Rape and moving on

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Auric_Goldthinger, Aug 8, 2009.

  1. D_Auric_Goldthinger

    D_Auric_Goldthinger Account Disabled

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    Ok (no guys answer) I know a few woman that are reallyclose with me who were either violently raped or sexually assaulted from strangers or family when they were young.I've asked them what makes the even want to have sex after something like that happens they never really anwser. Does it always say in your mind when you are intimate?.How do you move one?
     
  2. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Having sex and being raped are two entirely different things. I wasn't raped, but I was sexually molested. It never really affected my sex life, though. I can separate the two situations in my brain. One was wrong, against my will, and with someone I didn't care about. The other is very right, with my consent, and (usually, haha) with someone I have feelings for.

    I know rape is a bit different, but at the end of the day, it's also very similar in the way it makes you feel, etcetera. Some people have a harder time moving past it than others, and I feel bad for them.
     
  3. soakingwet

    soakingwet New Member

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    When I was 14, I was raped by the father of one of my friends. I was still a virgin at that point, and I thought guys would never like me because I was tainted. Three years later when I was a junior in high school, I met a guy that I really liked. After we dated for 6 months, he started pushing to have sex. I told him what had happened and he was very gentle. He was always concerned for my well being and made sure I was ok.

    Basically, it took about 4 years before I could truly enjoy sex. I had to remember that what happened wasn't sex...it was rape. I knew that sex was consensual with the guy I was with, and it was at my choice.

    When I'm with a guy, my past doesn't get in my way. Because I'm not with the father of my friend. I'm with another adult, who wants me to feel good, and whom I want to make feel good.

    I hope that helped somehow...
     
  4. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Why do you question their desire to have sex?
    Sex and intimacy are basic needs, right?

    If one experiences food poisoning, do they never eat again, or do they work out a way to not interrelate a negative to something that is a fundamental part of life?

    I think, for the most part, those who have a traumatic sexual experience persevere and find a way to express their sexual side in a healthy manner and not associate the violence with an act of love or desire that they willingly share with a partner. Perhaps the person may never be the same, but they/we/I, eventually find a way.
     
  5. ZOS23xy

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    Other than the stuff quoted, it depends upon the individual.

    One woman I know has gone on, saying, "he could have asked" to others never seeing beyond that point.
     
  6. TheRob

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    you forget the possability that she is a woman who just isn't hot and wants people to think she's hot (so the no verification and the album with multiple women in it)
     
  7. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    You know, i broke my arm doing some advanced skating moves in february, ive skated for 20 years. I have also had some head, spine and knee injuries from hard falls and collisions with other people. But you know what? I skate several times a week and don't let those injuries keep me from enjoying the sport. Everytime i go out on the floor i have a different experiences that make me forget the hard falls or try to get better at not having the same type of injury. You can be thrown off of a horse and live scared about it the rest of your life. But if you get back on and get better then the whole event is a successful thing.
     
  8. MickeyLee

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    okay, i get it i am an asshole. :mad:

    SoakingWet still pees standing up. :biggrin1:
     
  9. B_Dustydo

    B_Dustydo New Member

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    Oh look!!
    SoakingWet no longer has a gallery.

    Surprise!
    Surprise!
     
  10. soakingwet

    soakingwet New Member

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    I've never had a gallery. I have an album...
     
  11. TheRob

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    I bet you fall so much cus your boobs pull you off balance when you lean forward

    just sayin
     
  12. TheRob

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    I"m not saying your an asshole
    just you are discounting some possabilities
    besides if you actually READ the post, it's not very different from what the known and verified women have said so ...
     
  13. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Let's not hijack the thread, okay? SoakingWet offered a very personal experience about his/her life and is repaid with negative comments from members. If you think that SoakingWet is lying about his/her gender, send them a PM and/or report it to the mods. No reason to discuss that here.

    Back on topic... it seems like a lot of the people are saying basically the same thing. It's a conscious decision to separate yourself from the situation. Some people are so traumatized, they have a really hard time doing that. I'm sure there are people (men and women) out there that have been raped or sexually assaulted in some way and have avoided sexual contact because of it. It's sad, but I feel confident that there's a way past it.
     
  14. dolfette

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    basic biological urge.
     
  15. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    That's exactly it. You realize that it is keeping you from having a normal life, so you work past it.

    I didn't make a decision to get over it because of my internal sex drive... Hell no! I would get triggered and have flashbacks from a lot of things (hearing people kiss, feeling a man's hands on me, etc). During a flashback, I would either black out entirely or relive a portion of the night when I was raped. The second kind of flashback was really unenjoyable but I know I could live without ever being intimate. The first kind of flashback was very dangerous; I'd black out and start kicking ass. So the flashbacks had to stop.

    It took years of confronting demons, and it's not a lesson I'm going to forget. People are very surprised to find out I've been raped because I'm so optimistic, even when shit hits the fan. Well, it's likely because of, not in spite of being raped. Sometimes trauma is the best thing that can happen to you, if you can somehow turn the tables and make it work in your favour.
     
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