Racism? Or Simply Preference? Who Is Right Here?

[hypolimnas]

I may prefer steak over fish but I am not gonna pass on the opportunity to eat a juicy steak just because it is steak.

I think saying you have a racial preference on a dating profile excludes ppl without giving them any chance. I can be persuaded to try something else. Maybe that makes me not racist? Idk

Racism is the belief that one race is inferior to another. This has little to do with sexual preferences. I also think systemic racism is a serious problem in society and is more concerned with politics and policy, not dating preferences. The analogy to food is not really quite the right one because I think sexual preferences along with dreams and humour are a much deeper part of the human experience.

 

[hypolimnas]

As a brunette gay guy, I'm only attracted to blonde and tall guys. I don't know why.

No one knows - but I definitely think if we want our preferences to be respected then the least we can do is respect those of others.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Racism is the belief that one race is inferior to another. This has little to do with sexual preferences. I also think systemic racism is a serious problem in society and is more concerned with politics and policy, not dating preferences. The analogy to food is not really quite the right one because I think sexual preferences along with dreams and humour are a much deeper part of the human experience.

This is not true. Racism is structural. Let google, racism is


prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

the belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Already answered several times throughout this thread.

When I log into Grindr, Im looking to find someone to fool around with quickly and be on my way. Im not looking to chat for 30 minutes and find the best possible candidate for a 5-10 minute jackoff. Listing these preferences of what I find attractive helps to get responses from people who match my criteria more quickly, rather than filtering through 50-75 messages that I get otherwise.

Does it sound a little shallow? Maybe. But its a mutual thing. Me and the other guy both get off, relieve a little stress, and move on.

Also, I live near LA. Not sure if youre aware, but theres A LOT of Latino people in that area. Probably a good 50% of the people on Grindr in my area are Latino, and a lot of them express a preference in only Latino people to boot! But I dont make a fuss about it... I believe they are also entitled to their preferences, just as I am entitled to mine. In fact, there have been some Latino guys in the past on there that I thought were hot, and when I had the intention of messaging them first, I would read their profile to find that they preferred other Latinos, which would dissuade me from messaging them in the end.

Its not a big deal, and Im not affected by it. I dont understand why Im able to not let it bother me, but other people get bothered by it so much.

And I CERTAINLY dont feel entitled enough to tell those people that they need to "be introspective about their racial preference." They have every right to find what ever they want attractive. And I would be a horrible person to suggest that theyre wrong for it.

First of all, let me be very clear that I don't think you are wrong to have a preference. I am merely stating that the reasons for such preferences do have to do with structural racism. Second, I have done my own introspection about this, so me inviting you to do the same is not sanctimonious in any way.

I find Latino guys who only want to date Latino guys as much racist as I find white guys who only want to date white guys. And I am latino.

Let me ask you this, how many nonwhites have responded to your profile that you have done something with? Because if I see that in your profile, I wouldn't reply even when you list it as a preference. And the irony is, I could probably pass as white except for my accent. So with Latinos, racial preference are not about physical attributes: I am pale as a ghost and have light green eyes with pretty straight hair.

 

[hypolimnas]

I may prefer steak over fish but I am not gonna pass on the opportunity to eat a juicy steak just because it is steak.

I think saying you have a racial preference on a dating profile excludes ppl without giving them any chance. I can be persuaded to try something else. Maybe that makes me not racist? Idk

If you are interested in the topic, I recommend the book discussed here How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X Kendi review – a brilliantly simple argument

 

[Nicky171090]

Hi all, been a LOOOOONG time since Ive posted here.... mostly just spent the years lurking and looking at pictures and videos. But tonight, something happened, and I just had to post about it. So please read this whole thing before drawing any conclusions (warning, this post may be quite long), and then give me your honest feedback. I promise I won't be offended either way.

So, as a quick background--a bit about me. Im mostly straight (mostly into women, but down to fool around with dudes if the mood is right), and I can only ever see myself getting into an actual relationship with women (with men, it would never go beyond physical pleasure). Label me whatever category that puts me into... straight, bi, whatever... thats not the point. The 2nd fact about me, Im white. Im not hung up about it, and I don't have a feeling of superiority about it... it just is what it is--thats how the universe made me... a white guy.

Why is all this important you ask? Well, it just so happens that sometimes Im in.. "the mood" and having a guy around to help me out sounds kinda fun... so naturally I turned to Grindr (LOL, dont judge me, we all have needs). On there, my profile simply says, and I quote:

"Bi white guy here, looking for fun. Mostly attracted to other white guys."

So tonight, I just happened to get on, and I was greeted with this lovely message from a Latino individual (see picture attached). For those that cant see the picture, this is how he greeted me, verbatim:

"You understand that racial preferences are racist? Making preemptive decisions about a person based on the color of their skin is racism. Check your white privilege dude."

I was shocked. I've never really been a fan of people who play into identity politics, but Ill be damned if people on the far left now think they are so "woke" enough to start dictating who I can, or have to be attracted to. I wanted to just cuss the guy out, or block him, but I thought "you know, lets see if I can talk to this guy rationally and see if I can construct an argument that would make him change his point of view and agree with me."

I won't post pictures of the entire conversation--its a long one--but Ill try to give you guys the gyst of how it went down, along with my thoughts, and then Id like to hear what you all have to say about it.

First, I tried explaining to him that although I'd consider myself unlikely to have sex with a black, or latino dude, Id happily still be friends with them. Does that still qualify as racist? He seemed very hung up on the fact that I was a white dude who only liked other white dudes. I then explained to him that as a bi guy, Im actually mostly attracted to Asian women over any other race, to which he responded thats racist because Im sexualizing Asian women (huh?).

He then made a statement that there must be a REASON why Im attracted to white dudes. To which I responded with this analogy: "I love steak. And I think onions are gross. (really, I cant stand them, lol). Whos to say whats right or whats wrong about that? Why am I not entitled to have my own preferences? Once again, this is simply how the universe made me, and I cant CHANGE it just because that offends you." He responded saying that my food analogy is stupid because "onions arent an ethnic identity that im excluding because its different from what Ive been told is beautiful."

Again.... huh? I don't remember being told that only white people are beautiful. And if I was told (and convinced!) that only white people are beautiful, then why the hell am I attracted to Asian women?

In the end, I explained to him that I dare say that if I was a white guy, who only happened to be attracted to say... black guys, he wouldnt be so offended by this. And do you know how he responded? Youre not going to believe this.... HE AGREED! He couldnt have proven my point any easier. How does a person not see the hypocrisy in all of this?

Afterwards, I told him I was going to be posting a rundown of our conversation on here, and getting feedback, and sharing it with him. I also intend to share the link to this thread with him so he can share his side of the story, and hopefully not be biased (lets see if he actually responds). If not, Im prepared to post screenshots of the entire conversation just to prove Im being genuine here, and not only telling one side.

So now, I ask you all the readers, to please share your feedback here.

I would argue that he was WAY out of line to begin by making such assumptions and coming at me that way. And I might even argue that him coming at me that way could even be proof that he harbors some "white hate" if there is such a thing--but maybe thats a stretch.

I would also argue that having a sexual attraction is not racist, just as having a sexual preference is not sexist, and just having a preference for ANY characteristic is not "x-ist". Not only that, but I for SURE am not obligated to justify why I find certain things attractive, and certain other things unattractive, nor is anyone obligated to explain to me why they might not be attracted to me--that is entirely their subjective opinion, and theyre entitled to it. And if the social justice-identity politics-toting left is starting to push to mandate how we think like that...then Ill just start jacking off on my own rather than being forced to have sex with someone I happen to not be attracted to just because it offends them.

Thoughts? Opinions? I'll be checking back periodically to see what you all have to say.

Thanks for reading.

Wow! This thread has been going on for ages! And I can’t believe I actually read like 10 pages of comments loll.


Not sure if you are still interested in more random opinions, just wanna contribute some constructive discussion (and sarcasms) here. First and foremost, I don’t think your preference is racist. This phenomenon is very controversial, and in a lot of cases, it is racist. However, context plays a big part, and personality, in your situation, I don’t think it is your intention to racially discriminate.


On the other hand, I don’t understand any analogies between race and anything you compre it with. Why you would entertain the idea of comparing people to food? We have racists, sexists, but no ‘vegetablists’, so isn’t it safe to say no one would ever be offended if you choose onions over mushrooms like how they would when it comes to human beings? Of course I understand, you were making a point about preference, I just think its really not ideal. Although your comparison between race and body type is more logical, I think it doesn’t share the same connotation. Obviously in historical context, you must know race is one of the most sensitive matters. Being of a certain race, means you are a walking representation of many cultural aspects, a lot more stereotypes and prejudices than being short or fat. People on here accuse you of having white privilege, and as a white person you do, whether you see it or not. That is not to say you in particular or any alive white person is to blame. Its just that, in the society we are living in, you have certain perks for being white. In my opinion only, if anyone puts race on the same level with any physical attributes as a preference (not necessarily sexual preference), they have never experienced racial discrimination in their life, because they would know that it stinks way more. This is stupid to say, but in most cases, being white and fit is better than being white and fat, but being white and fat is better than being non white and fat. And not having to experience that difference is one perk of white privilege. Bottom line is, personally, I don’t think race is something comparable. And sure, when you say “white” you are only referring to the physical attributes of a the Caucasian race, not cultural attributes, but language is a messy thing, what you mean doesn’t always translate that easy to other people. And from the evidence of this thread, there are more people who don’t understand what you mean than the ones that do. You are not a racist, so why communicate in a way that makes people think you are? To get your point across in the most accurate way is one of the key ideas of language isn’t it?


From what I understand is that you are on Grindr, solely just to get laid once in a while, so you don’t want to invest much time on it, and get straight to the deed, hence stating a controversial preference like so (according to thousands of comments here) I don’t think its racist, or morally wrong, but as a fully gay man, I don’t appreciate that either. Not meaning to put words in your mouth, or being presumptuous, but from the things that you say like “not everyone is entitled to my dick, or I don’t want to filter over 50-70 messages” it feels like you think highly of yourself as a commodity on Grindr (not an uncommon thought for bi guys when they compare the attention they get between men an women) but I have no idea what you look like, so who knows, maybe people really want your dick loll. However I think as a bi guy, who probably doesn’t contribute much to the gay community (the joy you gift us gays with your dick doesn’t count haha) and doesn’t experience much homophobic discrimination on daily basis, but still like to take advantage of how easy this gay hookup culture is, the least you could do is to be nice, and filter through 70 messages whenever you want to have a quickie. Trust me, there are A LOT of people besides that Latino guy who finds it unpleasant to read your written preference (it might not have anything to do with how much we want your dick but we are not qualified for it, just a sad reminder of how shallow our community is, in general). Nevertheless, like you said, its a consensual and mutual benefit between you and the guy you ended up sleeping with and yes, it might be that people are just being butt hurt about anything, and it is not your responsibility to please anyone. It literally comes down to whether or not you want to be a nice person, and save yourself from this longgggggggg ass series of discussion on this thread. Unless, you enjoy reading these more than 70 “Hello, DTF?” On Grindr, then why not?

 

[deleted464787]

First of all, let me be very clear that I don't think you are wrong to have a preference. I am merely stating that the reasons for such preferences do have to do with structural racism. Second, I have done my own introspection about this, so me inviting you to do the same is not sanctimonious in any way.

I find Latino guys who only want to date Latino guys as much racist as I find white guys who only want to date white guys. And I am latino.

Let me ask you this, how many nonwhites have responded to your profile that you have done something with? Because if I see that in your profile, I wouldn't reply even when you list it as a preference. And the irony is, I could probably pass as white except for my accent. So with Latinos, racial preference are not about physical attributes: I am pale as a ghost and have light green eyes with pretty straight hair.

Ive met up with a couple guys who werent white. My saying that Im "mostly attracted to white dudes" in my profile doesnt mean non-white guys arent allowed to message me first. I mainly say it as an all-around explanation for the guys that I never respond to since I just dont have the time.

I know that a lot of people on there get offended when you dont even dignify a message with a response. And everytime I log in, my Grindr blows up pretty hard, and I just dont have the time to respond to each and every guy who isnt my type. But if a non-white guy sends me a message and hes one of the guys I still find attractive, of course Im going to follow up.

Im in the same boat as you though. If I see a profile of a guy who says he prefers latino, or something else, I wont bother sending him a first message... partly because I dont think hed bother responding (why would he? Im not his type) and partly because I would want to be courteous and not waste his time as a person who is probably not his type. Now, if he was REALLY attractive, I might still send a message either way, and hope hes able to make an exception. But if he doesnt, I still have no right to get butthurt about it, like the guy in my original post did.

In the end, the attraction just needs to be mutual. Thats just common sense.

 

[deleted464787]

Wow! This thread has been going on for ages! And I can’t believe I actually read like 10 pages of comments loll.


Not sure if you are still interested in more random opinions, just wanna contribute some constructive discussion (and sarcasms) here. First and foremost, I don’t think your preference is racist. This phenomenon is very controversial, and in a lot of cases, it is racist. However, context plays a big part, and personality, in your situation, I don’t think it is your intention to racially discriminate.


On the other hand, I don’t understand any analogies between race and anything you compre it with. Why you would entertain the idea of comparing people to food? We have racists, sexists, but no ‘vegetablists’, so isn’t it safe to say no one would ever be offended if you choose onions over mushrooms like how they would when it comes to human beings? Of course I understand, you were making a point about preference, I just think its really not ideal. Although your comparison between race and body type is more logical, I think it doesn’t share the same connotation. Obviously in historical context, you must know race is one of the most sensitive matters. Being of a certain race, means you are a walking representation of many cultural aspects, a lot more stereotypes and prejudices than being short or fat. People on here accuse you of having white privilege, and as a white person you do, whether you see it or not. That is not to say you in particular or any alive white person is to blame. Its just that, in the society we are living in, you have certain perks for being white. In my opinion only, if anyone puts race on the same level with any physical attributes as a preference (not necessarily sexual preference), they have never experienced racial discrimination in their life, because they would know that it stinks way more. This is stupid to say, but in most cases, being white and fit is better than being white and fat, but being white and fat is better than being non white and fat. And not having to experience that difference is one perk of white privilege. Bottom line is, personally, I don’t think race is something comparable. And sure, when you say “white” you are only referring to the physical attributes of a the Caucasian race, not cultural attributes, but language is a messy thing, what you mean doesn’t always translate that easy to other people. And from the evidence of this thread, there are more people who don’t understand what you mean than the ones that do. You are not a racist, so why communicate in a way that makes people think you are? To get your point across in the most accurate way is one of the key ideas of language isn’t it?


From what I understand is that you are on Grindr, solely just to get laid once in a while, so you don’t want to invest much time on it, and get straight to the deed, hence stating a controversial preference like so (according to thousands of comments here) I don’t think its racist, or morally wrong, but as a fully gay man, I don’t appreciate that either. Not meaning to put words in your mouth, or being presumptuous, but from the things that you say like “not everyone is entitled to my dick, or I don’t want to filter over 50-70 messages” it feels like you think highly of yourself as a commodity on Grindr (not an uncommon thought for bi guys when they compare the attention they get between men an women) but I have no idea what you look like, so who knows, maybe people really want your dick loll. However I think as a bi guy, who probably doesn’t contribute much to the gay community (the joy you gift us gays with your dick doesn’t count haha) and doesn’t experience much homophobic discrimination on daily basis, but still like to take advantage of how easy this gay hookup culture is, the least you could do is to be nice, and filter through 70 messages whenever you want to have a quickie. Trust me, there are A LOT of people besides that Latino guy who finds it unpleasant to read your written preference (it might not have anything to do with how much we want your dick but we are not qualified for it, just a sad reminder of how shallow our community is, in general). Nevertheless, like you said, its a consensual and mutual benefit between you and the guy you ended up sleeping with and yes, it might be that people are just being butt hurt about anything, and it is not your responsibility to please anyone. It literally comes down to whether or not you want to be a nice person, and save yourself from this longgggggggg ass series of discussion on this thread. Unless, you enjoy reading these more than 70 “Hello, DTF?” On Grindr, then why not?

Couple comments in response to your comments:

1) On some points you disagree with me, and thats fine. Thanks for at least being civil about it.

2) Regarding the comparison with food: The only reason I use that analogy is that I believe what you find tasty is something beyond your control. If you try a food for the first time, youre either going to like it, or not going to like it. No one can condition you to like it, and you cant "practice" to like a certain food more. I believe attraction falls within the same realm. At least for me. I just look at a person, and I either find them attractive, or I dont. It cant be controlled, and it cant be practiced, and it certainly cant be scrutinized as being either "right" or "wrong." (Unless of course, if there is an underlying agenda behind it... i.e: "I think black people are all inferior and therefore ugly."... but thats obviously not the case here). And sure, no one would be offended if I choose mushrooms over onions. And you wanna know something else? If Im attracted to a guy, and he says hes NOT attracted to me, I dont get offended either. I believe if youre the type of person to get offended because someone doesnt find you attractive, thats a "YOU PROBLEM"... not a "THEM PROBLEM." I believe other people need to work on not being offended when you get rejected.

3) Regarding white privilege: You say Im at an advantage because of my white privilege. Obviously we're talking within the context of dating/hooking up right now, so lets go with that, for now: I dare say that if you are a sole white guy on Grindr in an entire sea of Latino guys, or black guys, or whatever else, you are actually at a DISADVANTAGE on Grindr, since a majority of people prefer to date/hookup within their own race. Now, Im not going to say my area has ALL Latinos on Grindr in it, and Im the lone white guy, but there is definitely a majority of Latinos on there. And a lot of them are solely looking for other Latinos... which is obviously cool with me. So this white "privilege" you speak of is purely situational. I dare say if you drop a white guy in a predominantly black neighborhood, his white privilege is no longer a thing. Its obviously an intangible, abstract idea, so its hard to measure, which is probably one of the big reasons why its up for debate.

4) As far as considering myself a commodity on Grindr... it seriously isnt uncommon for me to log into Grindr and be greeted with like 20-30 messages within the first 5 minutes of logging on. I dont know if thats a normal amount or not, to be honest. But either way, it can get pretty overwhelming. I actually talked with one dude on there about it, and he said I probably get a lot of messages because Im pretty masculine and "straight presenting." (Meaning even though Im bi, I look and act like a normal straight guy... which I guess is a fair enough assessment.) That said, apparently landing a straight guy in the bedroom is considered the holy grail in the gay community... Im not sure why, and Im not even going to comment about the irony of how a gay guy landing a straight guy in bed is kind of a strange logical juxtaposition... Im just going off what I was told by other gay dudes. With that in mind, I suppose I could understand why I would be a bit of a rare find on Grindr. I don't personally think Im that exceptional looking--just your average guy (speaking of which, thats a good reminder to have me update a photo in my gallery here... my how Ive changed over the years).... and I don't think Im Gods gift to anyone in bed... at least with dudes. At least when it comes to having sex with women, Im capable of passionate, REAL sex. Whenever I make the decision to fool around with a dude, the goal is simply to get off together real quick--no talking, no passion, no drama, no connection. Just some quick physical pleasure, then were both on our way. I make that quite clear up front though, and fortunately it seems to work out, since thats what a lot of the guys I meet on there seem to want as well.

Thanks for your response though

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Couple comments in response to your comments:

1) On some points you disagree with me, and thats fine. Thanks for at least being civil about it.

2) Regarding the comparison with food: The only reason I use that analogy is that I believe what you find tasty is something beyond your control. If you try a food for the first time, youre either going to like it, or not going to like it. No one can condition you to like it, and you cant "practice" to like a certain food more. I believe attraction falls within the same realm. At least for me. I just look at a person, and I either find them attractive, or I dont. It cant be controlled, and it cant be practiced, and it certainly cant be scrutinized as being either "right" or "wrong." (Unless of course, if there is an underlying agenda behind it... i.e: "I think black people are all inferior and therefore ugly."... but thats obviously not the case here). And sure, no one would be offended if I choose mushrooms over onions. And you wanna know something else? If Im attracted to a guy, and he says hes NOT attracted to me, I dont get offended either. I believe if youre the type of person to get offended because someone doesnt find you attractive, thats a "YOU PROBLEM"... not a "THEM PROBLEM." I believe other people need to work on not being offended when you get rejected.

3) Regarding white privilege: You say Im at an advantage because of my white privilege. Obviously we're talking within the context of dating/hooking up right now, so lets go with that, for now: I dare say that if you are a sole white guy on Grindr in an entire sea of Latino guys, or black guys, or whatever else, you are actually at a DISADVANTAGE on Grindr, since a majority of people prefer to date/hookup within their own race. Now, Im not going to say my area has ALL Latinos on Grindr in it, and Im the lone white guy, but there is definitely a majority of Latinos on there. And a lot of them are solely looking for other Latinos... which is obviously cool with me. So this white "privilege" you speak of is purely situational. I dare say if you drop a white guy in a predominantly black neighborhood, his white privilege is no longer a thing. Its obviously an intangible, abstract idea, so its hard to measure, which is probably one of the big reasons why its up for debate.

4) As far as considering myself a commodity on Grindr... it seriously isnt uncommon for me to log into Grindr and be greeted with like 20-30 messages within the first 5 minutes of logging on. I dont know if thats a normal amount or not, to be honest. But either way, it can get pretty overwhelming. I actually talked with one dude on there about it, and he said I probably get a lot of messages because Im pretty masculine and "straight presenting." (Meaning even though Im bi, I look and act like a normal straight guy... which I guess is a fair enough assessment.) That said, apparently landing a straight guy in the bedroom is considered the holy grail in the gay community... Im not sure why, and Im not even going to comment about the irony of how a gay guy landing a straight guy in bed is kind of a strange logical juxtaposition... Im just going off what I was told by other gay dudes. With that in mind, I suppose I could understand why I would be a bit of a rare find on Grindr. I don't personally think Im that exceptional looking--just your average guy (speaking of which, thats a good reminder to have me update a photo in my gallery here... my how Ive changed over the years).... and I don't think Im Gods gift to anyone in bed... at least with dudes. At least when it comes to having sex with women, Im capable of passionate, REAL sex. Whenever I make the decision to fool around with a dude, the goal is simply to get off together real quick--no talking, no passion, no drama, no connection. Just some quick physical pleasure, then were both on our way. I make that quite clear up front though, and fortunately it seems to work out, since thats what a lot of the guys I meet on there seem to want as well.

Thanks for your response though

Actually you are wrong about #4. I need to see if I can find the link but there was a study done in OKCupid that show that white men are at the very top of the dating hierarchy. They will be requested more relatively speaking.

Idk I have to seen if I have a copy of the figure....

 

[Nicky171090]

Couple comments in response to your comments:

1) On some points you disagree with me, and thats fine. Thanks for at least being civil about it.

2) Regarding the comparison with food: The only reason I use that analogy is that I believe what you find tasty is something beyond your control. If you try a food for the first time, youre either going to like it, or not going to like it. No one can condition you to like it, and you cant "practice" to like a certain food more. I believe attraction falls within the same realm. At least for me. I just look at a person, and I either find them attractive, or I dont. It cant be controlled, and it cant be practiced, and it certainly cant be scrutinized as being either "right" or "wrong." (Unless of course, if there is an underlying agenda behind it... i.e: "I think black people are all inferior and therefore ugly."... but thats obviously not the case here). And sure, no one would be offended if I choose mushrooms over onions. And you wanna know something else? If Im attracted to a guy, and he says hes NOT attracted to me, I dont get offended either. I believe if youre the type of person to get offended because someone doesnt find you attractive, thats a "YOU PROBLEM"... not a "THEM PROBLEM." I believe other people need to work on not being offended when you get rejected.

3) Regarding white privilege: You say Im at an advantage because of my white privilege. Obviously we're talking within the context of dating/hooking up right now, so lets go with that, for now: I dare say that if you are a sole white guy on Grindr in an entire sea of Latino guys, or black guys, or whatever else, you are actually at a DISADVANTAGE on Grindr, since a majority of people prefer to date/hookup within their own race. Now, Im not going to say my area has ALL Latinos on Grindr in it, and Im the lone white guy, but there is definitely a majority of Latinos on there. And a lot of them are solely looking for other Latinos... which is obviously cool with me. So this white "privilege" you speak of is purely situational. I dare say if you drop a white guy in a predominantly black neighborhood, his white privilege is no longer a thing. Its obviously an intangible, abstract idea, so its hard to measure, which is probably one of the big reasons why its up for debate.

4) As far as considering myself a commodity on Grindr... it seriously isnt uncommon for me to log into Grindr and be greeted with like 20-30 messages within the first 5 minutes of logging on. I dont know if thats a normal amount or not, to be honest. But either way, it can get pretty overwhelming. I actually talked with one dude on there about it, and he said I probably get a lot of messages because Im pretty masculine and "straight presenting." (Meaning even though Im bi, I look and act like a normal straight guy... which I guess is a fair enough assessment.) That said, apparently landing a straight guy in the bedroom is considered the holy grail in the gay community... Im not sure why, and Im not even going to comment about the irony of how a gay guy landing a straight guy in bed is kind of a strange logical juxtaposition... Im just going off what I was told by other gay dudes. With that in mind, I suppose I could understand why I would be a bit of a rare find on Grindr. I don't personally think Im that exceptional looking--just your average guy (speaking of which, thats a good reminder to have me update a photo in my gallery here... my how Ive changed over the years).... and I don't think Im Gods gift to anyone in bed... at least with dudes. At least when it comes to having sex with women, Im capable of passionate, REAL sex. Whenever I make the decision to fool around with a dude, the goal is simply to get off together real quick--no talking, no passion, no drama, no connection. Just some quick physical pleasure, then were both on our way. I make that quite clear up front though, and fortunately it seems to work out, since thats what a lot of the guys I meet on there seem to want as well.

Thanks for your response though

Just a couple thoughts and elaborations on your comments, which by the way, are very civilized and constructive also.

2. Going off topic a bit, but you can totally be conditioned to like certain kind of food in my opinion. Evidently most East Asian people like tofu and most white people don’t. Because for generations, they have been told that its nutritious and tasty. Or that most British people love Indian food, probably because of a colonial reason. Just the same as beauty standards can be conditioned. Im not saying that you have been conditioned to like white guys, because I obviously don’t know you, and don’t want to make such assumption. But there has been a lot of examples in the past suggesting that we as a society (especially the rich) dictates what beauty standards are. Fair skin was considered as beautiful for the longest time because it was a symbol of status for people who didn’t have to work in the field. Then when they moved outdoors for sports and went on holidays with the help of more modern transportation in the 20s, tanned skin (on white people) was considered beautiful. After the war, with Hollywood glamour on the rise fair skin was again considered beautiful, and the cycle just keeps on repeating. Hundreds of millions of Chinese mothers deformed their daughters feet in the past because the royalty dictated small feet were beautiful. Vouging became well known when Madonna did it and twerking became cool and sexy when Miley Cyrus did it, even though both have been around in the black community way before that. To be honest, anything we deem beautiful, cool or taste good can be conditioned, if there is a powerful enough influence. But I do understand more of what you mean with that analogy now. I probably still don’t think that its ideal, but I get it.

3. It wasn’t a dig at you or anything. What I meant was, probably because of white privilege, you think liking a race is the same as liking physical attributes in a person such as tall and skinny. Because to you, they have the same level of sensitivity and you are only talking about human features, thats why people should react to you liking white people the same way they react to “I like skinny people” But to most non white people, race means differently and have a big connotation of culture and history, therefore, its also not the best analogy to explain your preference, especially to non white people, which I suppose is the audience you want to make aware on Grindr? There is an insight, published by an online dating site. Statistically, on average, there is a 49% chance a Hispanic guy will answer a message from another Hispanic guy, and 48% chance he will answer to a white guy. On reverse, 38% for a Hispanic guy to receive a reply from a white guy. Overall, white guys receive replies for 45% of messages they send, which is second best, only after Middle Eastern men. White guys also tend to answer white guys the most, and answer to only 41% of messages that they receive from all races across the board, which is also the least in the chart. Another interesting fact for you, when asked “Are you strongly prefer to date someone of the the same racial background” 18% hispanic gay males said yes, 12% of asian gay males said yes, 6% of black gay males said yes and 43% of white gay males said yes. So perhaps the phenomenon suggesting that people prefer to date people of the same race mostly only apply to white people? At least statistically.

4.I don’t think everyone who disagree with you on this post, have a problem with rejection, I believe some of them are actually also white. There are many reasons why someone would go against you on this. It could be bitterness of rejection from you and it could be bitterness of rejection from a big group of people who think like you. It could also be people who want to stand up for their community, and it could be people who feel the need to be offended on other’s behalf. For instance, if I see a profile on Grindr saying “prefer white” from a white person, I probably wouldn’t like you so much, but I wouldn’t feel bitter abou it. If I see a non white person say that. I probably would judge them a bit more haha, but hey whatever. But if I see a “no Asian, no black (or no whatever) in the profile, I probably would report that profile regardless of whether my race is listed on that “no” list or not (they don’t block your profile or anything, just investigate and make you take that out of the profile, because in fact, that is considered discrimination based on Grindr’s guide line). Nothing to do with bitterness of rejection here, I just feel like we don’t need that kind of negativity within the gay community as we already have to face with so much discrimination in society in general. Thats why in my earlier comment, I said that you are only experiencing the fun part of gay culture and not the ugly ones, so do you want to bring even more unpleasantness to a big amount of people in our community?

 

[deleted464787]

Actually you are wrong about #4. I need to see if I can find the link but there was a study done in OKCupid that show that white men are at the very top of the dating hierarchy. They will be requested more relatively speaking.

Idk I have to seen if I have a copy of the figure....

So, this study was conducted by OKCupid... Im not saying theyre not a reasonable authority on this... but did you bother asking the right questions?

Where was this study conducted? Im not sure if OKCupid even fuctions in say... Nigeria, but I can guarantee you that white men are not at the top of the dating heirarchy there. If this study was only conducted in the US, then that probably makes sense, because whites make up the marjority of the public in this country. If this study had only been conducted in Westminster, CA (a huge hotspot for Vietnamese immigrants) youd probably find that Vietnamese have greatly moved up the dating heirarchy.

It should be common sense that the racial majority in an area would have the greatest advantage. And even if you drill down into sub-cultures/small areas, I can guarantee you that those areas have very different racial builds/advantages.

 

[Feign]

Preference 100%

The same way I prefer Brunettes over Blondes we're allowed to like and dislike certain things/features

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

So, this study was conducted by OKCupid... Im not saying theyre not a reasonable authority on this... but did you bother asking the right questions?

Where was this study conducted? Im not sure if OKCupid even fuctions in say... Nigeria, but I can guarantee you that white men are not at the top of the dating heirarchy there. If this study was only conducted in the US, then that probably makes sense, because whites make up the marjority of the public in this country. If this study had only been conducted in Westminster, CA (a huge hotspot for Vietnamese immigrants) youd probably find that Vietnamese have greatly moved up the dating heirarchy.

It should be common sense that the racial majority in an area would have the greatest advantage. And even if you drill down into sub-cultures/small areas, I can guarantee you that those areas have very different racial builds/advantages.

The study was published I believe amid some ethical controversy surrounding who owned the data.

There are other similar studies and they all show the same thing.

Yes, the studied are only relevant in the US but it is not dependent on who the majority is in a given area. Actually, it depends on who has the structural power. In both the US and say South Africa or France, it would be "whites". In China, that answer would be different.

I will try to find the study. Its more an analysis of the data they have accumulated. It was published then retracted for ethical reasons as I said by their main data analytics guy.

The other studies have looked at similar data from dating websites. They all reveal a preference for most ethnic minority women for white males. Lesbians are the exception. Lesbian women prefer women from the middle east lol or something like that if i recall correctly.

 

[deleted464787]

The study was published I believe amid some ethical controversy surrounding who owned the data.

There are other similar studies and they all show the same thing.

Yes, the studied are only relevant in the US but it is not dependent on who the majority is in a given area. Actually, it depends on who has the structural power. In both the US and say South Africa or France, it would be "whites". In China, that answer would be different.

I will try to find the study. Its more an analysis of the data they have accumulated. It was published then retracted for ethical reasons as I said by their main data analytics guy.

The other studies have looked at similar data from dating websites. They all reveal a preference for most ethnic minority women for white males. Lesbians are the exception. Lesbian women prefer women from the middle east lol or something like that if i recall correctly.

In that case, it sounds to me like you have a bigger problem with who has structural power, rather than my honest assessment of who I find attractive.

I also find it interesting that you have no comment on my attraction to women. As of this moment, I still happen to find Asian women most attractive, but it hasnt always been that way. Ive gone through phases where I found both white, and Latina women most attractive. That kind of flies in the face of your "structural power narrative" and "white privilege dictating what is beautiful narrative" because I know that the "definitions of beauty" havent changed from white, to Latina, to Asian in the short span of about 15 years.

I kind of wish people would learn to accept that maybe, JUST MAYBE, its possible for a person to simply like what they like, and not try to explain it by any outside influences and say there must be some kind of hidden agenda or reason behind what they like... just as it is for food.

But those who oppose me on here simply cant accept that. They have to turn into social justice warriors and make an enemy when there are no enemies to be made, because god forbid they should be exposed to another viewpoint that happens to offend them.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

In that case, it sounds to me like you have a bigger problem with who has structural power, rather than my honest assessment of who I find attractive.

I also find it interesting that you have no comment on my attraction to women. As of this moment, I still happen to find Asian women most attractive, but it hasnt always been that way. Ive gone through phases where I found both white, and Latina women most attractive. That kind of flies in the face of your "structural power narrative" and "white privilege dictating what is beautiful narrative" because I know that the "definitions of beauty" havent changed from white, to Latina, to Asian in the short span of about 15 years.

I kind of wish people would learn to accept that maybe, JUST MAYBE, its possible for a person to simply like what they like, and not try to explain it by any outside influences and say there must be some kind of hidden agenda or reason behind what they like... just as it is for food.

But those who oppose me on here simply cant accept that. They have to turn into social justice warriors and make an enemy when there are no enemies to be made, because god forbid they should be exposed to another viewpoint that happens to offend them.

You are so defensive. I never made you or anyone into an enemy. I have white friends who I love dearly and I have never seen this as a social class war or racial war. Heck, I even had one or two white boyfriends myself and still stay in touch with one of them. Love him very much.

I am merely pointing out to you some facts about social science that are relevant to this discussion.

To me it sounds like you want to justify yourself because deep down you know you are wrong.

Have a nice day.

 

[deleted1846971]

I’m shocked this thread has lasted this long.

 

[deleted464787]

You are so defensive. I never made you or anyone into an enemy. I have white friends who I love dearly and I have never seen this as a social class war or racial war. Heck, I even had one or two white boyfriends myself and still stay in touch with one of them. Love him very much.

I am merely pointing out to you some facts about social science that are relevant to this discussion.

To me it sounds like you want to justify yourself because deep down you know you are wrong.

Have a nice day.

No no no, I never said you were making me into an enemy. I think you misunderstood.
I was talking about the likes of Spaj, and Nigel, and the other toxic SJWs that responded on here.

As far as being defensive, I have a viewpoint, and Im merely expressing it. You have the right to choose to be offended by it or not, but Im still going to express it.

My goal on here isnt to hurt people. And my goal on Grindr isnt to hurt people. And if people are getting hurt by something that benign... something that has happened to me many times already, and didnt affect me, something that REALLY SHOULDNT hurt them, then I just cant help them.

This "outrage culture" in America is really long overdue to die. Every day Im losing more and more sympathy for people who play into it.

 

[deleted5199391]

This thread is very longeve lol.
Btw, personal preferences are not racism.
Just be careful to comunicate it properly and kindly.
You dislike apples? Don't tell "I fucking hate apples" if someone offers you one.
I also think you did comunicate properly in your profile, but I also understand that (law of big numbers) a lot of people could complain about that.

I'm not really good to judge guys' appearance, but from porn movies I'd say I could find black guys more attractive.
So? This is racist? Ofc not.
You or I were conditioned to that? It doesn't matter.
Either you feel bad or want to change that, otherwise there's no reason to pose this question.
A straight guy likes girls. Conditioned? Doesn't matter.
I like apples. And sushi. Conditioned? Doesn't matter.
It looks you were respectful so no racism.
Same it's for general body features. You like tall guys? Fine, just don't be mean to short guys.

 

[deleted464787]

This thread is very longeve lol.
Btw, personal preferences are not racism.
Just be careful to comunicate it properly and kindly.
You dislike apples? Don't tell "I fucking hate apples" if someone offers you one.
I also think you did comunicate properly in your profile, but I also understand that (law of big numbers) a lot of people could complain about that.

I'm not really good to judge guys' appearance, but from porn movies I'd say I could find black guys more attractive.
So? This is racist? Ofc not.
You or I were conditioned to that? It doesn't matter.
Either you feel bad or want to change that, otherwise there's no reason to pose this question.
A straight guy likes girls. Conditioned? Doesn't matter.
I like apples. And sushi. Conditioned? Doesn't matter.
It looks you were respectful so no racism.
Same it's for general body features. You like tall guys? Fine, just don't be mean to short guys.

my thoughts exactly

 

[doc_jmart]

There are certain attributes that we are attracted to. It just turns out that those certain attributes may be more predominant in certain races. This thread will never end because of that. To some people, seemingly having a preference towards a certain race who have attributes you are attracted to is tantamount to thinking other races are inferior. Just because you don’t find someone attractive doesn’t mean you find them inferior to you as a person.

people keep mentioning about white privilege. I’ve been traveling a lot because of work, and i would say this is true in certain places, but not all. I have a weird mix, depending on where I am in the states people would think i’m hispanic or asian. i’m mostly attracted to hispanics and middle eastern people simply because they possess the physical attributes I’m attracted to. on dating sites, i usually ignore white people. I’ve never heard anyone call me racist because of that. When i read someone stating on their profile they only date white people, i totally get it because i have my own preferences too. I rarely find them attractive either so i just move on to the next profile.

i have many black friends. Both men and women prefer dating within their own race. I’ve never heard anyone call them racist. I have a lot of hispanic women friends. They all say they prefer dating fellow hispanics rather than white men because to them, white men are so bland. Again I’ve never heard anyone call them racist. A lot of people are simply just attracted to people within their own race. It may not just be due to physical traits, there could be cultural aspects as well. this makes them more comfortable dating within their race.

Being white may put one on top of the totem pole when it comes to dating, but when it comes to stating one’s preferences, being white seems to put one in a disadvantage. Say you prefer one race over another, a lot of people would surely brand you as racist.