Radical shift in sex drive ...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by PatriotSam, Apr 23, 2009.

  1. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    Just to lay down the back story, I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve never really had sex or any sort of relationship before. I've messed around with a few girls in the past and gone as far as oral sex but it never felt "right" enough to continue on to actual intercourse or maintain the physical relationship beyond a few flings.

    I don’t feel that my pseudo abstinence is an artifact of anything "wrong" with me, I just think I held sex in such high regard that kept me from getting into it at a very young age (through high school) and then through college and beyond I’ve been fairly isolated from any women at all.

    So I think it's partly some unrealistic and misplaced morals coupled with a lack of opportunity that's kept me out of "the game" for so long.

    It's not necessarily bad though. Aside from the occasional feeling of loneliness ... I have no STDs, I’ve never gotten any woman unintentionally pregnant and I have no bitter ex-girlfriends or traumatic relationships in my past.

    But let's get back to the topic at hand ... the weirdest thing has started to happen over the past 2 months and it just keeps getting more pronounced from day to day!

    My sex drive has been going through the roof!

    Now bear in mind, given the back story, this is REALLY unusual ... and even more than that it's completely foreign to me! I've never felt this way in my life before. (I never had that 18 year old, horny as hell, "fuck anything that walks" kind of experience ... or the collegiate "get drunk as hell and fuck anything that walks" experience ... which is apparently so common.)

    Every day, all day, I’m sizing up every woman that walks in front of me and all I can think about is having sex with them ... or what it would be like to have sex with them ... or what I would do while having sex with them.

    Crotches, asses, breasts, legs, stomachs, necks, arms, backs, lips, hair ... it's like I’m suddenly hyper sensitive to anything remotely sexual and when I start to zone in its completely overwhelming. I literally have to distract myself in the gym lately when there's some hot chick working out because I start thinking about her too much and I literally feel like I just want to pounce on her and start making love to her right there on the floor!

    Even just writing about it has me squirming in my seat!

    It feels like some "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" sort of animal instinct has been switched on inside me and I’ve got to fight to keep it under control!

    It's an awesome, scary and bizarre sort of feeling.

    I would imagine that the reason for this sudden change is both my increase in physical fitness and the improvement in my diet. I've always tried to keep fairly healthy but in the last two months I’ve taken it to extremes. I work out heavily 5 or 6 times per week, lots of cardio, stripped all the garbage out of my diet, lost about 15 lbs (6’1” and 198 lbs), reduced my body fat percentage and put on a fair bit of muscle.

    I would have to imagine that this is the primary ... if not only cause of my drastically increased sex drive but I never imagined that such a small change could make such a dramatic difference.

    In addition to my hopped up sexual desire, I'm also having reduced anxiety about having sex and increased confidence that I "know what I’m doing" with a woman’s body, despite the fact that I’ve never had sex before. I know I may get some crap for saying that but I seriously feel that if I had an attractive and willing woman in front of me, I would know exactly what to do and how to do it right. (I'm of course leaving out the emotional connection that I still hold in very high regard.)

    It's an ambitious thought for sure and I realize that personal preference enters into what is and is not pleasurable ... but I’ve been told before that knowing how to have sex is hardwired into our brains, that sex is instinctual and we only mess it up because we let our conscious minds and all sorts of external factors affect our sexual performance.

    And what's more, my increased desire seems to be reflected in my dealings with women around me because I’m suddenly getting a lot more attention from them. Though this may be attributed to my becoming more attuned to the signals they're sending out ... signals that I may have just been ignoring in the past.

    All in all, this whole experience is very interesting and over the last several months I’ve been on a serious search for a dedicated relationship ... but I’m also much more relaxed about casual sexual encounters as well. Of course, my morals and standards are still in place and any relationship or sexual encounter would be treated with the highest levels of love, respect, gratitude and admiration for my partner.

    Feel free to comment. I’m curious if anyone else has had a similar experience or any insight?
     
  2. avg_joe

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    My suggestion to you is getting a girlfriend.
     
  3. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    "I've always tried to keep fairly healthy but in the last two months I’ve taken it to extremes. I work out heavily 5 or 6 times per week, lots of cardio, stripped all the garbage out of my diet, lost about 15 lbs (6’1” and 198 lbs), reduced my body fat percentage and put on a fair bit of muscle."

    Well, there you go. By doing all this (especially the exercise and upping your muscle) you have probably boosted your testosterone levels. That's the male hormone in your body that's most associated with your sex drive.

    It's my belief that guys (straight and gay) do go through "rut". Sometimes, the sex drive as you put it just goes "through the roof". Temporary or permanent fluctuations in hormone levels, body chemistry, maturation, etc. It might be a permanent change, it might not. Don't spend a lot of time worrying about it. Just enjoy it.
     
  4. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    "my increased desire seems to be reflected in my dealings with women around me because I’m suddenly getting a lot more attention from them."

    When your libido went "through the roof", your pheromone levels probably went through the roof too. The women are subconsciously attracted to your body's "scent" since you are sort of in "overdrive" right now.
     
  5. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    Well of course that's the goal!

    But it's SO much easier said than done!

    Online dating sites, bars, clubs, grocery stores, gym ... seems like everywhere i go, every girl I'm attracted to is standing right next to her boyfriend, fiance or husband! Either that or they're divorced and have a kid or two living with them!

    It's like ... if she's hot and she irresponsible than she's divorced with kids and/or potentially loaded with STDs. If she's hot and she's responsible than she's already hitched ... or shes selective and knows what she's looking for ... which is fine, but it limits the chances that shes looking for me.

    It's like searching for a needle in a hay stack to find a woman who is reasonably fit, attractive, intelligent, cool, has stuff going for her and who likes me as much as I like her.

    I know she's out there ... and I've gotten pretty close in my searches ... but the right girl is illusive.
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Seems like that time has come for you, good luck!
     
  7. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    LOL! RUTTING SEASON!

    Worry about it? Why would anyone worry about it? It's super entertaining!

    I also realize that testosterone causes increased sexual desire and that increased fitness generates more testosterone ... i just question why i never had this when i was younger. I was never obese or so out of shape that my testosterone levels would have been subdued ... it just seems like such a drastic change for such a small amount of effort.

    I know this sounds weird but they say that a guys sexual peak is 18 and a woman's sexual peak is in her early 30s ... I'm wondering if by some chance my sexual peak is in my 30s also? I just say that because I've never had such a strong desire to find a woman, get married and simply have sex as i do now.

    And ultimatly it works out because as i move into my 30s i'm getting my act togeather, in most relationships it seems like the guy is dating a girl about 5 years younger ... so that would put my target age group around 24-26 ... which is a perfect child bearing age. (It sounds weird when I write it out like that!) It also seems like women are more attracted to men who are older and can provide for them (though realisticly "providing" for the woman isnt really required in our society anymore.)
     
  8. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    I think it's more a matter of increased arousal and aggressiveness about my interactions with women that's drawing them to me more. I feel it more their for i act differently because of it.

    I really don't buy into the pheromone thing ... i mean i believe that it's true to some extent ... and to some extent you may be right ... but it's not like you can just slather on some pheromone and suddenly women are jumping all over you.

    YouTube - The Sex Panther
     
  9. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    "i just question why i never had this when i was younger. I was never obese or so out of shape that my testosterone levels would have been subdued ... it just seems like such a drastic change for such a small amount of effort."

    True, but did you ever do anything that might have "jump started everything? You did say that you have made some pretty drastic changes in your physical habits lately. Also, when you were younger, you may not have been physically/sexually mature enough to produce the level of sexually energy you are experiencing now. Most guys always think they are sexually mature once they get pubes. They may be but are they at their sexual peak? You may be at your BEST right now, sexually.
     
  10. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    "I think it's more a matter of increased arousal and aggressiveness about my interactions with women that's drawing them to me more. I feel it more their for i act differently because of it."

    You are probably projecting a more sexual "on the hunt" persona without even realizing it. Your physical body is craving sex so why wouldn't your subconscious be working in tandem with your physical being to try to get the sex it craves. I wouldn't discount pheromones all together though.
     
  11. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    Oh no, i don't discount the effect of pheromones, i just don't think that the emotional desire and the physical projection of that desire has more to do with it.

    It's clear that my body is producing more testosterone so it would only make sense that it would have an effect on other chemicals being released by my body.
     
  12. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    Yep - Someone's in RUT. ;)
     
  13. Steve26

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    Clearly it's the changes in your physical activity/fitness and diet that have caused this change.

    My own similar experience: I took up free weights when I was 30, after more years than I care to remember using weight machines. I won't say my sex drive changed that dramatically (it had always been pretty strong), but I noticed a huge -- and I mean HUGE -- change in the nature of my ejaculations, both quantity and distance.

    The take-home message: Never underestimate what a bit of exercise can do for you sexually!

    Steve
     
  14. Rogercock

    Rogercock Member

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    Do you suffer from sexual sleepwalking like me?
     
  15. houtx48

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    I'm wondering if by some chance my sexual peak is in my 30s..............so you're a 100% str8 woman?
     
  16. badgirl22

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    I am in my 40s and have never experienced a sex drive like I have now. After being in a pretty much sexless relationship for 13 years now that I'm having sex I feel like a kid in the proverbial candy store and I want to sample it all! I feel utterly insatiable. It's my understanding text act of sex itself creates testosterone so the more sex one gets the more one wants it. You may well become an animal LOL! I'm not sure what caused my surge of sexual appitite but I love it! Maybe not hVing sex causes the urge to slowly build until one day it breaks through the secret barrier and whamo an unstoppable drive is unleashed!
     
  17. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam New Member

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    I strongly believe that everyone achieves certain miles ones in life on their own time. Pressure in grade school and college to follow the herd is completely out of control. This is what i experienced anyway ... not in a horrible socially debilitating way ... but it was noticeable enough to be frustrating and challenge my individual standards, morals and ethics.

    I remember one time i was at a field party and this really cute chick walked up to me totally drunk, grabbed my arm and started pulling me into the bushes while saying "... and you're getting a blow job!" I was completely sober at the time and pulled her back saying, "You're too drunk and I'm not OK with this."

    My buddies where like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" and I explained that I'm not going to take advantage of a girl who is clearly too drunk to think 100% clearly and i don't want it to come back to haunt me.

    My one buddies response was "Are you gay?" Which was somewhat offensive to me even now because my sexual choices have often gotten me labeled as gay, simply because I'm not constantly chasing tail the way every other guy does.

    Of course now ... it seems as if the "chasing tail" phase of my life is beginning on it's own time. And i feel that I'm experiencing this in the way that i am, simply because I've withstood the pressure of society which was trying to push me into my current state for years.

    So you hit it when you where 40 and I'm hitting it when I'm 30 ... either way I'm enjoying it.
     
  18. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    I'm 45 now and in the past 5 years, I have been hornier and better performing than I ever was before that. I hate it when people try to put time lines on how someone should be feeling or acting.
     
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