Reasons why women Cheat

[HiddenLacey]

I think it was Discovery Channel's series on the psychology of sex which said Love is what keeps a person from leaving their partner when they meet someone more attractive. So I agree with you. If you're really in love with the person, you're not going to cheat on a regular basis. One mistake might be forgiven but if it happens several times, they don't love you no matter what they say.

For me it would be the lying more than the sex. I've had open relationships before and as long as my partner told me who he was sleeping with and how often etc. that was fine. I got to play also. But lie to me once and it's over because I will never trust you again and I have some ex's who can back me up on that. :wink:

Exactly I'm right there with you. Personally I think open relantionships are great for people that can deal with it. Myself I just don't think I would be comfortable, though polyfidelity would be doable. I would like the idea of 2-4 people sharing each other but within trust boundaries with one another. It's all in what we can handle. I agree with you about the lying to. The sex part I could get over the lying part FORGET IT

 

[Libertiny]

Ok folks, here's a thought, Monogamy doesn't work for most people, but society has drilled it into our heads that that is something we should be working towards.

Who here hasn't grown up with bedtime stories of the princess finds her "true love", they get married and the live happily ever after.

My husband and I have been married for 14 years now, and still going on strong. We've been swinging for over 5 years, and still have a lot of fun meeting new couples, and having group sex. (life is good)

My husband is polyamorous, and has a great girlfriend. He sees her 2-3 times a week. This has been going on for about 4 months now. He invited me along on their first date. :tongue:

An open relationship can work, everyone has to be open and honest, be willing to stick to any rules that both parties have set, and have google calendar.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Ok folks, here's a thought, Monogamy doesn't work for most people, but society has drilled it into our heads that that is something we should be working towards.

Who here hasn't grown up with bedtime stories of the princess finds her "true love", they get married and the live happily ever after.

My husband and I have been married for 14 years now, and still going on strong. We've been swinging for over 5 years, and still have a lot of fun meeting new couples, and having group sex. (life is good)

My husband is polyamorous, and has a great girlfriend. He sees her 2-3 times a week. This has been going on for about 4 months now. He invited me along on their first date. :tongue:

An open relationship can work, everyone has to be open and honest, be willing to stick to any rules that both parties have set, and have google calendar.

It's good for you that you feel that way and that it works for you. I'm 100% ok with people wanting to have whatever type of relantionship they want. I actually choose to be in a closed relationship. I would be happy with more than one partner if we were closed to others and just delt with each other. That's just my personal preference it doesn't mean anythings wrong with any other type of relantionship:smile: I would be perfectly happy if I were with 2 others and they just had each other sometimes because it would work for me and be in my comfort zone and they would know up front that's where I was willing to go with the relantionship.

 

[dolph9plus]

Wow,lots of replies with lots of good points, thanx guys and gals for the feedback !

 

[Drifterwood]

Is it you who perceive them to have left their husbands for other men or is that something they have said themselves?

Just because a woman leaves her partner and starts up a relationship with another man at the same time it doesn't mean the desire to start the new relationship is the reason for the break up of the old one. and it certainly doesn't mean that was the reason for 'cheating' in the first place.

No I am saying that they start the new relationship before they leave the old one. Burning bridges etc., supported by "you can do better than that". There are exceptions.

I am just an observer in these things.

 

[iluvbigheads]

...I think the truth of the matter in our society a woman, regardless of appearances in general, can go out there and find a man, perhaps a bar for example and walk out with a man who is willing to bang, if even it's just a one night stand and so on. This is the dynamic. Thus, they can be given a degree of preference to move on, stay or whatever she pleases. Given this, she can find reason to cheat or even think of it. I don't think men have it so easy. But anyhow, my second guess would be cheating with someone with more spending power, perhaps personable, influencial, driving a hot car...but honestly, I don't think having a big cock has much to do with it, I mean, its not like we know how big it is, but we know we love riding in that corvette. Pull up beside me and I'll be all, oh baby, that thing stock, how much you got to spend tonight baby. I digress. haha.

 

[mako shark]

True true, my ex wife left me for a guy that is less endowed, far less financial means, and certainly doesn't drive a Corvette. I figure that it must have been the "new meat" after 23yrs of marriage...

...I think the truth of the matter in our society a woman, regardless of appearances in general, can go out there and find a man, perhaps a bar for example and walk out with a man who is willing to bang, if even it's just a one night stand and so on. This is the dynamic. Thus, they can be given a degree of preference to move on, stay or whatever she pleases. Given this, she can find reason to cheat or even think of it. I don't think men have it so easy. But anyhow, my second guess would be cheating with someone with more spending power, perhaps personable, influencial, driving a hot car...but honestly, I don't think having a big cock has much to do with it, I mean, its not like we know how big it is, but we know we love riding in that corvette. Pull up beside me and I'll be all, oh baby, that thing stock, how much you got to spend tonight baby. I digress. haha.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

No I am saying that they start the new relationship before they leave the old one. Burning bridges etc., supported by "you can do better than that". There are exceptions.

Yes, D, I know that's what you meant - but so do loads and loads of men. Maybe not in your personal circle of friends but look out into the whole wide world. Guy gets mistress (for whatever reason), guy leaves wife and moves in with mistress - happens every day.

Why do you perceive that the women cheated in order to specifically start the new relationship but that the men did not?

In your first post you said looking for a new relationship is something that you perceive women have as a "reason" for cheating that men do not. But why? Why do you think the men who start the affair and end up moving in with the mistress after leaving the wife are not motivated to cheat by the desire for the new relationship?

 

[dolfette]

True true, my ex wife left me for a guy that is less endowed, far less financial means, and certainly doesn't drive a Corvette. I figure that it must have been the "new meat" after 23yrs of marriage...

maybe she left you for a guy who doesn't think that big dicks, money & flash cars are all women really want. :tongue:

 

[B_quietguy]

How is this possible? Every time a str8 guy cheats he having sex with a woman so how can there be more guys cheating than women? Sounds like guys are just more honest in the surveys, simple as that.

Maybe the women who do cheat do so with more partners.

 

[Drifterwood]

Yes, D, I know that's what you meant - but so do loads and loads of men. Maybe not in your personal circle of friends but look out into the whole wide world. Guy gets mistress (for whatever reason), guy leaves wife and moves in with mistress - happens every day.

Why do you perceive that the women cheated in order to specifically start the new relationship but that the men did not?

In your first post you said looking for a new relationship is something that you perceive women have as a "reason" for cheating that men do not. But why? Why do you think the men who start the affair and end up moving in with the mistress after leaving the wife are not motivated to cheat by the desire for the new relationship?

Well, it may be truer in France, but where I live and travel a lot, yes, men have mistresses, but they are increasingly less inclined to leave the wife and family. There is a major financial factor in this, but also it is just convenient to have something on the side when your home sex may have lost some of its zing.

I think that the old cliche of running off woth the secretary or younger woman, is just that, an old cliche. I am sure it still happens, but I have never seen it, whereas I almost cannot think of a divorce amongst my friends IRL where the woman has not prepared a nice new nest.

I am going to stick to the generalisation that women cheat to find a new partner more than men do.

 

[Drifterwood]

Maybe the women who do cheat do so with more partners.

One of my friends who has been married for twenty years, told me that she has had seventeen lovers in the last ten. She's happily married.

 

[Fleur]

Well, it may be truer in France, but where I live and travel a lot, yes, men have mistresses, but they are increasingly less inclined to leave the wife and family. There is a major financial factor in this, but also it is just convenient to have something on the side when your home sex may have lost some of its zing.

I think that the old cliche of running off woth the secretary or younger woman, is just that, an old cliche. I am sure it still happens, but I have never seen it, whereas I almost cannot think of a divorce amongst my friends IRL where the woman has not prepared a nice new nest.

I am going to stick to the generalisation that women cheat to find a new partner more than men do.

Probably true. I have seen plenty of times a case where a man in a marriage (with no children or grown children) has left a marriage for another woman/the mistress. Life is too short. And men might be more likely to look just for sex outside of their relationship and not a new partner, but if the sex is *that* good, there has to be some emotional connection involved, to me anyway...then again I'm a woman. :redface:

 

[AlteredEgo]

Probably true. I have seen plenty of times a case where a man in a marriage (with no children or grown children) has left a marriage for another woman/the mistress. Life is too short. And men might be more likely to look just for sex outside of their relationship and not a new partner, but if the sex is *that* good, there has to be some emotional connection involved, to me anyway...then again I'm a woman. :redface:

Why does there have to be an emotional connection just because the sex is good? I feel sorry for people who can't have stellar sex with someone they just think is cool, as opposed to having all kinds of emotional hang-ups about them. Frankly, if I was that way, I'd have missed out on some awesome times.

*thinks fondly of the cable guy she fucked regularly, starting the night after he installed her cable, and all the boundaries he pushed her across, and consequently all the new horizons she saw*

 

[got_lost]

Yes, D, I know that's what you meant - but so do loads and loads of men. Maybe not in your personal circle of friends but look out into the whole wide world. Guy gets mistress (for whatever reason), guy leaves wife and moves in with mistress - happens every day.

Why do you perceive that the women cheated in order to specifically start the new relationship but that the men did not?

In your first post you said looking for a new relationship is something that you perceive women have as a "reason" for cheating that men do not. But why? Why do you think the men who start the affair and end up moving in with the mistress after leaving the wife are not motivated to cheat by the desire for the new relationship?

Well, it may be truer in France, but where I live and travel a lot, yes, men have mistresses, but they are increasingly less inclined to leave the wife and family. There is a major financial factor in this, but also it is just convenient to have something on the side when your home sex may have lost some of its zing.

I think that the old cliche of running off woth the secretary or younger woman, is just that, an old cliche. I am sure it still happens, but I have never seen it, whereas I almost cannot think of a divorce amongst my friends IRL where the woman has not prepared a nice new nest.

I am going to stick to the generalisation that women cheat to find a new partner more than men do.

He has a point

Maybe the blokes aren't intending to find a new bird and are only looking for the bit on the side. They're not intending on leaving the wife at all.

P'raps they only leave the wife once they've been caught!


I remember I once had a friend who wanted to leave her partner but wouldn't til she'd found his replacement! To be fair she looked a long time and tried everything that came along! Eventually she succeeded though.

 

[freyasworld]

We should all have marriage contracts, for a month, 6 months or a year. Even muslims have that, before christianity we had handfasting 1 year and a day, if a relationship is not working move on at the end of the contract, if it works renew!

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Well, it may be truer in France, but where I live and travel a lot, yes, men have mistresses, but they are increasingly less inclined to leave the wife and family. There is a major financial factor in this, but also it is just convenient to have something on the side when your home sex may have lost some of its zing.

I think that the old cliche of running off woth the secretary or younger woman, is just that, an old cliche. I am sure it still happens, but I have never seen it, whereas I almost cannot think of a divorce amongst my friends IRL where the woman has not prepared a nice new nest.

I am going to stick to the generalisation that women cheat to find a new partner more than men do.

OK - in your experience women are more likely to prepare a new nest, as you put it, before leaving the old one. But is that their actual motivation for cheating?

Or do they cheat for all the same reasons as men and then decide they'd prefer to have the bit on the side full-time?

Just because B follows A it doesn't mean that A causes B. You're making assumptions about motivation based on outcome that you really have no evidence for.

 

[petite]

We should all have marriage contracts, for a month, 6 months or a year. Even muslims have that, before christianity we had handfasting 1 year and a day, if a relationship is not working move on at the end of the contract, if it works renew!

I sort of think that's a great idea. It prevents either partner from taking their spouse for granted since that renew date comes back around once a year. You're constantly reminded that this person you're with doesn't have to be with you.

OK - in your experience women are more likely to prepare a new nest, as you put it, before leaving the old one. But is that their actual motivation for cheating?

Or do they cheat for all the same reasons as men and then decide they'd prefer to have the bit on the side full-time?

Just because B follows A it doesn't mean that A causes B. You're making assumptions about motivation based on outcome that you really have no evidence for.

I don't know many women who cheat, but I did know a few women who do this. They don't leave their previous partner until they've found a replacement and they do that over and over again. I was just talking to a friend of mine about one of her friends who has done that with every relationship since she was 15 years old. I also had a good friend who never left a man until she'd cheated on him with his replacement, and she's told me that's what motivates her. I think it's incredibly emotionally cruel.

They're probably not finding the best men to have their next relationship with since they're only finding men who don't mind dating a woman who is lying and cheating on her current lover. How can you be really selective if you don't date around before you move in with your next boyfriend? They're so afraid of being alone, so they're constantly settling for whatever guy they can find when they feel like the old relationship is over.

There are men who do this sort of thing, too, secretly stringing along more than one woman because he can't decide which one he really wants. It's very narcissistic, wanting everyone to love you at once.

I haven't remained friends with the women I used to know who did this. They treated me badly, too, and we're no longer friends. Go figure.

If my other friends cheated for other reasons, I don't know about it. Honestly, I don't have many female friends, but the ones I have tend to be the nice sweet girl type.

 

[Drifterwood]

OK - in your experience women are more likely to prepare a new nest, as you put it, before leaving the old one. But is that their actual motivation for cheating?

For these women, yes. They feel they can do better or have had enough of the old relationship, but know that to get most guys interested that they may want, that this will involve having sex with them, so they do. TBH IMO the actual sex part is just the icing on the cake because in their heads and hearts they have already left the original relationship.

Just as an aside, these women often get dumped by the new guys when they find out their true intentions.

As I said from the outset, this is only one reason why women cheat, I have tended to know intimately the ones who either needed more or different sex to what they could get at home, and often with the husband's blessing, implicit or otherwise.

 

[B_BoysAreToys]

OMG people just STOP CHEATING! How hard is that?

Stop ripping out the hearts of the people you "love" and the world will be a better place. I promise!