Rape, a turn on?

[petite]

It's ironic that all the necessary precautions to planning something like this can have a detrimental effect on the nature of the event. If role-play is being assigned and discussed and you have to cover all the safety aspects whilst explaining what you want to happen and how you want it to happen, all the details can turn into a porn film plot and you risk losing the spontaneity, the excitement and the thrill.
So again and again with the trusting... To fulfill a Ravishment fantasy, you want to be able to do it with someone who knows you well enough to be able to understand your desires without you having to spell absolutely everything out so that there's room for a basic scenario and plenty of improvisation. And you need to be able to trust that person not to take things too far and to stop absolutely if you use the safe word. They also have to trust in you, that you know yourself well enough not to let them push the limits to a point where you'll regret it and will then blame them if anything goes wrong.
Protip: don't go ravishing strangers.

I make this sound all so complicated and with so much to consider but at the end of the day, two-way communication beforehand is the best possible way to prevent unpleasantness occurring.

This is why I recommended that beginners start very tame. The better you know your partner, the less it needs to be "scripted" as you pointed out. By starting tame and building from there, you'll learn from one another and build that trust that makes scripting or elaborate agreements unnecessary. The man who suggested jumping right into a very advanced role playing scenario immediately the very first time would encounter huge problems that wouldn't arise if he started with a very tame scenario with his partner that became more and more elaborate over time, as the two of them learn what pleases both of them and what works for them.

 

[Keleios]

This is why I recommended that beginners start very tame. The better you know your partner, the less it needs to be "scripted" as you pointed out. By starting tame and building from there, you'll learn from one another and build that trust that makes scripting or elaborate agreements unnecessary. The man who suggested jumping right into a very advanced role playing scenario immediately the very first time would encounter huge problems that wouldn't arise if he started with a very tame scenario with his partner that became more and more elaborate over time, as the two of them learn what pleases both of them and what works for them.

Really, really good advice!

Also, something I'm curious about and would appreciate insight on is how guys feel when asked if they would consider being the Ravisher, what are the initial thoughts on the woman doing the asking?
Given some of the things that have been said in this thread, it makes me wonder about the pressure it must place on a guy to do what's wanted without going too far and the concerns that might raise for him.

Personally, I've talked about this with the guy I've been seeing and I suspect there to have been some reservations about my personal motivation and my general character, in that if I have a strong desire to be incredibly submissive sometimes and want to be taken forcefully then something inside me must want that all the time and there's little room left for any kind of dominant tendencies.
And... if that train of thought leaves the station and continues choo-chooing along, I could see it leading to places where a considerate and caring man would wonder if the woman herself, truly knew what was healthy or unhealthy for her and him worrying that he'd be encouraging something that wasn't in her best interests if he agreed to play out the fantasy.

 

[sgtrock]

Bisexual because you were raped or molested??? Good thing your not a expert; what kind of dip shit would make such a stupid comment?

As for the Fantasy - it's a fantasy; no different than me wanting to do Sophia Loren. To each his own and don't over analize your sexuality especially if your not hurting anyone.

 

[petite]

Really, really good advice!

Also, something I'm curious about and would appreciate insight on is how guys feel when asked if they would consider being the Ravisher, what are the initial thoughts on the woman doing the asking?
Given some of the things that have been said in this thread, it makes me wonder about the pressure it must place on a guy to do what's wanted without going too far and the concerns that might raise for him.

Personally, I've talked about this with the guy I've been seeing and I suspect there to have been some reservations about my personal motivation and my general character, in that if I have a strong desire to be incredibly submissive sometimes and want to be taken forcefully then something inside me must want that all the time and there's little room left for any kind of dominant tendencies.

That's a really good question!

When I was put into the hot seat in the "raping men" thread and that question was turned around on me, I felt extremely uncomfortable with the idea. It was fascinating, because I've always felt comfortable with the "ravishment fantasy" when it comes to scenarios with men in the dominant position, because I feel like I understand the difference between the real thing and fantasy with crystal clear clarity, so the fact that I felt so uncomfortable with the fantasy of raping men with me as the pretend perpetrator was an interesting revelation. I understand the discomfort. I felt it myself. I think it's probably a normal and natural reaction.

I think I could learn to get over that discomfort myself in a "ravishing men" sort of scenario, but it would take it might require taking a look inside myself and how I view domination in general and violence, even play violence, in order to do so, and those are uncomfortable topics to confront.

Or maybe not, maybe if we began really tame and went from there, and it was hot and we both enjoyed the scenarios, comfort would grow on it's own, because the game is about pleasing one another, just like any other fun bedroom game. Maybe that clarity would naturally arise for me in the dominant position also.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Bisexual because you were raped or molested??? Good thing your not a expert; what kind of dip shit would make such a stupid comment?

As for the Fantasy - it's a fantasy; no different than me wanting to do Sophia Loren. To each his own and don't over analize your sexuality especially if your not hurting anyone.

Its the language of the person describing the issue that led me astray.

 

[D_Czarova Zucchini]

I give up.

don't be so hard on the boy. it's a dallas county law that you have to be some degree of smug asshole in order to reside there.

 

[B_curiousme01]

As someone who has a very vivid imagination, I can honestly say that I am one woman who does not share this fantasy. At 13 my virginity was stolen by an older boy in the neighborhood. You might think that at 13, one is able to understand and process "situations" that happen and be able to react in a mature and self-protective way. Not me. I was expecting a kiss not to be raped. It happened so fast. I cannot imagine any woman who has really been raped in real life would have positive "rape" fantasies. Rape is violent and ugly. Neither offer me any excitement.

 

[D_Czarova Zucchini]

Well, jokes and sarcasm don't always come through text very well, this is obvious from this conversation alone.

particularly when the interlocutor has established his idiot credentials so early on

Oh, I remember now, I heard that being homosexual or bisexual is a possible indicator of an assault from the radio show "love line," the doctor (MD I think) on that radio show was a very smart guy and I remember loving that show when I was around 22.

pleeeeeeez tell me your joking?:eek22:

 

[Countryguy63]

I'm ashamed to say that I used to have the rape fantasy thing. With me, I think it was more that I was fighting the whole same sex attraction thing and being taken against my will would then be someone elses fault, not mine.

I can honestly say, that when real life struck and it happened, that fantasy completely disappeared and now I even have a difficult time with any type of dominance during sex. My last gf liked having her hair pulled hard during sex, and I couldn't even do that comfortably.

 

[D_Czarova Zucchini]

As someone who has a very vivid imagination, I can honestly say that I am one woman who does not share this fantasy. At 13 my virginity was stolen by an older boy in the neighborhood. You might think that at 13, one is able to understand and process "situations" that happen and be able to react in a mature and self-protective way. Not me. I was expecting a kiss not to be raped. It happened so fast. I cannot imagine any woman who has really been raped in real life would have positive "rape" fantasies. Rape is violent and ugly. Neither offer me any excitement.

sorry.

and you're entirely right.

that being said I know of reports of women who've climaxed during rape (this does not mean they "liked" it)

victims of various forms of trauma often relive the experience by engaging in fantasies/role playing.

this isn't the same thing as a "positive 'rape' fantasy"

 

[petite]

As someone who has a very vivid imagination, I can honestly say that I am one woman who does not share this fantasy. At 13 my virginity was stolen by an older boy in the neighborhood. You might think that at 13, one is able to understand and process "situations" that happen and be able to react in a mature and self-protective way. Not me. I was expecting a kiss not to be raped. It happened so fast. I cannot imagine any woman who has really been raped in real life would have positive "rape" fantasies. Rape is violent and ugly. Neither offer me any excitement.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's a life changing event. You've made a false assumption base on your personal experience, though, that a woman who has experienced the real thing wouldn't have a ravishment fantasy. Being raped is unrelated to whether you have or had not had such a fantasy. I had a similar experience, and I know that it made me a completely different person that the person that I would have been, but I have my own ravishment fantasies, and I'm completely comfortable with them.

I think it's why I feel like I have such crystal clear clarity when it comes to feeling so differently about a ravishment fantasy and real rape, because I've experienced the real thing. You are raped if you didn't want to have sex. A ravishment fantasy is about desire for sex. That's the difference.

Just a glance at a typical ravishment fantasy and you can see that the person fantasizing is imagining enjoyment for both parties involved and that there's lust and pleasure involved for both parties, so it bears no resemblance to real rape at all, and the fact that no woman ever has the fantasy that someone they don't want to have sex with is the one doing it. They're nothing alike. Ravishment fantasies involve arousal, desire, and a trust with the partner that you're doing it with that's completely absent in rape. None of the feelings of violation or fear, none of the horrible emotions are present at all during a ravishment fantasy. Not even the actions bear similarity. Women rarely imagine being actually struck while being ravished. They usually fantasize that they're just restrained without any injury. That's a huge difference.

I'm ashamed to say that I used to have the rape fantasy thing. With me, I think it was more that I was fighting the whole same sex attraction thing.

I can honestly say, that when real life struck and it happened, that fantasy completely disappeared and now I even have a difficult time with any type of dominance during sex. My last gf liked having her hair pulled hard during sex, and I couldn't even do that comfortably.

I don't think that you should feel ashamed about your fantasies. And as I wrote before, I completely understand feeling uncomfortable being placed in the dominant position.

sorry.

and you're entirely right.

that being said I know of reports of women who've climaxed during rape (this does not mean they "liked" it)

likewise I can imagine victims engaging in fantasies/role playing in order to recapitulate the trauma.

this isn't the same thing as a "positive 'rape' fantasy"

I've never heard of a woman climaxing during rape, but I don't disbelieve you, I just think that has got to be the rare exception.

No, none of those things are at all.

 

[MrStarr]

I make this sound all so complicated and with so much to consider but at the end of the day, two-way communication beforehand is the best possible way to prevent unpleasantness occurring.

Keleios - You bright girl - you experess exactly what i was about to write to this thread. and very well and precisley put.

Regards MrStarr - new member of this interesting site

 

[B_curiousme01]

Rape is not ravishment to me. A fantasy of being 'ravished' by someone I just met and liked is one thing. But in my book rape is rape. I'm just not into it. I don't care if someone else is as long as it isn't my partner. Also, I am not bitter and scarred by my experience. It is something I will never forget tho. Anything similar to it is a major turn off.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I think that wanting the control to be out of your hands, placed in the other persons hands and enjoy them having their way with you is probably want the OP is really wanting. Rape is just a common word used by people who don't know how to explain exactly what it is they are looking for. Even though rape would include psychophysiological damage, the rape fantasizer doesn't really want that. This would fall under the category of more surprise submission domination techniques. Which I'm all for.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Does this mean if she couldn't hit back you would hit her?

Rhetorical, and tongue in cheek. I don't really know you but I know you well enough to know the answer to that.

I haven't hit anyone. I've hit on people.....

Well, you did know the answer.

 

[petite]

Rape is not ravishment to me. A fantasy of being 'ravished' by someone I just met and liked is one thing. But in my book rape is rape. I'm just not into it. I don't care if someone else is as long as it isn't my partner. Also, I am not bitter and scarred by my experience. It is something I will never forget tho. Anything similar to it is a major turn off.

I never said that you were bitter or scarred and I would never minimize your experience. I know that I would probably be less Spock-like and more emotional if I had not experienced what I did, but that's how I dealt with it. It changes you, and it changes everyone in different ways. You aren't the same person after it.

Please read this entire thread. These things, such as the difference between rape and ravishment, have already been discussed in detail and at length.

I think that wanting the control to be out of your hands, placed in the other persons hands and enjoy them having their way with you is probably want the OP is really wanting. Rape is just a common word used by people who don't know how to explain exactly what it is they are looking for. Even though rape would include psychophysiological damage, the rape fantasizer doesn't really want that. This would fall under the category of more surprise submission domination techniques. Which I'm all for.

You got it, but I knew you would.

 

[B_bardox14]

It's not unheard of, but it's not a fantasy I share.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I did not mean to imply you said or felt those things. I apologize if you felt that.
And I was replying to the title of the thread about rape fantasy being a turn on. Not all the possible situations that one might find enjoyable within the wide scope of fantasy or dominatrix or any other category. Simply rape.

I never said that you were bitter or scarred and I would never minimize your experience.
Please read this entire thread. These things, such as the difference between rape and ravishment, have already been discussed in detail and at length.



You got it, but I knew you would.

 

[cyravance]

OK, I've posted this on other sites, but are there any women out there who like the idea of a heavily tattooed Russian felon? I mean, a guy who has the old school camp tattoos...Of course I would want the sex to be rough, I mean, why have that kind of fantasy at all if you were expecting the guy to approach you playing Spanish guitar with a rose in his teeth, you know?

So, rough Russian sex, with a guy who has the old school tattoos...Anything out there as far as anyone knows?

 

[cyravance]

Yeah...whenever I bring this up on other forums, there is always this huge silence...where all typing stops, and you can hear the crickets in the background...

"Russian WHAT?"

Oh my God, I am SO weird...