Racial Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Countryguy63, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. Countryguy63

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2006
    Messages:
    14,488
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,447
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    near Monterey, Calif.
    Verified:
    Photo
    Bet that got some attention, huh?

    Ok, this is a non-sexual question about relationships. I have heard and read that children raised in a household of a different race will miss out on learning about their heritage. I am wondering how much of that is true.

    ***Disclaimer - I am choosing to use the term "black" I understand that some may get offended, but then others would get offended if I used African American, or just about any other terminology used to differentiate, but none of this would make sense without some sort of designation. I think that if you read on, you'll know that I would not knowingly try to offend anyone***

    Here is the situation... We have a series of week long horse camps at our place that my girlfriend of 3 years runs during the summer. Some of the students are from a local adoption and placement service. One of the children that attended last week was a 7 year old black boy. My girlfriend (C) just adored him. I am at work during the day, so I don't have the interaction with the children like she does. I do however help on the Thursday evening camp overs, and I did notice that he was a very sweet young man. He has been in a few temporary foster homes, and his younger sister is in different temporary foster homes also. That breaks my heart.

    He and C got pretty close and since he was the youngest child there, she became his "protector". He seemed very surprised and reveled in the affection.On the final day when she was introducing them at the "horse show finale". He had to try hard to hide the tears that were forming. By the way, all parents are invited to the show, yet only his Social Worker attended. She said that it was the first time that they had witnessed him showing any emotion.

    Once everyone left, C seemed very down and spoke often of him (D). He has already been removed from at least one home where he was being mistreated. Today, the Social Worker was here with another child, and mentioned to C that the foster home had called and wanted to return D because "He was causing trouble at school because he was retarded" (their quoted words). So, we are considering it. Of course, I have to check with my other children regarding their feelings, but that's not my major concern. And of course if it works out, I could not live with myself if I didn't try and reunite him with his sister also.

    The officials are prepared to terminate parental rights if and when a permanent home is found (His Dad is unknown). Is there any information available regarding any long term disadvantages of a black child being raised in a white family? If they are loved and treated like any other member of the family, is that enough? I keep recalling somewhere someone said that they lose who they are. I disagree, but I wonder if that is because of ignorance and only seeing the good side. Of course, the flip side is more than likely an innocent child being passed around, never truly knowing a loving home.

    We were discussing it today and I brought this up. I mean, we are not what most would consider normal in most of todays world. We live on a small farm, and most of our life revolves around animals in one way or another. We are either attending horse shows, poultry shows, fairs and rodeos. None of which are heavily attended by black people. Not that there are none, but it is minimal. Now of course, I think it's because they just don't know what they're missing :wink:. We do each have black friends, but none that are close. Again, only because we are not involved in similar activities or social events. More like friendly acquaintances.

    Would we be doing a good thing? I just don't believe that the color of skin makes anyone any more different than the color of your hair does. People and generations just grow up with different interests. Am I making it more difficult than it should be? This is a major decision as it involves a child's' life, potentially the rest of that child's' life, probably 2. I can't help but think that we could be giving them the best chance by removing them from the "system", and welcoming them into our family.

    I look forward to everyones thoughts and input.
     
  2. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2006
    Messages:
    8,498
    Likes Received:
    18
    I don't think this is an easy question to answer. I know a white couple that took in a little baby who was as you put it black. They have raised him with great love, and tenderness. That child couldn't ask for more loving parents. The dad was in his 50s and coached his son's little league team. If it came down to a child being raised in a home with love, tenderness, and care or being kept in the system the rest of his life, I say take him.
     
  3. Stephenmass

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,886
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Boston
    I would think simply put, that it could work as long as you always remember his heritage and teach it to him sometimes thru reading, or a book, etc. I personally don't think it matters if you are purple and he is green to be honest. If they feel loved, and are not discouraged by anyone including yourself of perhaps discovering their heritage later, it's all good!

    Short but to the point!
     
  4. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    QFT!

    I say go for it. If you can give this boy and his sister a loving home and safe environment in which to grow then do it! Should you bone up on your black history or make efforts to expose them to museums and other cultural events dealing with black history and culture? Yes, you should but it's not as difficult as it may seem.
     
  5. mista geechee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2005
    Messages:
    1,103
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    charleston, south carolina
    Pretty much. Don't worry about "normal". I understand you want him to learn about his heritage, read to him at night before bed and mix in some black history. But let him discover the world for himself. As he gets older, sure he will probably question things about himself but that's natural.

    By the way, that's really noble, what you're doing.
     
  6. hockeyguy741

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    8,507
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    simply put the child needs to be in a home where he will be loved and looked after, that can happen in a foster home situation but it sounds as if this is not the case with this boy

    as for the racial and cultural differances it's not at all difficult to find books and go to events that celebrate cultural diversity doing so would help him understand where he came from, and would also enrich your childrens lives and minds learning about cultures other than their own

    you have the oportunity to chage not only this boys life but your own childrens as well showing then what love tolerance and humanity is all about

    I say go for it, you can do this..... nothing is as hard as it first appears
     
  7. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    the kid needs a loving home more than anything else...
    like the others have said, you can make sure he learns his history...
    and along the way you can learn more as well...
     
  8. naughty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2004
    Messages:
    12,837
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    God bless you!

    I would rather see a black child in a loving home with parents not of his ethnicity than to see him used and abused Period. I feel that way for children of any ethnic group. Help him to find ethnically diverse play groups. For the girl ask around about black hair care salons. FInd out from black friends about a black barber for the boy and go with him. It is little things like this that cause issues believe it or not. I have seen issues arise in multi racial families if the caretaking parent (usually the mom) is ill equiped to deal with issues like hair the child's hair and sometimes self esteem suffers. But just love them! Thank you for sharing this with us.
     
  9. marleyisalegend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    5,587
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    charlotte
    Yeah, there's no way a black child can learn about his heritage in a white home. Maybe if there were books and websites and ample resources for him to learn about it, he could, but such things don't exist.:wink:

    First and foremost, don't limit his exposure only to things that you feel might appeal to a black kid. There's plenty of damage that could be done if all he's given access to is things that are categorically black.

    Take him in, don't worry about not being "ethnic enough" because the next foster family he receives may use him to peddle drugs or neglect his health. Go on the web, take him to the library and let him read about black history/culture so he gets a chance to know where he came from.

    The line between culture and stereotypes is thin so don't assume that only Tupac cd's and baggy jeans will get his attention. As a kid I listened to Nirvana as much as anything else.

    Some good idols to introduce him to would be Gregory Hines (performer), Ella Fitzgerald (vocalist), Langston Hughes & Zora Neal Hurston & MAYA ANGELOU (authors). A wonderful role model for him would be Dr. King who has some of the most brilliant speeches available, hell, on youtube.

    AND DON'T LET HIM WATCH BET!!! That's not black history or culture, it's poision.
     
    #9 marleyisalegend, Jul 16, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2008
  10. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo

    sad, but true...
     
Draft saved Draft deleted