Reactions at the Emergency room?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by OKFarmer, Nov 25, 2006.

  1. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    This is my first time to post a new thread, and I hope I'm not repeating a previous one.

    About 4.5 years ago I met my wife. She'd been with men who had long, skinny penises but never one with much girth before me. In the first year we were together, she wound up in various ER's because of plain, gentle as it could be sex. My wife is 5'6" with a medium frame, while I'm 6'4" and 270 pounds. Every time I took her in for treatment, the various docs would immediately kick me out of the room and try to convince her that she had been beaten, mistreated, etc.

    Her gynocologist gave us the standard, there is no reason that any vagina would ever have trouble accomodating any penis line. She suggested my wife learn to relax and accept the fact that any issues were in her head. I'm 8 x 8 but on my frame it looks normal (god I'd look funny if I weren't didn't have a big penis). When my wife tried explaining the dimensions, the doc acted like she didn't believe it. Again she suggested relaxation, but also that we consider dialators. Her suggestion was tapered candles until we had our first child which would *fix everything*. Along came the child and after waiting the alloted time, nothing was better. We decided to press for help and got the same line: any penis + any vagina = easy.

    After 2 years of frustration, rare sex, and being told our problem didn't exist we decided to take a less standard approach. Our area got its first adult-gift shop 2 years after we met, so our choices were limited. We finally found a kit at Wal~Mart that was designed for making a crystalline mold of a child's hands/feet. We wound up with a replica of the first 3 inches that wasn't fully erect because it had to be molded in ice-cold water. Upon being presented with my crystalline phallus, the gynocologist decided there might actually be a problem but it was beyond her scope. She sent us to a specialist at a nearby learning hospital where another doctor told us surely we couldn't really have a problem. My wife handed him the crystal and he decided that he would send her to a physical therapist who might be able to help her. Of course our insurance refused to pay for the therapy since the inability to have comfortable sex isn't a medical necessity. Unable to afford the therapy without any coverage, we continue on.

    Anyway, what I'm wondering is how many here men and women have been given the any penis/any vagina line. Anyone else been wrongfully accused of intentionally causing damage? That is a bag of worms all its own. Any advice? Thank you.
     
  2. Gillette

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    I've never had to seek medical advice for this sort of thing so I can't give any input there. However, if your wife is still experiencing problems with a comfortable fit with you and wants to find a way to work up to it I would suggest looking online for various toys of gradually increasing size. Let her play with them at her own speed.

    In the meantime when you do make love let her take the lead, chosing the depth, speed and motion. If you're feeling playful let her tie you up so she feels like she has absolute control.

    Other than that all I can suggest is the same thing you will hear from many others. Lube, lube, lube, lube, lube.

    P.S. Welcome to the site. You've come to the right place.
     
  3. Pirate Wench

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    I'm sorry you're having that trouble and it's so frustrating when people in the medical field treat you like you don't know what you're talking about.

    Go to Sex Toys, Adult Toys, Adult Sex Toys, Vibrators, Dildos, And More - The Xandria Collection or someone here can maybe suggest a site, and buy some dildos building up to your size.....and she can practice whenever she wants.....

    Lube always......

    I'd like to smack the people in the head who determined sex wasn't important enough to have insurance coverage for anything relating to it.

    Never give up !

    Also this is a Dr. who specializes in women's sexual health....
    http://www.drlauraberman.com/PublicSite/Index.aspx

    And this is her business site....
    Berman Center : Home

    Maybe there is someone there who can help, or direct you somewhere close to home for help.


    Oh my.....8 x 8.....
    That's 2.58 inches in diameter.:eek:
    I have a toy that's 2" diameter - 9" long......
    I have to work on getting that in sometimes.....but I'd Love to find one like it that's 2 1/2" diameter.....

    Ok...moving right along.....
    :smile:
     
  4. Doc

    Doc New Member

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    I honestly hope for your sake that you are averaging up on your 8 x 8 dimensions, especially on the girth. That kind of size is almost impossible to handle. Even from some of the pro's on this site. However that does not mean it isn't possible. And certainly the advice above, to slowly get her used to larger and larger toys is a good beginning.
     
  5. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    Unfortunately I didn't round up. Growing up I never realized how "big" I was because I was 6 ft tall in sixth grade (no I was never held back). I've always been proportionate for my height/frame. I in fact once thought surely I had a small penis because it looked so normal on me. My father and both brothers are well endowed. I found out the hard way with my first girlfriend in college.

    Out of the women I've been with only 2 handled it well; both were overweight single-mothers who were into fisting.

    My wife and I have found a kit call the Clone-a-Willy where you make a cast of yourself. Since she is latex sensitive many of the large sized dildos in our area are a no go. I was thinking of getting a kit which comes with a non-latex material and trying to sand down a replica as she hits dimensions not available in materials safe for her. If it works I can always get the ingrediants for more. Thank you for reading/replying all. It was a bit disjointed as I've worked 15 shifts at 10 hours each with only 2 days off in the middle. Thank you for the welcome.
     
  6. Gillette

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    Latex is just one of several materials used, there's still hope of finding something ready made online before you have to revert to sanding yourself down, even if it is just in effigy (yowch).

    Another possible solution for her latex allergy would be to use a nonlatex condom over any toys you buy. Makes shopping simpler and avoids her suffering from any irritation.
     
  7. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    Anyone had luck with Trojan Supra's? They are larger supposedly but don't stretch any from what I've found and don't fit. Supra's over toys would be a good possibility however.
     
  8. Gillette

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    Something else that occured to me was that you may find it easier to find one dildo that grow with her progress instead of buying multiple toys. There are inflatable dildos that would allow her to stretch gradually during each session rather than making a jump in size with each new toy. Two links below.


    Inflatable Dildo


    The one below looks strange, but as it deflates to nothing your wife will not need to adapt to any initial size for insertion.

    Gargantula Inflatable Dildo [X118] - $78.00 : Paradise Electro Stimulations Inc., Innovating Human Sexuality Since 1986!

    I hope you guys are having some luck in your efforts so far.
     
  9. longozzy

    longozzy Active Member

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    Sounds like a load of BS too me.......he isn't that big:cool:
     
  10. OKFarmer

    OKFarmer Member

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    Gillette

    Thank you for posting this reply. I'd not considered the idea of something inflatable. I have seen wreckers use modified blood pressure cuffs to open locked doors on cars, so I suppose it was just a matter of time until someone came up with the inflatable dildo.

    longozzy such a witty reply. Heard it before, will hear it again, and I'm sorry that you can't imagine a penis actually being bigger than yours.
     
  11. duderino

    duderino New Member

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    Actually, I had this exact problem with an ex GF -- after sex (which usually wasn't painful for her at all) she'd get tiny little stretch tears at the bottom of her vaginal opening. Then, if we tried sex later in the day, it would really hurt her, and, unfortunately, she began to associate pain with sex. She went to the gyno, who confirmed that we had an elementary problem of trying to fit a big peg in a small hole, and suggested extremely long foreplay, including using the biggest dildo I've ever seen to let her relax her opening at her speed -- it helped, sort of, but the psychological damage proved too hard to heal, and the whole thing ended.

    Now here's the worst part: I'm in a very, very similar situation with my current, and it's getting bad and I don't know what to do. The irony is that she's afraid of sex now, so she wants to get it over with as quickly as possible -- hence no foreplay. (Well, either she's scared or she just doesn't like having sex with me.)

    Any advice would be very welcome.
     
  12. rogue_mj

    rogue_mj Member

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    Hi OK Farmer

    Well the bad news from a doctor's perspective is...... I think your wife is suffering from Dyspareunia. I hate to tell you, but the vagina has an incredible capacity to accommodate, the intent being to accommodate a baby at sometime. The doctors so far may have been a bit inappropriate in their accusations of abuse, but UNFORTUNATELY they are mostly correct in saying that there is nothing you can do.

    If, despite using dildos and dilators, your wife is having pain, and if, despite having had a child (head circumference = 20+ inches), she is still having pain, then the problem is unlikely to go away, no matter what dildos or dilators you are using.

    The problem is
    1. Either nerve related (neuropathic pain)
    2. Psychological (vaginusmus or fear)
    3. Physical (eg. tumor, retroverted uterus, pelvic problem etc.)

    I have had a few patients with the same problem over the years, and very little helps. Sometimes medications such as Amitriptyline or Gabapentin (an antidepressant and an anti epileptic drug, both used in chronic pain syndromes) are used as part of the treatment.

    One of my patients had surgery to enlarge the vagina, which helped in a very minor way, she lost the "tearing" feeling that her hubby was going to rip her opening, but she never lost the deep pain.

    There are few experts in this field, but even when you find someone, I hate to be the party pooper and tell you the bad news, but I doubt things will change, especially now because of the psychological trauma of the past years of troubles with sex.

    The real answer is the vagina should be able to accommodate your size ..... you are not unacceptably big, with your wife on top, and lots of lube, and her in control. While the doctors so far may have been poor in HOW they reacted, they have not been incorrect in WHAT they have said!

    I am sorry for your problems, and wish you two well, but suggest you seek out a psychologist for care too, in your quest for answers.
     
  13. rogue_mj

    rogue_mj Member

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    Duderino,

    YOUR problem MAY be fixable if she is getting little tears/cuts. She may be able to go for surgery to enlarge the vaginal opening. It won't help with deep dyspareunia, but if it is tearing her vaginal introitus (opening) then they can cut the introitus vertically and suture horizontally which creates extra space. Obviously this is painful surgery, so she would have to be dedicated, and hopefully your final choice of spouse! I guess you can't expect every woman you have sex with to run for surgery :redface:.... so if she "isn't the one" you'll have to wait till you find the "one" and this vaginoplasty may be your answer....

    Good Luck....

    Rogue
     
  14. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    I swear, if I read once more that accommodation is well within any woman's capacity because a baby has to be able to fit through there, I'm gonna hurl. We see that offered here every now and again like it's some profound insight. Of course it's true. It's trivially obvious. It's also completely irrelevant. The question is not will it fit. Yes, it will fit. The question is why does it hurt. Once upon a time we were supposed to be satisfied with attitudes like "of course sex is supposed to hurt, dearie, it's like having a baby. So just lie back and think of England." That's a bit too medieval even for LPSG.
     
  15. Mr. Snakey

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    After a good twenty years of drinking and druging one night driving home i hit a telephone poll at about 80 mph. My face whent right threw the windsheild of the car. To cut a long story short, here i am in the emergency room with about 8 people around me with my face torn off and my clothes soaked in blood. The the nurses began to rip all my clothes of to see if there were any other problems. When the one nurse pulled pants and underware off she said Oh my god! I thought i had others problems. When i realized she was talking about my dick i began laughing. Well i have been clean and sober ever since. Yes kids dont try this at home! I know that when my time comes god will be waiting with a big bottle of southern comfort and a big fat joint. :tongue: :smile: :wink:
     
  16. rogue_mj

    rogue_mj Member

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    Thats quite a negative reaction to my attempt to help OKFarmer. If you read my post I offered reasons WHY she may have pain!

    The point I was trying to make was that her vagina should fit his penis.... WITHOUT pain...... so if there is pain..... then there is a problem! And sadly... as I was trying to indicate, there is very little cure for dyspareunia!

    Nowhere did I suggest she should just "lie there and take it" I am a healer... not a sado-masochist... nor am I medieval....

    So hurl all you like..... I stick by the facts..... IT SHOULD FIT..... all I am saying is that his size is not the problem....... there is something else.... and was offering causes and a suggestion.....
     
  17. Gillette

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    EEP! In this context let's try to avoid the term "wrecker", she might not find that encouraging.:redface:

    For anyone suffering from the same issues and looking to try an inflatable as a solution I'd make the following suggestions.

    First, letting the woman in question play with it on her own to get comfortable with it.

    Second, being there with her and helping her feel aroused. More arousal = more relaxation. Deep kissing, stroking, clit stimulation

    Third, let her control the pump. She'll feel more comfortable deciding for herself where her limit is at any given time.

    Fourth, I'd suggest that if she's at her outermost girth limit that she get used to the feeling with the dildo stationary inside of her. If she wants to try stroking with it she should initially let out a small portion of the pressure.

    Fifth, When doing these exercises she should strive for eventually being able to take just a little bit more than her partners size. Anything that is stretched will have a tendency to return to it's previous size. And you don't want to be making love knowing that you are at the outer limits of her pain threshold. Hopefully, this way when the two of you do have sex, you'll both have the confidence to know that she can take you comfortably and will be able to enjoy each other more fully.

    I know most of that will seem obvious to some but I thought it worth mentioning for those to whom it may not.

    EDIT* I've phrased this as male female issue but the same would and could apply to a gay male trying to better accomodate a partner.
     
  18. Gillette

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    Rogue,

    Big D has a valid point. While the vagina is designed to pass a baby's head it does not do so without some profound physical changes brought on by labour. Even during childbirth many women are not naturally able to pass the baby so the doctor will cut the skin separating the vaginal opening from the anus making the opening larger. Short of an epidural and loads of drugs, childbirth is accompanied by PAIN the likes of which few men will ever experience. The screaming you hear is not a nine month delayed orgasm, I assure you.

    If sex hurt as much as childbirth the species would have died out long ago.

    The other issues you mentioned are helpful points to ponder but the childbirth analogy just doesn't work.
     
  19. rogue_mj

    rogue_mj Member

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    While I appreciate your comments too.... I will say that labour pain is mostly from the intense uterine contractions forcing the baby through the pelvis. Most women will tell you that once the head starts to enter the vagina and approach crowning.... it actually "feels better to push".... the pain minimizes.

    Obstetricians attempt not to cut the vagina any more. Routine cutting is seen as a bad practice in today's day and age.... it was done in the years prior to the 1990's as standard care... but discouraged now. It is called an episiotomy, and the cut was done to avoid tearing toward the anus in babies with extraordinarily large heads.

    While childbirth is extreme, I was not suggesting she put a 20+ inch circumference dildo up her, but was indicating the capacity of the vagina to stretch. It is not that I was saying childbirth is without pain, but rather explaining the mechanics and physics of the vagina.

    But just FYI it is not the vaginal pain that is the reason women scream in labour! It is the contactions and uterine pain, associated with back ache from the pressure of the head in the pelvic cavity..... and again just for interest sake.... epidurals block pain in the uterus, abdomen, and pelvis, and we SPARE THE VAGINAL region from the epidural so the patient still feels the urge in the vagina for the purposes of pushing!!!

    Respect.... no dissing meant....

    Rogue
     
  20. Gillette

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    No prob, we're cool.
     
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