Reasons why women Cheat

[ManlyBanisters]

Sorry, Fleur, but I agree with Kitty - you do seem to be trying to place her emotional life within your own framework.

You can't say that openness of another person's relationship stifles her emotions because you are not inside her feeling her emotions. That may be how you would feel, how you imagine things would be, but that is because you are you. We have to take Kittie at face value. Just because her answers don't fit your perceptions it doesn't mean she's kidding herself - it just means your perceptions are inadequate when it comes to understanding her relationship.

Edit: But that's OK, her perceptions are probably inadequate when it comes to understanding your relationship(s), sexual or otherwise. The difference being she doesn't appear to be judging you - or finding your choices wanting. We are all our own people. It doesn't do to judge the ways in which other people find love and happiness.

 

[Drifterwood]

There are many reasons, but one that I think that is far more common in women than is men, is that the woman is looking for a new partner. Almost every woman I know who has left their husband for another man, and that is a considrable figure, have had affairs with that man and others before leaving. I can think of exceptions.

I also think that this is why some women misunderstand men's cheating, because they think that it is for the same reason as why many women cheat. But it isn't. I can't think of a guy who has cheated because he is looking for a new better partner.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

There are many reasons, but one that I think that is far more common in women than is men, is that the woman is looking for a new partner. Almost every woman I know who has left their husband for another man, and that is a considrable figure, have had affairs with that man and others before leaving. I can think of exceptions.

Is it you who perceive them to have left their husbands for other men or is that something they have said themselves?

Just because a woman leaves her partner and starts up a relationship with another man at the same time it doesn't mean the desire to start the new relationship is the reason for the break up of the old one. and it certainly doesn't mean that was the reason for 'cheating' in the first place.

I also think that this is why some women misunderstand men's cheating, because they think that it is for the same reason as why many women cheat. But it isn't. I can't think of a guy who has cheated because he is looking for a new better partner.

Now, this I just don't understand. I know, and know of, just as many men as women who have moved out of home and in with the mistress. But you don't interpret this as the man cheating to start a new relationship - although that is the outcome. The same thing happens with a woman and you interpret her reason as being the desire for a new relationship.

What's the difference?

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Sorry, Fleur, but I agree with Kitty - you do seem to be trying to place her emotional life within your own framework.

You can't say that openness of another person's relationship stifles her emotions because you are not inside her feeling her emotions. That may be how you would feel, how you imagine things would be, but that is because you are you. We have to take Kittie at face value. Just because her answers don't fit your perceptions it doesn't mean she's kidding herself - it just means your perceptions are inadequate when it comes to understanding her relationship.

Edit: But that's OK, her perceptions are probably inadequate when it comes to understanding your relationship(s), sexual or otherwise. The difference being she doesn't appear to be judging you - or finding your choices wanting. We are all our own people. It doesn't do to judge the ways in which other people find love and happiness.

Yes, absolutely agree with everything here, MB.
But, want to add that, even if different from my own, I do respect Fleur's point of view on the subject and leave it at that.

 

[Fleur]

Sorry, Fleur, but I agree with Kitty - you do seem to be trying to place her emotional life within your own framework.

No I'm not, I'm talking about basic cognitive psychology. To say one is devoid of a certain emotion or above it, less they are a psychopath, is ludicrous. I'm not discussing her need or feelings about said emotion consciously.

That was my only point. And yes, based on an open relationship, where many emotions are blacklisted, I do feel it is more stifling.

And yeah, I'm definitely done talking about this. No sense in hitting my head against a brick wall to discuss human behavior.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

No I'm not, I'm talking about basic cognitive psychology. To say one is devoid of a certain emotion or above it, less they are a psychopath, is ludicrous. I'm not discussing her need or feelings about said emotion consciously.

That was my only point. And yes, based on an open relationship, where many emotions are blacklisted, I do feel it is more stifling.

I think we may be talking at cross purposes. I don't want to speak for anyone else but what I read from Kittie is that she doesn't feel jealousy when she knows her partner is having sex with someone else. It's not that she doesn't feel jealousy period, just that her man putting his penis in another woman's mouth / vagina / whatever does not make her feel jealous.

She's not stifling her jealousy. Not blacklisting it. She's not feeling it at all.

You would feel jealous in that situation, so would I. But she doesn't.

However - take a small bite of her breakfast bagel and she might rip your fucking arms off and beat you to death with them. Or something else, I have no idea.

Back on point - yes, it would be stifling for you - but it isn't for her. See the difference?

 

[sbat]

@Manly (et al.)
Take the point you just made, and extend it to "cheating" in general.

Some people are naturally polyamorous. In other words, they could find someone that they absolutely love - that they would die for if necessary. And they might still desire/pursue sex or even a sexual relationship with another person concurrently.

Ok, I get it - ego dictates for many that they OUGHT to be the ONE AND ONLY of their lover, and their ego can't bear the thought that the person whispering "I love you" post-coitus in bed at night could be saying the same thing and meaning it with someone else too. So that's where your strong aversion to cheating/cheaters comes from. You rationalize it with moral statements like "breaking commitment" "hurting your lover" "responsibility" etc. Hence, you look for reasons why people cheat and come up with things like dissatisfaction, temptation, boredom, bad person, etc. These are often true too.

But at the end of the day, if you can imagine your lover fucking and loving another person without feeling offense, then you probably don't see cheating as a black and white issue - I mean the term itself implies dishonesty and a whole set of negative images, and a cheater offends not just the victim wife/husband, but society as a whole - hence the obsession with publically humiliating prominent "cheaters" like Tiger Woods (that shit was unnecessary and borderline hateful).

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I think we may be talking at cross purposes. I don't want to speak for anyone else but what I read from Kittie is that she doesn't feel jealousy when she knows her partner is having sex with someone else. It's not that she doesn't feel jealousy period, just that her man putting his penis in another woman's mouth / vagina / whatever does not make her feel jealous.

She's not stifling her jealousy. Not blacklisting it. She's not feeling it at all.

You would feel jealous in that situation, so would I. But she doesn't.

However - take a small bite of her breakfast bagel and she might rip your fucking arms off and beat you to death with them. Or something else, I have no idea.

Back on point - yes, it would be stifling for you - but it isn't for her. See the difference?

Speak for me, MB! :biggrin1:
You are on the right track. If anything, I would like to watch him with another woman. :biggrin1:

p.s. substitute bagel with the thing I am working on now, and yes, I would definitely cut a bitch...:09: well, dude, 'cause my main competitor is male. *sigh*

 

[B_BoysAreToys]

Just the thought of cheating makes me ill.

Why be with someone if you're going to hurt them and you want to fuck someone else?

Yuck.

 

[hsarge]

Booze!

 

[sbat]

Just the thought of cheating makes me ill.

Why be with someone if you're going to hurt them and you want to fuck someone else?

Yuck.

Would you ever have a threesome?

 

[B_BoysAreToys]

Would you ever have a threesome?

Sure, when I'm single.

 

[sbat]

Sure, when I'm single.

Haha, just checking.

I remember a recent post of yours telling how you were recently cheated on - I understand where you're coming from.

My girlfriend is of the same view as you about the threesomes and group sex (its her favorite porn to watch and one of her deepest fantasies). The weird thing is I love her but would have no problem with her having sex with another man. She knows this and calls me her pimp. Not really sure how I feel about that.

 

[B_BoysAreToys]

Haha, just checking.

I remember a recent post of yours telling how you were recently cheated on - I understand where you're coming from.

My girlfriend is of the same view as you about the threesomes and group sex (its her favorite porn to watch and one of her deepest fantasies). The weird thing is I love her but would have no problem with her having sex with another man. She knows this and calls me her pimp. Not really sure how I feel about that.

Yeah, seeing someone I love fucking another girl was the worst thing I could have witnessed.

I don't think I would feel different if that didn't happen though.

I would be terrified that he'd like her better in a 3some and would start going behind my back. I am so insecure now it's pathetic.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Various surveys conducted over many decades show that more married men have extra-marital sex than married women

How is this possible? Every time a str8 guy cheats he having sex with a woman so how can there be more guys cheating than women? Sounds like guys are just more honest in the surveys, simple as that.

 

[dolfette]

How is this possible? Every time a str8 guy cheats he having sex with a woman so how can there be more guys cheating than women? Sounds like guys are just more honest in the surveys, simple as that.

maybe *gasp* the women they're cheating with are single?

silly you!

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

To me its the same with men and women. Something is wrong in the relantionship or you wouldn't be looking elsewhere. You can't be in love with someone and hurt them in such a way. I just don't believe it. People can use whatever excuse they want to. When it comes time to do it, they make the selfish choice. Why not dump the person your with then go on your merry way?

I think it was Discovery Channel's series on the psychology of sex which said Love is what keeps a person from leaving their partner when they meet someone more attractive. So I agree with you. If you're really in love with the person, you're not going to cheat on a regular basis. One mistake might be forgiven but if it happens several times, they don't love you no matter what they say.

For me it would be the lying more than the sex. I've had open relationships before and as long as my partner told me who he was sleeping with and how often etc. that was fine. I got to play also. But lie to me once and it's over because I will never trust you again and I have some ex's who can back me up on that. :wink:

 

[Fleur]

I think we may be talking at cross purposes.

Like I said, you don't get what I'm talking about and that's fine. I'm not debating she doesn't deal with emotions differently, but she's not exempt from them. Just because she appears to not experience them to a bigger degree isn't to assume she deals with that emotion better...it could be the exact opposite, that she ignores and does not deal with it at all.

 

[Incocknito]

Reasons women cheat:

1. Because she met Incocknito

:biggrin1:

 

[B_BoysAreToys]

lmao @ incocknito