Reaching Out To Someone Years Later?

[FiftiesAndFit]

I shared a story in another thread in this forum (Finally Seeing Someone Naked , starts at #134).

With all the information available online I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to wonder about others and to “stalk” them online — just to see where they are and what they may be up to.

For years I thought about Tony and thought about googling him but always decided that I’d just keep the memories I had. However, recently curiosity got the best of me. After a quick few searches I found him. Part of me wants to reach out and send him a note (I’m pretty sure he’d remember me) and part of me says it was so long ago it would be weird. I also question my motivation, i.e., what do I want out of it. At one end of the spectrum we had a good connection and I am curious what he’s up to and at the other end of the spectrum I really want to know what was going on in his head that summer. I realize the latter is a stretch that I may never know but I think I’d be satisfied with the former. I would of course respect his current situation and would only proceed slowly, step by step, if I sensed he was open and receptive to connecting.

I’d like to know if anyone else has reached out to someone from way back, perhaps a similar situation? What happened?

 

[marriedasian]

i've gone through many tribulations of doing exactly what you are asking in trying to reach into the past. each and every time though, i've always left it be. i don't believe in destiny or fate, and barely in karma so i always keep looking forward and moving forward.

my personal belief is that life happens for a reason and also that life goes on. i can't tell you how many women in my life i would love to have a 2nd or 3rd chance with but have decided that it didn't work out so that i may have met my wife; or losing that awesome job in the past so that i can now be doing what i enjoy most... the point is that maybe it ended up the way it did so that you can be who you are today.

instead of digging up the past, why not focus on the future? the truth is you don't know what would have happened had you did things differently and pondering it is simply a waste of your energy that you can divert somewhere else to benefit you more.

 

[LaFemme]

I like to keep the past in the past. Sure I’ve googled past loves, just to see what they’re up to, but reach out? Nope. They belong in the past chances column. Even the ones who are the ‘ones that got away’ where we never actually connected.

The future is better than the past. Nostalgia covers the past with this warm feeling, but personally I think too much has changed to make those old connections work now. Focus on the now and on tomorrow - remember yesterday fondly, but don’t go backwards.

 

[halcyondays]

I have but not by social media.

 

[deleted3782]

Not my style. Too self indulgent...and for what purpose? I find myself growing away from people who have remained in my life, I assume the same is true with people I haven't spoken with in years.

 

[rtg]

Yep, I’ve done this. There are 3 men who were the “ones that got away”. The first was my best friend at uni. He used to like me but I was too dumb at the time to realise what was in front of me. He got married years ago and I’ve always stalked him every now and then on Facebook. Mostly to see if he’s still married. I found him in linked in the other day and added him and messaged him. He accepted it didn’t reply to my message... which was just asking how he was basically.

The second guy... I met when I was 21 or 22. The timing was always off with us so we never officially dated but stayed in each others lives for awhile. After not talking to him for a number of years I messaged him on Facebook probably about 2-3 years ago. We would talk behind his girlfriends back but it was clear he wasn’t going to leave her so I finally got over him (8 years after we first met).

The third guy... similar thing, timing wasn’t right. We hadn’t spoken in 9 or so months and he found me on Facebook messenger and messaged me. I was in a relationship so wasn’t interested. That was a year ago. I’ve always thought about him. Now that I’m single again I messaged him on the weekend. We were speaking all day the other day. Probably won’t go anywhere again....

So I guess if you decide to reach out you have to weigh up if you want to take the risk for it to go nowhere (and potentially result in heartache), like it has for me.

 

[headbang8]

I have reached out to exes in a friendly way. But when the moment has passed, it’s passed.

If there’s a sense of unfinished business, perhaps you could do it. But it’s seldom like two old friends who pick up where they left off. To end a romantic relationship means destroying your connection, to some degree. I’ve always found that I needed to deliberately put some distance between myself and my exes, and that closeness is much harder to rebuild than it was to build in the first place.

My opinion might be colored by my father. After he divorced my mother, he took up again with his high-school sweetheart. She was a nice woman, and became my father’s third fiancée. But I sensed it was a bit unhealthy for both of them. They were very different people after 50 years. Had they married, I suspect they would have been marrying the lover they remember, not the people whom they actually became. My father passed away before they could make wedding plans.

 

[hypolimnas]

I have reached out to exes in a friendly way. But when the moment has passed, it’s passed.

If there’s a sense of unfinished business, perhaps you could do it. But it’s seldom like two old friends who pick up where they left off. To end a romantic relationship means destroying your connection, to some degree. I’ve always found that I needed to deliberately put some distance between myself and my exes, and that closeness is much harder to rebuild than it was to build in the first place.

My opinion might be colored by my father. After he divorced my mother, he took up again with his high-school sweetheart. She was a nice woman, and became my father’s third fiancée. But I sensed it was a bit unhealthy for both of them. They were very different people after 50 years. Had they married, I suspect they would have been marrying the lover they remember, not the people whom they actually became. My father passed away before they could make wedding plans.

Your last point is a good one.

I did - it was fantastic, great sex ... for about a week, maybe two. Living together became a nightmare - total disaster. We were both in love with the past not our current reality. We looked brilliant together too ... thank god I escaped soon after ...

 

[cedarizzo]

When I was young, dumb and full of cum, I met a guy who was in the Air Force stationed at the local base. He was here for 6 months getting some training and we had a great time while he was here. About 5 or 6 years ago, while browsing through FaceBook, he popped into my mind and I looked him up. I found him and saw that he was married with 3 teenage sons that all looked exactly like him. I sent him a message to say hi. I got a friend request in return from him. A few days later, he started messaging me. He was asking how we knew each other. Knowing that he is married and has kids, I didn't want to say too much. So I said we met while he was stationed at the local Air Force Base. He asked if I had been stationed there, so I told him no, we met one night at a local bar while he was here. He asked some more questions, but I didn't feel comfortable about answering them. So I said it was the dance bar and mentioned the name of the bar (which was closed down). He still didn't know who I was. So I mentioned that we had gone back to my place from the bar and that he had come over a few more times and spent the night with me. I didn't want to spell it out, but he wasn't getting it. I mentioned where I lived back then and I think it finally clicked in his mind. He finally mentioned a few things so I knew it was him talking. I explained I didn't want to say anything that could be read by somebody else. He said it wasn't a problem. We exchanged a few more things about our current lives and that was the end of the conversation. I would occasionally look at his profile, check out what was happening with him. He had aged well and looked great. His sons definitely were handsome like him. A few years later, I happened to notice that he had unfriended me on FaceBook. I still remember the hot times we had, but that was the past and wasn't going to happen again.

The one guy that I would like to cyber stalk is the second guy that I messed around with. He was my next door neighbor and we were best friends growing up. We started having sex with each other and that lasted for 3 years. It ended when he met his first girlfriend. I've checked online for him many times. I know he lives in his grandparent's house that was left to him when they died. He never has had a Facebook page. The only info I have found is his 3 divorce records. I think it would be fun to meet him again one day, but I know that once again it is the past and it won't end the way I wish it would. So for now, I will just relive my memories.

 

[LilJock]

I sometimes think back and wonder how some people are doing now. A few I've located on the web. but of course it's mostly raw data, like where they live, whether they're married, what they do for a living, etc.

I'm lucky in this respect, though. I've kept up with most the people I care about. I still see or exchange texts/email with my buddies from grammar school, high school, college, the service, and work. If they've moved, I try to see them if I'm in their area, and vice versa. A couple months ago when out-of-town for a relative's wedding, I slotted an extra day and drove a hundred miles to spend the afternoon and have dinner with an old friend.

It's a matter of putting in a little effort. I can't think of too many people from the past that I care about who I haven't kept in touch with. I should add that the same goes for many of my past girlfriends. Luckily, my wife isn't the jealous type.

 

[libralover4u2]

At a high school reunion I ran into a gal I had not seen in 30 years. The summer after high school we had great times dating with some hot make-out sessions. We never had sex, but the affection was there. And, she was a great kisser! We went our separate ways to college, and on from there to marry and have families.

She was just as good looking when we met and hugged at the reunion as she had been 30 years before! She was still married; I wasn't. We spent a lot of time talking during the reunion but kept our distance. It was good we did, because a week later when were talking on the phone, she said her sister asked her about me after the reunion.

A month later I had business in city near where she lived. I called her and asked if she would like to have lunch with me in the town were had business. She agreed and we had a delightful lunch. At the end of the lunch, I asked if she would like to continue our conversation in my hotel room. She smiled and said, "I thought you would never ask!'

I picked her up from her car at a grocery store parking lot and we went to buy hotel room. It was one of the older Red Roof Inns where you could park next to the room if you were on the first floor.

As soon as the door closed behind us we were in each others arms, French kissing like we had never stopped. Soon we were taking each other's clothes off, pulling back the covers, and getting onto the bed. After a lot of kissing and foreplay, I went down on her. She went wild! After she came about four time, she said, "I have to have your cock, reaching down and stroking it, getting it very hard." As I slipped my cock into her very juicy pussy, she moaned, "I never knew your cock was so big!" I have not been stretched like this since I had my two sons!" And, she was tight on me, making me cum too soon. But the second and third times that afternoon I was able to keep from coming for 30 minutes or so, and she came several more times in the process. She'd had a hysterectomy, so going bareback was no problem. Hot, sloppy seconds feel so good!

I had never been with a woman who was so happy about having sex. She said that it just lit a fire in her. We parted that evening, agreeing to get back together again.

And get together again and again we did, about once a month for several years. Then, she said that she was falling in love with me again, and she just could not leave her husband, two grown sons, and her five grandchildren. Very sadly I agreed. But, we made arrangements to spend a long weekend together at a resort where there was a convention of an association she was a member of.

We tried every way we could to wear out my cock and her pussy that we could that weekend. She even learned, to her shock and amazement,, how good anal sex could be! Several times she got out of bed to go the the bathroom, and my cum from the multiple sessions would pour down her legs. We both loved it!

We finally parted, and kept our promise to keep in touch, but keep our distance. We have met at reunions since then and chatted, with her husband, and when I remarried, my wife. Neither ever found out about our decision to rekindle the flames for those two years, but she and I have a secret word that we tell each other during those chats and show that we remember.

 

[deleted1242097]

At a high school reunion I ran into a gal I had not seen in 30 years. The summer after high school we had great times dating with some hot make-out sessions. We never had sex, but the affection was there. And, she was a great kisser! We went our separate ways to college, and on from there to marry and have families.

She was just as good looking when we met and hugged at the reunion as she had been 30 years before! She was still married; I wasn't. We spent a lot of time talking during the reunion but kept our distance. It was good we did, because a week later when were talking on the phone, she said her sister asked her about me after the reunion.

A month later I had business in city near where she lived. I called her and asked if she would like to have lunch with me in the town were had business. She agreed and we had a delightful lunch. At the end of the lunch, I asked if she would like to continue our conversation in my hotel room. She smiled and said, "I thought you would never ask!'

I picked her up from her car at a grocery store parking lot and we went to buy hotel room. It was one of the older Red Roof Inns where you could park next to the room if you were on the first floor.

As soon as the door closed behind us we were in each others arms, French kissing like we had never stopped. Soon we were taking each other's clothes off, pulling back the covers, and getting onto the bed. After a lot of kissing and foreplay, I went down on her. She went wild! After she came about four time, she said, "I have to have your cock, reaching down and stroking it, getting it very hard." As I slipped my cock into her very juicy pussy, she moaned, "I never knew your cock was so big!" I have not been stretched like this since I had my two sons!" And, she was tight on me, making me cum too soon. But the second and third times that afternoon I was able to keep from coming for 30 minutes or so, and she came several more times in the process. She'd had a hysterectomy, so going bareback was no problem. Hot, sloppy seconds feel so good!

I had never been with a woman who was so happy about having sex. She said that it just lit a fire in her. We parted that evening, agreeing to get back together again.

And get together again and again we did, about once a month for several years. Then, she said that she was falling in love with me again, and she just could not leave her husband, two grown sons, and her five grandchildren. Very sadly I agreed. But, we made arrangements to spend a long weekend together at a resort where there was a convention of an association she was a member of.

We tried every way we could to wear out my cock and her pussy that we could that weekend. She even learned, to her shock and amazement,, how good anal sex could be! Several times she got out of bed to go the the bathroom, and my cum from the multiple sessions would pour down her legs. We both loved it!

We finally parted, and kept our promise to keep in touch, but keep our distance. We have met at reunions since then and chatted, with her husband, and when I remarried, my wife. Neither ever found out about our decision to rekindle the flames for those two years, but she and I have a secret word that we tell each other during those chats and show that we remember.

that rings so many bells ..

I had just come out of a 9 year relationship which had come to a natural end and was bumbling about being single for a bit when totally out of the blue comes a Christmas card from a girl I used to be friends with at uni . but had not spoken to for years .
We had been friends but never an item as we were both always going out with other people , but I guess there must have been a spark .
I called her and she said a mutual friend had told her I had had a split and she was just reaching out as you say to see if I was ok .. turned out she was very much in the same boat and well...... to cut a long story short we have been married 18 years.

Then a few years ago she goes to a school reunion and meets a guy she used to be friends with at school , and to be honest I could copy and paste your description above ! Except that they kept it going .
I found out after a while and to cut another long story short , that was eth start of our cuck lifestyle .
She still sees him .. school reunions … got a lot to answer for

 

[Nick Briggs]

I totally understand what you're feeling man...

There are a handful of relationships I've had ranging from basic good friendships, friends with benefits, missed out on sexual encounters where maybe only the fact of one of us not being single got it the way, and deep friendships where life and time just made us grow apart....

My mind often asks those same questions... "Is it weird if i said hey and tried to rekindle...".... or.... "Do they think about memories with me the way I'm thinking about them like this..."... "Do they miss me like i miss them?"... etc.

With social media making it soooo easy to "keep up" with people's lives as long as they are regular posters of what they're doing, they're major life events, etc. Even after you've grown apart.... Combined with the fact that most social media apps come with messaging so that you don't even need their phone numbers anymore... I've found myself "one thought and one tap of a finger" away while having a Chat Screen opened up from breaking sometimes years worth of silence i never intended to let happen between myself and them...

But like you... while my finger is hovering over that send button after typing in a typical little "Hey Stranger how have you been?" Message. My mind goes full internal anxiety attack and plays the angel and devil game making me think of "Why am I / What is my goal in doing this beyond curiousity?"..... 90% of the time i end up just holding down that backspace button... and the other 10% just comes with either lengthy or very short stories at times from positives to "No Response" scenarios...

Most of the time... for me anyhow...it's all coming from a place of that, those people were positives in my life and i simply miss them... but people move to other states, get married, lose touch because adulting sucks and is all-consuming haha, etc....

I don't wanna place a vote for your poll because I'm constantly in the same mental place as you. Wanting to reach out but dancing the dance of "Should i? Why would i now after all this time? What do i hope to get, if anything, out of breaking that silence?"

I hurt my own feelings sometimes doing that, probably not a healthy mental thing that happens. And I'm not at all unhappy with my current life or situation. But i just miss talking to these people and the positive relationships we had of their varying forms...

Telepathy or Omniscience would be amazing powers to have when my mind wanders into that black void of memory and curiousity haha...

I hope someone can help your mind, i know mines in the same place as yours, so my post here is more just to empathize with ya haha. ^_^

 

[pinokio]

Guilty! I have to admit I have written to almost all of my 00 and early 10s' crushes. It was mostly when I was not sober and that was one of the reasons I've started a healthier lifestyle recently. I had enough of being ashamed of my writing because I could go too much into details, for example describe my first sex with a person which happened ages ago and that person is in a long relationship now... Or write to a friend from college just because I fancied that person. Awkward, still I start to think it might be funny for some of the recipients.

 

[EllieP]

This is confession time, I guess. I had only been married to my now husband for a couple of years. We hit a rough patch almost immediately, and things looked real bad for a bit. Spoiler alert: we made up and made it through.

But for a while afterwards I was very unsure that I did the right thing.

Out of the blue I get an Instant Message. Remember those? It was from an old boyfriend who at one time I thought was THE one. He asked how I was doing and what was I up to. I told him I was doing good and not much, just working. I did not tell him I was married. Was that subliminal? I didn't know. I rationalized that he didn't ask so I didn't tell.

Then he asked if I were free for coffee sometime soon. I was so surprised that he would be in town! The reason we broke up is that he took a job somewhere up north, and I was heartbroken for a long time. Like I said, we were really clicking at one time.

I told him I'd love to have coffee any time! I almost said "or drinks," but I thought better of it. We made a date in a couple of days.

This is where my stomach begins cutting flips, and I get nervous and try to act calm around my husband. But I know I'm going to see my old beau. I'm excited! It's been what? Six years? More? Wow!

The day arrives. It's winter, but I shave my legs all the way! I smell good and look good with just the right amount of cleavage. He's a boob guy, naturally.

Coffee is at 11. What if it turns into lunch? Or more? I don't know. I don't want to think about it, but I really want to think about it!

I get to the coffee shop five minutes early. I tell them I'm waiting for someone. I hear someone call my name, and I have to do a double-take. Is it him? It's him. It's kind of him or a version of him.

We hug. It's him. Old him comes out. It's awesome, but it's obvious he's been through something.

The more he talks the more I realize I didn't need to shave my legs. He's got problems. And he says he should have never left. He missed me. He realized that too late.

Then it comes out that's he married, but they're split up. All the orange flags are now red.

It's my turn to unload, and I tell him I'm married. And I was relieved to tell him. That brought the whole thing back to coffee with an old friend.

"He's a lucky man."

"I know, I tell him that often."

We laugh. We hug. We say goodbye.

I spend two days slapping myself. What was I thinking? What was I about to throw away? I never want to look back and wonder what if ever again.

Years later I went to my 20th class reunion, but I brought my husband with me. That didn't stop some old classmates from friending me on Facebook only to be unfriended later.

Cherish the good memories, and forget the bad and never try to relive the past.

 

[halcyondays]

I guess. I had only been married to my now husband for a couple of years.

This reminds of the sex study several years ago which discovered the seven year itch is really a two-and-a-half year itch.

 

[Burghf_er]

A guy who was my young graduate student more than 11 years ago sent me this message in April 2019 on LinkedIn:
"Sorry if this is completely random or if you find this inappropriate, but I think this is okay to say since you’re my ex professor. It was nice seeing your fat cock in the shower at the Y. Wish I could have sat on it."
(P.S. His cock is MASSIVE, one of the two largest I have seen in person in my life, far larger than mine.)

 

[Infernal]

When I was 19 I dated this girl I worked with. I had already been with guys but at that time the only available guys were just trash. She was available and very horny, so we dated and had a lot of sex. That's really all it was. Many years later I found her on Facebook. By this time I'm in my mid-late 40's and married to my husband. I sent her a message just to see how she's doing. I get a few back from her and then I get one that said something along the lines of... Oh, you're married... TO A MAN! - and then she unfriended and blocked me. All I could do was laugh.

There is one I would love to find. We didn't date, but we had serious chemistry and if his boyfriend hadn't been a pyscho we might have had some fun. Their relationship was dead, but he wouldn't leave him because he had a habit of taking knives to people who pissed him off. This guy was hot and really sweet. He was so hot my mother told me I needed to hang on to him because she wanted to look at him for the rest of her life.

 

[needtonut]

I shared a story in another thread in this forum (Finally Seeing Someone Naked , starts at #134).

With all the information available online I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to wonder about others and to “stalk” them online — just to see where they are and what they may be up to.

For years I thought about Tony and thought about googling him but always decided that I’d just keep the memories I had. However, recently curiosity got the best of me. After a quick few searches I found him. Part of me wants to reach out and send him a note (I’m pretty sure he’d remember me) and part of me says it was so long ago it would be weird. I also question my motivation, i.e., what do I want out of it. At one end of the spectrum we had a good connection and I am curious what he’s up to and at the other end of the spectrum I really want to know what was going on in his head that summer. I realize the latter is a stretch that I may never know but I think I’d be satisfied with the former. I would of course respect his current situation and would only proceed slowly, step by step, if I sensed he was open and receptive to connecting.

I’d like to know if anyone else has reached out to someone from way back, perhaps a similar situation? What happened?

Your story was an amazing read. Without hesitation, I would attempt a reconnection with this man. You sound like a great guy with much respect for other people. I doubt you would do or say anything that Tony would find offensive. Go in with no expectations other than catching up with an old friend. Even if you guys just end up chatting online, this story should have a different ending than it did years ago.

 

[burning wings of the phoenix]

When I was 19 I dated this girl I worked with. I had already been with guys but at that time the only available guys were just trash. She was available and very horny, so we dated and had a lot of sex. That's really all it was. Many years later I found her on Facebook. By this time I'm in my mid-late 40's and married to my husband. I sent her a message just to see how she's doing. I get a few back from her and then I get one that said something along the lines of... Oh, you're married... TO A MAN! - and then she unfriended and blocked me. All I could do was laugh.

There is one I would love to find. We didn't date, but we had serious chemistry and if his boyfriend hadn't been a pyscho we might have had some fun. Their relationship was dead, but he wouldn't leave him because he had a habit of taking knives to people who pissed him off. This guy was hot and really sweet. He was so hot my mother told me I needed to hang on to him because she wanted to look at him for the rest of her life.

Is it not interesting that WOMEN are OFTEN very intolerant of men who they have or had a relationship, who turn out to go onto later accept they are bisexual or gay? It's like they take it very personal, as if they "turned" their man gay or something. It's bizarre. Yet women are often very accepting of gay men to the point of wanting to barge into gay bars and hang around their gay male friends. Women are also very accepting of bisexual or lesbian women, and it seems very common today (to the point of almost trendy, perhaps?) for women to have at least one female friend who is lesbian or bisexual. Also, it seems to me men are often a lot more accepting of bisexual women and even lesbian women, than the other way around. Where do you suppose that all comes from?