Questioning the past of your significant other..help

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Gregg_Ghorian, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    I've never dug too deep into my wife's past. Lately I feel like she's dissapointed that I have never really brought it up. I guess at times I start feeling insecure about what I might just hear?? I don't know if this is normal in terms of my feelings towards it. But is it unfair to her to feel like she can't share something with me because shes afraid I might start acting weird. Which is probably the case. How can I come to a neutral state with this?? I want her to be able to share with me things but I'm a bit apprehensive about some things. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know if this will help our relationship or make it worse???? What should i expect anyone got any experience with this??

    Help...
     
    #1 D_Gregg_Ghorian, Dec 20, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2009
  2. pussnboots

    pussnboots New Member

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    First, what are you afraid of? What do you think you'll hear that you can't cope with?
     
  3. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    so this subject has never come up??? when my gf, now wife, and I got pretty exclusive about 2 months into our relationship. she told me the 6 guys she had sex with before me. I knew all of them, except one, he had lived here briefly and moved away. they dated awhile after, but the distance proved to great. when I told her my sexual past with approx 50 women, she didn't like it but did not freak out. she asked it my "big cock" rep had anything to do with that, and I said a little. you need to get stuff out in the open, AND not dwell on it. which I think you are going to have problem with.
     
  4. fratpack

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    You don't mention if there is any significant part of her past that concerns you. Is it health, physical, mental, sexual, financial....what aspect of her past? Is she a suspected Black Widow Serial Killer? We need specifics in order to help.Also, remember it is THE PAST and she is with you now, so there must be some good, terrific qualities that she saw in you that she chose you.
     
  5. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    Sorry I wasn't specific enough. In general the past sexual relationships are probably what might be the toughest to swallow. And really what am I supposed to ask? I don't really know how to approach it? Yet I feel like she wants to share with me something? We've been together for four years we have a beautiful one year old daughter. Our sex life has changed a bit since the baby? I feel bad that she anticipates me feeling bad and I'm trying to better handle the subjects openly and being positive. Ugh.
     
  6. Matthew

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    It seems like something she has said or done recently is making you think she wants you to ask about her past relationships. Is that right? If so, what did she say/do to give you that impression?
     
  7. thadjock

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    the way i look at it, how does it matter what she did in her past if you 2 are happy now and have been for 4 yrs? could she really tell you anything that would make you want to leave her?

    i mean whoever/whatever she did then isn't an issue unless she's still doing whoever now.

    u need to spill it and say what your worst suspicion is

    i guess if she had fukd ur brother or something b4 she met u that could be weird.
     
  8. Opalite

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    I'n my experience, It's best to just tell yourself you were each other's first and keep it at that if you're not comfortable about her previous sexual partners and any likewise encounters.

    If you still think there's something you would like to know, it's best to just be blunt about it... But be specific! I don't think it would be realistic to make her feel like she has to explain every single time she once had sex to you in detail, and I think I'd personally would feel as if looked down upon, beeing interrogated or something silly like that.

    Even if she would tell you, there'd always be a possibility that you might found out something you'd wish you didn't.. I'd think that the two of you beeing happy with oneanother and your lovely baby girl is worth much more than knowing how many dicks she've seen.. if she's only intrested in yours!
     
  9. thadjock

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    ya i guess whatever works,

    but to be honest it would freak me out more if the 28 yo i'm dating told me i actually was his first.....LOL
     
  10. sexplease

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    She is your friend...right? friends share. perhaps you could start by telling something funny or slightly embarrassing from your dating past.
    Find a neutral location - a cafe', the park etc., ease into the exchanges and if you get uncomfortable at her disclosures remember - it's her past. your friends life experiences. You are not judging her or yourself, just sharing.
     
  11. hud01

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    Have you asked generic questions like what is the craziest place she has had sex. What was the kinkiest thing she did. Does she miss any sexual act that you haven't done. Are there any sexual fantasies that she would like to do with you?
     
  12. pussnboots

    pussnboots New Member

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    It sounds like she wants to tell you something...is that right? And you're worried it might be what? That you aren't preforming up to what she wants? What? You're leaving us guessing here and that just fills our heads with all kinds of stuff. Best thing to keep in mind, no matter what she feels she has to say to you, is 1) she needs to have someone to 'unload' whatever is bothering her, and 2) you need to be as open minded and supportive as you can be. Think, think, think, before you speak...

    hope that helps?
     
  13. vlls

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    have her tell you about her past experience while shes jerking u off. that should help.
     
  14. MalakingTiti

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    I love hearing about past naughty experiences. Call me a weirdo if you want, but it turns me on.
     
  15. D_Gregg_Ghorian

    D_Gregg_Ghorian Account Disabled

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    Sorry if I've left so many questions here without better specifics.
    I appreciate the help. I want that door to be open. I want to be a better more open minded person. If she wants to share anything with me that she may feel would bother me I want her to be more comfortable. Although sex is less frequent it's still good. It's more about our relationship in general. I like what a lot of you've said and I will take all of your advice into consideration.
     
  16. helgaleena

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    I hope things work out for you and your family thx55. It is so important to be open and honest in a relationship. Secrets sank my marriage and soured it. They were not on my part either.

    Remember that the things you imagine are always much worse than the things she actually will say. And noneof them can outweigh your lovely family.
     
  17. Incocknito

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    "Questioning" to me sounds a little accusatory. As if you are challenging whether or not her past actually happened.

    I think the word you are looking for is "discussing" her past.

    Really its up to you.

    What good does it do? If she is ashamed of something she did in the past then maybe her talking to you about it will help her overcome that shame. Otherwise if you just want to know how big her ex's were or how good they were in bed then that's basically asking for trouble.

    I don't ask about my partner's past sexual experiences. Usually, I find out from other people :tongue:. Occassionally they volunteer information but I don't worry about it.

    As Rafiki the baboon said: "It doesn't matter, it's in the past!"

    If you are looking on enhancing your relationship then focus on making each other happy in the present and talking about the future. Happy relationships do not involve dwelling on the past. They are all about the present and the future.
     
  18. Joll

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    Probly better to jointly discuss your pasts?

    I just ask if she's been anywhere near Incocknito - if not, then it should be fine. :wink::biggrin1:
     
  19. iluvbigheads

    iluvbigheads New Member

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    ...interesting topic. Being involved with law enforcement, I consider someone's past a good indicator of problems to come or general character. Of course, it's good to know someone's past for romantic purposes. I never really questioned my lover's past; of course he was european, but he didn't really possess any behavior issues that would start the questions.

    Enter another guy, a member of the military and seeking to date me, etc. disclosed a number of past partners, so many that I now do not really want to be involved romantically because I asked myself, what is the probability that in the end I will be another notch on the bed post. So I explained to him, "Bank's do not give out VISA cards without having a look at your credit file...and frankly, your credit file is terrible"...was I right or wrong? I don't know, but there are somethings best left out and others ok to bring in.

    and by the way, how many folks on here have partners that have no idea they are a) posting cock pictures on the internet and b) maintaining a profile on a site like this? haha
     
  20. Lex

    Lex
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    I think that disclosure can happen naturally over the course of a relationship. I don't think that "tell all" sessions are helpful unless there is a specific historical point/time period you want to discuss.

    When you truly love someone, you accept them for who they are and you realize that all of their past experiences come together to make them the person with whom you share your love. Therefore, few things can be too horrible if they brought that person to you, right?

    I have a partner who has a profile here and also knows that my pics are here. He has met several of my friends from here on many occasions. Not everyone has to sneak around the internet.
     
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