Recent first-timer cannot cum during sex

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by Starpakus, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. Starpakus

    Starpakus New Member

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    I recently got laid for the first time with my current gf (I'm barely 20), yet I cannot seem to cum while having sex. Long story short, I couldn't cum on my first time because I was so stressed out I couldn't sustain my erection for more than 5 minutes. We did it a few times since, and I've managed to be more in the moment in order to stay hard, which worked. Every time, I lasted about 40 minutes, until my gf told me to stop cause it started to hurt. But I cannot get excited enought to cum. That's probably related to all the porn I watched since my teen years and I can cum without problem through masturbation.

    So while it surely is better to last too long than not long enough, I get very frustrated when I can't come in the end (plus sleeping with a hard-on seems like a waste...). We had sex 5 times now, and I hope it will naturally happen one of these days, but I was wondering if anyone encountered the same issue, and could tell me how to deal with it. (I guess cutting down on porn would be a start)
     
  2. surto

    surto New Member

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    you're used to your grip while masturbating and you 've not found your rhythm in sex, not to worry, just five times is nothing, soon you 'll relax and come, maybe you could try cutting down on masturbating a bit, or you could even masturbate and cum with your gfriend while she touches herself too so you don't go to sleep with a hard on, why not? you can ask her to play around with you a bit too, don't sweat it, it ll come.
     
  3. D_Balls Cezanne

    D_Balls Cezanne Account Disabled

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    Relax. Early days, just enjoy yourself and be involved in more foreplay. Excite the mind and the rest will follow.
     
  4. tbrguy

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    Yes. What those guys said.

    It doesn't have to be fast and furious either, think "making love" as opposed to screwing.

    Maybe if you are taking your lead from porno movies you have misjudged what satisfying sex can be like.
     
  5. henry8888

    henry8888 Member

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  6. Starpakus

    Starpakus New Member

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    Thanks for your answers, I've read some articles on Your Brain On Porn. It's a great website, I gained a lot of insight from it. I do think that it will happen in the near future.
    @Tbrguy I'll keep working on that (making love instead of fucking, not that I was treating her like meat). I'll quit masturbating for a few weeks (see Rebooting on YBOP) and I should be alright.
    I'll keep you posted about my progress
     
  7. erratic

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    Good luck, man. As the others said, foreplay can be key. You may want to switch back and forth from oral, and vaginal, masturbating, kissing, etc., during sex. As I'm sure you know, most women need more than vaginal penetration to orgasm, and a lot of guys do too.
     
  8. D_22

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    You have delayed ejaculation. Something I have also but I never really been bothered by it. I didn't really think much of it until my friends all said it wasn't normal. I've only gotten a few complaints from partners, some actually enjoy that I can last so long, some feeling they're doing a bad job.
     
  9. pcghabsy

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    It is quite normal. I am not into porn much, but the first few times I had sex I couldn't cum through penetration - I had to jerk myself off at the end when she had had enough. The main problem is you are thinking too much about it. Make sure your mind is focused on her and the sex - soon you will get used to it. It is just the novelty of unfamiliar territory. And remember, if you can't cum then just take it out and jerk it off or ask her too. You will see that your system is used to your hand so you shouldn't have trouble cumming that way. In time you will get used to the new feeling of cock in pussy as opposed to hand.
     
  10. collegecock20

    collegecock20 New Member

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    lol so lets says someone wanted to develop this "problem." Any ideas?
     
  11. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I would say that a certain relaxed comfort level is required when you're with a woman. You both need to be enjoying the experience together so it helps a lot if you're both familiar and playful with each other. It doesn't have to be all serious and intense every time you're together. Also give yourself a break. You're not that experienced, so it takes time to feel trusting of yourself and your partner. All the best.
     
  12. autoballer

    autoballer Member

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    Had sex this morning and lost the mood about 40 minutes in...just gave up on sex for that session...she jacked me off in the shower...brilliant! Try not masturbating ever! you'll eventually build up enough tention to make it real easy, so easy in fact that some people ejaculate in their sleep, or so I hear. DR. autoballer's prescription= no porn, no masturbation, keep your doors open and unlocked at all times to be sure, communicate with your partner about what else she likes and if a certain position may help, I personaly love when shes on top because I enjoy playing with tits while I plow. Also from what I understand masturbation in a face down(fist around dick against the matress) can be destructive to sensitivity and lead to this condition...
     
  13. autoballer

    autoballer Member

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    porn and jacking off continuously.... and be sure its really awesome kinky porn that 99% of real women would never participate in...that way their is no chance that you'll get that level of stimulation with a woman!:yup:
     
  14. surto

    surto New Member

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    the second one I didn't know even, that it was common, but I guess what they sell us as sex is anything but reality.

    May I also ask others, how often do you need to masturbate? I said in another thread I can come flaccid, and I am rather compulsive in masturbating, sure would want to build up to sex and not jerk off, but I do so often and it's hard habit to kick, maybe I don't know what to do with that sexual energy...
     
    #14 surto, Jan 13, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2012
  15. Smaccoms

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    I didn't even read your your entry. Your problem is fully legitimate and happens to almost everyone. Of all the virgins I've had sex with, almost all had some problem due to nerves. In fact, this 30 year-old guy who was pretty damn hot couldn't keep a hard-on to fuck me cause he was too nervous! Your young, you got time. Life is about having fun and minimizing the bad the best you can. Keep comunication lines with your girlfriend open, remember to see the positive side of things, and you'll be fine. Better than fine even. GO OUT THERE AND LIVE YOU'RE LIFE MAN!!! BE EXCITED, MAKE MISTAKES...maybe I should stop quoting the Magic School Bus, eh?
     
  16. art

    art
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    Don't jerk off or have any sex for a few days before your next date. That may help you cum more quickly.
     
  17. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    Sounds like it could be a couple things. My BF had problems cumming when we first met. He could literally go for ever like you can, but it turned out it was because of the way he jerked off. He was so used to cumming by humping the bed that he couldn't cum any other way. It look a while to retrain him, but now its much easier cum.

    When you masturbate, what method do you most often use?

    You also mentioned your GF says it starts to hurt after a while. Are you using lube? Spit? Maybe its hurting her because its not wet enough. More lube would probably feel better for you to... maybe enough to cum.

    I sometimes have issues cumming as well. Its not that it doesn't feel good, but sometimes Im hard as a rock and just cant cum. Its not something my partner is doing wrong. I find sometimes it helps to change things up. Dont focus on a particular position, try something and then switch it up after 5-10 minutes.
     
  18. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    i hope you know that you can get addicted to porn.... just relax on the self sessions and relax with you gf. do what it fun and dont pressure yourself.
     
  19. mraverage7

    mraverage7 New Member

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    More foreplay....More Shagging...... Make sure you're relaxed with her...... game on!
     
  20. Chocwings

    Chocwings New Member

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    Perhaps you're just not into her as much as you initially thought :rolleyes:
     
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