Real Talk: How Do You Tolerate Straight Men?

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1498312

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I cannot stand being around straight men. I get angry when they’re around me so much so that I get a rush of energy and I start to smell blood. I don’t like the fact that straight men are invading gay clubs/bars and gay porn. I know some of you may get offended, but try to understand what I feel.
 
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1498312

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Would you like straight men to tolerate you? Would you like straight clubs to ban gay people? How about gyms, sports teams, etc etc.

In hindsight, they already do that. Straight men always complain about us.
 

malakos

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I cannot stand being around straight men. I get angry when they’re around me so much so that I get a rush of energy and I start to smell blood. I don’t like the fact that straight men are invading gay clubs/bars and gay porn. I know some of you may get offended, but try to understand what I feel.

:laughing:

Sounds quite neurotic. I'd recommend trying out psychotherapy.
 

malakos

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In hindsight, they already do that. Straight men always complain about us.

Some of them do... Most have better things to concern themselves with.

Are you really so blind as to not be able to see (perhaps valid) reasons why some people might have misgivings about Gay culture??
 

Tbprivate

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As a gay men I prefer not to be identified by my sexuality alone, I’m a more multi-faceted person; you’re in danger of being the stereotypical homosexual who wants to be surrounded by gay guys and consider heterosexuals as a threat and annoyance.

Live and let live and enjoy the company of others and hope they view you as an interesting individual.

If I see Straight guys in a gay bar I presume they’re a) gay/bi curious b) they’ve been invited by a gay friend or c) they enjoy the company and fun of a gay crowd

I think your ‘hatred’ for straight men runs as a deeper problem. Someone has definitely upset you.
 

Blitzkid

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I as well dont understand the sentiment. It's like saying you can't tolerate children since one loud kid in a restaurant had an effect on your meal or you can't tolerate crazy people because we have one in office. This is a multi-everything world, be an adult and deal with it otherwise I would second the person who recommended counseling.
 

jimmymac4

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Curious to your experiences with straight people and what's happened to make you feel such contempt? Do you also get angry with the straight people who "invade" gay pride events to celebrate with you, and stand with you? Or are they invading those events too (that's a genuine question, not an attack)?

I'm straight (a little curious) and I love gay bars. I love the reduced male toxicity, my girlfriend loves them, I have gay friends and to be honest, the vibes are great and I don't give a shit about someone's sexuality or how they choose to identify. Whether it's my millennial status (yawn), or just not being raised to hate but even when bouncers look at me and say "you know it's a gay bar right?" I almost lose my shit and wanna say "In this day and age does it matter???" BUT I understand why they do. My point being, some of us don't want to invade - we also don't want to hate on or attack the gay community - we haven't got an issue and to all purposes are embracing our fellow man/woman irrespective of sexuality. I've met all kinds of people in gay clubs and there's often a real sense of freedom that aside from clubs in places in Europe, I don't always experience in a lot of 'straight' places and there's less aggression and more room to just be yourself and have a laugh.
I have seen drunk, straight couples in clubs, kissing and knocking people about on the dance floor and probably looking like that typical ignorant, self absorbed straight couple that are 'invading' and have no respect for the community. I've heard tales of women being harassed by straight males who know that a lot of straight women go to gay clubs with their gay friends or just to avoid being hit on. While I can't speak from the experience of someone who is gay, with examples like that above, I do understand the need or want to have your own space. I also understand the need to be represented by people who are like you (porn, TV, films etc), but it's easy to become lost in the same world of anger, loathing and this us-against-them attitude that ironically, makes you sound no different to a bigot.
 

Brodie888

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In hindsight, they already do that. Straight men always complain about us.

How does that make you feel when they do that?

I assume it's not a pleasant feeling?

So for straight guys who are openly comfortable in our presence, who are confident in their sexual identity enough not to feel intimidated, you'd want to push them away?

Are they really all the same? Are they really the ones who deserve your hate?
 
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Curious to your experiences with straight people and what's happened to make you feel such contempt? Do you also get angry with the straight people who "invade" gay pride events to celebrate with you, and stand with you? Or are they invading those events too (that's a genuine question, not an attack)?

I'm straight (a little curious) and I love gay bars. I love the reduced male toxicity, my girlfriend loves them, I have gay friends and to be honest, the vibes are great and I don't give a shit about someone's sexuality or how they choose to identify. Whether it's my millennial status (yawn), or just not being raised to hate but even when bouncers look at me and say "you know it's a gay bar right?" I almost lose my shit and wanna say "In this day and age does it matter???" BUT I understand why they do. My point being, some of us don't want to invade - we also don't want to hate on or attack the gay community - we haven't got an issue and to all purposes are embracing our fellow man/woman irrespective of sexuality. I've met all kinds of people in gay clubs and there's often a real sense of freedom that aside from clubs in places in Europe, I don't always experience in a lot of 'straight' places and there's less aggression and more room to just be yourself and have a laugh.
I have seen drunk, straight couples in clubs, kissing and knocking people about on the dance floor and probably looking like that typical ignorant, self absorbed straight couple that are 'invading' and have no respect for the community. I've heard tales of women being harassed by straight males who know that a lot of straight women go to gay clubs with their gay friends or just to avoid being hit on. While I can't speak from the experience of someone who is gay, with examples like that above, I do understand the need or want to have your own space. I also understand the need to be represented by people who are like you (porn, TV, films etc), but it's easy to become lost in the same world of anger, loathing and this us-against-them attitude that ironically, makes you sound no different to a bigot.
I can understand gay people wanting their own spaces and maybe sometimes there's something a bit 'touristic' about straight people visiting gay bars, but on the whole I agree with you. It's not an invasion at all. I welcome straight people in gay bars in the same way as I hope gay people are welcome in straight bars.
 

flooble

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. I don’t like the fact that straight men are invading gay clubs/bars and gay porn

What would be a good analogy?

Women-only spaces would be a good analogy. PoC-only spaces would be a good analogy.

We need spaces where we can be just us, without having to hide. Straight guys in gay bars make that difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. Some straight guys are fine in gaybars (e.g. a dear friend of mine, who loved coming with us to the gaybar because he didn't feel like he had to be performing for women, he could just drink and dance and have fun--and he was so gracious when guys would hit on him that he was extremely popular, made a lot of friends), just as some straight women behave well.

The major difficulty that straight people don't understand is that when they come into a gaybar, they're in our house. They are guests, and they need to conduct themselves accordingly.

I'm gay and sometimes I honestly cannot stand being around gay men

Also this. But sometimes I really need to just be surrounded by fellow queers, without ever feeling any inhibition because straight people are around. In exactly the same way that women, for example, sometimes just need to be around other women without any men around--including queer men!
 

greg_ca

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Let’s imagine that this were a forum primarily used by straight men, maybe one of the popular forum about bodybuilding. What if a straight guy wrote that he couldn’t stand being around gay men? Imagine the (righteous) outrage. This post is just as bigoted, inappropriate, and shocking. It shouldn’t be tolerated. Discrimination is wrong even if it’s coming from a minority group member.

As a side note, I happen to believe that straight men should be welcome at any bar, just as I want to feel welcome at a “straight” bar. But I sort of understand why some people are hesitant.
 
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flooble

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Except that it's not? Literally everything about Western society caters to straight, generally white, mostly men. Us needing our own spaces to escape from that constant weight isn't discrimination. And given the trauma that so very many queer men have had directly at the hands of straight men, it's as reasonable for a queer man to be apprehensive about being around them as it is for women to be apprehensive about being around men in general.

The thing about bigotry is that it is entwined with power. Straight men have power in our society; we have far, far less.
 
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1498312

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Let’s imagine that this were a forum primarily used by straight men, maybe one of the popular forum about bodybuilding. What if a straight guy wrote that he couldn’t stand being around gay men? Imagine the (righteous) outrage. This post is just as bigoted, inappropriate, and shocking. It shouldn’t be tolerated. Discrimination is wrong even if it’s coming from a minority group member. Straight men should be welcome at any bar, just as I want to feel welcome at a “straight” bar.

Not for the sake of diversity.
 
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1178303

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Women-only spaces would be a good analogy. PoC-only spaces would be a good analogy.

We need spaces where we can be just us, without having to hide. Straight guys in gay bars make that difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. Some straight guys are fine in gaybars (e.g. a dear friend of mine, who loved coming with us to the gaybar because he didn't feel like he had to be performing for women, he could just drink and dance and have fun--and he was so gracious when guys would hit on him that he was extremely popular, made a lot of friends), just as some straight women behave well.

The major difficulty that straight people don't understand is that when they come into a gaybar, they're in our house. They are guests, and they need to conduct themselves accordingly.



Also this. But sometimes I really need to just be surrounded by fellow queers, without ever feeling any inhibition because straight people are around. In exactly the same way that women, for example, sometimes just need to be around other women without any men around--including queer men!
It’s fine to have gay only spaces. It’s an altogether different thing to say you cannot tolerate straight men.