Race Affects Online Dating Responses

[naughty]

Very true....
And for some reason asian women prefer white men... leaving us hanging alone... :wink:

Well then it sounds like black women and asian men should get together to dialogue...

 

[dolfette]

it's pc gone mad when you're made to feel guilty about what you find sexually attractive.

i don't find either extreme of colour attractive. very blonde {like the typical swedish} or very dark. nor do i find extremely tall or short people attractive. or fat or thin. or loud or quiet. large or small nosed. etc, etc.

it would be discriminatory if i judged these people, if i thought less of them, made assumptions or disliked them based on this.
what gets my pants wet hasn't been drummed into me. it just is. perhaps part of it is imprinted from those around me, like with baby birds, or perhaps it's innate.

to me, grace jones is one of the most strikingly beautiful women in the world but i don't feel attracted to her. beyonce is equally beautiful but i do find her attractive. they are both black but one has attributes i find sexually attractive.

there's a difference between ''i don't find you attractive because your physical attributes, such as very dark skin, don't appeal to me'' and ''i don't find you attractive because you're black''. the first is preference, the latter is racism.

 

[sab84]

Also, while attraction and preference is thing separate for racism... If one was looking for for sex... it's understood... one seeks only attractive mate.. that's how we evolve by picking a mate with better chances of survival... and in the same context... beauty is mere geometric symmetry....

But the twist is.. men are more horny than women.. so for a hook-up men can downsize their expectations.. thinking of it a one night stand... hence you see the Phat-chicks in porn, but the dude has to be ripped or atleast toned up...

Buy we have become more than just animals by forming societies... and hence a compatibly is also sought after in a long term partner... of which sex is just one attribute... So if one was to do a double blind study and measure the reaction of people when they thought they matched or not.. and later revel their race/gender/ethnicity/skin color/physique... one can notice the reaction to it...

Hence the dynamics is much more complex than just race... while it could be an important attribute...

 

[dolfette]

A little later I was talking to a black female colleague who said she had experienced actual cruel and unusual punishment of the dating site kind when she and some other black females had signed up . They not only did not receive responses but also had gratuitously nasty comments left under their pictures.

that is shockingly bad. what bastards
that's obviously just out and out racism.

...are men, in general, more likely to be racist than women?

 

[sab84]

Well then it sounds like black women and asian men should get together to dialogue...

Yup looks like they should.... But it would take a couple of generations upbrings outside asia for the asian men....

Unfortunately... lighter skin is sold as beautiful in Asia...
just like anti-wrinkle cream are the largest market in EU and US... Whitening creams are in Asia... And the side effect of all the greedy money making .... people really tend to differentiate the skin colors... which outside of Asia becomes racism...:frown1:

 

[Symphonic]

I think that's a little too... black and white. No pun intended. He said he prefers the appearances, not the people themselves. If he said something like, "Blacks are just not the same quality people as whites, Asians and latinas, and I don't want to be friends with any of them based on this," that would be racist. All he's really saying is he doesn't find the skin to be as attractive. Frankly, I'm much less attracted to whites in the winter than blacks any time of year. Now that we've moved south, and my (latin) man is getting more and more tanned, I'm even more attracted to him than I ever was, and as my own dark skin gets that orange under-glow only sun-exposure seems to lend, I'm feeling prettier and prettier. That doesn't make me a racist, I'm simply not as attracted to paleness.

Furthermore, I disagree with your definition of racism. Wikipedia defines it as, "Racism is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race"

Merriam Webster lists this as the definition: "1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination"

All attraction is based in discrimination, and in this case the discrimination is actually more likely skin-color than race. I bet the dude likes cafe au-lait colored sisters just fine. We'd have to ask him though.

Just tobe thorough, here's Answer's definition: "

1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race."

I'm not going to make an effort to convince. The fact that people do indeed have their preferences, ranging from "only" to "no", is truth enough. Those who refuse to date black women have definite prejudice, as do those who will only date white women. Oh, yes, let's not forget women who will only take "Black Cock", ah, racism at it's finest.

Ageism, sexism, racism, weightism, etc. are all -isms we just live with, within and without; I suppose I should be more sensitive for the political standards of today.

I apologize for not tip-toeing.

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

There are those gifted souls among us that can get pretty much anyone they want. Regardless of the skin tone. The pleasures of the fittest I suppose.

For those of us who scrape by on our wit and charm, there are not enough graphs in the world to cover every demographic out there struggling simply to meet for a coffee much less sex.

Skin tone seems to be farther down on the list of reasons why people seems less likely to return a message or even respond. For me, I'd say it has more to do with chemistry.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Well then it sounds like black women and asian men should get together to dialogue...

I am part Asian, so it does happen. :yup:

Sorry to read about your experiences on Match, Naughty.
Have you ever thought of trying online dating again?
If not, is the one Match experience influencing your decision?

 

[whatireallywant]

I think I have mentioned before my own little experiment with online dating to test just this very thing. Years ago i went on E Harmony filled out their 40 page survey and was told to sit back and wait while they came rolling in. Not only did they not come rolling in but the ones I received were the equivalent to being blind albino with a kick stand! A little later I was talking to a black female colleague who said she had experienced actual cruel and unusual punishment of the dating site kind when she and some other black females had signed up . They not only did not receive responses but also had gratuitously nasty comments left under their pictures. I had never added a picture to my E harmony profile because at its inception the site said they wanted to try to match people without them. That however was very short lived.
After hearing about others' dating horrors i decided to go back to E harmony and alter one aspect of my profile. Where before I had placed African American I placed other. The responses were instantaneous, abundant and somewhat overwhelming. Not only did I receive many responses but the calliber of responses improved exponentially. Doctors. Lawyers, Indian Chiefs all heard my call and came running! The potential suitors were for the most part caucasian but there were also interestingly enough a number of black men who also fell into my net. I silently smiled to myself. I didnt want to admit that my experiment had worked almost too well. To have the final confirmation of my suspicions in my final disclosure before actually speaking to potential suitors I let them know that one component of that stew/mixture that was other happened to be African American. All of a sudden I could hear crickets in the room. In a quandary as to whether they should nix me out right and be seen as racist or wait me out to respond, most chose the later. I usually put them out of their misery in about a week. For the one black man who I actually began talking with on the site (I did not tell him I had any African American blood) he began hinting around to find out exactly what this mixture might be. I finally couldnt take it anymore and spilled the beans. I also told him that this was all part of a larger experiment and unfortunately the results of that experiment had proven me right. When we finally did exchange pictures he said that he was more than pleasantly surprised. At that point however my second foot was already leaving the room...

That's awful! Especially the nasty comments!

I'm not going to make an effort to convince. The fact that people do indeed have their preferences, ranging from "only" to "no", is truth enough. Those who refuse to date black women have definite prejudice, as do those who will only date white women. Oh, yes, let's not forget women who will only take "Black Cock", ah, racism at it's finest.

Ageism, sexism, racism, weightism, etc. are all -isms we just live with, within and without; I suppose I should be more sensitive for the political standards of today.

I apologize for not tip-toeing.

Yes....

I grew up in a racist community and family, although I didn't grow up to be racist myself. I don't go looking for just white men, but I also don't look specifically for black men (or any other race). I look for men who I happen to like, regardless of race/ethnicity.

I've encountered a LOT of sexism... lived with it all my life. Being a nontraditional female from the get-go (I was playing with toys that are considered traditionally boys' toys at age TWO!) will really get you that, and especially growing up 1) in the 1970s as I did; and 2) WHERE I grew up (rural midwest - very conservative area).

As for dating, I've encountered a lot of sexism as well (I've broken up with more guys for being sexist than for all other reasons put together). I've also encountered ageism on dating sites (I'm 46, and I like younger men, although I will date guys my age and a little older. I prefer not TOO much older, especially if for something serious, because I don't want someone who will probably die 15 years before I do), and some weightism (from guys who only want thin women... I'm not obese but I have a few extra pounds in the WRONG places. )

I've done a little bit of online looking, both at sex sites like Adult Friend Finder, and more traditional dating sites like Plenty of Fish. I get more responses from black men than from white men (and I'm white). I look for different things at both sites. I go on AFF because it's the tactful way I can look for well endowed men (of any race...) I've met a few guys from there - one white, one Hispanic, and one black. They've all been fine but not for anything long term, which I don't expect from AFF anyway. Of these three, I think I'm more compatible (for what AFF is for) with the black guy, but that's not that the others were bad or anything. They were all fine size-wise. One (the Hispanic guy - again, this is NOT indicative of all Hispanics or anything just this one particular guy) wouldn't use condoms, so that's a big no-no for me.

I've only met one guy off of Plenty of Fish. He was black. We dated a few times, but kind of drifted apart. He was a nice guy though, and college educated too, so there you go. We did have some differences in levels of physical activity. He was much more sedentary than I am, and I've encountered a lot of this with people I meet (regardless of race). I like being active and want someone who likes to go out and do active things, so I can do those things with a companion.

 

[whatireallywant]

men are more horny than women..

My libido didn't get that memo. :biggrin1:

 

[Lex]

See also: Sexual Racism Sux! at Sexual Racism Sux!

The site gives great advice on how to not have a profile that is racially insensitive.

 

[korinaus]

that is shockingly bad. what bastards
that's obviously just out and out racism.

...are men, in general, more likely to be racist than women?

I think it is a bit complicated. I think men are more likely to be explicit racists while women are more likely to be inexplicit racists. For example, a racist White guy would shout on the street to an Asian, "Fucking yellow, go back to your country!" while a racist Asian girl would make sure her not be together with a black in any situation.

But I also find women in general are more accommodating than men when it comes to dating against racism. I suspect it is because men are much more visually oriented, while women tend to kind of 'diversify' attraction factors into many categories, and then integrete them again into a whole package.

Yet, all racism things aside, many women, if not all, don't want to date with a guy who they think 'relatively inferior' to their status.

a tall girl - a short guy
a girl in upper middle class - a guy in working poor family
an college educated girl - a high school drop out
a girl in rich country - a guy in poor country
a girl with fat income - a guy with mediocre payroll
...etc, etc, etc,...

I think race is just a factor of them, but one of the most obvious things by its nature.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I apologize for not tip-toeing.

So, if I disagree with you, and even explain my position, this means I'm trying to make you be politically correct? Hmph.

 

[Pitbull]

it is hard dating and finding a good mate these days regardless of race.

This is the basic truth.

So people who have a "preference" are limiting the possibilities and making it much harder for themselves to experience success.

They actually limit the possibilities with each preference be it race, age, height, weight (usually "body type" on dating sites), religion, even sex.

But we all have preferences, and in the dating and relationship realm they are important.

 

[B_theOtherJJ]

I cite a more relevant issue that deters people from contacting you: AGE.

From my personal experience most guys even OLD guys are looking for playmates 40 or younger. (speaking from a gay perspective here) Anything older is consider DEAD and not worthy of anything in life.

Guess it all boils down to personal preference. you like what you like, right ?

 

[B_thickjohnny]

So you're chatting on line with someone. The age question is among the first one tossed out. You say "53" and the reply is "fuck off grandpa" and the chat window closes. Just how rude can a person be? After I turned 50, I had to get use to that very quickly.

P.S. I prefer being honest about my age. I know other guys who regularly say 48 when they're really 54. I don't like it if someone does it to me, so I won't do it.

 

[Pitbull]

you like what you like, right ?

The problem is when what you like doesn't like you.

 

[Gillette]

And as a white man, I find whites, asians, and latinos to be generally more attractive than blacks (even though I think Beyonce to be the 2nd hottest woman on the planet). Is racism a factor with me?

This could easily read as a racist statement because you've prefaced it with, "as a white man". But I don't really believe your being white influences your preferences for attractiveness so I don't think you're racist because of them.

Also I wonder if it's that you find whites, asians, and latinos to be generally more attractive than blacks or if it's that you find there are more whites, asians, and latinos who are attractive than you do blacks. It's a subtle but important difference.

Speaking for myself the latter statement is true. Attraction for me has nothing to do with skin colour and everything to do with physical features. I like a certain gunfighter look to the eyes, like they've been squinting into the sun too long. I like sensual looking lips on a man with a hint of wickedness. Strong cheekbones are also a plus, and for the body thick chest hair curls my toes.

Certain features are more prevalent in some races than in others, I think that's a given, so I don't think it's so surprising that anyone having a preference for certain features would be likely to say that they're more frequently drawn to particular races. Nor does saying so mean that they exclude other races so I can't see how it should mean they're racist for feeling that way.

I will confess to there being one skin colour that doesn't appeal to me. Lobster-red sunburned skin is not attractive. I don't think it makes me racist just because it's more likely to happen to whites.

 

[blkbro510]

So basically folks aren't dating black women (asian men) due to stero types and what is seen as mainstream beauty, right?

So how do we fight this? Because if any you had a black daughter would you want her to experience this for the rest of her life?

 

[rob_just_rob]

I was open to dating attractive black, east asian, and middle eastern women, but I don't find as many black, east asian, and middle eastern women attractive as I do white women.

I'm definitely lookist. Not sure if I'm racist. It would be a lot more racist to say "there are NO attractive women in XYZ ethnic group". To me, some ethnic groups have a larger proportion of attractive women than others. Sounds like preference to me.