Rapist Preys on Men in Houston Area

[danerain]

Unwanted sexual attention? This sounds a lot more innocuous than anything I was describing or others have described in this thread.

Okay, shouldn't have tried to make molestation sound less damaging than it is, sorry. I wasn't trying to diminish the pain and suffering that others had been through, and I am sincerely sorry if it sounded that way.

In my circle of friends this is normal lunch conversation. It's pretty common for people in my circle of friends to argue about what terms are appropriate for describing abuse. One person might say that they had sex for the first time when they were four, another person might call it rape, and then they both argue over it. One of the problems I have when talking to people that haven't been molested is that I hate it when they give me that look of horror and pity. I usually just tell them that it wasn't that bad, and after the 4th time you're numb enough to ignore what's going on.

I am truly sorry if anyone felt that I was trying to diminish what they had gone through.

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

Okay, shouldn't have tried to make molestation sound less damaging than it is, sorry. I wasn't trying to diminish the pain and suffering that others had been through, and I am sincerely sorry if it sounded that way.

In my circle of friends this is normal lunch conversation. It's pretty common for people in my circle of friends to argue about what terms are appropriate for describing abuse. One person might say that they had sex for the first time when they were four, another person might call it rape, and then they both argue over it. One of the problems I have when talking to people that haven't been molested is that I hate it when they give me that look of horror and pity. I usually just tell them that it wasn't that bad, and after the 4th time you're numb enough to ignore what's going on.

I am truly sorry if anyone felt that I was trying to diminish what they had gone through.

I was hoping that it was merely a poor choice of words. It's very big of you to apologize.

 

[Sly Adey]

IIRC, one of the Norman kings was killed by being impaled on a red-hot sword through his anus. Was that your inspiration, or was the pitchfork thing independently derived?

Actually that was Edward the 2nd, he was gay. He was hung upside down and had molten lead poured into him through a funnel in his anus. The idea was for there to be no mark to indicate that he had been murdered. His body had to be exhibited to convince his followers that he really was dead so they had truly lost their leader. His captors had hoped that he would starve to death in the cell he was put in in Berkeley Castle in Gloucestershire (the cell is still there complete with his desk, bed and and Bible) but he would not die.

I have always thought that his death was an amazing example of homophobic assault. I believe that part of the motivation was that it would have been virtually impossible to suggest that such a thing had been perpetrated on a man who was supposed to be King as, to say it had happened would have immediately undermined him as a man fit to be king. For all the reasons outlined in these discussions he was raped and silenced simultaneously and it was all shrouded, cynically, by the understood need for all men to suppress even the suggestion of such a thing being possible.

Male rape perpetrated on the right victim could constitute the perfect crime with no threat of it ever being reported or even accepted as having happened by the victim. It is very probaly true that hundreds of men are raped every year who never report it. Statistics show that men, who do report it and where the perpetrator is caught, are usually raped by insecure heterosexual men, very often by members of their own immediate family.

I've always thought that Edward the 2nd should be something of a patron saint for the gay community. His lover, Piers Gaveston, being less important was just murdered.

 

[Sly Adey]

Bingo. This looks like the act disaffected teenagers pull in an attempt to appear brooding and mysterious.

I've been thinking more along the lines of personality disorder or borderline schizophrenia. The guy does appear to need help.

 

[Sly Adey]

Please forgive my repeated posting. I have been replying as I have been reading my way through the entire post. I must confess to feeling a little shaken up. I have never been able to organise help for myself. It seems to be a mental and physical thing. My body is always alert and I nearly jump through the rooof if i am touched unexpectedly even by people I feel I "trust". I can think I have moved to be closer to someone for company but then ,when I look find that in fact I have moved further away.
In actual fact I trust people to be untrustworthy, it saves time and I am rarely disappointed. I was very young when I realised I could not trust my parents and if you can't trust your parents who can you trust thereafter? this left me wide open to further sexual assault as I grew up. I seem to have all kinds of unconscious defences against ever being able to open up or seek help. Always thinking I will phone someone when there is not a phone available and never thinking about it when there is. My mind literally wipes itself clean sometimes when I think of talking to someone, I find I have no recollection of what I was going to say. I have woken up in the middle of the night with rage and sweats for as long as I can remember. I have narrowly avoided self harm to any great extent.
I have not had a sustained friendship let alone a relationship that has lasted for more than a couple of years before I have withdrawn from it, inexplicably even to myself. I can panic sometimes thinking that my life will always be this way but then a part of me thinks that my life ended long ago and I am only living on because it would leave holes in people's lives if I comitted suicide. I know only too well the damage suicide does. I can tick along... and who needs people anyway? None of us get out alive and it is not that long to wait. Hell, I'm half way there.
I am finding my way out of drugs, I don't drink any more, at work I am considered to be an excellent colleague and am spoken of fondly by many people who consider themselves to be my friends. I sometimes feel like a floating entity looking into the world through my eyes like a passenger looking out of the portholes of a ship, I have developed a great persona that gets me through life very well but I am locked inside hidden and protected and never going to get hurt again.
It's funny how writing this has left me literally shaking. It's easy to write this here because I will never meet any of you. Thank you for this thread though. Thank you for sharing. I was beginning to wonder why I thought it was such a good idea to join this group.
For those of you who think that it is just a matter of making a few resolutions and changing let me reassure you that change is not easy, it is seemingly impossible for me, I have nothing but admiration for the people here who have spoken of their experiences and who have given me hope that I might get my self into the right place at the right time to get some help too, one day.

 

[danerain]

Please forgive my repeated posting. I have been replying as I have been reading my way through the entire post. I must confess to feeling a little shaken up. I have never been able to organise help for myself. It seems to be a mental and physical thing. My body is always alert and I nearly jump through the rooof if i am touched unexpectedly even by people I feel I "trust". I can think I have moved to be closer to someone for company but then ,when I look find that in fact I have moved further away.
In actual fact I trust people to be untrustworthy, it saves time and I am rarely disappointed. I was very young when I realised I could not trust my parents and if you can't trust your parents who can you trust thereafter? this left me wide open to further sexual assault as I grew up. I seem to have all kinds of unconscious defences against ever being able to open up or seek help. Always thinking I will phone someone when there is not a phone available and never thinking about it when there is. My mind literally wipes itself clean sometimes when I think of talking to someone, I find I have no recollection of what I was going to say. I have woken up in the middle of the night with rage and sweats for as long as I can remember. I have narrowly avoided self harm to any great extent.
I have not had a sustained friendship let alone a relationship that has lasted for more than a couple of years before I have withdrawn from it, inexplicably even to myself. I can panic sometimes thinking that my life will always be this way but then a part of me thinks that my life ended long ago and I am only living on because it would leave holes in people's lives if I comitted suicide. I know only too well the damage suicide does. I can tick along... and who needs people anyway? None of us get out alive and it is not that long to wait. Hell, I'm half way there.
I am finding my way out of drugs, I don't drink any more, at work I am considered to be an excellent colleague and am spoken of fondly by many people who consider themselves to be my friends. I sometimes feel like a floating entity looking into the world through my eyes like a passenger looking out of the portholes of a ship, I have developed a great persona that gets me through life very well but I am locked inside hidden and protected and never going to get hurt again.
It's funny how writing this has left me literally shaking. It's easy to write this here because I will never meet any of you. Thank you for this thread though. Thank you for sharing. I was beginning to wonder why I thought it was such a good idea to join this group.
For those of you who think that it is just a matter of making a few resolutions and changing let me reassure you that change is not easy, it is seemingly impossible for me, I have nothing but admiration for the people here who have spoken of their experiences and who have given me hope that I might get my self into the right place at the right time to get some help too, one day.

That's pretty much everything I wish I was able to say, but can't. I really believe that you will be able to get some help someday, hopefully soon.

Part of the way that I deal with what has happened to me is by being rather flippant about it. I usually don't give people details unless I'm trying to drive them away from me. Not enough to scare them off forever, but just enough to push them back far enough to build a wall between us.

 

[musicman]

I'm a rape survivor, and it's no fun. Check out MaleSurvivor.

 

[Sly Adey]

Part of the way that I deal with what has happened to me is by being rather flippant about it. I usually don't give people details unless I'm trying to drive them away from me. Not enough to scare them off forever, but just enough to push them back far enough to build a wall between us.[/quote]

Yes, I can turn anything into humour, it is a really good way of blocking intimacy.
I spend most of my life on my own. I live on my own. I have developed a way of appearing to be very busy or to have places to go and people to see that are very important. If I am not joking or philosophising, both impersonal communication routes, I don't talk.
People are usually so pleased to have a space to talk about themselves and their issues , they don't notice. I am told what a good listener I am.



I do not equate sex with intimacy or intimacy with sex.
In my experience sex and intimacy can only lead to disaster and the end of relationship. Sex is about having to confront rage and hurt. Not the kind of thing you want to do when you are at your most open and vulnerable so the thing to do is avoid getting into close intimate ralationships and breath instead.
If the ultimate result of an intimate and loving sexual contact is to have to face down and deal with all that accumulated rage and anger stuff before being able to continue, which in itself makes me so angry, then it is best avoided. Calm thoughts and resignation to having peace of mind by letting life pass on by with a brief nostalgia for what might have been before getting your head down to facing another day.

Thanks for the info on the MaleSurvivior site.

Interesting to find that my body image problems and eating issues are probably related to all this too. I can relate to all ten of the "aftermath" effects as listed.


I have given up trying to talk about my experience. Having to go right back to basics each time arguing that such things are possible and that they are traumatic gets very tiresome. There seems to be a great need, to deny and dismiss, that I have stopped trying to challenge. I just end up angry all over again. There are several posts in this string that should be challenged but arguments against what is said are just energy sapping.


Hey Ho. Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[2322]

I would like to say that I am glad so many of you have shared your experiences because I think it will help everyone else get some understanding of what molestation and rape do to men. I'm shocked that so many of you have been molested. I would never have thought it.

This thread has been really sobering. I think, for once, I'll shut-up. There's nothing I can add beyond to say you have my respect and what ever feeble attempt at empathy I can muster.

 

[playainda336]

Part of the way that I deal with what has happened to me is by being rather flippant about it. I usually don't give people details unless I'm trying to drive them away from me. Not enough to scare them off forever, but just enough to push them back far enough to build a wall between us.

Yes, I can turn anything into humour, it is a really good way of blocking intimacy.
I spend most of my life on my own. I live on my own. I have developed a way of appearing to be very busy or to have places to go and people to see that are very important. If I am not joking or philosophising, both impersonal communication routes, I don't talk.
People are usually so pleased to have a space to talk about themselves and their issues , they don't notice. I am told what a good listener I am.



I do not equate sex with intimacy or intimacy with sex.
In my experience sex and intimacy can only lead to disaster and the end of relationship. Sex is about having to confront rage and hurt. Not the kind of thing you want to do when you are at your most open and vulnerable so the thing to do is avoid getting into close intimate ralationships and breath instead.
If the ultimate result of an intimate and loving sexual contact is to have to face down and deal with all that accumulated rage and anger stuff before being able to continue, which in itself makes me so angry, then it is best avoided. Calm thoughts and resignation to having peace of mind by letting life pass on by with a brief nostalgia for what might have been before getting your head down to facing another day.

Thanks for the info on the MaleSurvivior site.

Interesting to find that my body image problems and eating issues are probably related to all this too. I can relate to all ten of the "aftermath" effects as listed.


I have given up trying to talk about my experience. Having to go right back to basics each time arguing that such things are possible and that they are traumatic gets very tiresome. There seems to be a great need, to deny and dismiss, that I have stopped trying to challenge. I just end up angry all over again. There are several posts in this string that should be challenged but arguments against what is said are just energy sapping.


Hey Ho. Merry Christmas everyone.

Wow. This post actually made me feel more the need to get some help about it, because I identify with all of these feelings. But on top of that, I think I have fears of being alone and what hurts me more than feeling like I could never be truly intimate with anyone, is the feeling that I will be alone until I die.

I just don't know where to go.

-----------------------------------

On a side note, I checked out that site and the aftermath thing is crazy because I identify with a good number of them. Of course none of my molestation was done by a male, but the facts still apply.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

I think that it is worse for men to have to say they have been rapped than women. Because men are supose to be able to take care of themselves and not let that happwn to them. When a male does admit to being rapped he then is treated like he is the one who did something wrong because he did not protect himself like a man should. A man who is rapped is very reluctant to say anything because of the stigma arround it. So they suffer in silence and struggle to get through the issues alone.

These are the very reasons that so many boys do not report being molested. Surveys I read in the past would claim at the most 10% of child victims were male. The most recent one I read said it was about a 50/50 split.

 

[danerain]

These are the very reasons that so many boys do not report being molested. Surveys I read in the past would claim at the most 10% of child victims were male. The most recent one I read said it was about a 50/50 split.

I once brought that up in a class when we had a man from a rape crisis center come in. It did not go over well.

 

[hotbtminla]

I realize I’m a new contributor to this board… but I’ve been an avid reader long enough to develop a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for some of the people here. An astonishing amount of respect in fact, considering I don’t personally know any of you. But then I guess that’s what moved me to recently fully join the community, as a member with a mouth, not just eyes. The more I read the more I realized that I wanted to sit at the cool kids’ table.

I’m also a humorist, or at least try to be. Hence 98% of my contributions so far have been intended to make people laugh, or at the very least smile. I’ve come to realize that to some people that makes me a lightweight, at best a clown who can’t be taken seriously or at worst an annoyance. I don’t happen to see myself that way, in fact I think there’s a great value to humor – when appropriate – to ease pain, provoke thought from unexpected places, or to remind people, especially myself, to stop and smell the roses. I may not jump into many “serious” discussions but it doesn’t mean I don’t have strong opinions or that I’m not intelligent, or that I can’t add value to a discussion.

I wanted to get those caveats out of the way because I feel like I am stepping into uncharted waters. Many of you don’t know me from Adam and like I said, it kinda feels like trying to sit at the cool kids’ table.

But I stumbled upon this thread while salaciously viewing Novice’s gallery.

I’ve read every post.

And I am sobbing as I write this. I don’t even know that I’m capable of being articulate, which is alarming for someone who considers himself a writer. I can’t even remember the last time I shed a tear over something, let alone fell the fuck apart. So I’m not even sure where to begin.

To me the only action that is more vile and despicable than rape is child molestation. Both make me violently angry and break my heart. To learn that people I feel like I know, like, and respect have been victims of rape or molestation is devastating. Again, I realize that none of you know me so these words are probably not worth much, but Novice, NIC, Kotchanski, Zora… everyone who’s been a victim here... I sincerely wish I knew how to take that away. I know laughter won’t do it. Certainly kind words and good vibes from a virtual stranger won’t do it. But I truly wish they could.

I was raped when I was 11. That isn’t something I’ve admitted to many people, and I honestly cannot believe I’m admitting it now. It was the very last thing that was on my mind when I popped open my laptop. But I was so floored by this thread that it inspired me to put aside my defense mechanisms for a moment.


Being raped at that awkward and complicated age obviously had a profound, permanent impact on my life and personality. I’m not saying that in any way to imply that I think being raped at a younger or older age is any less damaging. It’s simply an aspect to my experience that’s incredibly relevant to why I am now, at my core, an emotional train wreck. Adolescence is confusing and hard enough without also having to deal with the trauma of being a boy who’s had a man’s cock forced up his ass. And I’m certainly not saying that to imply that it is “worse” for men to be raped, because rape in any capacity is quite possibly the most horrible thing anyone can ever experience. I’m simply bringing it up because it was a hugely significant “wrinkle” to my growing up. There are no scales when it comes to rape; it uniquely affects each of its victims and no one’s experience with it is any more or less damaging. And there’s no such thing as an “appropriate” reaction when it happens to you, because it’s really difficult to even describe what that kind of violation feels like let alone how its affects ripple through every aspect of your life.

I choose not to brood over it because I don’t see the point in stirring up my emotions over something that I have no ability to control or take away. For the longest time I lived in outright denial that it happened to me, and like I said I’m someone who prefers laughter, so that’s where I tend to focus my energies. Nevertheless, the impact it’s had on the man I’ve become is undeniable no matter how funny the gloss is that I try to put on my life. I have never been able to have a stable, healthy sexual relationship. While I think my close friends see me as a warm, considerate, generous and loyal person, I know I have the equivalent of an electric fence around my heart and trust issues so severe that sustaining a romantic relationship is virtually impossible. Maybe therapy will eventually help me get around that, but it hasn’t for the past 10 years and I’m not holding my breath. But I’m also not sitting around rocking myself to sleep at night crying about my lost innocence. Maybe that’s because deep down I’m a coward or ignoring problems to make them go away. But I’d like to think it’s really because I don’t want to waste my time. As far as I know we only get one go around in life and I’d rather use mine more productively.

I don’t even know what point I’m trying to make. I certainly never expected to make LPSG a confessional. I’m not someone who goes fishing for sympathy and I don’t invite people to take pity on me because pity is self-righteous and obnoxious. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for having the courage to discuss this. Thank you for forcing me to spend a couple hours today facing my demons. Thank you for the opportunity to share.

That’s all. Time to get it together, roll my sleeves back up and go back to being the cute, clever, funny chap that I am. There are galleries to drool over (NIC you’re next).

Warm regards,
hotlabtm

Oh, P.S. I almost forgot - Vestigial is a douchebag.

 

[novice_btm]

Hey Hot,
Just a quick note to say thanks for the kind words, but also thanks for being open enough to contribute. Trust me, I know it's not always the easiest thing to do, pouring out your experiences. But I've found that sometimes I'm surprised at how it has helped someone else, and I'm surprised to find out that it's not "just me" that's had the experience, and even more surprised at who it was that's had those experiences. It's good that you share. It's this sharing, by all of us, that makes this more than just a "big dick site".

novice
P.S. I love your "P.S.". :biggrin1: