Reading Between the Lines in Personal Ads

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Jun 6, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    Always amazes me how words can be so deceiving. This is the case for real estate ads, and resumes but the personals have to be the worst.

    Height Weight Porportionate
    = I'm fat all over.

    I like restaurants, movies and conversation
    = I eat day old pizza out of the box watching TV and talking on the phone.

    Straight Acting
    = I am gay and have self acceptance issues.

    Separated
    = I'm married and will be cheating on my wife.

    Outdoor type
    = I walk my dog.


    Anyone else decipher any more personal ad code phrases?
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I've never looked at personal adds seriously... always think the person is probably really desperate if putting an add in the paper or whatever.
     
  3. agnslz

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    Sorry, I don't have any to add, but I love your deciphers for "straight acting," "outdoors type" and "I like restaurants, movies and conversation"!:biggrin:
     
  4. madame_zora

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    I like the ones that list all their potentially hazardous personality traits up front. Their name is something like "sportsnut69" and list their favorite activities as "partyeing, beer and boobs", they're "sepearated from my wife becuz she didn't understad me".

    Or singledad6, very lonely and looking for that special someone- it means he has 6 kids he can't wait to dump on you so he can go out with his friends and pick up girls.:rolleyes:

    Add 20 to 50 pounds to whatever weight they claim, and subtract 2 to 4 inches for whatever cock size they claim.

    Enjoy!:tongue:
     
  5. Principessa

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    voluptuous, zaftig, rubenesque = fat


     
  6. earllogjam

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    LMAO
    Greasy mullet, front tooth missing from his denture, it's all coming back to me.
     
  7. Principessa

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    Discreet relationship sought or Must be discreet - He's married!
     
  8. crescendo69

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    A few extra lbs. = you'd better be a chubby-chaser.
     
  9. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Hahaha! Madame Zora, You must be physic!
    I got an email from a guy at match.com, his ad said single father of small child. When he called me, I could hear all this commotion and I asked him "what the hell is all that noise?" "Those are my six kids" was his reply from
    2 months to six yrs old! WTF? I fled from that almost date,when he asked me to pick him up as he didn't have a car!
    On the other hand, I met Mr. Ed when I thought he was someone I knew. He wasn't but when I asked him if he was Chuck, he said;
    "No, but I could be if you want me to be!" Ahh love at first laugh!
    cigarbabe:saevilw:
     
  10. earllogjam

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    Age 40-ish

    = I'm pushing 60
     
  11. DC_DEEP

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    "Looking for 20 - 35 only..." = I'm 62 and not-too-attractive, but I feel better about myself if I have a trophy hanging on my arm. About all I have to offer is an expensive car and lots of money to spend on you. Want a sugar daddy?
     
  12. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    The incorrect placement of a comma here is really confusing.
     
  13. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    full figured, big boned, curvy, curvacious, shapely, plus sized, big and beautiful, a few extra pounds, "not super model thin", "built for a hip hop video", BBW, "shaped like a woman", chubby, "not fat but not skinny", etc..

    newspaper personals sections often read like a thesaurus entry for "overweight". Also, subtext in ALL newspaper personals: "I don't feel I'm attractive enough to use photo personals or myspace so I'm posting here."
     
  14. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    also how about someone who lists as their hobbies or interests nothing other than music or movies? Read: I'm the most boring person in the world. *everyone* likes music and movies.
     
  15. rob_just_rob

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    *sniff* Gosh, I'm getting all choked up here. For a long, long time, I was afraid that nobody else here was as cynical as me.

    Thanks for making me feel accepted! :hug:
     
  16. Ethyl

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    "no drama queens" = I am one. Can't handle another attention whore in the same room with me.
    "ISO a chick that can take a joke" = at her expense most likely.
    "ISO a chick who can sport jeans for a ballgame during the day and paint the town red at night in a little black dress" = I'll look like the same old schlump no matter what you wear or when.
     
  17. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    "I like long walks on the beach." means that I have absolutely no hobbies or interests whatsoever, so I listed an activity so generic and non-threatening that it's bound to endear me to EVERY single potential mate.

    "Occasional smoker and social drinker" A boozehound that reeks like an ashtray. If this person was truly a 'social drinker' they would probably already be in a setting where they could meet people. "Brooding apartment drinker" is more accurate.
     
  18. madame_zora

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    I used to date a lot from online ads, and the thing is, there really are some people who are honest and even understate themselves. There actually are some who post current pics, or at least tell you what has changed since they took the pic (hairstyle, facial hair, weight). I've had to do that since I no longer have a webcam or an easy way to get pics of myself.

    There actually ARE women who are voluptuous but not gigantic, just as there actually ARE men who are carrying "a few extra pounds" who aren't whales. The thing is, you can't tell from just the pics, so here's a few helpful hints that made my life a lot easier, and online dating more fun.

    1) YOUR profile. Make sure YOU are honest in everything you say about yourself, and be clear about what kind of person you are looking for, and what kind of relationship. If you are looking for casual fun, make that clear, and post your ad on the appropriate kind of site {not Christian Singles}.

    2) Don't meet anyone who won't provide some sort of photo for any reason. None. If you do, you are almost certain to be given misleading information.

    3) Exchange a few emails, and ask them how recent their pics are, and what's changed since they took them. Let them know that you'll be meeting in a public place, and you will leave immediately if they don't match the person in the pics, with the changes they've told you about.

    4) DO IT! If they're 20 years older, or fifty pounds heavier, LEAVE! Always meet in a well-lit public place, and if they've lied about themselves, tell them how you feel about being lied to, and get the fuck out. No one has the right to deceive you just because they feel bad about themselves. If they're too fat to be dating, they need to go on a diet. THEY haven't chosen someone who is their size when they chose you, so THEY are not attracted to extremely heavy people either! It's two-faced of them to expect YOU to see the "nice person" inside them, while they chose YOU for your looks. Bullshit! Leave them sitting there, maybe they'll get the message that a little interest in their own appearance is warranted if they want to capture the attention of potential mates.

    5) Ladies- bring your own money! Let me reiterate, BRING YOUR OWN MONEY! Regardless of you views on who should pay for what in a dating situation, you will thank me for this advice a million times over if you actually listen to it. You want to be able to pay for dinner if he should walk out before the check comes, you want to have cab fare should you need it to get away. NEVER put yourself in a situation where you feel "obligated" to someone when you may discover that you don't want to have sex with them or even see them again. If they are your ride home, that can be a real problem.

    6) Meet, don't ride together! That way you can leave whenever you wish.
    Never get into a car with a total stranger. It can be a lot harder getting back out.

    7) A first online date is like an interview, so PAY ATTENTION to what they say to you. Likewise, don't just respond with what you think they want to hear- false expectations lead to unhappy relationships. Don't be the author of your own problems. Don't lie, and make it ABUNDANTLY clear that you will NOT tolerate being lied to. Always make good on your word too. Once you "forgive" a minor lie, they will see that as you being the kind of person who is easily manipulated. Believe me, I could have saved myself a world of pain on that one. Date a known liar, and all you'll get is pain.

    8) Review your expectations from time to time. Are you still just looking for fun, or are you at a stage where a relationship would be better? Make sure your profile stays current in expressing who you're looking for.

    9) If you can, take current pics every so often. It gives you a realistic right to demand it of others. You really can't say much of your own pics are old/when you were thinner.

    10) Have fun! You may or may not meet your perfect mate, but you can have fun and meet some interesting people along the way. Be safe, and always leave the name of the person, and the address of where you're going where someone can find it. This should apply regardless of where you made the initial contact, "internet people" are just people. Some good, some bad.
     
  19. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    Hmmm. I think I know most of this stuff, but these have always puzzled me -
    1. "Walks on the beach". This is just too dumb; it can't possibly mean what it says. Besides, most people don't live that close to a beach. But I have no idea what it's code for.
    2. "Down-to-earth". WTF? Here at Fort Dirigible, that just means heavier-than-air. Most people are. So this is code for what?
     
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