Race Affects Online Dating Responses

[Bbucko]

I should start by saying that I have had no luck in online dating sites (at all), but online hook-up sites are a different matter entirely

My criteria for a suitable partner (whether for an evening or something more long-term) are not at all race-specific any more than they are age-specific, but I still wind up finding myself drawn to smaller Latinos every time: they are totally my Kriptonite.

If I get a reach-out from someone who doesn't fit the criteria, I usually respond with a thanks-but-we're-not-compatible type note back, but not always (especially if he's not local). And anyone who pushes it and can't accept me being nice will quickly see me being evil: they ask for it.

 

[SilverTrain]

Your Race Affects Whether People Write You Back



Well this certainly explains alot. :irked: Looks like I am gonna be S.O.L when it comes to meeting a handsome, funny, intelligent, white man online, for a serious relationship.:frown1:



S.O.L. = Shit Outta Luck

Race, matters nothing to me. Now, culture I could see having some effect on dating responses. And while race and culture are often thought of together, they are certainly not the same thing at all.

I'm not really into cud-chewing hillbilly's, be they black, white, purple, etc. Ditto for urban gangsters, people who run their lives according to astrological forecasts, the willfully ignorant, the proudly asisine, etc., etc...

Give me a spark of intellectual curiousity, a measure of wit, attractive features (sue me!), that irresistable je ne sais quoi, and it doesn't matter to me what the "race" is.

After all, I'm pretty much a proponent of the "race as a social construct" school anyway.

 

[SilverTrain]

here's a theory that some people will hate...

wherever dark pigment isn't needed due to climate, we evolve light pigment. surely for that to happen we must've been selecting for it ourselves, as i can see no other reason...
like species of birds will select for certain colours of plumage.
maybe people are the same. perhaps most of us are drawn to lighter colours.
studies show that blondes & redheads usually draw the eye, even when the person dismisses and moves on to a prettier brunette or black.
in which case it wouldn't be about race but about the shallowest levels of attraction.

do men select for lighter? hmmm
we do so many things subconsciously.

...i wonder how many people will find this pondering deeply offensive.

It's an interesting notion/question. And one to which I've not heretofore given much (any?) thought. I should give this a think, and if anything meritorious seeps into my brain, I'll log a reply.

 

[invisibleman]

In my humble opinion it has nothing to do with you being black, but that you're a 43 yr old single female. I have a lot of friends who are single and between 30-40 and they all say across the board that there are no good men. These are all white women looking for white men. Dating is hard period! Don't look online for a relationship, why put yourself through the scrutiny? You're more likely to find mutual attraction through church or take some classes, or join a gym. You have a better chance of meeting someone in a more casual setting if you want a long term relationship. Clearly there are exceptions and it's possible to date online but if you find that the statistics are not in your favor get involved in groups where men are and do it the old fashioned way

AMEN!AMEN!AMEN!!!

Dating IS difficult for some but not many. A lot of date weirdedness isn't all about because you are black. (If it was or truly is about race...then you cannot fault them. That is what they like. That doesn't mean you aren't beautiful in your own right to someone else. Everyone is living in a different world. Expect people to act really off center. Don't take it personal.

I think that people use the internet as a crutch to find dates and/or to find sex. People don't really connect much. People have too many electronic devices like cellphones, PDAs, netbooks, laptops, and etc. People want immediacy. People want things done yesterday instead taking the scenic route and coast. Enjoy the moment.



I agree with Seaside. Maybe form a singles group that meet bi-weekly. Take a vacation or have a picnic with them. Have a movie night with a potluck buffet. Do something fun.

You can always come back to internet dating if nothing pans out this way.

 

[cookie]

I think there is some truth in most of the comments I have read. Black educated women out-number black educated men and it is hard dating and finding a good mate these days regardless of race.

Blacks are not getting married and whites are divorcing like crazy. However, for black women, I think socio-economics is a factor (educated professional women out-number black men), racism is a factor (white men, unlike many black men, still hold white women as their prize and do not date outside of their race as often unless she is asian or hispanic) and it cannot be denied that it looks like some black men are only dating white women because white women are the new trophies even if the particular white woman involved, which often is the case, is not a trophy. Look at these black football/basketball/baseball players. A lot of them are with white women and many of them are strippers, or are fat or are downright ugly, yet they are white and that seems to be the only criteria these days for these brothers. It use to be the girls who looked like Beyonce, but not anymore. She has to be white and if they marry their black high school sweetheart, they'll soon divorce and leave her for a white or other woman (Steve McNair). Often times these guys come from the ghetto, they have low self-esteem about their race and culture and once they get money, they want to coveted what the white man has including his women. What they do not know is that those of us in the black upper class: 1) marry other black upper class people (to preserve our proud black culture, 2) marry whites only if the are indeed trophies (wealthy, educated, from equally good families, not some stripper) and most important 3) we know that in America, if a black man really wants to make it to the top, particularly in politics and business, you'd better have a black wife, a la Barak Obama (White men do not want you with their women. They let athletes get away with it as long as they win games).

Keeping it REAL

 

[Gillette]

Keeping it REAL

Real, indeed. Some nasty truths there, Cookie.

 

[blkbro510]

RIGHT ON POINT!

However I would want to add something to it. There's so much a status symbol on being a player and it has to stop culturally.
You can not date for dating stake and folks when you make a commitment its for real. Everyone talks about how there need to have money management courses in high school and college, we some got damn relationship course too because we are miss up!

I think there is some truth in most of the comments I have read. Black educated women out-number black educated men and it is hard dating and finding a good mate these days regardless of race.

Blacks are not getting married and whites are divorcing like crazy. However, for black women, I think socio-economics is a factor (educated professional women out-number black men), racism is a factor (white men, unlike many black men, still hold white women as their prize and do not date outside of their race as often unless she is asian or hispanic) and it cannot be denied that it looks like some black men are only dating white women because white women are the new trophies even if the particular white woman involved, which often is the case, is not a trophy. Look at these black football/basketball/baseball players. A lot of them are with white women and many of them are strippers, or are fat or are downright ugly, yet they are white and that seems to be the only criteria these days for these brothers. It use to be the girls who looked like Beyonce, but not anymore. She has to be white and if they marry their black high school sweetheart, they'll soon divorce and leave her for a white or other woman (Steve McNair). Often times these guys come from the ghetto, they have low self-esteem about their race and culture and once they get money, they want to coveted what the white man has including his women. What they do not know is that those of us in the black upper class: 1) marry other black upper class people (to preserve our proud black culture, 2) marry whites only if the are indeed trophies (wealthy, educated, from equally good families, not some stripper) and most important 3) we know that in America, if a black man really wants to make it to the top, particularly in politics and business, you'd better have a black wife, a la Barak Obama (White men do not want you with their women. They let athletes get away with it as long as they win games).

Keeping it REAL

 

[Symphonic]

I can see all of that being true whether it is or not.

 

[KTF40]

racism is a factor (white men, unlike many black men, still hold white women as their prize and do not date outside of their race as often unless she is asian or hispanic)

How is that racism? White men are generally attracted to white women more so than any other race. So of course we're going to go after white women first.

And as a white man, I find whites, asians, and latinos to be generally more attractive than blacks (even though I think Beyonce to be the 2nd hottest woman on the planet). Is racism a factor with me?

 

[Symphonic]

How is that racism? White men are generally attracted to white women more so than any other race. So of course we're going to go after white women first.

And as a white man, I find whites, asians, and latinos to be generally more attractive than blacks (even though I think Beyonce to be the 2nd hottest woman on the planet). Is racism a factor with me?

Yes. Why?

 

[KTF40]

Yes. Why?

Yes, as in racism is a factor? Wait, seriously? I'm racist because I'm physically attracted to some races more than others?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Yes, as in racism is a factor? Wait, seriously? I'm racist because I'm physically attracted to some races more than others?

You think lighter skin is prettier than darker skin. Is that culturally beaten into you? Perhaps, and perhaps not. Is it racist? No. It's not any more racist than preferring raven-haired over red-headed, or brown eyes over gray ones.

 

[Symphonic]

Yes, as in racism is a factor? Wait, seriously? I'm racist because I'm physically attracted to some races more than others?

Yes. That's life. So? Don't let the media poison ideas; racism isn't actually good or evil, except when it's used as a buzzword. Preferring the company of males to females, or vice versa, is also sexism too, but its hardly "evil".

 

[Symphonic]

You think lighter skin is prettier than darker skin. Is that culturally beaten into you? Perhaps, and perhaps not. Is it racist? No. It's not any more racist than preferring raven-haired over red-headed, or brown eyes over gray ones.

That's the very definition of racism. Preferring one race over another.

 

[AlteredEgo]

That's the very definition of racism. Preferring one race over another.

I think that's a little too... black and white. No pun intended. He said he prefers the appearances, not the people themselves. If he said something like, "Blacks are just not the same quality people as whites, Asians and latinas, and I don't want to be friends with any of them based on this," that would be racist. All he's really saying is he doesn't find the skin to be as attractive. Frankly, I'm much less attracted to whites in the winter than blacks any time of year. Now that we've moved south, and my (latin) man is getting more and more tanned, I'm even more attracted to him than I ever was, and as my own dark skin gets that orange under-glow only sun-exposure seems to lend, I'm feeling prettier and prettier. That doesn't make me a racist, I'm simply not as attracted to paleness.

Furthermore, I disagree with your definition of racism. Wikipedia defines it as, "Racism is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race"

Merriam Webster lists this as the definition: "1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination"

All attraction is based in discrimination, and in this case the discrimination is actually more likely skin-color than race. I bet the dude likes cafe au-lait colored sisters just fine. We'd have to ask him though.

Just tobe thorough, here's Answer's definition: "

1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race."

 

[blkbro510]

The political correct term is you have a preference.

Yes, as in racism is a factor? Wait, seriously? I'm racist because I'm physically attracted to some races more than others?

 

[naughty]

I think I have mentioned before my own little experiment with online dating to test just this very thing. Years ago i went on E Harmony filled out their 40 page survey and was told to sit back and wait while they came rolling in. Not only did they not come rolling in but the ones I received were the equivalent to being blind albino with a kick stand! A little later I was talking to a black female colleague who said she had experienced actual cruel and unusual punishment of the dating site kind when she and some other black females had signed up . They not only did not receive responses but also had gratuitously nasty comments left under their pictures. I had never added a picture to my E harmony profile because at its inception the site said they wanted to try to match people without them. That however was very short lived.
After hearing about others' dating horrors i decided to go back to E harmony and alter one aspect of my profile. Where before I had placed African American I placed other. The responses were instantaneous, abundant and somewhat overwhelming. Not only did I receive many responses but the calliber of responses improved exponentially. Doctors. Lawyers, Indian Chiefs all heard my call and came running! The potential suitors were for the most part caucasian but there were also interestingly enough a number of black men who also fell into my net. I silently smiled to myself. I didnt want to admit that my experiment had worked almost too well. To have the final confirmation of my suspicions in my final disclosure before actually speaking to potential suitors I let them know that one component of that stew/mixture that was other happened to be African American. All of a sudden I could hear crickets in the room. In a quandary as to whether they should nix me out right and be seen as racist or wait me out to respond, most chose the later. I usually put them out of their misery in about a week. For the one black man who I actually began talking with on the site (I did not tell him I had any African American blood) he began hinting around to find out exactly what this mixture might be. I finally couldnt take it anymore and spilled the beans. I also told him that this was all part of a larger experiment and unfortunately the results of that experiment had proven me right. When we finally did exchange pictures he said that he was more than pleasantly surprised. At that point however my second foot was already leaving the room...

 

[deleted15807]

The political correct term is you have a preference.

The problem/issue is that 'preference' often extends beyond into other insidious areas. Beauty is power. And you can use our beauty/power in host of other places. The halo affect of beauty .

 

[sab84]

It is a very interesting survey, thank you.

If I tell my observation honestly (the most disgusting thing I find is to pretend to be politically correct), Asian males and Black females are on the bottom in the interracial dating game ladder. If I provoke anyone by saying this, sorry. But that's what I have personally observed.

And I heard this from somewhere. Is it true that more than half the black females are single in America? And, if true, it is because they don't want to marry black guys or they lose black guys to other races?

I agree with you.. I have experienced the life of bottom feeder first hand...

 

[sab84]

Yes it is true that most black women are single. The reason is because 70% of us are college educated and want the same in a mate. Black men graduate colleg at a rate of less than half of that of black women. In America black women are either taboo or desired as an exoticism or fetish. I guess it is true we lose them to other races but that is because we won't settle for just any old black man.

Very true....
And for some reason asian women prefer white men... leaving us hanging alone... :wink: