I found this on Facebook - a collection of random thoughts.
I am fluent in 3 languages. English, Sarcasm, and Profanity. My soul was removed to make room for the sarcasm. On the internet, you can be whatever you want. It's strange that so many people chose to be stupid. Warning, I drink coffee for your protection. I'm not rude, you're just insignificant. I have multiple personalities and none of them like you. If you hold me to standards you cannot meet yourself, you will earn my disfavor. I want to unfriend you, but your pictures and sad status updates make me feel better about myself. Enough with the selfies, we know what you look like. I’m making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me again, then you were one of them. If you never plan to get married, none of the sex you have is premarital. However, If you go home with someone and they don't have books, don't fuck them. Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward. That's how I roll. Face down, ass up, that's the way I tie my shoes. My neighbors listen to good music, whether they like it or not. I am appropriately inappropriate and utterly unashamed. I am only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand. You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Please act like it. Don’t forget, strangers have the best candy, and it’s OK to have the last cupcake because fat people are hard to kidnap. Remove one article of clothing, and call the person you love the most. If you end up naked on the phone with your grandmother, please unfriend me. And finally, life's a bitch, make it your bitch!
