Reality Check

[13788]

Curtis: Too bad the whole "Stumbled upon" thread seems to have disappeared with the server swap. It was a candid and insightful conversation. I can't get over the fact that fournineteen (who claims to have found us while searching for a "small penis support group") continued to refer to having a large penis as an ADVANTAGE. I beg to differ. Here's a reality check, from my perspective.

1) Being well-endowed has never allowed me to have more sex, or to have sex with prettier women. For me, sex is something that happens within an established relationship, and my relationships are based on love, trust, and mutual respect.

2) Having a big penis does not make sex itself more pleasurable for me or my wife. It limits our choices of sexual positions. It requires us be careful. I can't just pound it into her with reckless abandon, nor can she hop on and ride me like a bucking bronco. Don't get me wrong, sex is certainly enjoyable for us, but it has been a long learning experience, punctuated with painful moments.

3) The bulge in my pants gets attention. Do I want this attention? No. If I needed attention that bad, I could die my hair blue or do something else to make myself look "different." What I desire is respect and admiration from others, and that is something that must be earned.

4) My penis has not allowed me to get a better job, a higher income, better relationships, or anything else that improves my lifestyle. It has not generated any kind of emotional fulfillment or financial security.

It is normal for men to be insecure about their penis size, and I suppose if my penile proportions were below average, I would be too. But in reality, it's not the sort of thing that is going to affect a man's life in any meaningful way.

There's also nothing wrong with the sexual fantasy of having a stallion-like phallus and having women swoon over it like they do in the porno movies. As long as we can differentiate between fantasy and reality. The reality is that I have yet to find any real "advantage" to being well-hung.

Curtis

 

[13788]

Curtis: This discussion is possibly long overdue here and I appreciate everyone's contribution.

Here's another angle, from the archives of "life according to Curtis."

Though I've never been insecure about my penis size, I do know about insecurity.  All through high school and college, I was a skinny, pimple-faced kid with poor social skills.  The acne was a continual blow to my self-confidence around women, and I was usually too insecure to approach them.  I can count on one hand the number of dates I had during that entire phase of my life.

The girls weren't interested in me.  They were too busy hanging out with the good-looking, muscular, athletic guys, the rich guys who had nice cars, the guys who knew how to talk to women, charm them, make them feel special.  I figure at least some of these gals had to know I was well-hung (tight jeans were in style in the 80's), but that didn't seem to matter.  The women were going out with (and presumably having sex with) men with smaller dicks than mine.  

You can talk about the "psychological advantage" of being well-endowed all you want, but when girls don't make any effort to strike up a conversation with you, when they glance at you from a distance and giggle among themselves, it doesn't make you feel masculine or virile.

It's not hard to figure out what sort of man attracts a woman.  All you have to do is observe their behavior.  And the reality check is this: Penis size is obviously not high on their list.

Time passed, my face cleared up, I gradually gained some maturity, as did my female peers.  I formed more meaningful relationships, and eventually got married.

I don't want to downplay the very real emotional consequences of having a small penis.  But I think it's our duty to occasionally remind everyone that a man's time and energy would be better spent worrying about the aspects of himself that really matter.

Curtis

 

[MisterMark]

I'll try to find the old messages - but I can't promise anything.

 

[13788]

View_From_Below: [quote author=Curtis link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#0 date=06/01/03 at 21:51:30]It is normal for men to be insecure about their penis size, and I suppose if my penile proportions were below average, I would be too.  But in reality...[/quote]

Curtis, here is one advantage--in neon lights. This is not "but in reality"--this is reality. The psychological advantage of size, with its implications (true or not) of extra masculinity and virility, is very important. The opposite disadvantage, with its implications (true or not) of inadequacy or unattractiveness, can be extremely difficult to overcome for many men with small endowment. I hope you are not being dismissive of this powerful advantage, even if you think there are no others.

And, it'll be interesting to see if others from the well endowed feel there are no advantages! I appreciate your thoughtful post.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

[quote author=View_From_Below link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#2 date=06/02/03 at 05:33:50]And, it'll be interesting to see if others from the well endowed feel there are no advantages![/quote]

There are advantages and disadvantages. I understand Curtis' points; they are valid for some, but not for all. I probably have had more sex due to my size, given all the gay size queens out there. I definitely have a higher income. But all of us here know that there minuses in the equation as well. If I were given the choice to have a smaller cock to help negate the disdvantages, would I take it? Definitely not! I like my cock the way it is. Like any fact of life, I have learned to work with it and it continues to work for me.

 

[13788]

Donk: I have a different opinion on this. I do agree that the reality is that a large penis is not a cure-all for a better, fully satisfying life. (For that, I also need a new car, a better long distance phone plan, and the latest deodorant. At least according to my TV. Oh, and a new TV.) It would be good if we could help men with smaller penises see that life would not be one big bed of roses if only they had a couple extra inches. That is the insecurity and misconception that penis-enlargement spammers prey on while the only thing they are enlarging is their wallets.

BUT I will confess that I like--love actually--having a very large penis. I hope that saying this does not add to insecurities that smaller men feel, but it is the truth and I feel this board is a place to be open and candid. A large penis does create its own problems and frustrations. (The list should be familiar by now--too big for some girls, have to be careful when having sex with any girl, condoms don't fit, bulge issues, etc.) And it does not solve every problem that other men assume it does--for example, it does not guarantee that women will swoon over you and offer you sex every time you walk down the street. But it is fun to have.

I think there are some physical advantages. My current gf says that it does add to her pleasure. (That is, as long as I am using it well, which she seems to think I usually do.) I can only guess at this, but I believe my size adds to my pleasure. I love the feel of a vagina closed tightly around several inches of shaft. When I hear other men talk about women who are "too loose" or say that they "couldn't feel anything" inside a woman, I don't know what they are talking about.

Even the problems caused by my size gives me a kind of perverse thrill--it's actually an ego boost to realize that you have to avoid using your whole length while other men have to strain to penetrate as deeply as possible or that your penis is so unique they don't even bother making condoms big enough to fit it.

Psychologically, the biggest thing is that I know I will never have that insecurity that plagues many men that I am too small. I agree that this insecurity is unjustified, but it is reality that many--maybe most--men have it. And I know I don't have to deal with it.

Ultimately, my large penis is not some overwhelming "advantage" that gives me a better life. But it is an aspect of my life that I appreciate and enjoy.

 

[13788]

AnonyMs: [quote author=Donk link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#4 date=06/02/03 at 06:38:50]I do agree that the reality is that a large penis is not a cure-all for a better, fully satisfying life.... It would be good if we could help men with smaller penises see that life would not be one big bed of roses if only they had a couple extra inches. That is the insecurity and misconception that penis-enlargement spammers prey on while the only thing they are enlarging is their wallets.[/quote]I was trying to think of the female equivalent to a large penis and I don't think it is big breasts. I think it might be related to weight. I know a lot of woman who spend a lot of time and money trying to lose weight - far more than those who spend time and money to increase breast size. The smaller the dress size the better in the eyes of most women. And those women who are size 0's and 2's talk about how difficult they really have getting clothes to fit, etc.

Just a thought on life for the other sex ... for what it is worth... which isn't much.

 

[Max]

I can agree with both Curtis and Donk on this issue.

To put it simply, I agree 100% with Curtis in his points 1, 3 and 4. However, on point 2, although it is difficult to be objective, I beg to differ, and although I know all about the need for patience and restraint, I agree with Donk, in almost everything he has said -- being "too big" can be a tremendous ego boost and a thrill as well as being a problem. The need for restraint can be a problem, but in the last resort, although I have known a lot of intense frustraiton at times, I don't mind putting up with it, and having to be careful and to make special precautions agianst going in too deep makes me feel pretty good ... perverse as Donk says, but true. I even get a creepy sort of a boost from having to wear special underwear, even though it drives me nuts, and that has to be even more crazy. But above all I love the feeling of tightness.

I wouldn't want to swap. But as I have said to one or two smaller guys on another topic Donk mentions, the whole subject of insecurity ... in my judgement there are plenty of other things to be insecure about. It just happens that penis size isn't one of them for me. There have always been others.

It's good that the latest lpsg absence was short lived!

 

[13788]

SpeedoGuy: I agree in some areas and not in others:

1. Being hung has to some extent allowed me to have more sex more often. This is true because of partners who became more eager once they saw what I had and from a very few others who heard about what I had and wanted to try it out for themselves. I can't say this had anything to do with getting laid by prettier women but then I never chased women just because of their looks. Rather, I find the way they comport themselves, the way they dress and their mannerisms can be a hell of a lot sexier than looks.

2. I suspect that being hung has resulted in sex being more pleasurable for myself with the vast majority of my partners...because it has so often aroused greater stimulation and desire.

3. The bulge does get attention, particularly when in clingy sportswear or jeans. Depending on the cirucumstances, the extra attention can be rewarding or embarrasing. In either case, I've come to learn to live with it.

4. Being hung has not resulted in any greater monetary fulfillment such as jobs or money or such. It has generated a bit of emotional fulfillment ever since I learned I had something many guys envy and at least some women are attracted to.

I haven't had any women faint and collapse in a swoon over my size but I've gotten enough double takes and outright enthusiastic reactions to know that what I had really caught their attention.

SG

 

[13788]

Donk: [quote author=Curtis link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#8 date=06/03/03 at 22:49:45]I don't want to downplay the very real emotional consequences of having a small penis.  But I think it's our duty to occasionally remind everyone that a man's time and energy would be better spent worrying about the aspects of himself that really matter.[/quote]


I agree with you and I hope that by aspects that really matter you are refering mainly to aspects of our lives other than superficial physical qualities.

Your post also illustrates how different people can react differently to similar things. It sounds like your penis size did not help you overcome insecurities about other aspects of your body/appearance. In my case, I feel like my penis size helped me come to terms with what most regard as a physical "shortcoming"--namely my height (5'5"). I am very comfortable with my height and maybe I would be even if I didn't have a large penis. It's impossible to say for sure. But I bet I would feel more insecure if I had a very small penis on top of being short in height.

With me, it's not so much that I think it made me more attractive to girls--many of them will always go for the tall guy. It's more just a sense of personal satisfaction, knowing I have something that most tall guys would envy that balances things out.

 

[Pecker]

[quote author=Curtis link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#8 date=06/03/03 at 22:49:45]I don't want to downplay the very real emotional consequences of having a small penis.  But I think it's our duty to occasionally remind everyone that a man's time and energy would be better spent worrying about the aspects of himself that really matter.[/quote]

I agree, Curtis, but there are support groups, message boards and advice ad nauseum on the net for those other things we worry about.

LPSG happens to be one place where you come if you have a penis (or an interest in the subject).

It's not obsession - it's just the subject of the board.

Pecker

 

[txquis]

I do know about insecurity. All through high school and college, I was a skinny, pimple-faced kid with poor social skills. The acne was a continual blow to my self-confidence

Curtis, i agree with you.

But, be careful.
i once compared my insecurity about
having gone through puberty late (and being teased),
with what it must be like to have a small penis.

i got flamed by a couple of people with the basic
message:
"you will NEVER understand and you
canNOT compare having a smaller penis
to any other thing".

the hung here are defensive,
and the unhung here are defensive.

Just speaking a truth.

 

[13788]

View_From_Below: Txqis,
I hope no one would "flame" you -- you are understanding and respectful, and it shows in your postings.  I would hope they might disagree, or express a different opinion... but without flaming.  And in addition to your other good qualities, you always appear to write in a form of free verse.   Insight and poetry too--even better! And I'm glad to see you got back your 330+ postings and your four gold stars!

With regard to the topic at hand:  one thing that surely bears on how individual men feel is whether their insecurity was temporary, and it and its source are now gone, or permanent, and it and its source are always with them.  Curtis's insecurity owing to acne as a teenager was I know very difficult (I had it also)--but as he says, it cleared up, and that physical feature is not an ongoing, unimprovable part of his self-concept as a man.  Not every source of insecurity passes, and I can understand where a man in the second group may not feel that the experience of someone in the first group is the same.

This is an insightful thread, with good postings all through.

 

[Max]

I agree with VFB - this is a very good thread. Not sure what it's doing in the "sex with a large penis" department, though.

Funnily enough, this is exactly where I came in. Back in the old Large Penis Forum which Donk and a few others will remember, after having lurked a while I stuck my head above the parapet and made my first post something pretty much along the lines of what Curtis has said. At that time the LPF was very small, the discussions were of good quality mostly, but it was much slower moving than what happens here.

But I felt that a lot of the posts there put only one side of the picture — how good it felt when I grew right past eight inches, or nine inches, how my girlfriend loves it, how I love the attention it gets me, etc etc. So I took the risk and voiced a little of the frustrating and "high maintenance" aspects of my own experience. Some agreed, some came down on me pretty hard for being negative. Having started posting I found it hard to stop ... hence my presence here several years later long after I should have grown out of such stuff

I can't agree with Curtis when he says there are NO advantages, and I can understand the frustration this sort of statement may cause to small or even average guys who say they would love to experience being big (or even very big) whatever problems it might entail.

But that there ARE significant downsides remains a fact ... in my track record at least.

 

[13788]

Curtis: [quote author=Max link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#13 date=06/05/03 at 02:25:55]...Not sure what it's doing in the "sex with a large penis" department, though...
[/quote]

My fault. I blame sleep deprivation. Feel free to slap me upside the head!

Curtis

 

[13788]

malito: Now, now, Curtis, I do not think we should be slaping anybody. You have started/restarted a very good thread.
As Donk has said, it is great to be able to have something that much taller men wish they had. All my life I wanted to be as big as my older cousin. It was not in the genes though. Due to several factors I remained small ( n penis and height). It seems that all of society is telling men that bigger is better. The size of your truck, tool-box, bank account, etc.
Here I read that bigger is not necessarily better but, at times a curse. Have you ever heard of "Napolean Complex"? You know the little guy conquering the world. I think that happens to tall men who are hung average or small too.
As a man who has been at the smaller end of life for 53 years, I'll take all the curses of being bigger just to experience it! Nearly everything else in our lives is up to our decision making ability. What God gave us at birth we have no choice about. We have to learn to deal with it and get on with life.

 

[13788]

malito: Now, now, Curtis, I do not think we should be slapping anybody. You have started/restarted a very good thread.
As Donk has said, it is great to be able to have something that much taller men wish they had. All my life I wanted to be as big as my older cousin. It was not in the genes though. Due to several factors I remained small ( n penis and height). It seems that all of society is telling men that bigger is better. The size of your truck, tool-box, bank account, etc.
Here I read that bigger is not necessarily better but, at times a curse. Have you ever heard of "Napolean Complex"? You know the little guy conquering the world. I think that happens to tall men who are hung average or small too.
As a man who has been at the smaller end of life for 53 years, I'll take all the curses of being bigger just to experience it! Nearly everything else in our lives is up to our decision making ability. What God gave us at birth we have no choice about. We have to learn to deal with it and get on with life.

 

[13788]

H8Monga: *And everyone waits and wonders "Where's Hapi? He hasn't replied to this thread?! Is he sick? Did he miss it? Is he here? Yeah he posted all around this one. What's going on?"*

If anyone even wondered at all, I avoided posting here but I can't resist no more. It seems I always seem to put a flame under a pot of water here and it gets to boiling. I don't mean to do that but we all have different opinions and sometimes they clash.

I had replied to the other post and someone said "here we go again." But I feel it's true that some people here deny the advantages even when they know there are advantages. Even with the disadvantages, they would never want to spare an inch, two, or three and despite the problems with clothing, "toilet baptism," unwanted attention, a focus on your package instead of your personality, being used, size queens, being worshipped by smaller guys, finding the right condoms to use, problems with sex (too big for oral, can't use some positions, hurting your partner, having some inches "left out in the cold," scaring partners...) etc. Despite all that, there are ways to work around it and it becomes less problematic and some really enjoy it all then turn around and deny they like it... probably to make smaller guys feel better about themselves. This I don't get. Some are miserable and proud at the same time.

Opinions flip flop too much. Maybe some people want to wish there were no advantages. Truth is (and I've talked to my friend about it who posted here about his experiences, and I've seen it written here by many others), despite all the problems with being hung and super hung, it never fails to get attention and people willing and able to hop on or test it out even if they are afraid of it initially. My friend said that no one has said no and that when they do him and it hurts they ask when they can do it again. Other guys say they love the reactions they get and then some deny being large increases the chances of being promiscuous. The problems seem to be a smaller price to pay for the jackpot it can bring.

Yes, being well endowed won't solve all your personal problems. If someone dies, you become heartbroken, or you lose your job, you can't sit back and say, "Well, at least I have a big dick." It doesn't allow you not to pay tolls on the freeway or lower your taxes. Those are not the advantages people talk about when they say being large has them. Being large doesn't erase other insecurities. You don't live a carefree life.

However, on the opposite end, no one has really said what advantages NOT being hung brings. So we don't get attention or used for size. That can make us feel ignored and what we have as not being special. It would be nice to get attention and maybe have an ego boost. So we don't have problems with clothes and appearance; some of us wish we could display a bulge (I know I HATE wearing sweats and having on a wet bathing suit... it's emasculating or at least makes you feel like a child). So we can get all ourselves in a partner, how are you sure they enjoy it? I know women say they like that full feeling. And even if a guy has a partner who doesn't care and loves him completely, he cannot help but feel he could be better or that he's not satisfying enough. So you can't do a lot of positions in sex, neither can smaller guys. So you worry about condoms fitting, at least you worry they'll be too tight or breaking than falling off. There's a lot more I've said before.

I want to know what are the advantages to being small or average? Especially since very few of you would ever want to be small or average. What could possibly give an average guy an ego-boost about his penis? I dare anyone to come up with a good sized, thorough list of advantages to being small or average (no more than 6") and be sincere about it.

 

[13788]

Javierdude22: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=sex;num=1054529490;start=0#17 date=06/05/03 at 09:12:58]*And everyone waits and wonders "Where's Hapi? He hasn't replied to this thread?! Is he sick? Did he miss it? Is he here? Yeah he posted all around this one. What's going on?"*

If anyone even wondered at all, I avoided posting here but I can't resist no more. It seems I always seem to put a flame under a pot of water here and it gets to boiling. I don't mean to do that but we all have different opinions and sometimes they clash.

I had replied to the other post and someone said "here we go again." But I feel it's true that some people here deny the advantages even when they know there are advantages. Even with the disadvantages, they would never want to spare an inch, two, or three and despite the problems with clothing, "toilet baptism," unwanted attention, a focus on your package instead of your personality, being used, size queens, being worshipped by smaller guys, finding the right condoms to use, problems with sex (too big for oral, can't use some positions, hurting your partner, having some inches "left out in the cold," scaring partners...) etc.  Despite all that, there are ways to work around it and it becomes less problematic and some really enjoy it all then turn around and deny they like it... probably to make smaller guys feel better about themselves. This I don't get. Some are miserable and proud at the same time.

I want to know what are the advantages to being small or average? Especially since very few of you would ever want to be small or average. What could possibly give an average guy an ego-boost about his penis? I dare anyone to come up with a good sized, thorough list of advantages to being small or average (no more than 6") and be sincere about it.  [/quote]

Ok...so i wrote a very well put emai...long....took my time...tried to post it....but it was too long so it said..press 'back' to change it...but whatya think?

*blank*

So i just smashed the place...

Ill try to recap...

I said here we go again cause the only posts you make is about this subject hapi...with a few exceptions.

And youre kinda bitter about people notr wanting to spare an inch or two to better other qualities about themselves....but i get the feeling youd compromise every aspect of your better qualities, just to get that extra inch...and im not sure thats the way to go...

Then i tried to explain how were all different bladiebla...it was very long....but it comes down to: get over yourself and let people be. If their proud or happy, more power to 'em...if their not, i feel sorry...

Look dude there are no 'advantages'or 'disadvantages' to pinpoint....cause each and everyone of us would judge them differently....some might think thats an advantage, others might not...theres no protocol

Your focusing too much on other people and projecting the problem yóu have, your insecurity, on thém...when you should look inside first.

My 2 cents...

 

[13788]

H8Monga: Can we side-step more?

You have a point, however free will is not the issue here. People listed their opinions on what people think are advantages to being big, but no one really ever points out the opposite advantages. For once I want to know! I am tired of people avoiding it. It's amazing how one can read me and tell me to "get over myself" when I could list names of people who toot their own damn horns more than enough, yet you ignore or deny they have even done it. Quit it. You say they have the right, well I have the right too. Answers please.

Also, I am not bitter. I having the time of my life right now. I spent this weekend in another state with some good friends I had no idea exactly how great they were until then. However, I am getting tired of people beating around the bush and just sweeping the issue at hand under the rug. I am tired of the double standards. Answers please.

By the way, I HATE pressing back and having it completely gone. I know how that feels.