Relationship advice please.

petite

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I went back and re-read the OP, keeping in mind this time that you're in a long distance relationship. It sounds a bit different.

Failing to mention that this is a long distance relationship puts an entirely different spin on why she gets mad about whether or not you call her and whether or not that's reasonable. Are there other relevant details we should know?

How often do the two of you talk on the phone? If she gets mad because you don't call her one day, is that what you meant by "needy"? That's a normal source of conflict for long distance relationships. When you're long distance, those phone calls are the relationship. They mean so much more than they do if you aren't long distance. That is something you should have mentioned in your OP.

I think you just need to end this relationship now. Before you made it sound like she's a crazy person. Now it's beginning to sound like you wrote about her in a really unfair way in order to get the response that you wanted to get.

Regardless whether your description of the source of your conflicts was accurately reported by you or not, it sounds like both of you would be better off if you broke up with her as soon as possible because despite how often I've asked you, you still can't say anything nice about her other than you think she's pretty. There's no future there.
 
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tworites

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I havent read anything in this topic other than the original post

Dump the motherfucker already. She is negative and hateful, and brings you nothing but stress and negativity. She offers nothing positive to you or your life. There is literally no reason to keep her around. Good luck to you.
 

D_Judith K Rantz

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I havent read anything in this topic other than the original post

Dump the motherfucker already. She is negative and hateful, and brings you nothing but stress and negativity. She offers nothing positive to you or your life. There is literally no reason to keep her around. Good luck to you.
now this get's my seal of approval :p
 

Tattooed Goddess

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I havent read anything in this topic other than the original post

Dump the motherfucker already. She is negative and hateful, and brings you nothing but stress and negativity. She offers nothing positive to you or your life. There is literally no reason to keep her around. Good luck to you.


Awwww are you a fellow Savage Lovecast listener too?
 

TheyKeepDoingIt

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I went back and re-read the OP, keeping in mind this time that you're in a long distance relationship. It sounds a bit different.

Failing to mention that this is a long distance relationship puts an entirely different spin on why she gets mad about whether or not you call her and whether or not that's reasonable. Are there other relevant details we should know?

How often do the two of you talk on the phone? If she gets mad because you don't call her one day, is that what you meant by "needy"? That's a normal source of conflict for long distance relationships. When you're long distance, those phone calls are the relationship. They mean so much more than they do if you aren't long distance. That is something you should have mentioned in your OP.

I think you just need to end this relationship now. Before you made it sound like she's a crazy person. Now it's beginning to sound like you wrote about her in a really unfair way in order to get the response that you wanted to get.

Regardless whether your description of the source of your conflicts was accurately reported by you or not, it sounds like both of you would be better off if you broke up with her as soon as possible because despite how often I've asked you, you still can't say anything nice about her other than you think she's pretty. There's no future there.


In response to this and your last post:

We talk -every- day, i'm on all of the time. She never speaks to me first, if i don't talk to her she will do nothing. I Could vanish without a trace for days and she'd make no attempt to call me or find out if i'm alive.

We see each other every few months, it's really not that bad. But that doesn't give her an excuse to be so crazy. I call, a lot. 9/10 times my call is not picked up, and I have to call 4-5 times before she finally answers with a negative, disgusting tone.

She has -never- in these months together asked me "How are you?" or anything. Only when I was hit by a car was she remotely concerned about my wellbeing.

I call a lot, and it costs me money while simultaneously i'm available at my PC on msn almost every hour of the day. When i'm not, I call regularly, most of the time no answer.

I wouldn't even bother with msn if we weren't studying apart. She -never- makes any effort at all.


I don't think there is much more to say, not one person has said anything positive and I can't think of a reason why they should.

Thankies.
 

petite

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In response to this and your last post:

We talk -every- day, i'm on all of the time. She never speaks to me first, if i don't talk to her she will do nothing. I Could vanish without a trace for days and she'd make no attempt to call me or find out if i'm alive.

We see each other every few months, it's really not that bad. But that doesn't give her an excuse to be so crazy. I call, a lot. 9/10 times my call is not picked up, and I have to call 4-5 times before she finally answers with a negative, disgusting tone.

She has -never- in these months together asked me "How are you?" or anything. Only when I was hit by a car was she remotely concerned about my wellbeing.

I call a lot, and it costs me money while simultaneously i'm available at my PC on msn almost every hour of the day. When i'm not, I call regularly, most of the time no answer.

I wouldn't even bother with msn if we weren't studying apart. She -never- makes any effort at all.


I don't think there is much more to say, not one person has said anything positive and I can't think of a reason why they should.

Thankies.

Well thank you for clearing that up. I have to admit that I felt like you were being extremely deceptive when you finally mentioned that you were long distance, especially since in your OP you specifically wrote the she went out and you were stuck at home, which made it sound like she was leaving you at home, when in fact you would have been stuck at home anyway and you couldn't have seen her. It made me feel like you had intentionally slanted your posts in order to rally people to your side. To me it sounds like you came here with an agenda. Why? If you want to break up with her, just do it.

Is there a reason why she doesn't call you? Does she not have a good cell phone plan? You see, you've lost my trust by omitting that you're long distance and now I find myself wondering if there's more stuff you haven't told us that fills in the blanks and makes all of this make more sense.

For example, if she never calls you, that doesn't sound that needy. And if she doesn't pick up the phone 9/10 and you have to call 4-5 times before she picks up, then that's 50 phone calls from you per day. Either you're exaggerating greatly, or you sound like you call her too often. Why so many phone calls? Why did she get mad at you about the 2 am phone call if you talk so often? I keep feeling like there's a lot of this story that has been left out.

The reason why no one has said anything positive about her is because you haven't told us anything positive about her, which is the reason why I think this thread is so strange. The people in this thread only know as much as you've told us about her.

If you've been totally truthful, it sounds like you've found the worst woman on earth and you won't stop calling her even though you think she's awful and abusive to you. And I think that's really weird.

Seriously, if she really is that bad, then why? You said that you've broken up and gotten back together again. Why did you get back together again? Why go back to her? I know that you said you wanted to understand her behavior, but your behavior doesn't make sense either, not the way you've described the situation. You obviously already know that you shouldn't have to put up with that because your description of her behavior makes it clear that you find it unacceptable, so why the thread? Do you plan on showing it to her?

The picture you've painted is just too black and white. That stretched the limit of my credibility - because absolutely no one has no redeeming qualities at all and someone who claims to love a person would be able to list at least of few of those qualities. If you've been totally truthful, I have to question other things, like whether or not you enjoy being the martyr or if you have issues with emotional masochism so you seek out people who will treat you abusively.

You still sound like you're trying to make her sound as bad as possible. That's my problem with the "rescuer" claim that you made. Rescuers make excuses for those that they're rescuing, and they take too much of the blame personally. They're the ones who say, "It's my fault he hit me. He's really not a bad guy. I made him mad and he had a bad childhood and so much stress at work..." People who are rescuers have to be told that they're not at fault for the things they're taking the blame for. You do the exact opposite. You're saying, "Look how often she hit me! She's a terrible person! I can't think of a single reason why she would act like that!" You make a lot of accusations and say nothing positive about her. That doesn't fit the description of a rescuer. You just sound like an angry guy, tbh. If she's really that bad, then you have good reason to be angry at her. The only puzzling part is why you're with her.

I thought that maybe your first post was made in anger, but every post after it has been the same. Nothing but describing how awful you think she is. I thought you said that you refused to be her doormat?

None of that other stuff really even matters, though. The negative tone of post after post about her says it all. You should break up with her because you clearly dislike all of this. You shouldn't be with someone if you can't think of a single positive thing to say about her. That's awful for both of you.

Since you clearly hate her, why the hell did you make this thread? Just dump her already. Why bother waiting? Do it now. Get it over with.
 
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dolfette

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why are you calling her every single day if she rarely picks up and sounds disinterested when she does?

you choose to chase around after her like some overly eager to please collie, and then get upset when she treats you like a dog.

again, she's abusive and that ain't ok.

but also, grow some fucking self respect!
 

helgaleena

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OP is banned. ??

The 'long-distance ' info makes it sound more like the only actual 'relationship' was in his head. I'll bet his model didn't think it was a 'relationship', just a booty call. And the minute he started to get possessive, she got rightfully pissed.
 

petite

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OP is banned. ??

The 'long-distance ' info makes it sound more like the only actual 'relationship' was in his head. I'll bet his model didn't think it was a 'relationship', just a booty call. And the minute he started to get possessive, she got rightfully pissed.

Hmmm, the mystery deepens. I wonder why. How can you tell if it's a temp ban or a permanent one?

Some things didn't add up and I was hoping that he would continue to fill in the blanks.
 

OCMuscleJock

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lol...
I'm with you twoton...
I was just about to give him the same advice and add ... dump her and find someone that appreciates him.

the OP was most likely on here with another name and just didnt want to let his real account out. hence banned
 

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The GF here has problems on many levels. You can either put up with it or make the choice not to do so. My recommendation would be for the latter. The reasons for the behavior can be many, at the same time you are young and have a life to look forward to that is full of good things. Do you really honestly want to have a life that is constant pressure and stress? Medical statistics point to stress and the problems you describe as being the kind that shorten a life span and depending on their origin some may not be medically "fixable". Why?

The only way that this young lady will get help will be if she is forced to do it. and by saying "goodbye" to the stress (and her) you make your point loud and clear that self-centered thinking where physical appearance is everything is not necessarily a healthy viewpoint.

If looks are that important to her, you are looking at a relationship with an uncertain future anyway. Relationships that last my friend are definitely not based on looks. Pregnancy, stretch marks from pregnancy, all of these things and the complications of bringing a family into this world eventually are considerations if you would want a family and to be a Dad eventually. If the anorexic look and "model" figure to the obsessive are hallmarks, there is something wrong. Remember that many top models permit themselves to have children and they well understand that just maybe things are not going to look the best for a while after it is over. If the eating habits are a problem you could be looking at the entire eating disorder menu and that is another mess. You may be attracted my friend but look at the whole picture. If it is not great right now at your respective ages, it is going to get worse later ion this area.

Without help and major counseling this is not one that you want to hang your hat on and bring it home for good in any manner and that simply means that she needs a type of help that you as a young man in your age group cannot offer.

 
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petite

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Well, that confirmed two of my suspicions. The first one being that I think I was justified in doubting whether his version of events was trustworthy. To me, the guy sounded like he has a personality disorder. This was the same guy who said Mlle. Rouge was fat and that no "self-respecting man" would PM her because they would be "losers" and that "Her arrogance is repulsive." She didn't deserve any of that. He's just a really mean guy who says a lot of really mean things about just about everyone. I bet that his girlfriend is just a normal woman and if she lost her temper at him, it's probably because he was being an asshole, as he so frequently was right here on LPSG before he got banned for being racist and sexist. His posts here were arrogant and insulting. It's like he doesn't know any other way to communicate.

He's also this guy who lost his temper at dolfette over a previous relationship issue because he wouldn't accept that the woman had told him that she didn't want to have sex with him. He was acting obsessive and controlling in that thread, and called dolfette homophobic slurs because dolfette told him to respect that woman's desire for him to leave her alone.

As for his posts in this thread? I also got the "this is a jealous controlling guy" vibe from it, like Helga did, at least it was one of my four theories, but I wanted to learn more so I didn't say that because I didn't want him to stop posting or turn defensive. She has to flirt with everyone? Fifty phone calls a day? She won't pick up the phone? She won't call him? Yet he calls her needy? Yeah, that doesn't add up and neither did a lot of the other details of his story. It sounded more like he tried to keep track of her all the time and the reason why she was hateful to him when she picked up the phone was because he was pissing her off. Maybe. That was one possibility. I was waiting to learn more about what was going on.
 
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helgaleena

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MR is fat? Serious disconnect with the real world of female bodies there. She's a tiny lady, no space for fat!

Also, Helga is not fat either. It's just that my head is too small. I'll never look like a Bratz doll, *le sigh*
 
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it's not easy bein alone and finding another chick but i think it's clear you know what you want to do or at least what you need to do.

move on and find a girl that'll treat you right. they're out there - trust me on that one ha ha
 

petite

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it's not easy bein alone and finding another chick but i think it's clear you know what you want to do or at least what you need to do.

move on and find a girl that'll treat you right. they're out there - trust me on that one ha ha

The OP was :banned:
 

LadySweetsoflove

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Sounds like to me you need to cut your losses and move on. Tell her to go to therapy. People who are insecure have to work through their own personal little hell that they put themselves in. There will never be enough compliments or attention that you could possibly give that will give her resolution. In the famous words of Ru Paul, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell can you love someone else?"