Rant: The ebb and flow of Friendships on LPSG

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by southernstud, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    939
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC Metro
    Verified:
    Photo
    --
    The first parts are a brief introduction so that my main point actually makes sense...
    --

    I have been on LPSG on and off since 2007. I closed an account, and then ended up coming back under the current username. In my almost 5 years on this site, I have learned a lot and have had a great chance to meet some interesting people. Tonight, something dawned on me: I've watched a lot of people come and go from this site.

    Mark Twain happens to be one of my favorites, quotably he said "Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." This site offers an outlet for a large majority of its member base. I know some may not agree, but the anonymity of the internet gives everyone more of an open approach to topics that many would see as "taboo" in day-to-day life. When looking through the posts, it becomes evident that everyone here is looking for that conversation. In my experience, this site starts the conversation, and gives a platform for us to express our experiences and interpretations.

    Something else happens, too. Off the public platform of this site, I've noticed that if a response to a post piques a members curiosity, they will private message to continue the conversation. I've had this happen often, and feel as if its a great way to start talking to people and opening up and getting to know their life experiences.

    More often then not, I've met people from this site and we end up chatting on Skype. Some of these guys are like virtual penpals. After what seems to be the initial pleasantries of an LPSG greeting, "Hey Nice Cock...." and many more, there actually is a conversation that usually sparks. I've chatted with guys on here who were totally fake--and once called out canceled their service and just disappeared, closed all their accounts (IM, here, eMail). Then I've also chatted with some pretty real men: from fathers to construction workers, engineers to chefs. This place has a great diversity.

    So where am I going with all this? The friendship/penpal aspect is to be expected, but what sucks is when the other person does a 180-degree turn and just stops all communication. Over my years on the site it seems to happen often and happen for a similar reason: significant others. When a guy's girl/boyfriend finds out that they are on LPSG or that they Skype/cam/chat/whatever with other guys it is like hell breaks out and everything collapses. I know that the girl/boyfriend is important, but why should the people on this site have to hide or be ashamed of the fact they are on here.

    Hookups can happen from this site--but this isn't a "hookup" site. The title is shocking, but I wonder how often, after the initial blow-up by the girl/boyfriend that it is actually explained what all happens on here. I mean, I know the initial shock, and the placation of just removing your accounts and ceasing existence--until you rejoin a week later with a different username. I really wonder, when the dust settles, how many guys actually explain what the come here for, or what strikes their interest. "Hey honey, occasionally, I like to get another guy's opinion. Sometimes it's nice to get a feel for how others take things, especially in a day-and-age where even asking is admission of guilt for everything."

    Then comes the pictures/videos. I know a lot of girl/boyfriends (sometimes employers) get pissy about having nudes on the site. I tend to look at the nude pics (or aroused pics, or whatever) as no different than seeing the guy at the gym or chubbing in the shower. I can see the issue if their private sex pics are posted without knowledge, but otherwise, why flip out?

    Maybe it is just me. I hate to see great guys, that are fun to talk to, leave due to their significant other having an issue with something they are taking at face value. Having talked, and gotten to know, a guy on this site for about 3 years then one day the inevitable "my girlfriend found out about the site and I'm not coming on anymore..." then he seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth.

    Sadly, it has happened again this evening. A chill guy I've chatted with for about a year was "busted" by his boyfriend...after being labeled a "dirtbag"...he popped up on skype and essentially said the person they are seeing found all they "stuff" they do on here, called himself a dirtbag, and then said "it's like cheating" and that was the last I heard from him. I'm assuming the Skype account was terminated because he went from being on my contacts list to being "pending contact request". It definitely sucks. Hate to see it happen, but I've learned it's the nature of the site.

    With LPSG there is an ebb and flow with friendships. Albeit, they are not as intimate as a physical friendship, there is a certain level of interaction with people that makes this place great. Though this is a rant (of sorts), I thought after all these years, I had to get this view off my chest. It's a shame.

    [I have placed my soapbox under the bed]
     
  2. dude_007

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    4,891
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Not to get all philosophical, but all of life can be seen as a hello and a goodbye. It is the flow. Om
     
  3. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    939
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC Metro
    Verified:
    Photo
    Oh, no doubt. I always try to remember what Madea says (actually great advice, comparing people in our lives to trees)...its amazing the way people come and go.

    Madea's Advice - YouTube
     
  4. Hand_Solo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2007
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Thela Hun Ginjeet
    I don't seem to make friends here all that well, at least not like other forums I frequent.
     
  5. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    I've met some amazing folks here, but the angle's always been philosophical/intellectual, never overtly sexual (even when we've visited a nude beach) IRL. Maybe it's the way I qualify myself (HIV+ serosorting BB fool that I be), maybe it's just the nature of the interactions I have with fellow-LPSGers, but there's never been any of that usual sexual tension that wrecks at least as many social interactions as it enhances.

    It must also be said that here, as elsewhere, I'm given to taking breaks (sometimes extended ones); one can only tolerate so much casual intimacy and disclosure before it all becomes a bit tiresome (and cumbersome, too). This place is a destination, not (really) a home. As such, I occasionally limit my participation and occasionally back out completely from time to time; that's my prerogative and I enjoy exercising it now and then.

    I have followed people whom I've met here around, from other message boards to FB (and beyond), as have they me. There's a sort of natural limitation to what one discusses here, for both obvious and (curiously) subtle reasons.
     
  6. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    939
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC Metro
    Verified:
    Photo
    If there's one thing I've learned on this site--compared to other forums--is that you have to reach out and then there's an initial sense of caution, then comes the good convos. That's one reason I like it here, people will shoot a PM, and then bounce messages back and forth for a few, or chat, and just shoot the breeze.
     
  7. spoon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    On a dark desert highway.
    there is the "definition" of cheating and what is considered cheating can be different between different sets of partners. i wrote a blog about: if you're married, you should mention you're married and not be a sneaky snake. i started chatting to someone. he was really 'pushy' about the friendship. ends up he was married. wife made him get off the site. what i got a huge chuckle about was the email sent to me. "thank you for your friendship but don't contact me anymore. out of respect for my wife, blah, blah, blah.......so, sneaky snaking is not cool. he had no mention of his wife in his "about me." so not cool.
     
  8. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Female
    Not cool at all! :mad:
     
  9. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    939
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC Metro
    Verified:
    Photo
    Definitely not cool. Maybe I just have a different view. I see no need to be pushy, I think it's just awesome talking to everyone on here. Once you get past the initial convo, there are really some great people on here. Sure, there are trolls, but there are people that are just fun to talk to. I definitely think it's important to have full disclosure on things, within reason. We are all entitled to our privacy online, but honesty is the most important thing in any human-to-human contact.
     
  10. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    I'm sorry about your friend backing out on you. It hurts yeah. There is a deep sense of loss because there are so few people in this world that we can feel free and comfortable being our natural selves with, at least for me. And you need those friends and connections so you don't feel so alone in the world. Those close friendships cancel out all the bullshit and unpleasant things the world throws at us that make our lives bearable, enjoyable.

    This place is so easy to leave, but isn't that the case in the real world also?

    Just feel lucky you had a good friend for a year and if he truly is a good friend he will find you again and you will take it up as if no time had gone by. If not you have no choice but to let him go and try to make new friends.
     
    #10 earllogjam, Jan 27, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2012
  11. southernstud

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    939
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC Metro
    Verified:
    Photo
    Ah, too true. I definitely was having a moment last night when I wrote this post... Seeing some responses have definitely helped.

    As far as ease of losing friends in real life--I keep many associates, and few friends. The people in my day-to-day life that I see as friends are people I'd do anything for.

    I use the term "friend" more loosely online than in "real life" because the odds of actually having a beer with any of the people I chat with online are slim. It isn't as much about being alone as it is the fact I enjoy hearing other people's life experience...I suppose the french saying "C'est la vie" is fairly applicable here. Life moves on. Thanks to all for the discussion.
     
  12. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    I think it's nearly impossible to make any friendships that last a long time or even a lifetime over the internet simply because there is no shared, or extremely limited experiences of hardships, joys, adversity, triumphs that you can have together. Friendship to me is not listening to what others have done in their lives but rather the stories of what friends have done and experienced TOGETHER as shared experiences of joy and life.

    Treasure your close friendships. Don't take them lightly or have a c'est la vie attitude because they are rare and they get rarer and harder to make the older you get.
     
  13. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Grrr, for me, that's the most difficult aspect of this site.
     
  14. SprinkleMe69

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    7,882
    Likes Received:
    171
    Verified:
    Photo
    Well ebb and flow of friendships takes two. I've never been one to venture out of my comfort zone (home, work, school, moms). But I finally did and I'm so glad I made it happen for me and for him outside of this site. Take chances to meet people face to face. You'll be so glad that you did. :smile:
     
  15. spoon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    3,224
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    55
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    On a dark desert highway.

    :biggrin1: i like this advice.

    p.s.: i too love sheldon cooper!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted