Really depressed - IVF failed

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by cestmoi1979, Sep 11, 2011.

  1. cestmoi1979

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    My wife and I were supposed to go in for an embryo transfer today, after having gone through the whole IVF cycle of drugs, injections, egg collection (which was last week), fertilisation and then the wait to see how many would grow to a usable stage.

    Well, they got 12 eggs. Fantastic result. 11 of those fertilised. 8 of those were still alive and growing the next day. This would normally be considered an extremely positive result, because even if a couple of the embyros failed in the 5 day growth phase, we'd still have 1 to transfer and a few left over for future attempts.

    Fast forward to this morning. We had an appointment booked for 11:30 for the transfer. However, at about 8 o'clock this morning we received a phone call to say that none of the embryos had grown past 3 or 4 cells and that none were suitable for transfer.

    Has anyone else here been through this process? Or had failures then success? I need to know if there's hope out there for us. This whole process has been playing havoc with my emotions and I can't tell you how many times I've swung from hopeful to depressed and back again. My wife has an amazing support forum that's all about mums and pregnancy and child raising etc which has been great for her, but I haven't been able to find anything like it out there for the men in these situations.

    Is there anyone out there?
     
  2. Curvey_Amazon_OH

    Curvey_Amazon_OH New Member

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    I have looked into being a traditional surrogate and am pretty familiar with what you are going through. However I don't think you are going to find the support on this site. I am sure the same forums your wife is on will accept you with open hearts. IVF is a joint venture.
    Is this your first cycle? There are so many variables that can effect your personal experience. Many couples go through exactly what you are going trough.......some succeed later and some never do. There is always hope, otherwise you would not being going through IVF. I know this is a very emotional time but you will find the strength in each other to overcome the uncertainty.
    Sending baby dust your way............
     
  3. cestmoi1979

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    No I don't think her forum would take me in... it's women only from what I can tell.

    Thank you for your kind words though. Yes it was our first cycle and it was educational to say the least. It's odd when you're so emotionally involved in something and all you get to contribute on your own efforts is to masturbate into a specimen jar on queue. =/
     
  4. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

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    I would also guess that this is the wrong support group, although you might find some great guys here. One of my buddies spent a fortune producing his own boy, and 10 years later, they decided to adopt a chinese/vietnamese/etc girl. IVF is expensive, and it is up to you whether it is worth it to you. If you are together because you love each other, maybe start the adoption process. If one of you is obsessed with having a kid, and the other not, maybe the fertile one needs to insert another man/woman here.

    being callous and cold here, but I think you should figure out what you want.

    Assuming you want a kid with this woman (suggested in the OP) and repeated attempts are unsuccessful. It looks like one of you is biologically deficient. Nothing embarrassing - it is what it is. At some point you stop pouring money into the clinics and go the artificial insemination or adoption route. The decision remains in your hands, even if the kid's genes don't. I hope you guys do well.
     
  5. davidjh7

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    Regardless of the success or failure, remember there are already many kids out there who desperately need the love and support of people who honestly WANT to be parents, and want to do their best. Just from going through all you have already, you have shown a great commitment to being parents. A child is a beautful gift, regardless of how they come into your life. Don't be discouraged, but don;t forget there are always alternative paths that can enrich and bless your life. Keep your courage up, your hopes high, and your minds, and options open. As the old saying goes, when one door is closed, another opens. You just have to be willing to see it. I wish you the best, and my prayers go out for your success. Please don't think that just because there isn't direct expereince, that this can't be a place to come and talk about things. We are all people, with similar thoughts and feelings, and there are paralell experiences that people have had that can help provide insight and comfort. Support comes in many forms, from many places. Take care, and come back and talk often!
     
  6. thebesthotsex

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    Your wife should try acupuncture to relax her body. It got Celine Dion and Mariah Carey pregnant and they're both in their 40's.
     
  7. surferboy

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    i hope you don't take this in a mean way, but why not adopt? there are plenty of kids in this world that are in need of a family
     
  8. cestmoi1979

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    Yeah adoption is a good thing to do... unfortunately it's REALLY REALLY REALLY hard in Australia - there are so many hoops to jump through and from what I gather it's even more expensive than IVF.

    Thanks for the kind words people.
     
  9. rsny845

    rsny845 Member

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    It may work out yet - there is no way to handicap it. We did rounds of fertility only to lose the pregnancy in the fifth month for unknown reasons. Another 6 months of fertility stuff only to be told it wasn't going to happen for us.

    We gave up, cried a lot and started adoption inquiries. Bango - no help from doctorss - she's 16 years old now. I think just forgiving yourself and relaxing is a big part of it.

    PS: my wife was nutso on the hormones - she seemed possessed by an evil spirit - raging all the time - had us all in terror. They don't mention that at the fertility practice. and it was all for nothing.
     
  10. molotovmuffin

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    Regardless...your future babies will still have been made from love.:wink:
     
  11. Viking_UK

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    I know three couples who spent years (and a fortune) trying IVF unsuccessfully, only to give up and admit they weren't going to have children. Within months of stopping, all three women were pregnant and now two of the couples have two daughters and the third couple a son.

    Now, I know this doesn't happen in every case, and that it's pretty complicated in general, but supposedly stress (or more accurately stress hormone) levels can inhibit conception, and that certainly seemed to be the case with my friends and relatives.

    This will sound trite, but it may be worth taking some time out and trying to relax and stop worrying about it.

    I hope all goes well for you and your wife and that you end up with the children you obviously desire.
     
  12. MrToolhung

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    I am so sorry that things are not going well for you. Hopefully things will work out
     
  13. jonnyjinx

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    Don't give up!

    Friends of mine were having similar problems. The first two attemps failed but the third attempt was successful and now they have a gorgeous and healthy baby daughter!
     
  14. sexplease

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    A friends sister and brother-in-law tried 3 times with no success. sometimes life finds a way sometimes not.
    But choosing another life to rear and be blessed with is nothing short of the gift of life from, well, life.
    Adoption was the hope and is the way of my friends family.
     
  15. ksregister

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    Hey man, I know what you're going through. We did IVF as well and were not successful. In fact the egg production was so unsuccessful that the clinic recommended that we not waste our time/money trying again because they thought that we didn't have much chance of success. They said that this was not typical and that many couples fail and then succeed later.

    We have subsequently adopted 2 kids and couldn't be happier. A few of our friends were successful with IVF and not always on the first attempt so don't lose heart.

    Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you and your wife.
     
  16. lovin_california

    lovin_california Active Member

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    Would be happy to chat on skype sometime.
     
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