Relationship Advice

hnla394

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Heyo, to anyone out there that is willing to listen. Sorry this is one of the rare threads that isn't sexual...

But I was hoping to get some advice/wise words/encouragement...

Over the last year it just seems like having any sort of healthy relationship or relationship in general just seems impossible for me. Even though I have guys interested I just seem to be in this constant state of disappointment, angry, sad, lonely, etc...

I just feel like I can't really connect with anyone. I have a fairly decent amount of guys interested in me, but I am just not interested in them. And I feel constantly guilty for not being interested in them, (like am I too shallow?) And then the very rare guy I actually really like never works out.

And I know everyone is just going to be like "oh stop focusing on it because it happens when you least expect it" - but when its something you really want its hard to just "stop".

I'm probably just whining but it feels like something that is so easy for everyone else is just impossible for me.
 
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cedarizzo

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Just my opinion, but I think a lot of us go looking for a partner with a set goal in mind. Whether it be their looks, financial status, dick size, etc. And then we are super disappointed when our exact goal never shows up.

Each time I've met a partner of mine, they were never exactly what I was looking for, but there was always something about them that captivated me enough to go on a second date.

Maybe in settling, but I don't think I've made a bad choice. But if I had stuck with my original thoughts, they would have never been a choice to begin with.
 

briacon429

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Heyo, to anyone out there that is willing to listen. Sorry this is one of the rare threads that isn't sexual...

But I was hoping to get some advice/wise words/encouragement...

Over the last year it just seems like having any sort of healthy relationship or relationship in general just seems impossible for me. Even though I have guys interested I just seem to be in this constant state of disappointment, angry, sad, lonely, etc...

I just feel like I can't really connect with anyone. I have a fairly decent amount of guys interested in me, but I am just not interested in them. And I feel constantly guilty for not being interested in them, (like am I too shallow?) And then the very rare guy I actually really like never works out.

And I know everyone is just going to be like "oh stop focusing on it because it happens when you least expect it" - but when its something you really want its hard to just "stop".

I'm probably just whining but it feels like something that is so easy for everyone else is just impossible for me.

This may sound like a cliche, but I you really will meet someone. I met my husband when I wasn’t really looking, and neither was he! Both of us had gotten soured on dating: I’d gotten out of a long-term relationship, and he’d been on a lot of dates that went nowhere. Yet we immediately clicked.

In fact, it was probably a good thing that neither of us was looking for anything serious. It meant went into it with no expectations and no pressure. So when things did work out, we were both pleasantly surprised! So I can personally vouch for the fact that you can and will find love...!
 

Brodie888

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Without knowing you, it's hard to tell if you're being your own worst enemy.

But let's assume you're not. In which case, the problem is that you're not meeting enough people. Finding a partner is simply a numbers game.

One way to boost your networking is by focusing on making new friends. Also, invite existing friends to bring a friend to organized group activities. Ok, Covid19 doesn't make this easy but you just have to do what you can.

Join every gay app there is, ok this is a low percentage one but every bit helps. The main goal here if you don't want sex is to form friendships that will lead to meeting up for coffee and then hopefully meeting their friends in other group activities in the future. Some people are very introverted so the apps are great to break the ice while keeping some distance but it works even better for extroverts.
 

Brodie888

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In a similar line to what @cedarizzo has written. Sometimes people dismiss potential partners too quickly. Sometimes they might not be exactly what you are looking for but as you get to know them they may have qualities that make them exactly right for you.

I think the first question to ask is "Can I see this guy as being a friend?" If yes, then give it a chance and if it goes nowhere you at least have a new friend.
 

cedarizzo

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I think the first question to ask is "Can I see this guy as being a friend?" If yes, then give it a chance and if it goes nowhere you at least have a new friend.
I have tried this with a few guys. They were definitely weren't what I would be looking for, but they were nice, made me laugh and they weren't "butt ugly" in my eyes. I gave them a chance. One of them became a good fuckbuddy (he wasn't looking for a relationship, so we did the next best thing) and the other one I dated for 5 years.

If you have some doubts about them and your own opinion of them, take the leap, take the chance!
 

theplayerking

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I was very picky and had a long list of criteria for a potential partner. In my 20s and 30s I never dated anyone more than couple of times, although I had fuck buddies. I finally found my first long term relationship while in my 40s on Tinder. For me the trick was cycling through enough potential matches until one hit. Fortunately an app like Tinder makes it efficient and easy to churn through a lot of pics and profiles.
 

Txprvdude

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It's because you are in denver.

the guys you are mostly attracted to are elsewhere


Time to relocate