Questioning Sexuality - Any One Go Through Similar Experiences

chai

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So because of COVID there seems to be ample time to think and reflect on my thoughts. I wanted to reach out to this community to see if anyone has been through a similar situation or has a point of view / advice. I'm pretty Type A so I am going to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to me.

Preamble
- While I want to identify as bi-curious - I have no issues with guys or gals
- I can rationalize anything to myself so Im hoping I am not repressing any 'true feelings / thoughts'

Childhood / Highschool
- I didn't have a father figure or any male figures in my life growing up - I found it was easier to be friends with girls
- I have bully and teased and was constantly called gay
- I was a version of 'mentally abused' by mother - I think abuse is a very strong word and I don't want to make light of situations where people go through much harder
- As I didn't have friends I lacked experience with talking to girls - I feel like I missed out on a lot of important experience
- I was so confused - I watched all sorts of porn but mostly straight porn and pictures of guys naked or in underwear
- I use to fantasize about guys jerking off together / still do

University
- I finally found male friends and it was very different
- I had my first relationship but I was more focused with hanging out with my new male friends - as I never had that experience before so the bonding and coma diary was new and made me feel like I finally belonged
- Sex was good - only with girls - no problem getting or staying hard
- Had MFM threesomes which were really fun and saw my first dick in real life
- Had no real interest in being with a guy

After University
- I begin to explore more - mostly wanking with other guys - kissing another guy didn't really do anything for it
- I let guys suck and rim me but didn't want to return the favour - it was more of a dominant thing and getting off
- I had no interest in seeking out relationship with a guy but if I was horny it was much easier to use Grindr for a guy to suck me off then deal with the emotions / time involved with getting a girl
- Was into the party scene and was someone of an alcoholic - my social life revolved heavily around drinking & started to dabble in drugs
- My porn preferences turned into more mfm and rough sex
- I was curious and was questioning if I was gay so I went on a date with a guy - While I didn't really do anything sexually with him it was good to get blown - kissing a guy wasn't really my thing but it was great to wank together
- Over this time I want to say I had about 30 one/two night stands with girls - mostly after the bar or drunken hookups.
- I never got into a relationship because it wasn't really my priority focus - I spent a lot of time single and I thought it was more fun that being in a relationship would have been. Due to childhood trauma too I didn't feel like I was worth of a relationship. With alcohol I was able to be more confident and not have to worry about any childhood stuff
- I used the chat room here as a release and I found myself spending a lot of time on it talking about the stuff that turned me on (mfm, jerking and bro bonding etc.)
- I also think I had a bit of porn addiction where it was easier to watch porn then find the real thing
- Throughout the tail end late 20's I found myself using viagra as a crutch - it was now completely find to get absolutely hammered and still be able to perform

Most recent relationship
- Was with a female- finally found love - recently broke up
- While the sex was good it got boring and vanilla quick and I think I really like the chase
- I found myself either not being able to stay hard or get hard without viagra - this was moreso in the beginning to make sure I was able to perform and at the end when I was having doubts about the relationship
- Going down on her was fun and I liked that she came all the time
- I did find myself wanting to have more kinky sex or have mfm with other people
- I was kind of glad when she was on her period cause that meant I didnt have any performance anxiety and we could just drink and have fun

Now
- I think I realize the impact alcohol was having on me and I've stopped drinking as much
- I'm much more focused on living a healthier lifestyle
- While I don't have the same drive as some of my friends to get laid - I'm focused on finding a LT relationship
- I don't think I want a relationship with a guy - I still have no interest to kiss/have sex with - but still kinda turned on to wank or get serviced
- I'm trying to reduce my intake of porn

Main Questions
- Has anyone been through a similar experience
- Is my lack of interest/desire on constantly wanting to hookup with a girl indicative of sexuality- I don't think I have the same urge and need to have sex with every girl
- I also don't have the same urge to wank with every guy or do more - I'm not sure if this is repressed thoughts of actual thoughts
-

cc - Ask Straight Man/BiSex/Gay
 
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Hatt_101

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After all of that in order of your questions:

No never experienced anything like that and realistically I don't think anyone will have anything that specific.

Again no. And it's sounds just like you're bored.

One thing that is weird is you said that you found it it easier to make friends with girls but yet you said you don't know how to talk to them. How were you able to be friends with girls easier than guys if you weren't able to talk to them?

Just from what you've described what are you questioning exactly it sounds like you like both men and women sexually. Like from what you describe there doesn't seem anything to be curious about, you definitely sound like you know what you like and it sounds like a textbook description of someone who's bisexual
 
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cofrader

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cc - Ask Straight Man/BiSex/Gay
On your Post tools - report - please move my thread to ask a man, there all can answer.

Do you have a short version?
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jpdhuge

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I have had similar experiences. Even though I am straight it is easier to have a hookup with a man. I penetrated him and he sucked me off. This is easier than having a relationship with a girl.
 

Justfname1

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I'm totally gay with hetero..err..bisexual tendencies. I know it doesn't make sense and that's more reason to question my sexuality sometimes. I even avoid getting drunk with certain types of women the type that just makes ne subconciously curious. It rarely happens but when it does it makes my brain explode. I'm just lunatic I guess.
 

cofrader

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@chai finally ended your manifesto.
Friends making capability its way different to a relationship.
I could easily make friend when no sexual tension but when it was a woman I care about I froze turned mute & stupid.
Straight road it’s not an easy one, at least it wasn’t for me. But for what I read you find elsewhere a release but no connection. Perhaps bi perhaps trying to bring back simpler time.
Talk about a professional about this block abuse of substance is no good for any relationship and affect your cock also about the verbal abuse of your mother, you have to be happy and stable by yourself to get on a relationship.
 

bosceltic

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What you are describing is in my opinion bisexuality. We (bisexual men)are one of the most marginalized people within the straight AND LGBTQ community. This is what makes acceptance and coming out so difficult. It will take time to figure out your sexuality but do not suppress it and remain true to yourself.

My Gf knows I’m bisexual and allows me to explore that, and you can find a partner like this too! It just takes time to figure all of this stuff out...