. You are both men. He is not less of a man for bottoming, and neither are you. You are a man because you identify as one and NO ONE can take that away from you.

Go slow in areas that you are uncomfortable with. No one is forcing you to do everything. Focus on who you are with and finding someone you can trust. If THEY are making you feel like less than a man for bottoming, you should probably start looking elsewhere for someone.

Whatever you find yourself doing, always try to be the best. It's the same with bottoming. I'm versatile but I take pride in my ability to pop a guy's top. I'm damn good at it. You want to pull out and blow your load all over my face then make me suck your balls dry? Thats cool. Jam your dick down my throat until my eyes water? No problem. You want to be a jerk about it after? Bye. Good luck finding someone else. Its the person willing to bottom that has all the power in the relationship. Tops are a dime a dozen.