Re-connecting Years Later — Would You Do It?

FiftiesAndFit

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I posted this in the Relationships forum but I think it may be better placed here.
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I shared a story in another thread in this forum (Finally Seeing Someone Naked , starts at #134).

With all the information available online I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to wonder about others and to “stalk” them online — just to see where they are and what they may be up to.

For years I thought about Tony and thought about googling him but always decided that I’d just keep the memories I had. However, recently curiosity got the best of me. After a quick few searches I found him. Part of me wants to reach out and send him a note (I’m pretty sure he’d remember me) and part of me says it was so long ago it would be weird. I also question my motivation, i.e., what do I want out of it. At one end of the spectrum we had a good connection and I am curious what he’s up to and at the other end of the spectrum I really want to know what was going on in his head that summer. I realize the latter is a stretch that I may never know but I think I’d be satisfied with the former. I would of course respect his current situation and would only proceed slowly, step by step, if I sensed he was open and receptive to connecting.

I’d like to know if anyone else has reached out to someone from way back, perhaps a similar situation? What happened?
 

MarcoJock

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I’ve read your story about Tony. My sense is he was definitely interested in you — naked ass-slapping and talking about your cock and his cock were hints — but given his position and the times he wasn’t going to make a move. Tony also sounds like the kind of guy genuinely interested in people and would probably like to hear from former college students and would probably remember you.

Given that, I would be tempted to stalk around online and see what I could find. If I found him I would proceed slowly, if at all. I would probably only reach out to him if I found him on social media — I definitely would not call him if I found a phone number or email him if I found an email address — too stalker-ish. I would also look for obvious clues as to whether or not he’d want to be “disturbed”, e.g., if all of his pics are of him and his wife and family I would not reach out to him.

Be clear with yourself about why you’re reaching out and run a few scenarios. So many years have transpired that you’d be lucky if you just traded a few catch up notes. On the other hand you don’t know why Tony left his position so abruptly; it could have been anything and he may not want to reopen the past.

Also, if you find pics of Tony online the images you have kept in your head through the years may be lost forever. The last time you saw Tony he was good looking, fit, dark hair, looked great naked and had a big dick. Since then he’s gotten up there in years and is wrinkly, may not be in the best shape and is gray and maybe bald.

Let us know what you find out and do.
 

cedarizzo

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If you find them online, it never hurts to say, "Hey I was thinking about you the other day and I thought I would look for you online. Just wanted you say hello." You might be surprised what happens.

I recently reconnected with 3 different friends that I haven't seen in years. It has been almost 20 years since I lasted talked to one of them. But the conversations now have been just as easy and enjoyable as they were 20 years ago. It is like we never stopped talking. I had a crush on him back then and he knew it. It always felt like we were close brothers. It is great to chat with him again.
 

DavidXL

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Hi, 50s - you definitely should reach out to Tony if you haven't already. Of course he will remember you, and he was definitely interested in you way back then. You and I are the same age, so I know what the 80s were like. He took a huge risk reaching out and putting his hand on your thigh, and he had everything to lose. Now, by reaching out, you have nothing to lose, so do it. All you need to say is that you have thought about him from time-to-time over the years and wanted to reach out and say hi. You'll know by his response where things could go and where they can't.

I've reached out to people from years past, sometimes out of sexual interest and sometimes out of friendship. It all worked out fine. Just last week, as a matter of fact, I reached out to a really close friend from grad school with whom I had fallen out of touch 7 or 8 years ago. I have no sexual interest in him, just an interest in reconnecting. I apologized for falling off the face of the earth (it was my fault we fell out of touch), he was happy to hear from me, and all was forgiven. We're going to get together for dinner the next time he is in New York.

I also had a professor I had in the 80s reach out to me a few years ago. Again, it wasn't sexual, but he had made a huge difference in my life and I had thought about him many times over the years. He had written a book and reached out to a number of his former students to tell them about it. I was so incredibly honored he remembered me from 30+ years ago. It gave me an opportunity to thank him for how influential he had been to me, something I had thought about doing, but never did, because I thought it would be weird. We exchanged several emails, he was so appreciative to hear how he had impacted my life, and I bought his book. Not weird at all on either side.

Keep us posted! Curious minds here obviously want to know! (Tony is even wank fodder for me now, lol).

All the best,

DavidXL
 
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Scrotumlicker2

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I would definitely reach out to him. Why try to decide for him how he would react to your motivations. You had a friendship and he would be happy to know that your OK, that your alive, that your healthy, that you forged through life to make a life for yourself however best you did. Give him the opportunity just to have peace of mind hearing from you. Very likely he has wondered for years how you are and what has become of you. (Do you think maybe he now knows he should have lifted weights with you instead of playing racquetball?o_O)

Life may not allow him to pick up a relationship with you from where it left off. But people in their late 60's early 70's go through changes with health and the health of their significant others often finding themselves single again late in life.
 
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tito21

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Hi, 50s - you definitely should reach out to Tony if you haven't already. Of course he will remember you, and he was definitely interested in you way back then. You and I are the same age, so I know what the 80s were like. He took a huge risk reaching out and putting his hand on your thigh, and he had everything to lose. Now, by reaching out, you have nothing to lose, so do it. All you need to say is that you have thought about him from time-to-time over the years and wanted to reach out and say hi. You'll know by his response where things could go and where they can't.

I've reached out to people from years past, sometimes out of sexual interest and sometimes out of friendship. It all worked out fine. Just last week, as a matter of fact, I reached out to a really close friend from grad school with whom I had fallen out of touch 7 or 8 years ago. I have no sexual interest in him, just an interest in reconnecting. I apologized for falling off the face of the earth (it was my fault we fell out of touch), he was happy to hear from me, and all was forgiven. We're going to get together for dinner the next time he is in New York.

I also had a professor I had in the 80s reach out to me a few years ago. Again, it wasn't sexual, but he had made a huge difference in my life and I had thought about him many times over the years. He had written a book and reached out to a number of his former students to tell them about it. I was so incredibly honored he remembered me from 30+ years ago. It gave me an opportunity to thank him for how influential he had been to me, something I had thought about doing, but never did, because I thought it would be weird. We exchanged several emails, he was so appreciative to hear how he had impacted my life, and I bought his book. Not weird at all on either side.

Keep us posted! Curious minds here obviously want to know! (Tony is even wank fodder for me now, lol).

All the best,

DavidXL

I don’t know you and we haven’t been connecting for many hours, let alone days or years.

I just want you to know your cock can reach out to my hole anytime!
 
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deleted1038553

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During the lockdown, I did reach out to one of the very first men I'd ever been with years ago, partly out of lonliness I think. We had a pretty intense sexual relationship in the past. He is married now, but I convinced him to get online and start chatting with me a bit. We had some pretty hot chat sessions and even did a couple of steamy jerk off sessions together on cam. When I made the attempt to get things going in person again, he let me down easy but sternly... he doesn't play with men anymore and is faithful to his wife... except for the wacking off on cam with me I guess :). Was hot while it lasted at least!!!
 
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HorseHung40's

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To re-connect or not to re-connect, that is the question to paraphrase Shakespeare.

It is important to examine your reason for wanting to make contact, considering also your relationship at the time.

Previous relationships have different values to the various people in those relationships. I know of one person, who participated in a student exchange to Germany. While there, this person attended school, and, rather liked some of the teachers. Several years later, he was back in Germany, visited the school, and, was surprised that some of the teachers did not remember him. He said, "Some connections mean more to some people than they do to others".

If you relationship was a purely sexual one, you might wish to refrain, or tread very carefully. People move on from relationships, and, form others. After 30 years, that person may find it creepy to suddenly have a one-time paramour re-surface.

A former mature student of mine had a sexual relationship with another male many years ago. While the former student was 100% gay, his "boyfriend" was a sexual predator, who validated himself by the number of people that would have sex with him. The student found him in the internet, sent him an email, but, never received a response. The other was married, and, had too much to lose by having his gay dalliance ever see the light of day again.

If someone had a positive influence on you, by all means reach out, and, say so. I work as a professor, and, have been greatly influenced by certain people; conversely, I have had the same effect on others. While the other party may not remember you or the advice as well as you did, saying "Thank you" never goes out of style.