Recovering from porn addiction

nudebelgian

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Hi everyone.

So a couple weeks ago, I posted that my sex life wasn't quiet enjoyable anymore. A but more than a week ago, I stumbled apon yourbrainonporn.com and realized my problem was linked to a porn addiction. I decided to stop, and so I will post here my progress, to keep my self on track. I'm on day 10 today, which is a lot more than I'be been off porn for a long time. During these last nine days, I've found out how I got hooked, and my girlfriend came to me for sex already twice, which I see as a reward (she's unaware of my problem). Both time were short, but I enjoyed the second more than I did te last couple months although I didn't cum yet.

So how I got hooked : I've always watch porn, a bit. 6 years ago I got a little depressed and porn become a good activity, until I got cought and forced to stop, served me well. When I started dating my girlfriend 5 years ago, I was at a healthy once or twice a week, and when we started having sex, it would be only during her period. But about 2 years ago, she got a little depressed, and her libido went down, and so my porn use went up. As her depression got worse, so did my porn use. And now that she's about healed, and her libido is coming back up, I'm hooked and don't enjoy what we have, because it doesn't match what I get off to on Internet. So I pressure her into more, and we both get frustrated. Until a bit more than a week ago. With stopping porn, I also stopped askin her for sex, and have been rewarded.

So on my progress, last Thursday, day 4, I was too horny in my morning shower and jerked off, it was better than the jerk off of the last couple months, and on my imagination alone, felt great and at the same time guilty of doing it, felt week.
Yesterday, day 9, was aweful, been tempted all day, plus lot of stress at work, but I made it through the day, and it feels good.
I'll keep you updated on my progress, but if anyone has good advices from similar experience, please share.
 
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nudebelgian

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Every one has a different sensitivity to addiction I guess. I consider it to be an addiction for
me because it impacts on my sex life.

I'm looking for a support, as far as I know this is not just a website with naked people having sex, or I got it all wrong...
 

Cylus

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I found this guy's blog. Maybe there's some good advice for you.

My name is Alex and I am a recovering porn addict. I've started this site in early 2009 to share my experience with others. It has been a beautiful journey, and I am really bless to have come across so many wonderful people. Three years ago, event though I made a decision to stop, I couldn’t go a week without watching pornography or masturbating. In the past 3 years I was able to stop watching porn for periods ranging from 3-9 months at a time. And I have not masturbated in over 2.5 years.
 

D_22

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Hey, nudebelgian. Been there and understand. I was starting to get very desensitized myself from exclusiveness of porn and jacking off. Last year I was having erection problems and wasn't getting turned on like I used to from things that used to turn me on. When I messed with someone, I'd lose my erections and it'd really mess with my head. Then I had to keep watching more and more "extreme" stuff to get me turned on, the regular stuff just wasn't doing it. Also, just a sexual thought was enough to get me going, at that time not anymore.

I actually find that same site and looked through it then stopped watching as much and cut off jacking off for as long as I could. Over time I started getting better. I still watch porn, but not to the same extent. I also don't masturbate as much. I also have a hard time orgasming with people when I'm messing around with them without me having to jack myself off, but I realized when I haven't released, there's a much higher chance of me having an orgasm. It still doesn't always happen, but it does some times and I very much enjoy that feeling.

It's been quite a while since I found myself having erection problems since I've been watching and masturbating in moderation and I don't feel as desensitized. Past few months, close to a year, I've been very good with things.

Just keep at it, man.
 
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woohah

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Everything in moderation. Porn doesn't have to be an evil thing. Just don't let it run your life. That is, spend more time doing more productive things. Learn how to X out the porn on your screen as soon as you've "seen enough". There is more to life than sex. Like great food :)

And another thing, save your intimate moments for your gf instead of your hand. It'll be a better investment in the long run and help rebuild your bond.
 

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I dont know how true it is but there is the belief it takes 15 days to form a habit or 15 days to break a habit...in which case you're nearly there. Good keeping yourself accountable here. It'll give your brain some time to reset which might take a while.
 

nudebelgian

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Thanks for the support.
Cylus, the website is really interesting.

Day 11 is almost over. Today was a mixed day, I work in a lab, so all the time I spend actually doing some experience, when my mind if focus on something precise it's easy, but when I get at my desk and read papers, or take care of my mice (which is a pretty dumb thing to do, and don't require intense thinking) I easily find myself craving.
I did that technique they suggest on Cylus's website, it helps a bit.

D_22, thanks for sharing your experience, I guess it's easier when you know you're not alone with this problem.
Woohah, my gf is actually the reason I'm trying to stop, I want to be able to experience thing with her to their full extend, to restrengthen our bond, and overall to be more free. I don't want to spend as much time to porn as I did.
 

Cylus

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nudebelgian said:
I did that technique they suggest on Cylus's website, it helps a bit.


You're very welcome but it's not my website, just something I found while searching since I was interested.
Coming from a repressed and sheltered upbringing, I expose myself to as much porn as I can lay my hands on.
It's a curiosity and fascination for me.

I'm glad to see other voices weighing in on this topic.
I think it's very admirable you're striving to fulfill your girlfriend and bring the relationship closer.
Best wishes to you both!
 

rbkwp

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Best of luck matey
admire you and your dedication of riding yourself of something thats obviously a nuisance factor in your life

In saying that, i have Gbs of the stuff, but as silly as it is, almost comforting knowing its there, if needed haha
occasionally view it, but i have been single for much of my life, sooooooo it works for me.
 

nudebelgian

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Hey,
Just passed the 2 weeks mark yesterday, feeling good.
The hardest part right now is the fantasizing, I guess this will fade off with time.
Right now, many things bring me to fantasize about a sexual situation. As said, I guess time's the answer here, and that I will get to a point where only normal stimulation will get me going.
Also, I was on a romantic get away this weekend with my gf, and Sunday morning we ha the best sex I can remember for the last couple months. I had not cum for over a week, and not masturbated either, and it felt truly amazing. I didn't cum out of it, but that was 100% my fault. My gf and I have an agreement that I will pull out right before cumming and cum on here instead of in her, but I pulls out a bit too early, I guess I'm out of practice on that one. I did finish myself off in my shower afterward cause I was getting blue balls... Hadn't cum that much in a while too.

I'm overall happy with my progress, and this just strengthen my desire to stay away from that addiction.
 

erratic

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Every one has a different sensitivity to addiction I guess. I consider it to be an addiction for
me because it impacts on my sex life.

This is exactly what makes something a problem.

Internet porn - even daily internet porn - is not a bad thing inherently. But if it starts having a negative effect on your life as a whole, it's time to do something about it.

I disagree very strongly with the idea of sex addiction (as I do with the idea of food addiction or love addiction - you can't be addicted to something that doesn't habituate and is a normal, biological drive), but internet porn, like gambling, does show some of the physiological markers of actual addictions.

But regardless of the semantics of it, if something is affecting your life negatively, it's affecting your life negatively. Nudebelgian has a pretty great attitude about it, from what I can see. It gets to be too much for him, so he's getting it under control.

Good luck to you, dude.
 

wellhung9

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Every one has a different sensitivity to addiction I guess. I consider it to be an addiction for
me because it impacts on my sex life.

I'm looking for a support, as far as I know this is not just a website with naked people having sex, or I got it all wrong...


I know exactly what u mean. It can have a negative impact on one's life like it did on mine. I still struggle to not look at porn honestly. I have my good weeks and my bad
 

AlexDB9

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My ex was 24 and had a healthy porn habit when we met. As the years wore on, it progressed to the point of switching to real live guys a year and a half ago. I watched the same progression with my father and 2 previous partners. He lost interest in me sexually during the course of his porn addiction and once he switched to real live tricks, we had sex (maybe) 4 times in the last year. He finally confessed he'd been fucking guys on Grindr. Lots of them. His personality had changed so much I didn't know him anymore. He withdrew in every way a husband could.

My point is, porn addiction is progressive. I don't think there's anything wrong with porn but like booze, some people can drink it with no problem and some can't. In my case, it destroyed a 12-year relationship.
 

nudebelgian

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Hey Alex, really sorry about that. It was progressive for me too, at first was really not a problem, and when I realized it was ruining my relationship, I had to make a decision. It's hard to recognize you have a problem, but after that, it's easier to make yourself change, and it's the essential first step toward recovery.
Like an alcoholic, as long as he doesn't see his drinking as a problem, you won't be able to make him quit. I guess some people can keep a healthy porn habit, but I couldn't. It has nothing to do with having an addictive personality or not, I think it's influenced by the situation you're in, it requires a trigger, and that can be pretty much anything sexually related.

It's nice to get some support here, and wellhung9, somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone, as I said before. Hold on, I hope things will get better for you and that you'll have mostly good weeks. To stop some incentives, I asked the moderators to block my acces to the adult websites of the forum and the show off, that way I don't have the attraction to "just check it out"...

Erratic, I do think you can get addicted to sex, food,... Well not all food, but fast food, etc yes. Sex produce a reward, and on some case you can start to crave that reward (different then wanting to have sex with your loved one, but seeking anyone). If you can't control yourself, you may become addicted, that's why we treat specials predators with castrative chemicals, so we stop to sex drive. And fast food, is really greasy, which is the food that felt the best, after a while grease will decrease your satiety felling, and you'll be hungry more and more, it's kind of an addiction, although I'll admit it's a far stretch. Losing weight is the answer, but can an obese really stop eating as much as he does?

I'm still doing good. Holding on.
 

erratic

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Erratic, I do think you can get addicted to sex, food,... Well not all food, but fast food, etc yes. Sex produce a reward, and on some case you can start to crave that reward (different then wanting to have sex with your loved one, but seeking anyone). If you can't control yourself, you may become addicted, that's why we treat specials predators with castrative chemicals, so we stop to sex drive. And fast food, is really greasy, which is the food that felt the best, after a while grease will decrease your satiety felling, and you'll be hungry more and more, it's kind of an addiction, although I'll admit it's a far stretch. Losing weight is the answer, but can an obese really stop eating as much as he does?

Not to thread-jack, but addictions require chemical tolerance and subsequent physiological withdrawal. Neither of those is present when it comes to food, sex, or love - all of which are normal biological drives.

The trend toward calling compulsivity around food, sex, or love "addiction" comes both from the 12-step model (AA, NA, etc.) branching out to help people with compulsivity issues, and from the desire to legitimize sexual compulsivity, compulsive eating, and so on. (It also comes from the colloquial trend that conflates an overweening love of something with addiction, when it really has nothing to do with actual addiction; people often say they are addicted to chocolate, but it's patently ridiculous. Put someone "addicted to chocolate" in a room full of people addicted to heroin and you'll very quickly see how there's a big difference between actually being addicted to something and really, really liking something.)

Part of the good thing about labelling these things "addictions" is that it helps convey that it's not just a lack of self control going on (as is suggested by a term like "compulsive eating"); however, it pathologizes totally normal human behaviour that absolutely does not fit into the traditional 12-step and medical models of abstinence as the "cure." Abstinence may work for cocaine, but one cannot abstain from food or love, and one really shouldn't abstain from any sexual release.

Where gambling and internet-based activities such as porn differ is that there's evidence showing they stimulate dopamine production and that there is a tolerance of sorts built up to that over time.

Regardless, if your love of, compulsivity regarding, or addiction to something is messing up your life, the label you ascribe it is less important than the actions you take to make things better.
 

nudebelgian

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I think we'll agree on that erratic, recognizing it's messing up your life and takin action to stop it is more important then the label you put on it. You can't be addicted to chocolate or grease, but you can stop feeling you've had enough, and keep on eating while you really shouldn't. It's not an addiction, but I don't know how you'd label it.

This morning was harder, I had sex dreams the whole night, although it didn't get to the wet dream point, thanks, when I woke up I was still way too horny to just keep it still. I jacked on off, did feel better but guilty at the same time. I know it's not too bad, didn't think about porn, just about my gf, but still.
I can tell my sexual appetite hasn't gone down, but I'm more capable of handling it, except this morning. So I'm now starting to work on that point along with keeping up the good work with staying away from porn.