relationship infidelity and my big decision PLEASE HELP im desperate

[D_Jess_Kielme]

cliffnotes version


-dating 1 year happily
-my GF got suspiscious by finding pics of my cock on my phone
-i tell the truth that i posted them here i dont think she believed it and i gave her the link .. shes pissed for a couple weeks while but gets over it
-GF gets into email and finds that i posted and responded to a few CL ads in NSA recently when she left town.. Honestly i was horny as fuck . just like i am on lpsg i have never cheated ever and never would . i repect honesty
-about 4 months go by where we constantly check on each other like trust is lost.
-I kinda go overboard and install spy app on her phone to send messages and call log to a website. I analyze the messages. this goes on for a couple weeks and then BOOM!!!!
-A message that she was planning to have sex with someone she met at the bar the night before.
-I confront her and she leaves for a night ...hanging with this guy claiming she stayed with her GF whom i text verified.
-Next AM she comes home literally having a panic attack and crying and apologizing
-She admits she KISSED him and there were messages saying that she had bruises on her back from the night b4 in the backseat of his car from the seatbelts.hmmmm

- Anyways I try to forgive and forget and i do a good job forgiving but she wants me to forget. It has been 2 months and i still have an occasional outburst realting to it and shes mad at me and im the bad guy.

-I make a move to another house that we planned b4 all this and she doesnt come with me . She says shes not happy.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL TRYING TO DO TO MY HEAD

im insane because of her and i want her so bad and can give her a second chance, but i ask her to move and start over somewhere new and she says she needs time. cant leave her friends, and her job (i provide she is a receptionist im an engineer ) no offense but i have a career owning opportunity .

Please tell me something that helps

Thanks in advance
-

 

[D_Likima_Taint]

She's an idiot.
Hope that helps.

 

[D_Likima_Taint]

It's not gonna help until you realize it yourself.

 

[prepky]

if she is not happy, then let her go....cause until you realize that you are as unhappy as she is in the relationship it will only get worse and end nasty. just my two cents worth....once a cheater always a cheater

 

[v32bone]

honesty and communication are the only way to foster trust. Without trust, the drama isn't worth it. Move on and start fresh with someone and YOU start by being honest while expecting it from her. Read some good books on relationship therapy. I have been in what many would define as a poly relationship with multiple women (3 women, 2 of them for 4 yrs and one for 6 months) and we all occasionally date other people. Sometimes we even play together. We could NEVER have even attempted thinking of this if we had not all been very open and honest with each other from day one. I live with the woman I have sex with the least. One girl is married and has multiple regular partners (4 of us) and the other is married in a sexless marriage and I am her only lover. We all also date outside of our respective circles on occasion. By the way the married coupled are all aware and okay of the arrangements. This is not easy, with issues of logistics, timing, sharing, jealousy, needs, all rearing their heads on occasion. What happens is we talk them out before, as soon as, and after they happen. We respect each other's positions, rules and parameters and so far so good. It is not for everyone and not easy but WELL worth it. Im not suggesting it as an alternative for you but as an example of what even monogamous relationships are SUPPOSED to be about...loving and desiring your partner's happiness more than your own to the point where it is easier and incredibly fulfilling to share in all elements of your partner's happiness and they in yours. the keys are listening HARD to them without considering your needs, then asking that they also respect your needs and listen HARD to you. From their you compromise, you share, you love each other. Pretty basic and enlightening with practice.

 

[Fleur]

She's not happy, let her go. I know that's probably not the answer you want, but there is no trust in the relationship. You installed a spy app on her phone, she searches your phone. You both spy on each other and both seem unhealthy.

Work on yourself and at least take a break. If you love her or at least care about her and she's not happy, let her go. You don't seem happy either.

It's not worth it to stay in a relationship out of being used to it and comfortable. The point is, she might be there but you are still basically alone and not looking for someone you could really be happy with.

 

[blooeyz]

trust me, do yourself a favor and move on, it's never going to be the way it was

 

[Drifterwood]

She's not happy, let her go.

I agree, move on, don't look back, get on with your life. This relationship just wasn't right.

 

[Boondocksaints]

Try this site infidelity.com

 

[HazelGod]

I agree, move on, don't look back, get on with your life. This relationship just wasn't right.

Yup, what they said.

 

[curiousvirgin]

cliffnotes version

- Anyways I try to forgive and forget and i do a good job forgiving but she wants me to forget. It has been 2 months and i still have an occasional outburst realting to it and shes mad at me and im the bad guy.

-I make a move to another house that we planned b4 all this and she doesnt come with me . She says shes not happy.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL TRYING TO DO TO MY HEAD

im insane because of her and i want her so bad and can give her a second chance, but i ask her to move and start over somewhere new and she says she needs time. cant leave her friends, and her job (i provide she is a receptionist im an engineer ) no offense but i have a career owning opportunity .

Please tell me something that helps

Thanks in advance
-

Ive not much experience in this, but looks like what you both need is some space. All her excuses for not moving with you seem insignificant, if she truly loved you (considering yall had discussed it before). Tell her you love her still and will wait for her and give her some space to decide what she wants. If she does love you she will contact you, if all that remains is guilt for cheating in the relationship and distrust, maybe its time for the both of you to move on.

 

[Stg66]

Run and don't look back. If you have to resort to spying then you must run. Trust me. Been there...

 

[flyboy]

You reap what you sow dude, sounds like she should have dumped you long ago for the cock picks and CL reponses.

 

[dolfette]

ffs, man.
if you're installing spyware on her fucking phone then you shouldn't be together.
you're the one who started this with the replies to nsa sex ads. of course that's going to devalue the monogamy of your relationship!

you're both idiots.
but i'd say you're the bigger idiot.
you really think she should move in with you now? what...so you can better spy on each other?

quit your bitching and go for a clean break, no blame, no tantrums. at least get something right.

 

[Wish-4-8]

^^^^ and to add to that, I think you are both fucked up.
There is no fixing this because the trust is gone, although it sounds like it was never there in the first place.

And the fact that you were responding to ads means you dont really know what you want. You go with how you feel at the moment. That is not a commitment.

The irony is that in a sick way, you two deserve each other. Fortuantly for the gene pool, you two will never work out.

 

[yodiggity]

dude you need to get away from this whore. you should never take back a partner that cheats on you ever. i admit i have pics on my phone that i sent to my gf but i do not and have not cheated before and they are just that, pics. if you establish boundaries such as "dont nose through my shit" then you should be set. i told my ex gf that and she decided to go through my stuff such as fb, myspace, and my phone and even my car forum im a member of. while i was at the beach after me and her broke up she texted bitching at me for being with another girl that she found out about by hacking my accounts. my current gf i let her know that i dont want her going through my shit because that kind of thing just doesnt fly since it shows there is no trust. one thing that bothers me though is that she deletes text messages and just says "it was my mom" when i ask about them and why she deleted them.