Rape victims are NOT "survivors"

[HareTrinity]

There is nothing in the word 'survive' or 'survivor' that implies coping either. It simply means to live beyond.

I realise you are trying to understand and interpret all of this. I'm glad you're open to different ideas. As a legal student who, presumably, wants to work as a legal professional of some kind or other you're going to have get out of the habit of inferring meanings that don't exist into things and of second guessing other people's interpretations and intentions.

Again, I'd be much more comfortable with all of this if I was certain I was the only one with this misunderstanding. I didn't mean to force my own meaning onto it, that was just the interpretation I'm used to.

This thread, in particular the responses of you and the other ones willing to debate (though I know I was asking for it with the title), have been truly helpful.

 

[HareTrinity]

...Now that I read the title again it occurs to me that "Rape victims are NOT "survivors"" could also be taken, quotations ignored, to mean that rape victims don't survive; as in they die... Oops.

Ha, that was a pretty retarded start, though I still think the subject matter was one worth debating.

And I apologise for any offense caused by phrasing it in an aggravating manner, I didn't realise people were taking "survivor" to mean "live beyond" and fully agree that's a healthy approach.

 

[3151]

Yeah, and those women who show cleavage or wear short shirts.... just asking for it! (sarcasm).

There's also non-consensual sex that's not physically violent at all... mental intimidation or black mail. A trusted friend who turns on you.

There's a reason that when we are kids they call that part of our bodies our PRIVATES. Nobody is allowed without permission, and the other person must stop when asked. Period, the end.

Everyone has his/her own personal label. Unless you are in the shoes of the person who was raped, shut the hell up and move on.

 

[ZOS23xy]

I'm a victim too, but I feel your approach is pretty wrong. Handling sex is not the same as acknowledgement of sex, let alone the maturity that often is never present. Being groped by my older brother was not the same as his physical and verbal abuse ongoing for ten years and later....the initial phase of curiosity was fine...my brain linked it to the ongoing crap he gave me for years....

...each man or woman or child deals with all of this in a different phase. The "abuse" is how much of it was not so much curiosity, but an adult putting himself/herself in dominance of the child.

Impotent men can abuse women and children as well. It is a mind set of dominance in certain cases..

 

[Enid]

PHYSICALLY nothing more than sex!

I'm confused. I thought rape wasn't about sex at all, but power and/or violence. Sex is just the weapon.

 

[dolfette]

I'm confused. I thought rape wasn't about sex at all, but power and/or violence. Sex is just the weapon.

so they say...

personally i believe that sometimes it really is about sex.

 

[galaxus]

Rape is a personal crime, property crime, and a political crime.

 

[B_New End]

so they say...

personally i believe that sometimes it really is about sex.

Me too.

IIRC, the Boston strangler would talk about the "burning desire in his belly" before he would rape a woman. A lot of it is misogyny, but a lot of it is pure animalistic desire for a man to spread his seed.

 

[Mal_the_Wolf]

I'm confused. I thought rape wasn't about sex at all, but power and/or violence. Sex is just the weapon.

Well..... Some times the sky is blue some times black. I wonder some times if the " its a weapon" or "its a crime of power". Are applied to give some meaning to the times when it's not about anything other than "I want to fuck, your feelings on the subject are as meaningless as you are to me". I suppose it would be in some tiny way easier to accept it if there was a reason to learn from or a cause to fear. But I'm afraid that some times people are made to suffer horribly for no reason than they were there. Maybe the point were the victim becomes the survivor is they moment life is a terrible thing, but worth fighting for............

 

[Guy-jin]

I believe it's similar to how some people might say they survived manic depression or bipolar disorder.

They made it through, and they're still "alive".

It doesn't mean they were actually going to die, nor does it have to.

 

[helgaleena]

This thread is a very important topic that most people are too polite to bring up. I am grateful to Hare for speaking, even if she stumbled a bit... She also got defensive and half-quoted people, including me, as if we disagreed with her when we did not. "I never said that" --- ah, you will make an excellent lawyer one day. Yes, the definition you began with was the problem and together we clarified.

I survived breakfast versus I survived rape? Thought-provoking, but in the case of rape, justified. Because I enjoy breakfast.

 

[Jaimdoggie]

I was a victim of rape, even as I am a male, which spanned over sevral years. I think someone cna survive rape and be a "survivor" once he or she has healed physcially and psychically (i.e., in the soul).

 

[Viking_UK]

I would say there's a world of a difference between being a survivor and being a victim. Some people let the ordeal colour the rest of their lives. Others seem to be able to set it aside and move on.

I read an interview with one woman who had been beaten and gang raped. She said it was the worst hour of her life, but after it was over, her attitude was that it was only one hour and that she had survived it so she wasn't going to let it ruin her life. You can't help admiring her determination and guts.

 

[3151]

Those of us who stand on the outside... who have never experienced rape or have no relatives who have are not really in the position to stand in judgment of others.

I was in a house fire in college, awakened in the middle of the night to a screaming fire alarm. Someone had set a small fire in the stairwell of my apartment building as a "gag." Luckily, with the help of firefighters, I got out unharmed.

I moved back into the apartment when everything had been cleaned and went on with my life... others never returned to the building and did not even like to be on the street where it happened. We all had different reactions... none of us were right or wrong.

To this day, the thought of a fire frightens me... every house I have owned has had all smoke alarms, and my family has an escape plan.... but I will go to a camp fire and will use my fireplace.

I don't let it rule my life, but the experience has become part of who I am and the way I react to things.

There is no right or wrong answer to the OPs question. But we can't judge others for their feelings (or lack of) following a life-changing event.

 

[latinluva]

I can't speak for everyone that has been raped, but victim is an appropriate term. I think the term survivor implies that at some point you were able to move on with life, because the feeling is like someone took your soul. I was raped by two men when I was 13, it was humilating and painful. Several years later I was alomost killed in a terrible incident. I can remember how lucky I felt and how being raped didn't compare to almost dying. Like I said...that is how I handled and dealt with my rape, I wouldn't expect others to approach it in the same manner. We all have different ways of dealing with painful encounters, tolerance and stress. God bless you if you are suffering through any of those things, time will make things better.

 

[dolfette]

well i got over almost dying a lot faster.

and if you look at the suicide, attempted suicide, addiction & overdose rates post-rape...
the ratio of women in prison who were raped in the past proves that it sends a hell of a lot of lives off track.
they're also, statistically, more likely to be attacked again and fall foul of abusive relationships.

lost of people don't survive the after effects, even if the even wasn't life threatening.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

So really this argument is all about semantics. Am i a chef or do i just cook dinner? Its quite pathetic. I mean, why would you take away the act of empowering ones self through being called a survivor rather than a victim? Its just more semantic bollocks that fills the world....

 

[Symphonic]

"Survivor" implies that they nearly died.

You, my friend, need a dictionary. The term survivor can refer to being almost killed or enduring great hardship. Well, that clears this up!

 

[ZOS23xy]

You, my friend, need a dictionary. The term survivor can refer to being almost killed or enduring great hardship. Well, that clears this up!

"Survivor" also means to be pointed in the right direction.

For many people involved in the trinity of abuse from family, this is where you head to: healing.

Physical, sexual emotional abuse--which I had and still get dark nights of the soul over---you can only head toward healing, regretting and acknowledging and sometimes forgiving.

The tip of the ice berg is here. There was another on AOL boards (years back) who tried to get people to share their feelings, not describe the abuse they went through (no "can you top this?" bullpucky)....I wish I'd kept his stuff. He was insightful and helpful to the people on the board who often couldn't verbalize the pain they felt.

Open up and try to let the feelings out...

 

[D_Kaye Throttlebottom]

I can't believe I am giving an opinion about this incredibly retarded thread; the whole victim versus survivor jargon was debated back in the 80's in women's groups a long time ago and it was a pathetic discussion then. Why the fuck does one presume to tell anyone how another "SHOULD" feel about their trauma? Clinically, the thread is that you accept that you are a victim as a part of recovery and then progress to survivor, when you overcome grief and move on. Reopening this discussion about whether one word implies consent or not is crap... it's like debating if no really means no.

This thread ranks right up there with the thread directing us not kicking a man in his balls. Why the fuck does one think they get to decide what my boundaries are or what is appropriate for my safety?