Cards that didn't quite make it to Hallmark. Too funny! 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. 3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot. This describes everything you are not. 4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss. I only slept with you because I was pissed. 5. I thought that I could love no other. That was, until, I met your brother. 6. Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet and so are you. Now the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugarbowl's empty, and so is your head. 7. I want to feel your warm embrace, but don't take the paper bag off of your face. 8. I love your face, your smile, your eyes. Damn! I'm good at telling lies! 9. My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? 10. My feelings for you, no words can tell. Except for maybe "Go to Hell". 11. What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.