I second the OkCupid method. I've used that site for months and possibly only one out of a hundred messages I received was about a hookup. It's a very legitimate site and I suggest you try that, I met a few very good guys on there. Sorry to hear about your situation but I hope it turns out all right.
Recently bottomed for someone HIV+
- Thread starter D_BarryBunwarmer
- Start date
I don't know but it should be.
This guy is 51 years old. You would think that someone with that age and experience would be responsible enough to be forthcoming with that kind of information. I don't know how someone like that lives with themselves knowing they're putting other people's lives at risk just to get off. And to think he actually asked me if he could bareback me just makes me sick. And I even told him that he was going to be my first at bottoming. He tried to take advantage of my limited experience. Saying no may have been the best decision I've ever made in my life.
I'm glad you can count this bottom encounter on one finger. Count it on the middle finger and be sure to show that finger to that guy and anyone else who you feel isn't being honest with you or, pushes themselves or unsafe practices on your tender-green youth.
Get yourself tested. Test again in 6 months and then again in a year. It's definitive by then.
Have fun and PLAY SAFER. You'll have a whole lotta healthy fun fucking in the years ahead.
Get yourself tested. Test again in 6 months and then again in a year. It's definitive by then.
Have fun and PLAY SAFER. You'll have a whole lotta healthy fun fucking in the years ahead.
lunette
1st Like
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Two issues, seems to me, the one is your risk. Seems pretty low to me but sounds like you've got a plan to get tested already.
Second is that this guy is out there and regardless of amount of risk involved he's not playing fair. You don't know if he tells people or not, just that he told you he does. And he lied to you. "Undetectable"? What it that? I don't think you'll find it in literature about treatment and HIV. Legally this is some messed up behavior, there are men in prison now for doing this. Your community is at risk, or potentially at risk at least.
This time he used a condom because you insisted. The rod in the penis strikes me as potentially risky behavior, and this was your first meeting. wonder what else he does..? I think this is what I'd be most concerned about.
To me that seems like the more germane thing to be thinking about right now. I'd get some professional advice, if I were you, from an expert in this type of stuff. There's a lot available online and toll free, and the Centers for Disease Control can also help. I feel for you. It's tough to be gay in small towns, way more than a lot of people realize. Hang in there.
Second is that this guy is out there and regardless of amount of risk involved he's not playing fair. You don't know if he tells people or not, just that he told you he does. And he lied to you. "Undetectable"? What it that? I don't think you'll find it in literature about treatment and HIV. Legally this is some messed up behavior, there are men in prison now for doing this. Your community is at risk, or potentially at risk at least.
This time he used a condom because you insisted. The rod in the penis strikes me as potentially risky behavior, and this was your first meeting. wonder what else he does..? I think this is what I'd be most concerned about.
To me that seems like the more germane thing to be thinking about right now. I'd get some professional advice, if I were you, from an expert in this type of stuff. There's a lot available online and toll free, and the Centers for Disease Control can also help. I feel for you. It's tough to be gay in small towns, way more than a lot of people realize. Hang in there.
B_Nicodemous
Experimental Member
I know you said this was the same guy who wanted you to try sounding, but is he the same one form this thread of yours? Cuz if h is I would be worried about if the toys were covered of what. If he has HIV,is lying about it (and that "heat of the moment"crap is just that. How much do you want to bet he uses that line frequently) he may have other STI's, some of which re not a fragile as HIV is outside the body.
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
Undetectable viral load.
If he really is undetectable, then he is almost certainly not going to pass on the virus even during unprotected sex.
But the risk, though very low, is still in principle there.
Also, he may have been undetectable the last time he was tested, but things may have changed.
And he may be lying about being undetectable.
I'm really surprised no one has been really "angry" about this situation. This is the first post I see you actually react to what happened. I agree with this sentence especially:
"And to think he actually asked me if he could bareback me just makes me sick."
I can't believe how someone could live with knowing they are infecting people. I mean, there are a lot of people who may transmit the disease but they do not know they have it, or they may have unprotected sex while being drunk/high (which is still irresponsible but believe me, I've been really drunk and made terrible decisions while drunk) but he DID know it!!! This attitude is of a psychopath... it involves knowing he may be the cause of giving someone a disease that might end with their life!! Come on!
As for your health, I believe you are not infected. I'm really glad you took the right decision. I also believe it is too soon to be tested. You should wait at least three months before you get tests done. You should get tested just to be sure. (just don't worry to much, it has happened to me and I know it might get really worrying)
Hope you are ok. My best to you (and to all those that are HIV+)
- gr81,
I work in the field of HIV/AIDS prevention, education and testing in South Africa. We have 6million people living with HIV, that horrific number in a country smaller than Texas and with a population of only 45million, translates to the highest HIV prevalence in the world. In short - its scary shit.
I'm uber-impressed with the information other members have posted in response to your post. I agree with most of it, except the peace of mind created by stating that being undetectable he will "certainly not pass on the virus during unprotected sex". Yes, for response to your worries -chances are relatively low but in fact nothing is "certain" and you need to keep that in mind for all future experiences.
This guy is extremely dangerous - he is knowingly puting his sexual partners at risk of death. That is the bottom line. He has proven that he is not trustworthy. Although difficult to litigate - he could locked up for this form of manslaughter. Know that this is who you are sleeping with.
The bestbadvice you have received is to test in two weeks time, pratice safe sex and retest in 12 weeks. This takes care of the window period in which the immune system has nit yet generated antibodies in response to the antigen, the HI virus itself, and is therefore not detectable. Beware that the virus is then at its most virulent as nothing is there to stop its replicatiin in the body. Ie, the first few months following infection re when someone can pass it on most easily - this is also the period when a rapid test will not pick it up.
The more expensive test is a PCA test and detects the actual virus (antigen) in the blood. RNA refers to the genetic material by which the virus replicares.
Be safe
I'm uber-impressed with the information other members have posted in response to your post. I agree with most of it, except the peace of mind created by stating that being undetectable he will "certainly not pass on the virus during unprotected sex". Yes, for response to your worries -chances are relatively low but in fact nothing is "certain" and you need to keep that in mind for all future experiences.
This guy is extremely dangerous - he is knowingly puting his sexual partners at risk of death. That is the bottom line. He has proven that he is not trustworthy. Although difficult to litigate - he could locked up for this form of manslaughter. Know that this is who you are sleeping with.
The bestbadvice you have received is to test in two weeks time, pratice safe sex and retest in 12 weeks. This takes care of the window period in which the immune system has nit yet generated antibodies in response to the antigen, the HI virus itself, and is therefore not detectable. Beware that the virus is then at its most virulent as nothing is there to stop its replicatiin in the body. Ie, the first few months following infection re when someone can pass it on most easily - this is also the period when a rapid test will not pick it up.
The more expensive test is a PCA test and detects the actual virus (antigen) in the blood. RNA refers to the genetic material by which the virus replicares.
Be safe
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
You misread my post.
I did not say he would certainly not pass on the virus during unprotected sex.
I said he would "almost certainly" not pass on the virus.
The modifier is important.
As you say, "nothing is certain."
- gr81,
To clarify: there are two elements to being "undetectable".
A) immediately after infection - as explained in reference to window period - when virus is most virulent.
B) after extensive treatment on ARV's, when viral load is low and CD4 count is high, then rapid tests may not pick it up, but it IS THERE. There is NO cure. It CAN be passed on, just that the rapid test doesn't pick it up.
Hope that's clear.
A) immediately after infection - as explained in reference to window period - when virus is most virulent.
B) after extensive treatment on ARV's, when viral load is low and CD4 count is high, then rapid tests may not pick it up, but it IS THERE. There is NO cure. It CAN be passed on, just that the rapid test doesn't pick it up.
Hope that's clear.
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
Clearly, we are talking about the second case.
Here is the web page I referred to in my earlier post.
Here is a statement of the conclusion by a group of Swiss HIV experts:
The statements headline statement says that "after review of the medical literature and extensive discussion," the Swiss Federal Commission for HIV / AIDS resolves that, An HIV-infected person on antiretroviral therapy with completely suppressed viraemia (effective ART) is not sexually infectious, i.e. cannot transmit HIV through sexual contact.
This supports a statement that a person with an undetectable viral load is almost certainly not going to pass on the virus.
There are other such findings elsewhere.
- gr81,
Hhuck - you are absolutely correct.
However...
Considering the context of this discussion... online and open to all levels of interpretation, situation etc etc.... and... the myriad of factors affecting transmission in individul cases such as...
Honesty of the partners state of being "undetectable", their adherence to treatment and maintenance of this "state"...
Do you really feel its a space for intellectual and clinical debate?
The bottom line is... if you can cntrol all of the factors above... then, sure, take the risk.
I never could control them and therefore would not take that risk.
However...
Considering the context of this discussion... online and open to all levels of interpretation, situation etc etc.... and... the myriad of factors affecting transmission in individul cases such as...
Honesty of the partners state of being "undetectable", their adherence to treatment and maintenance of this "state"...
Do you really feel its a space for intellectual and clinical debate?
The bottom line is... if you can cntrol all of the factors above... then, sure, take the risk.
I never could control them and therefore would not take that risk.
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
In my rather pithy post, I cover the possibility that the infected was not honest about being undetectable, I state that there is some possibility of transmission, particularly if the viral load has increased since the man was last tested (a reference to the "maintenance the this state"), etc.
Again, here is my post:
So you are preaching to the converted.
In a word, yes.
On this point, you, me and everyone who posted on this thread speak with one voice.
Last edited:
KurtisTrent,
I had sex with an HIV+ about two years ago. We didn't use protection...
Right after I found out he was poz I flipped out. My anxiety was trough the roof and I started looking up aggressive antiviral meds. I spoke with my doctor about his. His take was this was a foolish activity (no shit) and that we needed to take precautions.
He encouraged me NOT to take the antivirals. FYI, there are meds that can GREATLY reduce (possibly prevent) HIV if you have been exposed recently. Medical professionals take these meds after a needle stick and such.
The drugs are about $1200 for a single course and you wouldn't want your insurance to find out you took them.
I got tested immediately and did so for months after. I was extremely worried. It's been two years and I'm negative. I get tested often and have NEVER had unprotected sex since then. I would with my parter after we both got tested though.
I understand your frustration and fear. While I think that excommunicating our brothers who are poz isn't a good thing, I advocate serious trepidation about flippant sexual activity.
I would encourage you to get tested once a month for the next 4 months or so. I'm sure you will be neg! Just know that others are in the same boat.
Cheers,
persia813
I had sex with an HIV+ about two years ago. We didn't use protection...
Right after I found out he was poz I flipped out. My anxiety was trough the roof and I started looking up aggressive antiviral meds. I spoke with my doctor about his. His take was this was a foolish activity (no shit) and that we needed to take precautions.
He encouraged me NOT to take the antivirals. FYI, there are meds that can GREATLY reduce (possibly prevent) HIV if you have been exposed recently. Medical professionals take these meds after a needle stick and such.
The drugs are about $1200 for a single course and you wouldn't want your insurance to find out you took them.
I got tested immediately and did so for months after. I was extremely worried. It's been two years and I'm negative. I get tested often and have NEVER had unprotected sex since then. I would with my parter after we both got tested though.
I understand your frustration and fear. While I think that excommunicating our brothers who are poz isn't a good thing, I advocate serious trepidation about flippant sexual activity.
I would encourage you to get tested once a month for the next 4 months or so. I'm sure you will be neg! Just know that others are in the same boat.
Cheers,
persia813
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
I think gr81 is well intentioned and I wouldn't want to insult him.
Perhaps my tone in the last couple of posts has been a bit harsh.
I apologize to him.
Perhaps my tone in the last couple of posts has been a bit harsh.
I apologize to him.
This thread has been amazing. Can someone clarify what is the likelihood of obtaining HIV from giving oral sex, or (and I know this sounds weird) from having semen get into an eye?
