Relationship problems due to parents.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fak_et, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I am in the best relationship with a girl I've ever had. Basically been hangin out almost every day since we met, doin all sorts of fun stuff together. We get along excellent, she is absolutely beautiful, plenty of sex, she doesnt flake and isnt a gold digger.

    My parents are very strict and strongly discouraged me dating in highschool, I got annoyed arguing with them so I just gave in and didnt bother because it wasn't worth it to me.

    Now they give me a hard time every time I hang out with her. My mom in particular talks bad about the girl and keeps pointing out things to disqualify her and frankly none of it is relevant anyways. My mom nitpicks everything I have come to learn so no matter who i bring whom, she will find stuff about them To me it seems worth it to stand up for myself and my needs as a human being. I routinely got yelled at after the girl left and she is very polite and friendly to my parents.

    Well. I put up with it for the end of the summer and now I am in college. The girl still lives back at home. She wanted to come visit me for a few days. Her parents were willing to let her go but they called my mom to make sure it was alright and she told them that it was unacceptable.

    I called my mom to tell her that I was offended by what she said and it ended up in a terrible argument and now I haven't talked to my mom in a week.


    What should I do? I am willling to do just about whatever it takes to get my parents to get over the fact that I will date girls if I want to and there's nothing they can do. I am a lot happier in life having a companion of this sort and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
     
  2. Captain Elephant

    Captain Elephant Active Member

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    I don't quite know how to say this except straight out - cut the cord. Mom's kind of controlling your life still in college? Dude, the American way is for the folks to foot the bill, but you have all the fun. That's what it's all about.

    Now if she's still in high school, well, I'm afraid there's more dynamics there than you should probably be dealing with right now. If you're committed to her, then I can understand how you might want to do things on the up and up. But guys like that are really rare.

    My college was on my own dime, so what I did was my own thing. Pity I cannot remember half of it.

    Anyway, Mom will come around. Things like this aren't usually deal-breakers with parents. She'll give your soul up for lost but still claim you as her son.

    Hope it works out for you.
     
  3. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    So strange that they would call your parents to see if it's alright unless you're both under 18. If you're 18 you don't need permission from anyone to do anything. The days of your parents holding the leash, if not necessarily the purse strings, are over. I'm surprised your girlfriend's parents didn't respect that since they felt it was safe to have their daughter spend the weekend with you. Next time you consider a weekend together, just have her come visit be sure she explains to her parents that your parents aren't part of the equation.
     
  4. SpeedoGuy

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    I can sympathize. There are some family members who've offended me that I haven't spoken to in years.

    Doctors cut cancer out of infected bodies. I cut out unhealthy relationships.

    Whatever happens, good luck to you.
     
  5. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Time to remove mom from your life. Or maybe threaten her saying that she must want you to be gay if you are not allowed to be dating girls. Tell her that you will be picking the girls and not her.

    Anyways.. let us know what you do about this situation.. seriously.. defiance is the way.
     
  6. Principessa

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  7. D_Tamerton Taintpussie

    D_Tamerton Taintpussie Account Disabled

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    I feel for you, and have been in a similar situation myself. I messed up even further by trying to keep everyone happy.

    Now that I'm older, I would do what was best for me, and my partner, (and quite frankly, F*** the rest). People who really care about you have your best interests at heart. If they are willing to jeopardize your happiness, it means that they don't. Plain and simple.

    You need to be as independent as possible so that you can call the shots in your own life. Stand up for yourself and your girlfriend, even if the going gets tough. Frankly, the way some mothers hang on to their sons is just kind of creepy. Are you the only son?

    The other thing I would say to you is try to avoid emotional discussions with your mom if you can - they lead nowhere. Just state your case and don't get dragged in to the drama if possible.

    I wish you all the best. Hang on to every bit of happiness that you can :fing02:
     
  8. Ed69

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    What should you do?

    Dump mom now,and grow a back bone!

    I've been married to a woman my mother does not like for 17 year's now.Live your life,not mommy's!
     
  9. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    If it was me, I would just law down the law with your parents - you dont live at home anymore and regardless of that, you must tell them honestly (and without losing your cool) that you are old enough to judge whom you date and if they consider it a mistake etc, they can they keep those opinions to themselves. If you want to "make a mistake" you are old enough to do it on your own.

    It may sound harsh, but you have to do it now or else this will long continue, and nobody wants a "Monster in Law"...
     
  10. Runco

    Runco New Member

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    How old are you?

    The reality is if you an adult, your mother cannot tell you who you can and can't date nor can she stop you dating. Instead of arguing with your mother, listen to her objections and then calmly explain to her that there comes a point where you have to sever the apron strings and that point has already passed. You are an adult now and who you date is up to you, not her; and this girl is your choice. She (your mother) doesn't get to have a say in who you date nor do you need her permission to see this girl or have her stay. Finally, make your mother understand that any further comments on her part could lead to a permanent rift in your relationship with her. If your mother cannot see that then you cannot help her and if this is what she wants, she should carry on behaving like she owns you.

    Of course, it will strengthen your ground if you have somewhere other than your mother's house to take this girl...
     
  11. southernstud

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    I can relate, parents have a tendency to be critical. To be honest, my mother use to place bets on how long the relationship will last, and was overly critical. Mothers think, in my opinion, that no woman is good enough for her boy. The best thing to do is to just talk to your parents, talk to your girlfriend, try to have them meet. Reason is the best weapon.
     
  12. auncut10in

    auncut10in Well-Known Member

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    This is easy to fix. Tell your mom thanks for her advice. You started dating guys and it is working out much better.
     
  13. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    I think my brother and I can both relate to what you are going through. We had a very strict overbearing controlling mother......and I can remember the college days. She controlled the purse strings and she could tighten them around a person's neck.

    I will tell you what I remember doing......My brother and I stayed away from home as much as we could during our college years. We didn't tell her anything about our private lives. What goes on in the bedroom is private and it really isn't anyone's business but the people involved.

    I remember my brother and and one of our guy cousins were rooming together. My parents were paying for my brother's part on the rent of the apartment. Our guy cousin let his girlfriend move in.....and my mother went haywire.....(She found out because she was calling my brother's apartment.....and this same girlfriend kept answering the phone. ) There really wasn't anything my mother could do......besides stomp around and preach (since it wasn't my brother that was "living in sin". ) My brother and I quickly learned that you don't tell our mother anything that would upset her. So, we just didn't tell her anything that she didn't need to know...... And everyone was happier for it. You don't bring significant others around unless you are planning a wedding.....in our household.

    Next time your girlfriends parents agree to let your girlfriend come visit you......just make sure that they know that your mom is really strict in her beliefs.....so it is better not to make waves with her......But assure her parents that you are very respectful of their daughter.....you have honorable intentions......I used to tell my parents that I was sleeping on the couch when I went to visit my husband (back when we were dating). It was a lie of course.

    I am sure your mother just wants you to concentrate on your studies. She doesn't want you to lose focus and get distracted. And she probably is a control freak also.

    What we did.....(My brother and I)......we told her what she wanted to hear while she was footing the bills. Then as soon as we had graduated and had good jobs.....we grew backbones.

    Anyways......it worked for us. Good luck on your situation!!!!
     
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