Questions for young gay men who are into "daddies"

Trevor

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I am somewhat curious about this phenomenon, especially since I have gotten a little older and seem to be attracting all of these 18-20ish guys who are half my age who say they are "into daddies".

1. What do you find attractive about older men?

2. Did you have a father figure (father or stepfather) at home when you were growing up?

3. If you did have a father figure at home did you have a good relationship with him?

4. If you were raised by a single mom did your biological father abandon you either before you were born or when you were a child? (i.e. left your mom when he found out she was pregnant, divorced mom and refused to pay child support, never visited you, etc.)

5. Were you ever sexually abused by an older man when you were a child?
 
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Blueshift

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For some people an attraction to "daddies" and older man may be a result of father figure issues, but I think that's a very, very broad generalization. I'm attracted more to men in their 30s and 40s than in their 20s (I'm in my 20s) because generally they're more masculine. They're more likely to have the things I'm attracted to about men: thick, strong builds, body & facial hair and deeper voices. There are guys in their 20s that have those things, and they're sexy too. It's just not as likely.

They may also have more experience and be more confident, which is another big turn-on for me. I'm bi and still working out for myself what that entails. Having a partner that knows what he's doing, what he enjoys and can act as a guide is a big plus.

I've always been more comfortable with people a bit outside my age group, and no, I was never abused as a child.
 

concupisys

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those are some pretty personal questions to be asking regarding this topic.... i like older guys, but i don't see it as a 'daddy' thing.... i just don't relate very well to younger guys.... i personally regard the whole daddy/son thing as nothing more than a fantasy that some people enjoy partaking in.... if someone wants to take it further than that, then i might be led to think that there's an underlying reason why, but i think that's left for the people involved to discuss....

cuz like seriously: sex with your dad or son as a lifestyle? kudos to those who can make it work, but that's just creepy....
 
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Alonso

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I'm not sure that psychology is the sole answer. I just went through a grad school program, in my mid-30s, and I was surprised at the attention I got from both the early/mid 20-somethings in my program, and even a few of the undergrads who couldn't legally drink yet. (For my part, I used to think I just couldn't click with someone that young, and yet I was proven wrong several times.) Part of it is just the macho/hairy/older dynamic and curiosity about it, especially for someone who isn't necessarily very experienced - the 21-year-old I actually kind of dated for a while hadn't really gone much older before, and just liked the change of pace. None of them seemed kind of hung-up on having to be with a "daddy" so, even though I'm sure that's a thing for many, in my experience it was just a physical attraction rather than a mental fixation.
 

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I also think that "daddies" has become a catch-all term for more mature men that has become divorced from its association with anything Oedipal... I don't think being "into daddies" means you want to fuck an actual father figure any more than being "into bears" means you want to put it in a grizzly bear's ass...

I don't find it that strange that guys are into this "type," either - typically a "daddy" type embodies a certain kind of first-world western masculinity. This can include any or all of the following features: body/facial hair, intellectual maturity, physical strength, charisma, financial security (I think this is a big one for the suited/professional daddy types, especially in a world where the pendulum has swung increasingly towards a white-collar masculinity / power broker and away from blue-collar masculinity as has been popular in the past). All these things lend themselves to the kind of dom/sub fantasy that controls a lot of how people are sexually attracted to one another.
 
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concupisys

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@Kdeimos: interesting take on it.... i'm not sure if your statement is based on personal experience or observation, but it's definitely one perspective of many.... frankly, the 'scenes' and 'types' out there have become so sociologically incestuous, the hybrids that are being created from it are actually quite deformed and distorted to the point that none of it makes much sense anymore unless you are directly involved in it....

i also find it interesting that younger guys in to much older guys are being put under the microscope for their preferences, but the older guys get off scott free.... so i'm going to take this in a different direction with an anecdote of a recent event that really disturbed me....

a few weeks ago, i was talking to a guy online who was in his mid 50's.... he has an absolute preference for MUCH younger guys, and admitted in conversation that if it weren't for the fact i look so young for my age he would not have given me a second look.... FAST FORWARD.... out of nowhere, he suddenly blurbs inadvertently that his preference for really young guys fulfills a fantasy he has about sleeping with boys.... like, young boys.... and that he had fantasized about me in that context.... and after a massive exclamation point-laden message from me telling him that he's sick and needs help, i blocked him.... and he has not appeared on the website since....

so while i could question the actions of the younger guys in to older, i think the older guys need a little microscopic analysis of their preferences and why they have them as it (in the worst case scenario) can break some moral and legal barriers that far outweigh any reason why a younger guy would be in to older....
 

davidjh7

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@Kdeimos: interesting take on it.... I'm not sure if your statement is based on personal experience or observation, but it's definitely one perspective of many.... frankly, the 'scenes' and 'types' out there have become so sociologically incestuous, the hybrids that are being created from it are actually quite deformed and distorted to the point that none of it makes much sense anymore unless you are directly involved in it....

i also find it interesting that younger guys in to much older guys are being put under the microscope for their preferences, but the older guys get off scott free.... so i'm going to take this in a different direction with an anecdote of a recent event that really disturbed me....

a few weeks ago, i was talking to a guy online who was in his mid 50's.... he has an absolute preference for MUCH younger guys, and admitted in conversation that if it weren't for the fact i look so young for my age he would not have given me a second look.... FAST FORWARD.... out of nowhere, he suddenly blurbs inadvertently that his preference for really young guys fulfills a fantasy he has about sleeping with boys.... like, young boys.... and that he had fantasized about me in that context.... and after a massive exclamation point-laden message from me telling him that he's sick and needs help, i blocked him.... and he has not appeared on the website since....

so while i could question the actions of the younger guys in to older, i think the older guys need a little microscopic analysis of their preferences and why they have them as it (in the worst case scenario) can break some moral and legal barriers that far outweigh any reason why a younger guy would be in to older....


You make excellent points...I suspect like most things, this is a spectrum. Some guys have "daddy" issues, some just like older or younger guys, and the "daddy-son" terms have just become a catch-all. I like younger guys, always have. I can't even say why, although part of it is my natural protective/nurturing/mentoring streak I have always had. I guess ultimately we all have to examine our personal reasons for liking what we like, and then seek those who balance and compliment those reasons, while staying away from those who don't.As far as older guys getting a "pass" about preferring younger, I think this is just a reflection of what much of gay culture has become in the last few decades---youth obsessed; thus, it is expected that EVERYBODY wants young and twinkish, because that is the only class that has been given "value"--despite the fact that tastes and desires vary widely and are very individual. That's my best theory for the questioning of younger who want older.
 
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harumoni

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I personally don't seek out older men, but there is something unmistakably arousing in the image of a stronger, secure and youthful looking man. I didn't have a bad relationship with my father, but I lived with my single mother. Not sure if being gay was attributed to my relationship with my father, as I imagine many people hold to this psychology--but! I've always felt like a princess since I was young. I did enjoy the company of older people when I was younger. But I can definitely see the backlash of sexual attraction being driven towards hypermasculinity. Maybe a "daddy" is my sexual archetype that fulfills some longing of a paternal relationship. Who said we look for our parents in our partners? We can analyze it many different ways, but I feel like it boils down to our preferences. Which would have been somehow determined by a variety of previous conditions not directly or always consciously realized.

Why do we like strawberries? Or why do we dislike them?

How do you take it all? Does it feel awkward; are you trying to play a role?
 

DukesFan

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To me it is no different then when you have a younger guy interested in older woman, their "mommy".. Young guys like the fact that older woman are still attractive to look at and horny as hell and experienced.

Young men that like "daddy" types are pretty much the same thing. They like the fact that 'daddy" is still attractive still horny as hell and can perform well and experienced.

I see nothing wrong with this as long as the younger man is legally old enough and it is a mutual agreed between the younger and older to have the sexual experience that he or they are looking for..

I say if it is right feels right and makes both happy GO FOR IT!

You only live once! Get what you want and Enjoy it. If you don't you may always wonder what you missed out on if you never try the experience once. Doesn't mean you have to keep doing it if you don't want to but at least you will know if it was the right thing for you to do and whether or not it is worth pursuing or not.
 

Alonso

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Young men that like "daddy" types are pretty much the same thing. They like the fact that 'daddy" is still attractive still horny as hell and can perform well and experienced.

I see nothing wrong with this as long as the younger man is legally old enough and it is a mutual agreed between the younger and older to have the sexual experience that he or they are looking for..

I say if it is right feels right and makes both happy GO FOR IT!

Yeah, I don't think anybody saw something wrong with it, so much as trying to figure out and understand the dynamic. But I agree with you.

I think part of the cliche of this scenario is that the younger guy is pretty much always eager to bottom for the older guy. It's been hot when those roles have been flipped, literally, heh.
 
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amiable15

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i'm 23. the first guy i hooked up with was 52. the second, 49. i find that i gravitate towards older guys because of where i am in my journey to find myself. a 49, 52 yo has experienced most of what i'm going through now. they're experienced. they know what they want. and they can take the lead. that's what i like.
 
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B_Big_Shaved_Sausage

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Hmmm.... Most straight guys I know including myself are definitely interested in sex with older attractive women, does that mean we have "mommy issues"??? Or maybe we are just open minded and want to sample a little bit of everything. I think you are just a homophobe.
 

fldisfan

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I'm 53 and prefer men my age or a little younger. The main reason is that I am hairy and prefer hairy men. So many of the 20 somethings shave what little hair they may have...I especially hate to see shaved pubes or evidence that the guy shaved his chest, i.e. chest hair that is growing back and may only be 1/4" to 1/2" in length. I never quiet got the "shave the chest (and pubes) but have a day or more growth of facial hair. I don't mind manscaping and have even shortened my pubes but not so short that it looked like I had shortened them. I wanted them to look natural, but not get caught under my hand when masturbating with lube or soap in the shower. I know, T.M.I. but we all have jacked off in the shower from time to time.

I prefer hairy men of any age but prefer muscle bears. However, I have no interest in twinks. When I want a man, I want a man that looks like a man. This worked great with my last partner. He is a year younger than I am. He has a runners, trim build with a hairy chest. He prefers hairy men of any age and a husky body type. It works good because I carry a few extra pounds and am hairy all over.
 
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EquusAZ

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So here is a different take.

I remember being a young 20 something, and I was VERY much into older guys. My first was 40. Several others in their 50's. I just loved their attitude, confidence, and all that. As I got older the dynamic shifted. Now I'm finding younger guys attracted to ME. One nice young man I've met recently is 21. It boggled my mind how much younger he was. He is VERY much into me. Why? I didn't ask, thats his desire, not mine. I'm still into all men of any age really, I just find the attraction dynamic different.
 

bi_cockslave

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1. What do you find attractive about older men?
For me it's the dominance, the superiosity, the fact that older guys know how to fuck and dont care what anyone thinks of them. Often when they are put in the position of power, being older, they tend to get a bit more cocky and outgoing - much more-so than guys that are 20 and have fucked 3 asses

2. Did you have a father figure (father or stepfather) at home when you were growing up?
Yes, father.

3. If you did have a father figure at home did you have a good relationship with him?
Yes, and still do. He's my best friend.

4. If you were raised by a single mom did your biological father abandon you either before you were born or when you were a child? (i.e. left your mom when he found out she was pregnant, divorced mom and refused to pay child support, never visited you, etc.)
N/A

5. Were you ever sexually abused by an older man when you were a child?
No. Not everyone that's into daddies is a rape victim. Some people get turned on by muscles, some by wiser, more experienced minds.
 

forthelifeofme

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I grew up seeing my dad only on the weekends and he was always nice to me, too nice, he never did any of the disciplining and our conversations were/are always short, polite and awkward, almost like I'm talking to a stranger. He wasn't abusive but are relationship wasn't good/normal. So I guess that's why I like dominant older men. It's also that I can't respect or take guys my own age seriously.