Rape fantasies

[nay-nay]

i have a "rape" fantasy.

it's common among those who have been sexually abused/raped.

yes, i am one of them.

 

[SexandCandy]

I'm with a lot of the other posters... i wouldn't call it a rape fantasy, but I definitely enjoy some BDSM tendencies.. where i relinquish my control... Of course, it's done only with people I trust and there are limits put in place before we start.

 

[kundalinikat]

The kinky sex advice columnist Dan Savage replied to a great letter from a woman with rape fantasies. She was unsure how to tell a man about them, any man, for fear that they might be misinterpreted and she could be hurt. What happens if she tells a man and he lets her know that he has fantasies of rape as well? Should she trust such a man?

Savage replied that, first, surveys has shown that fantasies of rape, stranger sex, a certain of lack of consent, etc. are the most common fantasies among straight women. And second... where would women with rape fantasies be without men with rape fantasies? And also, would a truly dangerous man open up about his thoughts and talk about it first? Not likely...

I don't think there's anything to worry about, beyond the usual concern for being emotionally hurt from heartbreak or miscommunication in any relationship. It's not difficult (if you're truly paying attention) to discern how someone enjoys being controlled in bed, and to keep things from going 'too far'. And if you are scared of a miscommunication then use a safeword, even just the word "safeword". The reason "safeword" is so useful is that it means "no, stop" even after the words "no, stop" are ignored.

I dated a couple of women who were submissive in bed and liked it best when I asserted control. They were both older, and would take the lead much of the time outside of the bedroom. I'm dating a guy right now who loves it when I take as much of him as he can stand, and more He will get sore after a short while because i'm kinda harsh, and then I will keep going until he is at an even more vulnerable place. But I always stop when I hear a level of emotion in his voice, beyond which it would truly stop being fun for him. I try to go farther than he expects to go, but not so far that he would resent me later

To contrast this relationship with another one, one of my exes was truly fucked up and had been raped and had dated abusive men. She was borderline, and was a horrible emotional tangle. When we would have sex I would be harsh, and fuck her in a violent way, and she got off on it. Once I tried going beyond her first boundary like I've described, but instead I went past her real boundary and she completely shut down, and left her body, and we had to stop. I apologized later of course, it was a mess. I realized in hindsight, long after we broke up that she just didn't have the first boundary, it had kind of been taken from her. This showed up in other ways too... many other boundaries were nonexistent for her. At times, if she could see you or you were in the same room you were in her face. Sometimes it was just absurd, she'd be driving on an arterial and muttering rage at other drivers for imagined, perceived slights, from across an intersection or something.

Anyway my point is, there's rape fantasy and rape play, and then there's an attempt to take something from another person. And they shouldn't be confused.

 

[frizzle]

Any type of force or agression i.e blood causing actions are a big no-no for me.

 

[yngjock20]

Because I was actually raped, it's not been exactly a fantasy of mine since then...

However, I do get turned on by being dominated and verbally abused to a certain extent. I think one of the reasons why those actions still resonate positively with me is because none of them were used during my actual rape.

I like the idea of one being aggressive with another during sex, but not without boundaries. I can imagine that it would get very scary for me if I were put back in that mindset that I was in during that situation.

edit: I realize that many people feel the same as I do...sorry for the redundancy.

 

[naughty]

NOT! Having been the victim of an assault that is something that doesnt come into my wildest nightmares. I want to be free. No restraints of any kind...

 

[Act2_Begins_Now]

One of the traumas of rape victims is that some of them enjoyed it in some small way. This is one of the causes of suicide in rape victims. The paradox of something horrific being even the tiniest bit enjoyable.

Someone once told me that the reason for this is because in essence the body betrays you. It is an interesting thought, to be absolutely horrified, but yet have your body respond with wetness or some other indication of arousal.

 

[Kevbo]

My goodness -- a lot of folks have gone through some trauma here. It was not my intention in bringing up this thread -- but as I've said to some privately -- I do wish you the best in finding your way past these things and to some kind of peace. And thanks for taking the time to post material that is probably painful to share. It is appreciated, and illuminating.

Kevin

 

[Knight Attrition]

My girlfriend has mentioned that she has "rape" (Domination) fantasies but she won't tell me anything else. Consequently I've been reluctant to try to explore this as I wouldn't know how far to go, before I should stop.

 

[TheRob]

Someone once told me that the reason for this is because in essence the body betrays you. It is an interesting thought, to be absolutely horrified, but yet have your body respond with wetness or some other indication of arousal.

I guess that's probubly the ultimate loss of control then
tell the pussy nope and it ignores you and goes yep

 

[TheRob]

My girlfriend has mentioned that she has "rape" (Domination) fantasies but she won't tell me anything else. Consequently I've been reluctant to try to explore this as I wouldn't know how far to go, before I should stop.

yah you definatly don't want to try it before talking about it
that'd be kinda like trying Judo w/out learning any Judo techniques first (if you havn't done that, don't it's a mistake ok beleive me heh...ouch)
but if she trusts you enough to bring it up she'll probubly doso again and be more indepth
just be yourself
but haveyou asked her to tell you what specifically she was thinking of?
don't push cus she's probubly embarassed but if you ask at some point maybe that will help
if not like I said she brought it up once she'll do it again but it might be awhile

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I don't have rape fantasies.......but I have found that at certain times when I am sleeping I do have stranger seduction fantasy dreams......where I am so attracted sexually to someone and somehow they seduce me against my will. I just can't help myself. Or there isn't a thing I can do. Anyone else have this same dream?

I usually have this dream when I am really horny.

 

[B_Jennuine73]

I do not have rape fantasies.

And it is a body betrayal, the ultimate betrayal when your body responds pleasurably to something that is horrific.

I do enjoy being controlled and controlling, in a safe atmosphere, with both of us knowing the safeword.

 

[D_Kaye Throttlebottom]

To explain this...

Remember at a minimum, RAPE, is unwanted.
So something you fantasize about is something that is wanted, that is inconsisted with an unwanted act like "RAPE"

It's the associations you have with RAPE, that are in conflict. It may just mean, what you perceive as being taken or violatile sexual acts, maybe something you want. You can want that exchange, but often an unwanted act like RAPE is accompanied with the same behavior. That is the conflict I think you are hinting at here.

RAPE can have that act and is perpetrated on the aggressor against the other's will. Where as violent sex is different line of foreplay. Choking, etc.

that kind of foreplay is reserved for someone that you know well, knows the final boundary and can turn it off, the moment you don't want to participate and even then, bad stuff happens and it gets abusive really quick like. or you turn to a S&M where there are established rules.

If you are fantasizing about being taken, violently, I would be concerned about what kind of background you had as a child or what kind of men were around you growing up. I don't mean abusive types, I mean were the men around you gregarious and hot-tempered, where that kind of display is normal?

There's a self-esteem issue surrounding all of those things however where being dared or challenged physically, is something that brings you gratification. Rarely do those relationships work for the long term, however. If it something you feel impulsive about, I would talk to someone about it, before you explore that kind of dynamic in a relationship.

Good luck.