Relationship advice needed

[deleted1074483]

Hey guys, I just recently started dating a new guy. He's a little older than me, and I am currently in college.

Being In college, I am on a strict budget and can't spend a-lot of money for expensive dates and things.

He is the sweetest guy in the world and treats me like a King, he has the biggest heart on earth.

Here is my problem

He insists on paying for everything for me. Every time we go and do something he always just pays everything. I have told him many times he doesn't need to spend so much money on me.. I have told him several times I would like to pay some things and contribute to the relationship.

Yet he still insists to pay for our dates, rides, fun, food and everything. I am not someone who would ever take advantage of someone especially for a guy who is as sweet as him...

Every time he buys something for me I feel like a giant freeloader and It makes me feel terrible. What do I do?? I've tried to explain it to him yet he just continues. He says that I can start contributing when I start making more money.

Do you guys think it is hurting our relationship?

Thanks for any advice.

having been in your situation when I first left Uni and dated a much older (and pretty rich) guy; it was when for his birthday I took him out for a fish and chip supper (a nice one) which was what I could afford at the time, that he told me he didn't do cheap, that I knew it was time to dump him - he knew he was dating someone younger and at the start of their career and therefore didn't have much cash, but wouldn't accept me buying him a meal at a price range he could afford - really made me feel like shit. Yes it was great being taken to nice place etc, and he seemed a nice guy and the sex was great but if he couldn't accept me at where I was in my point of life and just accept a present from me that I could afford then he wasn't worth jack.

As someone who tends to date much younger, I've borne that lesson in mind, and if my bf or ex's could only afford to take me to a macdonalds then I accepted that and enjoyed the fact that they wanted to 'treat me' at a level they could afford.

If he continually won't accept you offering to pay for or treat him at all, then I'd agree with others that he's using you - you're his 'trophy' boyfriend.

So if you don't have much cash and want to treat him, do things like home bake, or go for a picnic that you make up.

If he then doesn't accept them or makes you feel 'cheap' then drop him as he's not worth it.

If he happily accepts your offers and makes you feel king of the world, then hold on to him.

But good luck either way.

 

[OKCLane]

If anyone reading this thread is not familiar with The Five Love Languages you should immediately open another browser window and purchase the book.
It may provide insight into your relationships that you never recognized. I understood much better the strained relationships I had/have with my parents.
If I pay you with salt because salt is a precious commodity to me but you really wanted to be paid in gold because it is a precious commodity to you.....well, you can see where both parties would be feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. This is the concept of the book.

 

[Peter4572]

sorry, I meant: "lucker23 is right"

He's not spending money to manipulate me... I can tell. I just worry he does it because he feels like if he doesn't that I will leave him, which is not true. And Ive told him many times that I like him for him, and I would never take advantage of someone like that.

He always wants to do everything I want to do all the time and I can never get an opinion about what he wants to do, and that kinda bothers be too sometimes. I think it's sweet but I just hope it doesn't backfire at some point.

Thanks for your answers.

Seldom in our lives, we follow a beaten track, Hopping to get us the wright outcome. Insisting on that monolith sort of speak though, can be doubtful into where it can lead us. I'll use an example of
mothers love to her beloved child. One can hold "Love and care Up to a point" Passing that, one feels chocked. So, either vocally or by body language let him understand that he presses you some to the point of uneasy hedge, where he narrows the space at which you need to breath.