Heard this one recently. It's long, but I seriously cracked up. Hope you like:
A gay man goes into a pet store to buy a bird. The clerk unfortunately has bad news.
"I'm sorry Sir, the only bird we have is this one here. He is a special variety of bird from the Amazon, but unfortunately he doesn't have any legs."
So the gay man looks at him a bit and sure enough, he doesn't have any legs.
"Oh my gosh, that's terrible! How does he stay on his perch?" the man asks. The clerk looks around a bit and in a quiet voice replies:
"well, he...ummm...he wraps his penis around the perch and that's what holds him in place."
The man is impressed but decides to browse a little while longer. Finally, still impressed with the bird he returns back. But he gasps at the $100 price tag on the cage. The bird sees his anguish on the man's face.
"Pssst! Hey mister. The clerk will actually take only $20 for me!"
The man looks at him with wide eyes.
"you can talk??? You actually speak English?"
"of course I do! I am quite literate in 5 other languages!" the bird says proudly.
The man takes the bird to the front counter, offers him $20 and sure enough the clerks sells him the bird.
Time goes by and the man is genuinely impressed with the bird. However, a few weeks later he comes home from work and the bird has a rather unusual greeting for him instead.
"Excuse me, sir, your husband is cheating on you!". The bird says.
"Say what?! How do you know?!?" the man exclaims.
"Well, today a man knocked on the door and your husband answered it wearing nothing but a towel," the bird described.
"yes, go on!" the man demanded.
"the man who came in was wearing a milkman outfit and they were hugging and kissing at the door." The bird said.
"And????" the man asked frantically.
"then they came inside, closed and locked the front door and went into the bedroom, still kissing and hugging. But they left the door open so I could see inside what they were doing," the bird described.
"okay, and then what?" the man asked sadly.
"well, your husband started taking his shirt off and kissing his chest," the bird continued.
"and?" the man asked on the verge of tears.
"then your husband started pulling his pants down while he was kissing his stomach and reached into his boxers and pulled out his cock."
"oh my god, what happened next?" the man cried.
"I have no idea, I got a hard-on and fell off my fucking perch!"