Regarding woman on top...

[RawDog]

A friend wrote me this morning perplexed about an issue she had with a guy she slept with last month. Other than posting on this forum, I wasn't sure what other advice to give her. Rather than give you my version of her question, let me quote her:

I got on top and started grinding in a back and forth motion. It felt good but then I could start to feel that he was losing his erection but I wasn't sure....it is very common for the guys I'm with to lose their erection when I'm on top and it causes me a lot of anxiety, wondering what I'm doing wrong.

So, I showed her my thread:

http://www.lpsg.org/197498-woman-on-top-how-does.html

Just to see if she could get any insight, but the feedback from that thread only seemed to hit home that no one else seems to have her problem.

Any ideas?

 

[The Dragon]

I do cow girl so my partner has access to my breasts, my clit....can see my face and my reactions.
I can lean forward to kiss him, bite his neck, pecs, drag my nails down his ribs and whisper a stream of pure filth into his ear.
I swap it up to reverse if I know he loves my arse and watching it flex, work and he likes to give it a good hard swat.
I think that prolonged use of reverse robs some men of that visual stimulation and so they go soft without it.

 

[VernalTiger]

I've had the same experience, and with more than one guy. I've never quite worked out whether it's because back-and-forth cowgirl gives a pressure sensation (rather than a friction sensation from thrusting) for the man, or if it's that old "ruined by porn" trope, where the only sex that counts is in-out-in-out. There's probably also a visual turn-on related to watching your dick slide in and out of a woman, which is lacking in grinding cowgirl.

Personally, I LOVE cowgirl. It stimulates just about everything all at once, and I'm fortunate in that my man loves it too. I've met one man who actively disliked it.

Another random thought: If your friend's partner was small/average, there simply may not have been enough stimulation to keep him hard and engaged.

 

[MickeyLee]

guessin? is just not enough stimulation to Mr. Happy. she might also be grinding away at an odd angle.

the fix.. grind a bit.. ride a bit.. grind a bit... ride a bit.
gotta work for both people, ya know?

 

[dolfette]

too much grind, not enough inny outy.
mix it up with some super rapid bouncing.
...what i think of as butterfly fucking.

 

[M40sumthng]

It could be that the "fit" just isn't right. I absolutely love it when my wife is on top. With my ex-wife, we had problems with doggy style.....I am above average length with a downward arc, and with her build, I just could not get in far enough to satisfy either of us (even tho I was definitely VISUALLY stimulated). No problems like that with my present wife. I haven't bothered to check with the ex to see how it worked out for her.

 

[EllieP]

Grind... in and out... super bouncy! Whew! I need to go take a shower.

 

[sgtrock]

Got to say I absolutely love this position and find it an incredible turn-on to watcher face as she bumps and grinds into my cock. I wouldn't give up just find NEW partners.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm very much a grinder and not an up-and-downer. I haven't come across the same thing your friend has, but I have had some men be rather active in trying to get me to do more up-and-down (not that it works - me and up-and-down don't mix). So maybe it's the grinding that's the problem.

Other possibility - maybe she is wider than average (NOT necessarily looser than average!) or the guys she's screwing are smaller than average. If that's the problem, maybe a little more squeezing while she's grinding would help.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Regarding woman on top... I think the primary cause of softening is that it leaves very little for the man to do...

She's grinding away, sure... but the guy can do almost no thrusting nor contribute in any other way... Its not easy for a guy to just lie there and maintain a huge erection.
For a lot of guys, I suspect, its not Just the sensation on his penis that keeps him going, but the entirety of vigorous motion involved.

Also, it is true that grinding back and forth does not stimulate the penis nearly as much as up and down, in and out...

Dolf and others suggesting mixing the two actions are great ideas.

Also, try lifting yourself off the guy a few inches so that he can get some thrusting action going at the same time.

When she leans forward with her torso against mine, then I can get a good piston going... but straight up and pressing downward on me, Its like being held immobile.

 

[redbear52]

I haven't experienced the problem, but I have come across more than a few accounts from guys who say they have difficulty maintaining an erection in the supine (on their back) position.

Of the women I have slept with who were very consistently vaginally orgasmic without direct clitoral stimulation, the favored position was cowgirl (although one usually also came about 90% of the time with doggy style). Those women seemed to favor deep, sustained penetration with firm, close pelvic contact and a lot of pelvic rocking and grinding but little up and down excursion. That doesn't provide nearly as much sensation for me as the good old in-out, in-out, but it was usually enough for me to maintain a good erection nonetheless. Also, if I saw that my partner was really getting her rocks off, I couldn't help but stay hard.

But I think the advice proffered is good: if the guy is getting a tad floppy, throw in some long strokes. Plus, we all like to watch a chick's tits bouncing so that doesn't hurt either.

 

[RawDog]

Excellent advice, everyone. Keep it coming.

One detail I forgot to mention was that condoms were also used. That, in of itself no matter the position would make me limp in no time flat.

 

[sgtrock]

I got to disagree with Phil for sure;
Regarding woman on top... I think the primary cause of softening is that it leaves very little for the man to do...

I find all kinds of things to do such as caress and spank that ass, playfully pull her hair and caress and suck on her breast that is just to start with.

As for the condoms Raw Dog shouldnt matter (points for using them).

You have to admit to have a woman on top of you rubbing up and down against your cock as she bumps and grinds those hips thrusting them in and out as she rides atop you...just love it cant believe it is you. Before doing anything drastic try another willing partner.

 

[Chaotica]

Of the women I have slept with who were very consistently vaginally orgasmic without direct clitoral stimulation, the favored position was cowgirl (although one usually also came about 90% of the time with doggy style). Those women seemed to favor deep, sustained penetration with firm, close pelvic contact and a lot of pelvic rocking and grinding but little up and down excursion.

That sounds an awful lot like a clitoral orgasm to me. You sure those were "vaginal orgasms"? She is rubbing her clit against your pelvis, is she not? You know what...it doesn't really matter, does it. Never mind.

 

[B_Coconutz]

I feel that the woman on top position is a great way to learn and understand what your partner wants. Usually, any movement is good for the male partner. If however, the grinder on top is using too much pubic bone to pubic bone pressure that can cause pain for the man, there can be a possibility of declining penile interest. Both sexes/individuals have thier no/go to preferences and thresholds. If both of your physical insights fail, your next option is to inform your partner.

 

[redbear52]

I'm sure you are right. Indirect clitoral stimulation from pelvic contact has a lot to do with it. But a couple of women told me that the orgasms they had this way felt different from those they had with cunnilingus or digital stimulation.

 

[B_subgirrl]

But a couple of women told me that the orgasms they had this way felt different from those they had with cunnilingus or digital stimulation.

If those women are anything like me, I wouldn't be surprised if they do feel different. When I'm on top and grinding, it may seem as though I'm focusing on clitoral/pelvic contact, but I'm not. My entire focus is grinding his cock against my deep spot. Or when he's not long enough, desperately trying to make it reach. Any mid spot or BWE (back wall entrance) contact is a bonus. My clit really isn't in my thoughts (or bodily sensations) at all.

 

[RalDudeHangin]

I agree with the others that said to mix up the motions. I def need in/out motions. But for me, if she grinds too hard on top, it gets outright uncomfortable. First, if she does it for awhile, I feel like circulation is getting cut off to my legs. I need the bouncy motions to help readjust a bit. Second, my erection stands straight up almost against my stomach. If she's grinding back and forth and goes too far back, she's bending me farther than I can go. Once or twice it was far enough that it hurt and was instant deflation.

As long as we mix it up and she doesn't go too far backwards, it's cool and I've had some awesome orgasms in that position. Plus I get to play with her breasts which sends her into a squealing orgasm which makes me cum harder. It's all about communicating and getting in sync.

 

[Drifterwood]

too much grind, not enough inny outy.
mix it up with some super rapid bouncing.
...what i think of as butterfly fucking.

I think you nailed it.

Just grinding can feel like you are being used as a live dildo.

 

[Chaotica]

Just grinding can feel like you are being used as a live dildo.

Awww, for shame.