Really Want this Girl to Like Me...Need Advice...

[D_Werelay Whatarod]

I don't really have a unique question, or anything pertaining to a big dick issue for that matter, but just a general relationship question.

I met this girl two weeks ago at a bar and we really hit it off. Usually I don't look past anything other than a one night stand, but this girl seemed like girlfriend material. We texted for about two weeks but I was usually the one starting the conversations.

It took two weeks for us to finally get to hang out (our work schedules are polar opposites). The first night we hung out, she just came over and watched a movie. We snuggled (for lack of a better word) for most of it and just sat around and talked. We didn't even make out.

She came over the next night and our talks got a little more serious. We asked why we were into each other and all that good stuff. I really let my guard down and made myself seem "soft." I probably over-complimented her, said I couldn't believe she was into me, told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high, on and on. We actually made out for a good 15-20 minutes after that talk but it just didn't feel right.

It's been a week since then. I asked her to come over last Sunday, she didn't; then tonight and she didn't either. I really like this girl, so I'd like for some advice to steer me in the right direction. Where do I go from here? How should I approach asking her on a real date (other than hanging out at my house)? How do I get a confident image back?

Sorry if this didn't belong a forum like this but I can't fall asleep just thinking and over-complicating things. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Horrible]

Dude, she's not into you. And, unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do to change that. I personally think you missed your chance during the cuddling.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You noticed that it didn't feel right when you were making out. She noticed too. Or, she had already realized the connection wasn't a fit for her, and then that's why it wasn't right when you were making out. But either way, all signs point to no.

 

[Kotchanski]

I hate to be the bitch in all this but...

told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high

If said to me, all I'd have heard was:

You should consider yourself lucky that I'm giving up my spare time for you. I hope you're grateful for this.

I may have made out with you a little after, just to see if the arrogance was warranted, but if it wasn't, and it didn't feel right, that would have been the last you were seeing of me.

 

[atlclgurl]

If you liked her so much why didn't you ask her on a real date? Hanging out at your house is not really a first or second date kind of night. Add in the (possibly perceived, possibly real) arrogance and there's a reason why she's not making herself available to you.

You should let this one go, she's not interested.

 

[dolfette]

yeah, that 'my standards are too high' crap would make me think you're just a jerk.

 

[B_cosmognosis]

I probably over-complimented her, said I couldn't believe she was into me, told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high, on and on.

:banghead: Seriously? You couldn't have done this more wrong if you had tried.


First, you de-value yourself and then follow-up with some lame ass attempt to DHV, and you wonder about your pathetic results?

Nothing to be done at this point, except give her time and space to forget about the pitiful impression you managed to leave her with.

 

[redz_rule]

I have to completely agree with Aconitum's post.

Sorry hun

 

[jimd846]

You made some mistakes which has already been pointed out.

When you meet a girl you like, get her number, then call her within 3 days and say that you'd like to take her out to dinner sometime. Do not text yet. Texting is casual and it's what cowards do at that stage. Be a man and make a phone call.

You made it too casual. Women want you to do some work to date them. Otherwise they feel a little cheap and associate that feeling with you. Just do better next time.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

I don't really have a unique question, or anything pertaining to a big dick issue for that matter, but just a general relationship question.

I met this girl two weeks ago at a bar and we really hit it off. Usually I don't look past anything other than a one night stand, but this girl seemed like girlfriend material. We texted for about two weeks but I was usually the one starting the conversations.

It took two weeks for us to finally get to hang out (our work schedules are polar opposites). The first night we hung out, she just came over and watched a movie. We snuggled (for lack of a better word) for most of it and just sat around and talked. We didn't even make out.

She came over the next night and our talks got a little more serious. We asked why we were into each other and all that good stuff. I really let my guard down and made myself seem "soft." I probably over-complimented her, said I couldn't believe she was into me, told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high, on and on. We actually made out for a good 15-20 minutes after that talk but it just didn't feel right.

It's been a week since then. I asked her to come over last Sunday, she didn't; then tonight and she didn't either. I really like this girl, so I'd like for some advice to steer me in the right direction. Where do I go from here? How should I approach asking her on a real date (other than hanging out at my house)? How do I get a confident image back?

Sorry if this didn't belong a forum like this but I can't fall asleep just thinking and over-complicating things. Any advice is appreciated.

you have nothing, she wants nothing to do with you .. and she probably only hung out with you those two nights because her other dates bailed so she wanted to give you a "fair shot" ... and you blew it (horrible game)

dust yourself off, never speak to her again and try again with a different girl and never get hung up on one girl because once you lost her, you lost her forever

dont be the one who initiates conversations, if she likes you, she would call/text you, just go ghost on herand move on because right now you're not only unnattractive because you had no confidence (putting her on a pedalstool telling her you cant believe she likes you) but you put came off as either an arrogant douche or an insecure clown so give up on her and keep it moving

 

[helgaleena]

Yeah, usually you would not date somebody like her because your standards are too high? What is she, a slumming alternative?

You give the impression that 'girlfriend material' to you means some sort of live in servant or something. If what you truly want is a friend of the opposite sex, then be friendly and don't use all this game-playing pigeonhole stuffing categorization.

She maybe actually liked you until you revealed how screwy your thinking actually was, all these unrealistic expectations of what you were supposed to be to each other. Next time you like a woman sincerely as something other than a wham-bam, Try to talk with her as a fellow human being, not an alien species, and perhaps you can be friends. In your case, if you have had success with one-night stands before, it may be best to try to actually make friends with one of them the next morning--- just as a place to start.

 

[D_Fizzy Cola Bottles]

I probably over-complimented her, said I couldn't believe she was into me, told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high, on and on. We actually made out for a good 15-20 minutes after that talk but it just didn't feel right.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that one off statement made during a date is not necessarily a deal breaker. Unless you say something really obnoxious, like something racist or crackpot that has the girl questioning if you take medication. I don't think the above statements are in that vein. And if the girl being discussed did feel turned off by what he said then why did she go ahead and make out with him?

At this point, it's not clear what she's thinking. Everyone is making assumptions. How did she end up not showing up for the subsequent invitations? Did she say she was coming and not show up point blank? Did she make some excuses that sounded kind of lame or evasive? Did she sound apologetic and sincere or just kind of blah?

 

[deleted432219]

If you liked her so much why didn't you ask her on a real date? Hanging out at your house is not really a first or second date kind of night. Add in the (possibly perceived, possibly real) arrogance and there's a reason why she's not making herself available to you.

You should let this one go, she's not interested.

All of this....Especially the part in bold!

 

[TheRob]

I hate to be the bitch in all this but...



If said to me, all I'd have heard was:



I may have made out with you a little after, just to see if the arrogance was warranted, but if it wasn't, and it didn't feel right, that would have been the last you were seeing of me.

so fi I act like a jerk I get to make out with you
...
cool!

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

It also sounds kinda like you were being inauthentic with her too, you say you made yourself seem soft by telling her your standards are too high for you to hang out with women.

If you put on some matcho act the rest of the time and aren't really honest and open with people then that will be highlighted by the fact that you decided to divulge your more authentic feelings and thoughts to this woman. She'll get the impression that you're insecure and not capable of being real and confident the rest of the time.

I know that I instantly find it a turn off when someone confesses to being different when they're around me, that they're more themselves, less guarded, etc etc. I just don't like the fact that they must be being inauthentic the rest of the time and putting on an act.


Also what was your aim with this? On the one hand it seems like you were interested in dating her, like a romantic thing, on the other hand you're kinda categorising your interactions with her according to the physical acts you did or did not have with her, did you just want to schtup her?

Naturally the two things are linked, but if you really liked her the latter would have proceeded from the former and you wouldn't have been thinking so much about what you did do with her and what you didn't, things would just have come naturally.

Also gotta agree with others about the venue you chose to meet up in. I meet at a guy's house for a hookup, to fuck, I don't go on a first date to his house unless he lives in a palace. If I went to a guy's house and we didn't fuck and what happened was more akin to something I'd do after several dates I'd think he was lazy and presumptious and I'd probably ignore his all too numerous texts.

 

[tallblondviking]

I don't really have a unique question, or anything pertaining to a big dick issue for that matter, but just a general relationship question.

I met this girl two weeks ago at a bar and we really hit it off. Usually I don't look past anything other than a one night stand, but this girl seemed like girlfriend material. We texted for about two weeks but I was usually the one starting the conversations.

It took two weeks for us to finally get to hang out (our work schedules are polar opposites). The first night we hung out, she just came over and watched a movie. We snuggled (for lack of a better word) for most of it and just sat around and talked. We didn't even make out.

She came over the next night and our talks got a little more serious. We asked why we were into each other and all that good stuff. I really let my guard down and made myself seem "soft." I probably over-complimented her, said I couldn't believe she was into me, told her I never really hang out with girls because my standards are too high, on and on. We actually made out for a good 15-20 minutes after that talk but it just didn't feel right.

It's been a week since then. I asked her to come over last Sunday, she didn't; then tonight and she didn't either. I really like this girl, so I'd like for some advice to steer me in the right direction. Where do I go from here? How should I approach asking her on a real date (other than hanging out at my house)? How do I get a confident image back?

Sorry if this didn't belong a forum like this but I can't fall asleep just thinking and over-complicating things. Any advice is appreciated.

Mistakes aside, and there are some whoppers here, I think you're into with the IDEA of having a girlfriend, not into this particular one. Now she isn't responding back and true to human nature we want what we can't have.

This one is a lost cause. Let her go. Stop and ask yourself how you would feel if a woman you were interested in fed you lines like that. It is the old walk a mile in the other persons shoes proverb. When the right one comes along you will both know it. You won't have to work at it. They will literally take your breath away, make your head spin, give you butterflies in your stomach and you find that your desire and focus is not on how she makes you feel but on how you make her feel, and it will be mutual. Without becoming a doormat, the "Making this person happy brings me total joy" feeling will let you know you're there.

 

[helgaleena]

Stop and ask yourself how you would feel if a woman you were interested in fed you lines like that. It is the old walk a mile in the other persons shoes proverb. When the right one comes along you will both know it. You won't have to work at it. They will literally take your breath away, make your head spin, give you butterflies in your stomach and you find that your desire and focus is not on how she makes you feel but on how you make her feel, and it will be mutual. Without becoming a doormat, the "Making this person happy brings me total joy" feeling will let you know you're there.

Wise words.