Relationship oriented in a hookup culture

bi_todd

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I’ve been feeling dissolutioned lately from unsatisfying hookups with unsavory guys who show no interest in me beyond my cock. One recent guy took offense when I asked by email if he had a good weekend. I was just attempting to be friendly and personable. He responded to me rather annoyed and said “what difference does that make?”

Don’t get me wrong - I have certainly appreciated the carnal thrill of anonymous one-time fucks where barely a word is spoken (more times than I can count). However, when things progress beyond that to sharing contact information and arranging repeated encounters, I don’t think engaging in a little polite conversation is asking too much (but I’m apparently wrong in that assumption).

I’ve many times wondered if my personality is too relationship-oriented to find happiness and satisfaction in the gay hookup culture. After a while, the complete lack of interest in me as a person starts to feel dehumanizing.

I’m aware that that my advancing age and imperfect fitness are likely contributing factors to the kind of rude treatment I sometimes receive when attempting to introduce a personal element. I learned a long time ago that choosing to participate in this flakey hookup culture requires a tough skin, so I guess this just goes with the territory.

Throughout the online cruising world, I’m encountering more and more guys looking for PNP (sexual encounters combined with party drugs like meth, molly, and G). In my experience, adding drug use to the mix only seems to amplify this aspect of depersonalization.

As I get older, it also makes me realize that I do not have unlimited time to continue chasing ass and cock without making myself look pathetic and ridiculous. I can only ride the daddy craze for so long. I’ve accepted that some of my sexual bucket list Items will likely remain unfulfilled.

Thank goodness for a few regular fuckbuds in my life who still give me hope that basic human connection can indeed coexist with animalistic penis thrusting.

*Rant Off*
 

BillM

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Stud well it sounds like you are on Grindr and trying to find a sole mate!! You know those types of apps are just for hookup and you need to start going out more and meeting people or maybe a real dating site!! Wish you luck finding your true love!!
 

notN2pussy

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I’ve been feeling dissolutioned lately from unsatisfying hookups with unsavory guys who show no interest in me beyond my cock. One recent guy took offense when I asked by email if he had a good weekend. I was just attempting to be friendly and personable. He responded to me rather annoyed and said “what difference does that make?”

Don’t get me wrong - I have certainly appreciated the carnal thrill of anonymous one-time fucks where barely a word is spoken (more times than I can count). However, when things progress beyond that to sharing contact information and arranging repeated encounters, I don’t think engaging in a little polite conversation is asking too much (but I’m apparently wrong in that assumption).

I’ve many times wondered if my personality is too relationship-oriented to find happiness and satisfaction in the gay hookup culture. After a while, the complete lack of interest in me as a person starts to feel dehumanizing.

I’m aware that that my advancing age and imperfect fitness are likely contributing factors to the kind of rude treatment I sometimes receive when attempting to introduce a personal element. I learned a long time ago that choosing to participate in this flakey hookup culture requires a tough skin, so I guess this just goes with the territory.

Throughout the online cruising world, I’m encountering more and more guys looking for PNP (sexual encounters combined with party drugs like meth, molly, and G). In my experience, adding drug use to the mix only seems to amplify this aspect of depersonalization.

As I get older, it also makes me realize that I do not have unlimited time to continue chasing ass and cock without making myself look pathetic and ridiculous. I can only ride the daddy craze for so long. I’ve accepted that some of my sexual bucket list Items will likely remain unfulfilled.

Thank goodness for a few regular fuckbuds in my life who still give me hope that basic human connection can indeed coexist with animalistic penis thrusting.

*Rant Off*
Understand!
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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People in general are pretty shallow. People met via hookups are rarely the exception to the rule. And yes, it is extremely difficult to find someone interested in a possible relationship who is also sexually open to the more unusual or extreme stuff.
 
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bi_todd

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Stud well it sounds like you are on Grindr and trying to find a sole mate!!
Nah - not that situation at all. I failed to explain myself correctly.

I’ve actually never used Grindr or the similar apps because I’ve heard too many stories about bad behavior of this variety.

And I’m not at all looking to turn a casual hookup into a soulmate, either. Truly, just a little friendly polite conversation would suffice to acknowledge that there is human being attached to the big cock. That’s really all I was going off about.
 
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Phil Ayesho

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Nah - not that situation at all. I failed to explain myself correctly.

I’ve actually never used Grindr or the similar apps because I’ve heard too many stories about bad behavior of this variety.

And I’m not at all looking to turn a casual hookup into a soulmate, either. Truly, just a little friendly polite conversation would suffice to acknowledge that there is human being part of me attached to the big cock of me. That’s really all I was going off about.
A lifestyle of objectification is not compatible with actual feelings.

Its about appetites, only.

Perhaps its time you grew up and stopped living the empty life of tallying your tallywackers.
 

notN2pussy

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Nah - not that situation at all. I failed to explain myself correctly.

I’ve actually never used Grindr or the similar apps because I’ve heard too many stories about bad behavior of this variety.

And I’m not at all looking to turn a casual hookup into a soulmate, either. Truly, just a little friendly polite conversation would suffice to acknowledge that there is human being attached to the big cock. That’s really all I was going off about.
Spot on
 
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Gj816

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Hummmm, depending on the position I'm just guessing here and not judging at all. I'd think based solely on your profile pics that you tend to be top and the occasional bottom maybe.

Hook up apps are all alike. There are people on them for the express purpose of hooking up. Looking to either suck fuck out get fucked. It's a sex for the taking kind of mindset.

Some guys are only interested in finding a different cock everyday instead of finding someone on those sites that really satisfies them sexually.

I was somewhat like you in that if I found someone who had what it takes to satisfy me. I would want a repeat session with them. But I'd always make it as good to them as they were making it to me.

It's no different with hetero hook up sites than it is with gay sites. It's wham bam thank you ma'am and unless you've got some kind of good chemistry with the other person probably won't hear from them again. Guys are notorious for trying to see how many different woman they can get. So it's only natural that guys are notorious for getting a different cock as much as possible.. It's the mindset that it's better if I don't get involved. Keep it anonymous which can really suck.
 
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622675

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Since you seem to be open to suggestions, I would encourage you to live life like you want to find it and you will eventually find it. It’s the old do unto others thing. Keep communicating with the guys you come in contact with and the end result is that it will eventually put you in with a group of people who share your interest.

Likely you could already write a book on guys who are hung up with the no-strings-attached emotions. I hear them described as a group of guys you can spend all your time in bed with and never be invited into their thoughts, at least not any that matter.

I don’t know if it would work for you, but my best times have always been had with guys who first came to my attention through their personalities. How about starting off by sharing some “lifespace” first with guys before the sex.

A good friend of mine is a guy who has been sexually active with many different guys (and females) for many years. He tells me that it is most unlikely that sex-for-sex activities will every result in a social connection. We wore out several sets of sheets together way back in younger years, and then he moved on in his career and to the next thousand tricks.

We have remained good friends, (but not sexual partners) for many years because we had a number of common interests working between us before we became sexual. Of all the people he has been with, there only about 2-3 of us that have remained connected and one is now his husband.
 
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1224998

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I agree with levi101’s comment about trying to find a bit more connection. Just see if the prospective guy is interested in some chit chat or you’ll find out pretty quickly that he’s only looking for sex and nothing more.

And that’s fine as each guy is different so you may want to see if there’s some commonality before getting physical.
 
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1050059

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I’ve been feeling dissolutioned lately from unsatisfying hookups with unsavory guys who show no interest in me beyond my cock. One recent guy took offense when I asked by email if he had a good weekend. I was just attempting to be friendly and personable. He responded to me rather annoyed and said “what difference does that make?”

Don’t get me wrong - I have certainly appreciated the carnal thrill of anonymous one-time fucks where barely a word is spoken (more times than I can count). However, when things progress beyond that to sharing contact information and arranging repeated encounters, I don’t think engaging in a little polite conversation is asking too much (but I’m apparently wrong in that assumption).

I’ve many times wondered if my personality is too relationship-oriented to find happiness and satisfaction in the gay hookup culture. After a while, the complete lack of interest in me as a person starts to feel dehumanizing.

I’m aware that that my advancing age and imperfect fitness are likely contributing factors to the kind of rude treatment I sometimes receive when attempting to introduce a personal element. I learned a long time ago that choosing to participate in this flakey hookup culture requires a tough skin, so I guess this just goes with the territory.

Throughout the online cruising world, I’m encountering more and more guys looking for PNP (sexual encounters combined with party drugs like meth, molly, and G). In my experience, adding drug use to the mix only seems to amplify this aspect of depersonalization.

As I get older, it also makes me realize that I do not have unlimited time to continue chasing ass and cock without making myself look pathetic and ridiculous. I can only ride the daddy craze for so long. I’ve accepted that some of my sexual bucket list Items will likely remain unfulfilled.

Thank goodness for a few regular fuckbuds in my life who still give me hope that basic human connection can indeed coexist with animalistic penis thrusting.

*Rant Off*

I found myself in this very situation, sans worrying about age/fitness. I was not feeling completely satisfied anymore. Sure, we love to have random hookups. I did it many times with girls, guys, and couples. Yes it's fun, but something was missing.

Up until very recently, I had written myself off as a career man and will be alone, indefinitely. Them came something that I NEVER thought possible. A new casual hookup that I met turned out to be me but as a female. Both of us made it very clear that we were not looking for a relationship and just enjoyed sex with each other and the occasional 3rd.

After spending almost 3 months together, we fell in love with one another at the same time. I have never ever EVER believed in soul mates or any of that bullshit. I truly believe that I have found the equivalent to that now. I know it's cliche and stupid as shit but, when you're not looking, sometimes you meet someone worthwhile. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Hope this helps.
 

marriedasian

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i say be honest with yourself, set you standard, and stick to them without resolve. if you meet someone and they don't fit your bill, just move on. life is too short and there are too many wackos out there to waste your time, energy, and safety on. sometimes it's better to just be alone.

i've spent a lot of time meeting new people and most are not "all there" and don't have a clue what the real world is like. if someone is only interested in your cock and that's not what you want then just pass them up. when i was doing hook-ups in my earlier years, being a friend in the "friends with benefits" was very important to me as if i clicked with someone, i wanted to have repeat occurrences.

i think a lot of people, especially noobs who are just starting out, don't realize how hard it is to find a sane, fun, and friendly fwb-type person.
 

EllieP

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I sang your same song in my 20s. It was pretty easy to get laid, but finding a relationship in Corporate Atlanta was a fool's errand. Unfortunately, that's the only place I had to look at the time because I was kind of career-minded, too. But I knew I could juggle a career and a relationship. But I seemed to be the only one who thought that way or wanted to spend the energy to do it.

I only solved that problem by giving up looking. I'll say it took a while, but when it happened it really happened!
 
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bi_todd

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Most responses to this thread have missed my original point, and it is mainly my fault for using the word relationship in the title in the first place.

My dissatisfaction is NOT because casual hookups don’t elvolve into lifelong partners and deep relationships. My dissatisfaction is because so many guys involved in casual hookups can’t even offer basic common courtesy and polite conversation in how they treat their sexual conquests. That’s what I refer to as dehumanizing.

I’m not asking for the moon here.
 
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622675

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I’m not asking for the moon here.
I really like your idea that civility should be readily exercised with other humans regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in.

There is a story about a young guy who was walking along the seashore and noticed that the beach was covered with starfish that had been washed on to land by a storm earlier that day. When he realized the animals would die unless they were returned to the water, he began running up and down the beach and throwing as many of the creatures back in the water as he could.

A friend who met him on the beach asked what he was doing. So he explained the problem the starfish had. The friend pointed out that there were thousands of doomed starfish on the beach and ask the young guy why anyone should even try.

The young guy responded that it was worth the effort since he was at least able to save a few.

Point being, you should do your best to add civility to your activities, and perhaps it will catch on with others.

==

From another (and realistic) perspective, the nature of your clandestine meetings has a lot more in common with an IRS audit where the commodity is sex not money. Both of you want all you can get to meet your own needs and there is little or no interest in sharing.

Consider what would develop if you were to list out all the motivations, fears, unwritten rules, and antisocial feelings that usually accompany “casual hookups” and “sexual conquest”. You might have more luck asking for the moon.
 
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1296135

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Maybe you just need to a new location to look for dates that is more appropriate for you and your interests
 
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1296135

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Older men always hit on me so maybe I can toss you one of them lol