Reactions From People Once They Find Out You’re Bi

hungstoner80

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I’m not sure what your experiences have been. I’m hoping I’m not alone in mine. I’ve always been bi, just too afraid to say or do anything about it. So recently I’ve been going through the process of coming out if you will. Whenever I tell a female (friend) I’m bi, they seem fine with it. Now that seems to change if it’s a female I’m trying date they seem off put by the idea. If I tell a guy (friend) that I’m bi they seem to think it’s some sort of weird phase that’s too gross for them to consider. And when I tell a guy who I’m trying to pursue on some level that I’m bi they seem to find it hot. Now understand how there can be different reactions. However at times it’s confusing for me. Part of which makes me regret telling anyone and part of it almost reinforces the lie in my head that I hate myself for who I am. Long and short I hope my experiences are more common than I think?
 
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I think the reactions you get are completely normal. Your female friends are just friends so they are good and supportive. Girls your trying to date are intimidated by all the competition they would have from more then just other girls! Your guy friends obviously have some homophobic beliefs in them. And the guy your pursuing is turned on because he’s probably has similar interests. There’s no reason to hate yourself just be selective on who you tell and enjoy yourself!! I’m more straight then bi but I wish I had a friend like you to talk more open with and maybe have some good bonding time even if we were just friends! Good luck bud!
 

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First, I think your experience is quite common, entirely normal and absolutely no reason to hate yourself.

I compare bisexuality to being able to see colors, taste flavors and hear sounds that other people cannot. You might persuade them that there are such things in theory, but their own experience convinces them otherwise and that you are the one who is “confused.” Hence, the reactions that we all experience.

Even the label “bisexual” is taken from the other side of that divide: For some people, there is only black and white, “colors” do not exist and their own (limited) perception proves it.

What I suggest is that you widen your circle to include more bi-friendly folks. Try to get past the hookup sites to the book clubs, hiking groups, binge-watchers, etc. This may be difficult if you don’t live in a big city, but there are more of us tucked away in quiet corners than you might suspect.

What is really nice is to find a set of acquaintances for whom bisexuality is simply not an issue and whom you can relate to on every other level. Having a community for support (even if you have to create your own from scratch) makes it a easier to deal with reactions from those who still have a lot to learn.
 

hungstoner80

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Thank you for the advice. I feel the “hate” I feel is because I want to fit in or be “normal”. That’s a good suggestion to meet others like me. So I won’t feel like I’m the only one. As that’s how I’ve felt. This deep sense of not belonging anywhere. It’s tough as many of you know. And yes I do think many of my guy friends don’t get it as they think well at least I’m 50% straight. Which is not how that works. Doesn’t also help that I come from a conservative background and friend group. But thank you for the advice.
 
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deleted817718

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Pretty much everyone has had the same reaction, “yeah, that makes sense!” Or “I kind of assumed that already”
 
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deleted817718

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Why would people think that of you in the first place? Is there something that you say or do that would make them think you're bisexual?
Well firstly I am not the most ‘straight acting’ guy, although I married to a woman. And anyone who gets to know me will find out soon enough I am not ashamed to say if I find someone hot, be it man woman or trans! I am and always have been open about my sexuality, but don’t feel the need to constantly come out to new people. They learn soon enough I am not straight and it never comes as a surprise
 

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My favorite has always been "What does that mean?"

Bisexuality may be a recognized part of the spectrum, but a lot of people still fall into incorrect assumptions ("it's just a pit stop to being gay," "it's just a phase," and "you just want to be promiscuous" are some of the common ones) of what being bi actually means.

When people ask what me being bi mean, I take the opportunity to educate. They may not believe a single word I say, but at least they gave me a chance to talk about who I am.
 

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I’m not sure what your experiences have been. I’m hoping I’m not alone in mine. I’ve always been bi, just too afraid to say or do anything about it. So recently I’ve been going through the process of coming out if you will. Whenever I tell a female (friend) I’m bi, they seem fine with it. Now that seems to change if it’s a female I’m trying date they seem off put by the idea. If I tell a guy (friend) that I’m bi they seem to think it’s some sort of weird phase that’s too gross for them to consider. And when I tell a guy who I’m trying to pursue on some level that I’m bi they seem to find it hot. Now understand how there can be different reactions. However at times it’s confusing for me. Part of which makes me regret telling anyone and part of it almost reinforces the lie in my head that I hate myself for who I am. Long and short I hope my experiences are more common than I think?
My suggestion might be way off the mark but it might be that you care too much about what the people you know think - in all areas of your life. Getting to know yourself and approving of who you are plus actively recruiting new friends with similar interests might be good for you. How you live each day is how you live your life - it's precious, face the fear.