Relationship breakup

[EBlend]

I've been in a longterm relationship (gay) that was failing for a number of years, and now, in our 25th year, he has decided to make a complete break and move on.

At times it is incredibly painful, almost impossible to deal with, though now a few days after the big announcement, it is maybe somewhat better.

What I'm wondering is if there is anyone who has been through something similar who would be willing to perhaps pm me and share stories, or if anyone can recommend an online support group, not necessarily gay because I think it's pretty much the same both ways.

 

[Stephenmass]

I"m sorry to hear even tho I don't know you at all that your relationship has ended. 25 years is a long time and I would think it's hard also because you both are so used to having each other around. If you want to converse by email or whatever, feel free. I won't ask why it ended unless you want to share that privately.

Anyway sorry.

 

[Charles Finn]

I am sorry mine only lasted 5 years breaking up can be really hard to do.
if you want to chat or exchange e-mails mine is campuscharles1967@yahoo.com

 

[EBlend]

Thanks guys. Yeah, it's hard on many different levels and I'm still on a rollercoaster because we just came to this a few days ago. The emotional pain and shock was excrutiating. Maybe now the edge is at least a little softer, but it sure hurts. There are many things to think about and many of those things touch off more emotions. And yes, after 25 years we had gotten into a place of perhaps not being romantic but incredibly close friends. For me this is mostly about letting go of the hope and dream that things would somehow be healed and we could become closer. It's a bitter loss.

 

[B_New End]

25 years? I dont think I could give you advice. We ended a 5 year relationship, and it took me about 1.5 years to get over it. 25 years would probably take at least 2 or 3 years.


What do you have to look forward to?

break up sex
rebound sex
lots of loneliness and despair
lots of opportunity for growth, and self discovery

Id say look up the five stages of grief, and get ready for a very tough time. Sorry.

You are lucky you realized it was failing years ago, that should have given you some time, and some thought about what was to come.

But 25 years? damn. Sorry.

 

[invisibleman]

25 years?! That is sooo sad.

I am totally floored on that. I had six years with a guy. Two of which were good years the rest were really horrible. (We never took one vacation together...but I found out that my ex took many vacations with other guys. THAT CUNT OF A MAN. )

I think those previous posters were right about you learning the stages of grief and learning to immerse yourself in whatever stage you are in. You have to go through them all to move on.

You also need get yourself involved in life to prevent from becoming isolated. Do something happy with some people. Get involved with some outside interests.

 

[B_New End]

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
   At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
   The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
   Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
   The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
   This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

My experience
Stage 1:
Can be tricky. It also includes shock. You think that its going to be easy, and you think you are getting through the stages quickly, and it will all be over soon. In your mind, you think, "hey, in 2 months, I should be moving on!" You say stupid stuff like "I am so happy to be single again" and to a stranger "You are my soul mate" LoL!!

Stage 2:
is where you can easily lose your friendship. I was lucky, and kept mine, but sometimes, it is impossible to keep a friendship. There is too much pain in knowing they are with someone else.

Stage 3:
The bargaining stage I never went through. I think it is more for religious people.

Stage 4:
The worst stage. The most dangerous stage, because you can get stuck in it forever.

Stage 5:
YAy! You're done!

PS... if you do not have any type of spirituality, you are going to need it... may I suggest reading some works by the Dali Lama, I am so glad a friend introduced me to Buddhist philosophy at the very beginning of my break up.