Raising Sons With Morals

[D_Jared Padalicki]

You know Pieter I think that everyone just comes to LPSG with differing viewpoints and experiences because of their age.
I also think that it is a good idea that the stepfather is buying condoms so that they are having safe sex. However I think that if you are old enough to screw you are old enough to at least have a part-time job and buy your own protection.
I'm sorry if I'm living in the middle age vacuum but I find it completely unbelievable that someone 16 years old can not find a part-time job doing something (I know times are tough but there are minimum wage jobs out there especially part-time) I started working when I was 15 because my mother and stepfather wanted me to take some responsibility and the experience it gave me was priceless. When I attended University I did not have to work, my parents gave me a free ride (What I called the four year paid vacation) However I choose to work part-time, again the experience was more important than I realized at the time because the opportunities it gave me when I graduated because I had a resume with some history and that told potential employers that I had some experience other than in the classroom.
I am proud of the fact that from that point in my life I traveled on my own gas. I moved to NY attended and graduated from an Ivy League Law School.
In the recent past when I was in the position to be part of the interview process with kids fresh out of Law School; those with some diversified experience other than their internships were far and away the best candidates. Subsequently we never hired anyone with no background other than school.
So while it may seem cruel that some parents want to make their children grow up... eventually they have to grow up and take charge of themselves.
My mother and stepfather did not use the same child rearing techniques with my stepbrother and he is constantly still asking to be bailed out of life's little problems. To me there is nothing more pathetic than a fifty year old calling home to daddy to fix things.

I agree, a job isn't bad to have at a younger age. Sometimes hard, I didn't had one at that age because I was focused on my studies and couldn't combine it. Another lucky thing for me is that I get allowance.
I work hard at home, do loads of tasks, loads of responsibilities, more then most people my age, much more. Also the time that I have to spend on schoolwork and travel for school makes it impossible to have a part time job for me.
But Yeah, I do want a job to earn money.

But I don't agree with the fact that someone can't have sex if they don't work because they otherwise can't buy condoms or such stuff. At the age of 16, you are as a parent responsible of your children. Maybe you aren't keen about the fact they have sex, but they will, so better let them do it safe and give them a chance to experiment on a safe way.

 

[vince]

But I don't agree with the fact that someone can't have sex if they don't work because they otherwise can't buy condoms or such stuff. At the age of 16, you are as a parent responsible of your children. Maybe you aren't keen about the fact they have sex, but they will, so better let them do it safe and give them a chance to experiment on a safe way.

I absolutely agree with you. What the hell does having a job have to do with having sex? "Sorry Junior, while you are living under my roof, going to school, eating my bread and have no income... No safe sex for you!" WTF?

No. A parent's number one job is to keep their children safe to the best of their ability and you do what ever it takes.

I am all for teenagers working summers or part-time jobs if it doesn't mess with their studies. It's an important step in learning self-respect, confidence and responsibility. But everyone's life is not the same. Not every kid that wants a job can get a job. Especially these days.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I absolutely agree with you. What the hell does having a job have to do with having sex? "Sorry Junior, while you are living under my roof, going to school, eating my bread and have no income... No safe sex for you!" WTF?

No. A parent's number one job is to keep their children safe to the best of their ability and you do what ever it takes.

I am all for teenagers working summers or part-time jobs if it doesn't mess with their studies. It's an important step in learning self-respect, confidence and responsibility. But everyone's life is not the same. Not every kid that wants a job can get a job. Especially these days.

See I don't agree, I think a parent's job is to protect their children but once those children get to a certain age a parent's job should be to help them adjust to the realities of life, tough though they may be.

Certainly a parent shouldn't actively put their child in danger, and I have no problem with parents buying their kids condoms, but I do think molly coddling one's teenage offspring is setting them up to a life of presumption and a sense of entitlement combined with a lack of self reliance and strength of will and personality.

I think requiring teenagers to contribute to the costs of living and encouraging them to make responsible decisions, in the process teaching themselves how to manage their money and to honor their word and commitments is a vital aspect of parenting.

The whole concept of the "Teenager" is pretty spurious and a relatively modern one at that. What's annoying is that it seems to be elasticating in to the early twenties now and it's common enough to meet fully grown adults with no concept of how to comport themselves in the real world.

Yes insure the basic safety of one's teenage offsrping, but not helping them adjust to the demands real life will make of them as they get older is deeply irresponsible.

 

[justmeincal]

It depends very much on what you studied. For example, with what I'm studying, I'll get requests before I even graduate. There is such a shortage that it doesn't matter whether you have other experience next to school or not. Also, working in eg. a clothing shop has absolutely nothing to do with my future job, so you could hardly call that experience. When it'd be something in the lines of what my future will look like, I might reconsider. But I'm not going to do anything that seems an utter waste of time for that amount of money.

No offense Gl3nn. I disagree. Working a job that has nothing to do with your future plans does give you experience. It teaches you discipline, social skills, how to manage your money, etc.

Before I graduated from high school, I carried newspapers, ran an ice house, worked in a pharmacy and cleaned meat grinders. I learned from all of those jobs. They also made me realize how hard I needed to work to get ahead in life. In college, I worked on a factory assembly line to make ends meet. All of those jobs helped me get to where I eventually wanted to be.

Regardless, best of luck to you.

 

[vince]

See I don't agree, I think a parent's job is to protect their children but once those children get to a certain age a parent's job should be to help them adjust to the realities of life, tough though they may be.

Certainly a parent shouldn't actively put their child in danger, and I have no problem with parents buying their kids condoms, but I do think molly coddling one's teenage offspring is setting them up to a life of presumption and a sense of entitlement combined with a lack of self reliance and strength of will and personality.

I think requiring teenagers to contribute to the costs of living and encouraging them to make responsible decisions, in the process teaching themselves how to manage their money and to honor their word and commitments is a vital aspect of parenting.

The whole concept of the "Teenager" is pretty spurious and a relatively modern one at that. What's annoying is that it seems to be elasticating in to the early twenties now and it's common enough to meet fully grown adults with no concept of how to comport themselves in the real world.

Yes insure the basic safety of one's teenage offsrping, but not helping them adjust to the demands real life will make of them as they get older is deeply irresponsible.

I don't really see what it is you are disagreeing with. As I said, teenagers should be encouraged to work if they are able. It's a good thing. I in no way suggest coddling them. I know one young person in particular that would laugh pretty hard at that suggestion. But jobs are not always available and not always appropriate depending on the individual circumstances. Plus a paying job is not the only way to learn responsibility. I know kids who did volunteer work when they couldn't find summer jobs. Yes, teenage kids who worked at the community old folks homes, the animal shelter, the arts camp, just to pass the time and not be bored hanging out every day. I knew kids who studied hard and were very helpful around the house.

I'm not saying they are all little angels. But they are not all lay abouts sponging condoms off their stepdads either.

I have a lot of respect for teenagers and young adults. It's not something that needs to be earned from me. I give it freely. That is until they do something to lose my respect, then they have to earn it back. I treat fifty year olds the same way. My respect is something to be lost, more than it is something to be earned.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I don't really see what it is you are disagreeing with. As I said, teenagers should be encouraged to work if they are able. It's a good thing. I in no way suggest coddling them. I know one young person in particular that would laugh pretty hard at that suggestion. But jobs are not always available and not always appropriate depending on the individual circumstances. Plus a paying job is not the only way to learn responsibility. I know kids who did volunteer work when they couldn't find summer jobs. Yes, teenage kids who worked at the community old folks homes, the animal shelter, the arts camp, just to pass the time and not be bored hanging out every day. I knew kids who studied hard and were very helpful around the house.

I'm not saying they are all little angels. But they are not all lay abouts sponging condoms off their stepdads either.

I have a lot of respect for teenagers and young adults. It's not something that needs to be earned from me. I give it freely. That is until they do something to lose my respect, then they have to earn it back. I treat fifty year olds the same way. My respect is something to be lost, more than it is something to be earned.

Well the balance is slightly different in this post so perhaps we don't disagree as much as I thought :tongue::biggrin1:

 

[2322]

The problem is if your kid comes home with a baby or HIV then it becomes YOUR problem too. You're not just protecting your kids by giving them condoms and teaching safe sex, you're protecting yourself. Our society says parents are responsible for their kids to age 18 so, like it or not, their actions up to that age are your responsibility.

 

[Bbucko]

The whole concept of the "Teenager" is pretty spurious and a relatively modern one at that. What's annoying is that it seems to be elasticating in to the early twenties now and it's common enough to meet fully grown adults with no concept of how to comport themselves in the real world.

Yes insure the basic safety of one's teenage offsrping, but not helping them adjust to the demands real life will make of them as they get older is deeply irresponsible.

I've been independent and self-supporting since I was 18, the day after my last day of high school was the first day of my adult life. This was understood as a necessary reality by both my parents and me (though for very different reasons).

I do wish I'd been better prepared, but everyone needs to start his journey from his first step, and in truth the lessons I learned in my first three years of independence could not have been learned any other way.

The "elastic" nature of the delayed onset of adulthood by controlling and/or coddling parents is really nothing new. When I met my third lover in 1985 he was a Venezuelan student at Boston University (which has always had a rep as the place of choice for uninspired, affluent students) basically loafing off his parents, as were virtually everyone he knew. He referred to this as being "twen-teen [whatever]", a label I've found still works beautifully.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

It depends very much on what you studied. For example, with what I'm studying, I'll get requests before I even graduate. There is such a shortage that it doesn't matter whether you have other experience next to school or not. Also, working in eg. a clothing shop has absolutely nothing to do with my future job, so you could hardly call that experience. When it'd be something in the lines of what my future will look like, I might reconsider. But I'm not going to do anything that seems an utter waste of time for that amount of money.

Experience is always important, always! Doing other jobs before you even start doing what you have studied for gives you loads of experiences and shows you what qualities you have.
By doing jobs before, it can show you if you can be a leader or a better organiser of a group. Maybe you are better to be just the person who follows instructions from someone above you.
YOU, now assume that you will be the leader when they offer you a job. BUT do you have the quality of being a leader if you never ever have been a leader in your life and just followed the study you do. Nono, very wrong idea and very selfish. It's very selfish to call something an utter waste of time, too much focused on the money, too much. Believe me, money isn't everything, you need it, but you need more of life and you ain't gonna get it with such attitude.

 

[nudeyorker]

Experience is always important, always! Doing other jobs before you even start doing what you have studied for gives you loads of experiences and shows you what qualities you have.
By doing jobs before, it can show you if you can be a leader or a better organiser of a group. Maybe you are better to be just the person who follows instructions from someone above you.
YOU, now assume that you will be the leader when they offer you a job. BUT do you have the quality of being a leader if you never ever have been a leader in your life and just followed the study you do. Nono, very wrong idea and very selfish. It's very selfish to call something an utter waste of time, too much focused on the money, too much. Believe me, money isn't everything, you need it, but you need more of life and you ain't gonna get it with such attitude.

Thanks. That is all I was really trying to say, but I guess you said it a titch more nicely!