Race Affects Online Dating Responses

[Principessa]

Your Race Affects Whether People Write You Back

Black women are sweethearts. Or just talkative. But either way, they are by far the most likely to reply to your first message. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and overall black women reply about a quarter more often.

White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height.

Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder.

White guys are shitty, but fairly even-handed about it. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed. It’s interesting that white males do manage to reply to Middle Eastern women. Is there some kind of emergent fetish there? As Middle Easterners are becoming America’s next racial bogeyman, maybe there’s some kind of forbidden fruit thing going on. (Perhaps a reader more up-to-date on his or her Post-Colonial Theory can step in here? Just kidding. Don’t.)

Consider becoming an atheist.
Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. We know that’s going to piss a lot of people off, and we’re more or less tongue-in-cheek with this advice, but it’s what the numbers say.

Well this certainly explains alot. :irked: Looks like I am gonna be S.O.L when it comes to meeting a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online, for a serious relationship.:frown1:



S.O.L. = Shit Outta Luck

 

[DonGia]

where did you read this?

i find this highly unlikely to be accurate and most likely really over exaggerated

 

[Principessa]

where did you read this?

i find this highly unlikely to be accurate and most likely really over exaggerated

It's from the OK Cupid Blog. If you click the underlined link in the OP, the whole article with graphs and charts comes up.

 

[korinaus]

It is a very interesting survey, thank you.

If I tell my observation honestly (the most disgusting thing I find is to pretend to be politically correct), Asian males and Black females are on the bottom in the interracial dating game ladder. If I provoke anyone by saying this, sorry. But that's what I have personally observed.

And I heard this from somewhere. Is it true that more than half the black females are single in America? And, if true, it is because they don't want to marry black guys or they lose black guys to other races?

 

[dolfette]

here's a theory that some people will hate...

wherever dark pigment isn't needed due to climate, we evolve light pigment. surely for that to happen we must've been selecting for it ourselves, as i can see no other reason...
like species of birds will select for certain colours of plumage.
maybe people are the same. perhaps most of us are drawn to lighter colours.
studies show that blondes & redheads usually draw the eye, even when the person dismisses and moves on to a prettier brunette or black.
in which case it wouldn't be about race but about the shallowest levels of attraction.

do men select for lighter? hmmm
we do so many things subconsciously.

...i wonder how many people will find this pondering deeply offensive.

 

[dolfette]

i just got as far as language use.
so funny!
it seems nobody is attracted to txtspk.

 

[Principessa]

It is a very interesting survey, thank you.

If I tell my observation honestly (the most disgusting thing I find is to pretend to be politically correct), Asian males and Black females are on the bottom in the interracial dating game ladder. If I provoke anyone by saying this, sorry. But that's what I have personally observed.

And I heard this from somewhere. Is it true that more than half the black females are single in America? And, if true, it is because they don't want to marry black guys or they lose black guys to other races?

Yes it is true that most black women are single. The reason is because 70% of us are college educated and want the same in a mate. Black men graduate colleg at a rate of less than half of that of black women. In America black women are either taboo or desired as an exoticism or fetish. I guess it is true we lose them to other races but that is because we won't settle for just any old black man.

 

[Gillette]

If I tell my observation honestly (the most disgusting thing I find is to pretend to be politically correct), Asian males and Black females are on the bottom in the interracial dating game ladder.

An asian man that I dated told me that the traditional veiw of women in the males of his family is that they are accessories. Look good, do the housework, shut up. Pampered but not valued. If this is true generally of asian men then it would explain a lack of interest from women.

I was told by another guy that, although he dated black women, he preferred not to because they were more difficult to get along with. I asked him if that translated as less likely to put up with bullshit and he sheepishly admitted that was what he meant. I guess that makes black women the bane of the playa's existence. I can live with that.

 

[Pitbull]

http://blog.okcupid.com/
Well this certainly explains alot. :irked: Looks like I am gonna be S.O.L when it comes to meeting a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online, for a serious relationship.:frown1:

It is too early in the morning for this stuff.
Some days I want to slap some sense into you.

It means nothing.

I like numbers and statistics but that blog article means nothing.

Online dating.
Statistics are at work but you need to make them work for you.
For instance - profiles with photos always get more responses.
Now I can tell you how to get tons of replies (post hot pictures) but most of those replies - you don't want.

The trick is to manage to find a person with some potential and get him to think the same about you and then engage in serious dialogue.

The take away lesson?
From your article:
"Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should."

So what you need to do is figure out how to be in the group that gets a reply.

Even when the number predict 60% of a woman of a certain background getting a reply - 40% don't get a reply! And the fact that the rest of your group is more successful doesn't mean shit to the person not getting a reply.

A good comparison
If the statistics predict that a white male of certain age and education will make $100,000 a year and a comparable black male makes $70,000 - there are still white men making $50,000. And if you are in that group you need to figure out what to do to increase your salary. And there will be black men making $100,000 (or more)

Very successful people concentrate on their success and don't pay attention to statistics which predict failure.

And as "a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online"
let me suggest you don't limit yourself.
There are a lot of loser white guys.

The [FONT=Comic Sans MS, sans-serif]"genuinely nice and intelligent man. You are the last of a dying breed, not many of you exist anymore"[/FONT]
comes in all colors.

There are black men that are gems. If you find one - grab him! (But you have to be looking)

 

[Pitbull]

I was told by another guy that, although he dated black women, he preferred not to because they were more difficult to get along with. I asked him if that translated as less likely to put up with bullshit

Still candy coating your conversations.
Why didn't you tell him what you really thought. :tongue:

 

[Daisy]

http://blog.okcupid.com/
Well this certainly explains alot. :irked: Looks like I am gonna be S.O.L when it comes to meeting a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online, for a serious relationship.:frown1:
S.O.L. = Shit Outta Luck

In my humble opinion it has nothing to do with you being black, but that you're a 43 yr old single female. I have a lot of friends who are single and between 30-40 and they all say across the board that there are no good men. These are all white women looking for white men. Dating is hard period! Don't look online for a relationship, why put yourself through the scrutiny? You're more likely to find mutual attraction through church or take some classes, or join a gym. You have a better chance of meeting someone in a more casual setting if you want a long term relationship. Clearly there are exceptions and it's possible to date online but if you find that the statistics are not in your favor get involved in groups where men are and do it the old fashioned way

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Your Race Affects Whether People Write You Back



Well this certainly explains alot. :irked: Looks like I am gonna be S.O.L when it comes to meeting a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online, for a serious relationship.:frown1:



S.O.L. = Shit Outta Luck

:shrug: Last year I received two free memberships to JDate and Chemistry and I did not have these issues.

Perhaps, I was not taking the online dating thing seriously enough, but I never sent a message or initiated contact, and received plenty of messages/date requests from single, attractive men. Even my LPSG dating and FB(s) relationships, were not intiated by me.

And, I am definitely not what anyone would describe as easy to get to know or so frickin' beautiful that they couldn't help but pursue me, but that's been my (fortunate?) experience. :shrug: Why not consider that there could be something about the way these women present themselves, their lifestyle, or, barriers in cross-cultural communication that is as much to blame as race.

I am not discounting race as a factor, but I think it's the unchallenging explanation

Yes it is true that most black women are single. The reason is because 70% of us are college educated and want the same in a mate. Black men graduate colleg at a rate of less than half of that of black women. In America black women are either taboo or desired as an exoticism or fetish. I guess it is true we lose them to other races but that is because we won't settle for just any old black man.

Also, many Black women do not date outside of their racial/cultural (Caribbean/Latino/a) group.

 

[flame boy]

That "report" is such complete and utter bullshit. Online dating does not work for most people - irregardless of race. Why is it instantly an issue of skin colour? Maybe these women were just not successful at online dating because of their dire personalities or terrible outlooks on life. Assuming it is based on race is a shameful excuse for problems which obviously lie elsewhere.

Secondly

... I guess it is true we lose them to other races but that is because we won't settle for just any old black man.

NJ, I have a lot of time for you but that statement is almost as full of bullshit as the "research" itself. Black men are not "lost" to other races, that would imply they were lead astray or taken against their will - these are grown men who chose to make their own decisions about what they want as a partner. If you wont "settle" (which should really read as "compromise") for something then don't complain about it - Mr. Big is not out there waiting for you, it takes time and effort to form a strong relationship - it wont simply be handed to you because you feel you deserve it.

 

[korinaus]

An asian man that I dated told me that the traditional veiw of women in the males of his family is that they are accessories. Look good, do the housework, shut up. Pampered but not valued. If this is true generally of asian men then it would explain a lack of interest from women.

I was told by another guy that, although he dated black women, he preferred not to because they were more difficult to get along with. I asked him if that translated as less likely to put up with bullshit and he sheepishly admitted that was what he meant. I guess that makes black women the bane of the playa's existence. I can live with that.

When it comes to women as accesories, no longer the case nowadays, at least in Korea where the sex ratio between men and women in 20s and 30s are like 105-115:100. Naturally, women are highly valued simply because they are rare. College degree often means 'nothing' because now almost everybody goes to college (there are more girls than guys in a lot of colleges). Many girls are assertive as much as western counterparts. And being a housewife is almost a privilage because many husbands, if they are not lawyers and doctors, need a working wife to support the family together. But, in many cases, wifes are in charge of all the incomes, and husbands receive petty monthly allowance from them. Sometimes, I really feel pity for some ordinary Korean husbands because they are kind of slaves to their wifes. One more thing, it is interesting to see some Asian guys in western world are much more 'traditional' than Asian guys in Asia.

I have talked with many westerners over the last two years. Surprisingly, many of them just don't know what is going on in Asia or are not interested enough to know more, so tend to stick to their images of the Asia in the 70-80s.

 

[korinaus]

Yes it is true that most black women are single. The reason is because 70% of us are college educated and want the same in a mate. Black men graduate colleg at a rate of less than half of that of black women. In America black women are either taboo or desired as an exoticism or fetish. I guess it is true we lose them to other races but that is because we won't settle for just any old black man.

Then, according to your explanation of the situation, the number of the 'pure' black people would eventually decline in America? Am I right?

 

[korinaus]

That "report" is such complete and utter bullshit. Online dating does not work for most people - irregardless of race. Why is it instantly an issue of skin colour? Maybe these women were just not successful at online dating because of their dire personalities or terrible outlooks on life. Assuming it is based on race is a shameful excuse for problems which obviously lie elsewhere.

Secondly



NJ, I have a lot of time for you but that statement is almost as full of bullshit as the "research" itself. Black men are not "lost" to other races, that would imply they were lead astray or taken against their will - these are grown men who chose to make their own decisions about what they want as a partner. If you wont "settle" (which should really read as "compromise") for something then don't complain about it - Mr. Big is not out there waiting for you, it takes time and effort to form a strong relationship - it wont simply be handed to you because you feel you deserve it.

I think this issue is not that simple. I am not in any position to assert this clearly because I have never been to the US. But, from my limited experience, guys in general definetely prefer white or asian girls over black girls. And, since black girls are generally more educated than black guys, naturally they are less likely to 'settle' for them. And there is a certain tendency that successful and desirable black men want mates from other races. If you don't believe me, just check how many successful black athletes or stars have white or asian or letina wifes. I know it is kind of shameful to say, but I personally know many of my Asian friends who would never date with a black lady for some reasons even though they all say it would be great to have friends with black ladies. On the street, I have seen couples where black guys with other races but hardly for the other way around.

 

[polesmoker]

I think you are blowing this out of proportion. I live in OK and I know a black girl and a white guy who use that site. She gets messages alot. He's gotten a few. it's just a matter of taste.

I have one question for you NJ, did you stumble on this blog while cruising for Okies? It's not very well known, even here.

 

[Gillette]

One more thing, it is interesting to see some Asian guys in western world are much more 'traditional' than Asian guys in Asia.

I have talked with many westerners over the last two years. Surprisingly, many of them just don't know what is going on in Asia or are not interested enough to know more, so tend to stick to their images of the Asia in the 70-80s.

I think that's common with families that immmigrate to a new country. They don't want to lose touch with their roots so they'll reinforce cultural tradition as they knew it, while back in the originating country social mores are adapting and evolving. While in Greece I spoke to a family who had emmigrated to Canada then moved back to Greece after two generations. They were surprised at how much the 'old country' had changed.

 

[minimag]

do men select for lighter? hmmm
we do so many things subconsciously.

Even though my skin is virtually transparent, I don't go looking for light skinned women. I have no preference for skin color, only eye color, heh. Honestly, I don't really care for blonde hair, and I find blue eyes to be a turn-off. Blue eyes kind of creep me out.

I always write back to the responses I get on on-line dating sites, unless the message is one of countless form-letter spam types.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I used OK Cupid for a few years, and I met exactly the kind of guy NJQT likes. He was in his thirties at the time, about 6 years ago I think. He was A German (complete with hot accent) working in NYC for the German gov't. He lived half a block from Central Park, and had fireplaces in and balconies off of his living room and bedroom in his apartment on the top floor of an Upper West Side brownstone. His tasteful, custom clothing screamed out, "Ka-Ching!" He was funny, passionate, adventurous, assertive, confident, and direct. He spoke in images, and he was very gentle. His manners were above reproach. He had impeccable taste in food and wine. Neither of us were looking for anything long-term at the time, and at the end of the season, I moved on, and he went back to his ex from Germany.

The point is, I'm black, and never had any trouble finding what I was looking for online at OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, and Match. I never initiated contact with anyone. I posted two really hot pictures, two pretty pictures, and ten pictures of myself being a jackass at a friend's house(depending on how many pictures the site permitted; OK Cupid permitted only five). I wrote a short paragraph about myself, and a longer paragraph detailing the exactly what I like, and what I wanted from a man. I sprinkled a few jokes into the mix, and that was my ad. I got tons of replies, and I responded to fewer than 5% of them. Of the men with whom I exchanged messages, I met up with fewer than half. I figure if someone isn't getting any responses from men they like at all, they need to revisit their presentation of themselves.

It also probably helps that I was open to men from all races, and walks of life, provided they were hot, tall, considerate, funny, smart, and not looking to change me.