Relationship Advice Please?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by zeldawind07, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. zeldawind07

    zeldawind07 New Member

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    Hello all, Ive had this account on here for a little while now.. using it to read some articles and such.. and i think its time for me to make a post. Im clearly not coming from a sexual stand point.. but would rather like to ask some advice or help..

    Im 19 male. and never really had a real girlfriend. The only real girl to ever tell me she liked me was pretty much a "WHORE" or player.. only wanting one thing wich she kind of got.. but not all the way.. .. but anyways.. Ive always blamed my relationship problems on being shy and maybe over weight? Its very hard for me to say anything to someone ive just met. i always have to take time to open up and hold a conversation....

    Im around 5'10 and 240lbs. I know im not HUGE but im over weight for my age and height and i don't have the type of body that girls drool over... . I would really love to be in a relationship but i don't know where to start. Everytime i think i like someone.. i always put myself down by saying your fat.. or your too shy.. you have nothing in common. I dont really look a lot for girls because i know ill put myself down.. and just end up scrapping any thoughts of trying to be more than friends.


    Recently i talked to a girl.. ONLINE. But she lived around 20 min away.. I Called her.. she called me. and we texted a lot and chatted online... but never really met. I sen't her pictures of me.. and she sent me of her.. but we never met.. but she apprently seen me in walmart.. OF ALL PLACES... and never came up and talked to me or anything ( I DIDNT SEE HER OR KNOW SHE WAS IN THE STORE) and when i told her it was me (OVER A TEXT MESSAGE LATER THAT DAY) she pretty much made up excuses why she could call me/text me and ignored me a lot... we no longer talk.

    Its really starting to eat at me.. I find myself thinking about a relationship more and more.... what should i do.
    I suppose im doomed to be alone?

    THANKS IN ADVANCE
    -John.
     
  2. scottbud

    scottbud Active Member

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    No I dont think your doomed but b4 you even start to think about making a commitment to someone else you need to make acommitment to yourself to accept who you are and to love who you are, there is no point exploring the rest until you have this sorted, did you know that some people like guys that are over weight so although its not what you hear about in media etc there are alot of people guys and girls who prefeer guys with some meat on their bones so just bear that in mind b4 you start putting yourself down. of coarse if YOU arent happy about your weight you need to tackle that b4 trying to tackle any girls or guys.
     
  3. SpeedoMike

    Gold Member

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    did you stop to think she might not be what she professed to be? That might be why she didn't introduce herself?

    Scottbud has some good thoughts for ya.
     
  4. scoobkill

    scoobkill New Member

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    When I was 17 I was 5'10 and 310lbs, it was awful. I did eventually find a girlfriend around that time and was with her for three years. As for being overweight I would recommend to try and drop it and believe me I know what it's like as I've been there. I eventually went down to about 175 and 3 years later, now, I'm at 5"11 240. Weight management is rough but doable. Unfortunately I've found there aren't any real tricks. Diet and exercise. However this isn't as bad as you think, I know the media puts shit on that when guys guy on a diet you get a piece of steamed broccoli, but it's not really that way. I would highly recommend staying away from fast food. It becomes easy. Even now, that I have put weight back on, I couldn't even think of eating McDonald's, it makes me sick. Finally, you're 19, you're super young and your metabolism (even if it's naturally/genetically slow) is in ass kick mode. Go for it.

    All of this aside, don't let being overweight get you down as a person. You need to get over this because it won't leave you. Even when I was super thin I had "fat kid syndrome" which basically meant I still wasn't happy. I'm actually happier now than I was them. Some of this is age, and you'll grow out of it, but really think what you have going for you, be a little arrogant, walk with a swagger a little. Everyone, especially at your age is self conscious about something, you just feel like it hits you harder because you "drawback" is physical and easy to see. Hang in there, from someone who's been there, I swear to you it gets better.
     
  5. cyberczar

    cyberczar New Member

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    Dude, you've got to love yourself before you can expect others to love you.
     
  6. DGirl

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    What he said......" That is the truth!!!!!!!! My hubby LOVED himself..." He knows he is HOT..." A few folks here know what he looks like.."
    I may not be all of you straight guys dreams.." But, I KNOW I am damn HOT and SEXY!!! My momma never told me that I was UGLY, nor my daddy!! If a guy thinks I am not pretty, then he can go F*ck himself!!
    LOL!!
    But, dude You need to LIKE yourself FIRST!!!
     
  7. Tristessa

    Tristessa New Member

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    Honey, it's all about the confidence . . like the others have sorta said.

    You need to feel good about yourself first. Maybe that means losing some of the weight, maybe not. I put on about 20 lbs after a surgery, and it wasn't easy losing it . . but it's doable. The hardest part is just committing to it and getting started. Even dropping one bad habit from your diet (like sodas) can make a difference.

    Find something you are fairly good at and love doing (or have always wanted to do), then really get involved in it. You'll feel better about yourself, gain some confidence, and it really shows.

    You're obviously not finding the right girls, either. I've had boyfriends about your size, and boyfriends that were rock hard gymnasts (well, only one). If you're meeting girls online (dating sites, whatever) and are self conscious about your body, make sure you state up front your size and post realistic pictures. Some people will disagree with that, but I say weed out the appearance-focused ones right away. Not all of us care so much about size, and some girls even prefer a bigger guy. Overcoming shyness can be hard, too . . but what's the worst that could happen? Well, rejection . . but you get over that and move on. Go for what you want, don't get desperate, and concentrate on yourself . . a girl who likes you for YOU will come along.
     
  8. zeldawind07

    zeldawind07 New Member

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    Thank you guys so much for your words of encouragement and advice!
    I have always had to struggle with my self image... although i feel it has improved.. it will never be to where i want it.
     
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