Rape victims are NOT "survivors"

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HareTrinity, Jan 19, 2010.

  1. HareTrinity

    HareTrinity New Member

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    I decided this goes here with Discrimination rather than in Politics. This isn't an attempt to undermine the crime, just to point out that the new use of terminology is inappropriate and misleading.

    Does no one else find this HUGELY insulting and think it's a MAJOR step in the wrong direction?

    "Survivor" implies that they nearly died, and attaches a permanent stigma that isn't attached to people who DID nearly die, and ENTIRELY misses the point.

    I know rape victims and victims of sexual child abuse, and I know they're less likely to tell people what happened partly BECAUSE of this idea that THEY NEVER GET BETTER. Fortunately for them this is nonsense; no matter how horrible the assault was people have an amazing ability to get over things and NO ONE deserves to be treated like they're permanently scarred.

    No wonder rape's so underreported; people who survived disasters get better, people who've gone through the trauma of seeing death get better, people who got brutally attacked and nearly died get better, but RAPE victims are permanently damaged?

    Also, when it comes to the criminal justice system this terminology is hugely misleading:

    • Rape doesn't need to be attempted murder
    • Rape doesn't need to be physically violent
    • Rape doesn't even need physical force
    • Rape victims are NOT all crying young girls scared of men/sex (a major problem because this appears to be what people, police included, expect)
    • Rape victims have every right to press charges without having to prove they've been traumatised; TRAUMA isn't NECESSARY
    • People experience rape in a variety of different ways and on a variety of levels; murder victims pretty much have only one response

    Generally, I think "survivor" just implies that the person couldn't handle sex, because otherwise she or he would have consented. With these views still lingering is it any surprise that prostitutes, girlfriends and wives have such problems getting the police to take them seriously?

    The point about rape is that whoever the victim wanted sex with, it wasn't with that person at that point.

    Some rapes are very brutal but they are in the minority, and rapists who use drugs, threats or emotions to force someone into sex are still rapists, even if they don't leave a mark.
     
  2. Druidlicious

    Druidlicious New Member

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    Tell that to my younger sister. She'll be scarred for the rest of her life, don't try to tell her how to feel. How about you get raped and tell us you feel after that.
     
  3. ManlyBanisters

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    I think you are overreacting and reading your own personal interpretations on to other people's intentions.

    survivor
    Noun
    •S: (n) survivor, subsister (one who lives through affliction) "the survivors of the fire were taken to a hospital"
    •S: (n) survivor (one who outlives another) "he left his farm to his survivors"
    •S: (n) survivor (an animal that survives in spite of adversity) "only the fittest animals were survivors of the cold winters"

    WordNet Search - 3.0

    I would say that being raped counts as an affliction.


    Hey - calm down - how do you know she hasn't been? Maybe that's why she feels strongly about it. Maybe HER sister was raped. Each of them, whether victims of rape or not, are entitled to their feelings on the matter.
     
  4. MotorPT

    MotorPT Member

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    I have to say, that was a really extreme view because, some people don't get over their trauma and stay celibate the rest of their live's. Leaving their significate other and up to the point of not letting people touch them for the rest of their life. But then again that's to the extreme too, everything has a spectrum. Other stuff I found off with the post but just pointing that out.
     
  5. Iscream

    Iscream Active Member

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    Let's look at a few:

    1. You total your car, airbags deploy. You get out and walk away. Now you're nervous about driving, and maybe never take that specific road again. I think this qualifies as SURVIVING the accident.

    2. You house is on fire. The smoke alarm goes off, you get up and leave. No deaths, no injuries. Only a house to be rebuilt. You don't move back into the house because of the bad memory. THIS qualfies.

    3. A guy in the earthquake in Haiti. Buildings fall and others die. He and the family survive, but he freaks when a big truck passes and the ground shakes. Yup.

    None of us can judge any of this or one's reaction. Why does it bother you so much Hare?
     
  6. dolfette

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    i prefer to being labelled a ''victim'', thank you very much!

    a guy who once got mugged isn't labeled a mugging victim for life.
    someone who was once in a quake isn't labeled a quake victim for life.
    victims implies that you're passive and powerless...well if you've rebuilt your life then obviously you're not those things!

    rape survivors are not victims.

    they were victims once. implying that victimhood lasts forever is far more off putting.

    you choose your label but you can fuck right off choosing mine.
     
  7. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    To the OP, don't go into Rape Counselling ok? Not a good career choice for you.
     
  8. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    I think each individual who has experienced some form of sexual assault has to deal with the aftermath in her or his own way. I dont think it helps to have judgements about what they should be called. If you did experience a sexual assault and chose not to be called a survivor, so be it. If not you may come up sounding a bit like Senator Reed discusssing the president's reasons for winning the election. Everything that can be said generally, shouldnt be. It is no picnic and no walk in the park. It is something that can profoundly change one's life and perspective on everything in it. Dont sweat the small stuff...
     
  9. L_Lynn

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    Seriously?? Did you really say this??? Did you actually think about it before you started typing?

    Are you capable of rational thought at all?

    According to you, a 12 year old child, boy or girl, who is raped by an adult just couldn't handle the sex? He or she should have just consented?

    Having been raped (and yes, I'll say it without compunction) and furthermore, being someone who does not engage in a victim mentality, who counts herself as a survivor of many things,....

    I think your cheese is off its cracker.
     
  10. dolfette

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    i agreed with your post,
    but back patting aside...

    this line made me laugh out loud!
    i've never heard this phrase before but i'll be using it from now on.
     
  11. Gillette

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    I agree with your objection to the "couldn't handle sex" comment but I don't think "should" was implied in any shape or form.
     
  12. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Being raped means you couldnt handle sex?

    Yeah well, dying of a gunshot wound to your head just means you were ready to handle bullets yet.
     
  13. MotorPT

    MotorPT Member

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    I'm sorry but most rapes of the brutal kind are not the minority. Is it in just my head that if you say No or stop and don't want sex you just don't drop it at that if they person keeps trying to force them selves on you, you'd put of some sort of struggle??? you just don't lay down and take it after you said no. I understand some people might not move out of fear for their lives once the sexual content is happening but before their might be a struggle no? That's how I picture it and I'm sorry if I offend anyone.
     
  14. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    Is it just in MY head that this reads like the woman is asking for it if she doesn't struggle hard enough? Wow. I'm pretty sure most rape victims don't just 'lay down and take it.'

    I don't know where your from or how you could be so sheltered, but rape can be accomplished by force, taking away a person's right to say no. I would just be quiet from now on if I was you. You seem to be digging yourself deeper.
     
  15. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I'd like to know why this was posted in the first place? Did you get "almost" raped, or did you perhaps get "raped" and it became more than that. This one escapes me.

    I'm one that's in the almost raped category. and this bullshit about brutal in the minority. It was an attempted date rape and trust me, it was brutal. Fortunately, I got to be more brutal than he was.

    I am a survivor because I escaped, but your post makes little sense to me.
     
  16. helgaleena

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    Rape is an abuse of power. It is one form of trauma. Many who are raped Cannot struggle due to the situation they are placed in; the overpowering might be overwhelming force, drugs, weapons, restraints. The body may be harmed but also the mind is Always harmed.

    Yes, healing is possible from traumas. I do not think what the person who has been traumatized is called makes a difference to that in the long run, but if those here who courageously have spoken of their own lives are any indication, how they see themselves is indeed part of the healing process.

    I have had great success using Thought Field Therapy protocols, which involve stimulation to accupressure points plus accessing neurolinguistic programming through eye movements, in relieving traumatic stress and other habitual patterns. But as in treatment of depression, new habits of thought must be formed.

    Please tell us more Hare, about why this particular term bothers you. I do not think myself that it implies inability to heal from trauma, but rather the opposite.
     
  17. Principessa

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    Speaking as both a rape and a cancer survivor, I think the OP is a fucktard asshat. :irked:
     
    #17 Principessa, Jan 19, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2010
  18. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I can second that.
     
  19. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    Try telling veterans of war this and you'll probably get a million reasons why the statement doesn't make sense. People can get scarred for life.
     
  20. dolfette

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    some rapists use drugs. some take advantage of girls who are drunk. some use threats of violence or blackmail.
    fear of violence is a big one...the instinct may be to just put up with it and get through it alive.
    post traumatic stress disorder is decades full of fun!
     
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