Regional Differences in Dating & Courtship

[Principessa]

I know we have discussed this before but I have recently been, shall we say, enlightened. I am from New Jersey which is technically a mid-atlantic state; but is always included in the northeast geographically and socially. People in the northeast do not court. ​

Dating - Definition: Courtship​

Courtship, traditionally the wooing of a female by a male, includes activities such as dating (dinner and a movie, a picnic, or general "hanging out"), along with other forms of activity, such as meeting online (also known as virtual dating), chatting on-line, sending text messages or picture messages, conversing over the phone, writing each other letters, and sending each other flowers, songs, and gifts. Courting usually involves getting to know the family (especially the parents) of the one you are courting. Most of the time courting will be done somewhere public, to lower the chances of anything going on between the couple.

Some couples who court do not even kiss until marriage.

Naughty described the concept of courting in a thread last year. She may as well have been describing the mating habits of the Red Rail; for all the relevance it had to my life; or the sense it made to me. What I didn't realize is that this 'courtship' behavior is still prevalent in the south. In New Jersey only Orthodox Jews have a formal courtship process and it's quite brief; because it is presumed both parties will be virgins when they marry. :wink: I guess they don't want to torture the horny, young couple. :wink: Orthodox courtship is usually 3-8 months.​

Modern datingDuring the 1920s to 1960s, dating was considered to be a social pastime in which most single young people would participate. After the women's movement, the men's movement, the sexual revolution, and other movements that have shaped modern Western culture, this "old-fashioned" form of dating waned in popularity, giving way to what became known as "hanging out" and "hooking up". [citation needed] Formal dating, where one person (usually the male) contacts another person (usually the female) to arrange a date gave way to more casual encounters, including casual sexual encounters.

In the south a couple may not even kiss for anywhere from 3-6 months. Courtship can be 8-12 months or more. This is usually followed by a one to two year engagement. It is somewhere in the 8-12 month range where sex may occur but not before. Now I understand why so many southerners get married right out of high school to their high school sweetheart. They are just tired of waiting to have sex! :wink:​

In the NY, NJ, PA area there is no formal courtship per se for Christians or other non Jews. It's just understood that somewhere between dates 3 and 5 there will be sex. :biggrin1: It may take as much as 6-8 weeks to get to the fifth date depending on the work schedules of the two people involved; but sex will be had. :naughty: It is often within 2-3 weeks of sex that a break up occurs. :frown1: Usually the man just stops calling or answering the phone, emails, and text messages which she sends. This may send the woman into a spiralling depression which even chocolate and chardonnay can't fix.:frown1:​

When all is good and normal, after a year or so the couple may move in together. At this point they are engaged in the womans mind, the man just has to catch up and present her with a ring. Once a ring is given the average northeast engagement is 18-24 months. This is because prime catering halls are big business in the north and the best ones get booked quickly. Ditto, chapels and churches. ​

What part of the country or world do you live in?
How is courting done where you live?
How does dating differ from courting where you live?​

Is courting archaic to you or a time honored tradition which should be reconstituted?

 

[deleted356736]

My wife is African, originally from Zimbabwe, and I met her when she was in Australia on holidays. We dated in a way which was different to what I'd done in the past in that I invited her out and picked her up and met her older sister where she was staying and so on. And in other ways it wasn't so different because we went away for the weekend and had sex and she stayed at my place as well. Later when I went to her country I realised that dating there was very traditional, and what we did was a hybrid African and Australian style. Since then, everything in my life has been hybrid African and Australian! We got engaged after 6 weeks and married a couple of months after that, wedding and honeymoon in Zimbabwe. The rush, of course, was because of immigration issues. The tragedy is her country, which was so beautiful and delightful 22 years ago, and is now a total wreck. It really was a lovely place, and it's a real shame to use that word 'was'.

 

[midlifebear]

In the two countries I spend most of my life in I'm pleased to see people (starting at about 13-14 up to early-mid 90's) sitting on anything anywhere in public embraced and sucking face for hours on end. How they do it without SCUBA equipment is difficult to understand. France, especially Paris, is exactly the same. Making out (to use the 'Mericuhn term) is something you do more in public than you do at home because the famous romantic European cities have housing shortages. That's the primary reason a 44 year-old son and his wife usually live with his or her set of parents. Therefore, it's much more private to engage in romantic activity in public than it is at home for most. Personally, I'm all for it. Even The Squeeze and I can cuddle together under the shade of a park tree and smooch. No one bothers to look.

And for you women who insist upon courting skin cancer, the central green spaces (parks) in down town Buenos Aires have always been places where this densly populated city goes on a sunny day to subathe on the grass or in a lawn chaise. Since the economy collapsed in 2001 wiping out the middle class, porteñas who would normally go to the beaches of Uruguay to sunbathe topless on the beaches, have made it a common, every day occurrence down here to let their puppies loose in the public parks. However, to protect women from unwanted attention the city plants male policemen throughout the parks to "protect" them. Yeah, right. You walk your dog through the city parks and see nothing but people making out or city police gawking at park full of bare breasts. It's laughable. But I still think it's great.

 

[Nrets]

If my two experiences are meaningful to this, I have to say that on the West coast it is similar to how you describe in NJ except that the 3-5 rule is 1-3 instead. Everything is just warp speed, as both guys and girls just wanna find who does it for them ASAP sometimes at the expence of romance. Or BS, depending on yer perspective.

 

[Principessa]

If my two experiences are meaningful to this, I have to say that on the West coast it is similar to how you describe in NJ except that the 3-5 rule is 1-3 instead. Everything is just warp speed, as both guys and girls just wanna find who does it for them ASAP sometimes at the expence of romance. Or BS, depending on yer perspective.

Hmmm, I think you are right about wanting to find out who does it for you ASAP. :yup: I know, the older I get the less likely I am to want to wait for the good stuff. I mean why wait 6-8 months to found out he won't eat pussy, has a wee willy, or prefers watersports to BDSM. That's a terrible waste of my time and his.

 

[whatireallywant]

Hmmm, I think you are right about wanting to find out who does it for you ASAP. :yup: I know, the older I get the less likely I am to want to wait for the good stuff. I mean why wait 6-8 months to found out he won't eat pussy, has a wee willy, or prefers watersports to BDSM. That's a terrible waste of my time and his.

LOL! I don't want to wait for the good stuff either - never have! :biggrin1: However, I do like going out to dinner, movies, etc. as well as "hanging out"...But who's to say that you have to do these things for 6-8 months BEFORE getting to the "good stuff"? :smile: