Recently bottomed for someone HIV+

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

This isn't how I wanted to spend my evening. And before I say anything else, I'm not looking for snarky, bitchy comments about how stupid I was.

Some may recall a post I made a short while ago about a guy who I have been fooling around with who was trying to pressure me into inserting a rod into my penis.

I've met with this guy twice. The first time, he gave me a blow job and that was it. I didn't suck him or anything. It was pretty one way. I touched his dick but that was it.

So we met a second time. This time, we did more. I sucked him and he fucked me. He actually asked me if he could fuck me bareback. Thankfully I had enough good judgement to say "No." I watched him put on the condom before he got inside me. He ended up cumming inside me. I saw him take it out and it didn't appear broken in any way.

It was during this encounter and shortly after that that he kept wanting to stick a rod in my dick. But that's another story.

So, last night I'm on gay.com in the bareback chat room. I've never barebacked before. I had never been fucked before this guy. He was must first bottoming experience. But you know, the fantasy of barebacking is hot.

It was in this chatroom that I saw my "friend." And that got me thinking. So I checked his profile and he doesn't list his HIV status. So a little while ago I log on and I see him on there. So I ask him "Are you positive?" And he says "Why do you ask?" And I tell him why. And then a long pause. I pretty much know then what his answer his. Then he says "Well....yes"

Wonderful.

He goes on to say that he's on his medication and he is "undetectable." I'm not an expert on this issue. From what I understand, is that means the is a less risk that he could infect others but the risk is still there.

And I have no idea if he is telling the truth about that or not. He certainly wasn't open and honest with me before. The stupidity on my part was not asking him. So I'll have to live with that.

I met this guy on craigslist. He posts ads on there frequently for hookups. So I asked him if he tells other people he is positive. He said he does. I asked him why he didn't tell me. He said it was because he liked me. Don't I feel special? He didn't think I would meet with him if he told me. Which is true. He said he was going to tell me eventually. Hmm... after I'm infected? That's a good time to tell someone.

So here's where I am now. I had sex with someone who is HIV+ who says they're on their meds and we used a condom. I asked him if he has any other STDs and he told me no. I'm going to guess he's telling the truth about that. If he admitted to the HIV he probably would have admitted to others.

So I'm thinking the risk I may be infected is low but there is a possibility, yes? And I need to get tested.

I'm not the type of person that goes around fucking anybody I see. I'm 28 and I can count the number of people I've been sexual with on one hand. And the number of people I've done anal with on one finger. This has just been a mistake in judgement on my part thinking that if someone is HIV+ they'll likely tell you before hand. Stupid, i know.

The whole reason why I turned to craiglist in the first place is because I've never really been in a meaningful relationship with anyone. Even if it's just a hook up, it feels nice to be close to someone every now and then.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Comments welcome.

 

[crescendo69]

Be sure to get checked every 6 months or so for the major STD's. People lie. I'm glad you insisted on the condom. He was a jerk to suggest otherwise. I would "out" him as a liar if it were me.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Be sure to get checked every 6 months or so for the major STD's. People lie. I'm glad you insisted on the condom. He was a jerk to suggest otherwise. I would "out" him as a liar if it were me.

I just realized I should have posted this in the "healthy penis" section. my bad.

When I was talking to him tonight I managed to remain calm and not just start cussing him out. He seemed upset. He said something like "I don't want you to hate me." And I said to him "Is that what you're worried about? Me hating you? Not that you may have affected my health?"

So yeah, I don't think I'll hook up again

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Also, I asked him about when he asked me if he could bareback me. He said he never would have done that. So I said "Well why did you ask me then?" He said "It was in the heat of the moment."

Yeah, whatever

 

[davidjh7]

Your chances of getting infected ae fairly low if you used a condom, and it was used properly. HIV is fairly difficult to get, as it is weak until it gets a foothold. Repeated exposure is often needed. Your chances are not zero, however, and you should be checked regularly every three months. If you get the I think it is called the RNA something test, which is expensive, it detects exposure much quicker and more accurately than the antibody test. It might be worth your money to get some peace of mind. I'm glad you were smart and insisted on a condom! May have saved your life!

 

[crescendo69]

Now we know how he probably got it. Heat of the moment..

I do feel for those who live with HIV, but to ignore what they should have learned and endanger others is plain foolish.

Good luck on finding a real relationship, possibly through some LBGT organization. Perhaps you will be able to weed out the liars, insincere, mislead, and.. weeds.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

So I'm thinking the risk I may be infected is low but there is a possibility, yes? And I need to get tested.

If he is really "undetectable" (something that may be true or not ... you don't know), and if you used a condom that didn't break, and if it was single case of intercourse, I'd say your likelihood of becoming infected is miniscule.

Sure, you should get tested, just to remove all doubt.

But in your shoes, I'd try not to get too, too worried in the meantime ... and be a bit more careful in future.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Your chances of getting infected ae fairly low if you used a condom, and it was used properly. HIV is fairly difficult to get, as it is weak until it gets a foothold. Repeated exposure is often needed. Your chances are not zero, however, and you should be checked regularly every three months. If you get the I think it is called the RNA something test, which is expensive, it detects exposure much quicker and more accurately than the antibody test. It might be worth your money to get some peace of mind. I'm glad you were smart and insisted on a condom! May have saved your life!

I'm not going to go for the RNA. I certainly don't feel completely safe, but I'm not panicking. Because, like you said, we used a condom and from what I could tell, the condom looked to be intact when he took it out.

This experience has certainly done damage to my trust in people. I wont be looking to get off with strangers anymore.

I just think it sucks that the first time I bottom and it's with someone who is HIV+

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Sweetie, don't beat yuorself up. Thank God you used a condom.

Here's the deal: Even if he wasn't pos, someone down the road could be, and may not know it and you may very well have bottomed for them and been in the same boat. So good for you for using protection. Barebacking can be wonderful, but I, personally, reserve it for people i have been seeing exclusively for a year+, in a mongomous relationship, and we have been tested together multiple times. Still chancing it, but less so.

Now the good news is you used a condom. If used correctly, you are fairly well protected. Of course he came in you, so that raises your chances, but again, barring tears and what not, you should be OK.

Question: Did it seem as if it was all contained in the resevoir? Or was it oozing out around his cock?

Of course the guy was a douchebag lowlife and worse for doing what he did. I am sorry, but the fact that he wanted to bareback you being HIV+ doesn't speak highly of his character.

In the meantime, don't play around with people for a bit. In about a month get tested, and again in three months. There is a window period that varies form person to person where you can be infected, able to pass it along, and get a false negative.

There are many threads here that address this, and Bbucko is a fount of knowledge and can direct you where to go, should you have trouble finding the answers you need.

Please be careful, and take care. All my best to you, and I will keep you in thought and prayer. Keeo us posted.

 

[davidjh7]

Consider it a life lesson. IF you get in a committed relationship and you have BOTH proven your status to each other, then maybe you can consider barebacking to fullfill your fantasy. It is still risky, but all life is risk--you just take what steps you can to mitigate your risk while still continuing to live life. Only you can say what risks are or are not worth taking and under what circumstances. What that guy did was risk YOUR life, and that is where the line gets drawn. Try not to let a frightening experience decide the rest of your life--he isn't worth it.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Good luck on finding a real relationship, possibly through some LBGT organization. Perhaps you will be able to weed out the liars, insincere, mislead, and.. weeds.

Well, see that's them problem I have. I live in a rather small town out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the USA. There aren't a lot of guys I can meet and develop a relationship with. I go on dating websites that look to be innocent, and when a guy on there sends me his pic it's of his dick. It's hard finding guys who want more than just sex.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Question: Did it seem as if it was all contained in the resevoir? Or was it oozing out around his cock?

I didn't see any oozing. It looked to be contained. He actually came rather quickly when he was inside me. And I asked him to go slow so it wasn't like he was pounding me. The whole thing may have lasted 3min

 

[crescendo69]

These dating sites cater to gays and straights. No dick pics:

OkCupid | Oops, there was a server error!

Singlesnet

 

[rainbowknight]

I am going to be as “gentle” with this as I can and not dismissive. One of my rules in life is to live with no regrets. Every minute is a moment of opportunity. You were not stupid you were living. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Diane Rehm had a show on Wednesday about AIDS. It is worth listing to because the guest pointed out some of the things that you said. Here is the link: 30 Years of AIDS | The Diane Rehm Show from WAMU and NPR

One of the facts on the program that came out is that 1 million people in the U.S. are infected with HIV and about 2% do not know that they have it. Barring the guy that you wrote about some people could not give you an honest answer about their stat us even if they wanted to.

You made a choice to be safe with someone that you did not know and that should always be your choice. The choice to bareback is yours to make. Just like other things that people do sexually you have to decide if those moments of pleasure justify the outcome.

To me my mind is a very personal and sacred part of me. I grapple with S and M because I do not know if I want the imprint of that person in my mind. This is not only sexual to me it is mental and it will be with me the rest of my life.

Sometimes a sexual act is more than just sex and with the gentleman that you write about I believe that you really like him. You would not have taken the time to get him to admit the truth to you nor would you have been concerned with the truth if you did not like him.

Like Crescendo69 stated get tested every 6 months. In the end, it is not about what the POZ gentleman admitted to you it is about what you know is right. He could have lied to you every minute that you were with him but in the end you can only do what it takes to make you a whole person, with or without his lies.

You did not mention if you knew their status or not but the other people that you were with could have been POZ too. A good rule of thumb I believe if you are sexually active is just always practice safe sex, especially if you just want to have sex non stop. It takes away all of the questions of if the person is lying or not, if the person is POZ or not, and can you trust the person or not.

If the person truly wants the booty then they will suit up. If you (not KurtisTrent, the POZ guy) like living on the edge and bare backing then by all means enjoy your life because it is yours to live, I am not judging.

You should get tested for other stuff too. Syphilis is getting nasty and herpes is always present. An interesting thing to do is to go to your state department of health website and see if you can track the trend of STD’s where you live. Well, it may be interesting to some people. :biggrin1:



You are not stupid. You are examining and questioning your choices and that makes you smart.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I didn't see any oozing. It looked to be contained. He actually came rather quickly when he was inside me. And I asked him to go slow so it wasn't like he was pounding me. The whole thing may have lasted 3min

Then i really wouldn't worry worry, too much. Just get tested and like others said, let this be a life lesson. A lot of us have had scary things happen, some of which was born out of our own stupidity, some not. Just try to be careful, and take cresendo's advice (it is usually very good)

 

[andromedan]

Isn't it technically illegal for him to 'hide' that fact?

 

[Kenyth]

I feel for you man. How long ago was the hook up?

If its within the last 72 hours, you should go see a doctor and get them to prescribe you with PEP (Post-exposure prophylaxis). Its a course of treatment designed to reduce the chances of catching HIV after being exposed to the virus. Most A&E clinics & emergency departments in Hospital have them.

 

[jmoss41]

Isn't there a law stating that someone with hiv must notify their sexual partners prior to intercourse?

 

[fun21]

I just wanna applaud you for being smart and using a condom, barebacking just isn't worth it unless you have a longstanding trusting relationship with the person... if they really love you they'll be open with you.

 

[D_Ray_Jing_Hardon]

I believe the best approach is to assume that everyone you meet is + (they maybe unaware or they may even lie) - that way the choice is yours.