relationship issues - advice is appreciated

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_thickjohnny, Oct 27, 2009.

  1. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    My BF and I have been together for 3 years. I'm 53 and he's 23. For the last several months everything seems to go sideways. Sex is almost non existent and when we have sex it's more like he's masturbating than making love. He doesn't hold me (I'm bottom), no kissing at all, and when it's over, it's over. He washes and goes to sleep.

    He is constantly in need of cuddling which is fine for me but he doesn't cuddle back. His kisses are pecks not full on kissing. He does not like rimming (though he did when we met), he won't try bottoming because he thinks I'm too big (7" is not TOO BIG). And he's always asking me if I love him.

    And lately he seems to be encouraging either a three way. Oh, and I was offered a job in the US and when I told him he was excited - "when do you leave", etc?

    Doesn't all of this sound just a bit strange? There is an age and definitely an experience difference. I don't cheat on him (though God, I've thought about it). I am quite content with everything in my life and I thought he was too. He goes out with his friends from school (he's in an MBA program) because he feels that he does not want to miss out on this part of his life and I don't blame him but I'm wondering who else he might be seeing. Am I over reacting or is all of the above cause for concern?

    Thanks for your thoughts.
     
  2. Stephenmass

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    You are 53 and he is 23. Of course he doesn't want to miss out on his "twenties" which you have already experienced. As far as him bottoming for you, some guys just don't bottom. If you at 53 have thought of cheating on him think of him at 23 and his thoughts (and quite frankly probably a higher libido). At 53 you are settled and expecting him to do the same; he won't be there yet for quite some time I would think. This is one time I think the age difference is going to be too great to overcome!

    Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go.
     
    #2 Stephenmass, Oct 27, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2009
  3. SR_realpat

    SR_realpat New Member

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    Or you just accept the fact that he wants to enjoy life for some years, wait for him to stabilize (be his friend/ fuckbuddy or anything you want bu keep him in close range), and when he's ready to have be in a more stable relationship, see if he wants you.
    Maybe trying to speak to him would be a nice idea first.
     
  4. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    It seems like he wants affection from you but won't give it back. When a man is not affectionate withme, I know what that means.
     
  5. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I think my libido is higher than his. He's always tired and when he is ready for sex it's at the strangest times and like I said, it's not making love it's just him using my ass for masturbation - or so it seems. He only likes it lying on our sides with him behind me. He doesn't like being between my legs. He doesn't touch me or hold me or fondle me either. Just pounds me and it's over. That's not exciting to me.
     
  6. SR_realpat

    SR_realpat New Member

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    Apparently, he just wants your affection without him giving you attention, that is not what i call a relationship, just leave him, he is way too immature, you'll just be hurt.
     
  7. molotovmuffin

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    Seriously? The guy is cheating. Unless this has been the way he's been with you all along which I don't think has been the case. I think I would be making some plans and then asking some questions. But that's just me.
     
  8. NCbear

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    At the very least, his attitudes toward you have changed. Witness the differences you've noted here.

    And if you're giving a lot more affection than you're getting, then the relationship is completely out of balance. You're not the main character of that creepy children's book The Giving Tree, are you? I didn't think so. Talk with him; if he doesn't have the right responses, or if his behavior doesn't come back toward a place where he can provide his part of the relationship, then drop him.

    NCbear (who once spent too many years with an ex in an unbalanced relationship :mad:)
     
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