Sex is just one part of a relationship and sex doesn't even have to include penetration it can be a number of things.
you've only talked about being sexually frustrated not about how the rest of the relationship is and you've been together for 7 years so i guess there's a couple of points to consider?
- was it like this from the start with the significant gap in your sexual desires, if not what has changed?
- how well does the rest of your relationship work?? if the rest of your relationship is good, great or even brilliant, just remember that sex is just one part of the whole - though having been in a similar position to you in an otherwise great relationship that lack of sex did eventually drive us apart, though we're great friends now, but mainly because he'd never actually discuss it with me so we could never move on from the i want more, he didn't.
- you mention you went for a massage, and he went mad at you for it - i presume therefore that by 'massage' you meant you went somewhere for sex? This is cheating when you've not agreed between you to do this and given he's found out, is there something related to that that is stopping the two of you being more intimate/more often?
- you mention that he's a bit wam bam with you, if he's 30 and you've been together 7 years then he was 23 when you met, so was he that experienced then as a top? has anyone (you??) ever shown him/guided him how to have better sex (for him as much as you ?) have you been that experienced older bottom who's shown him how to have better sex, care for his bottom better etc?
- do you set the scene right? ie plan date nights, do the teasing/comments during the day, compliment each other and do all those partner types things together? Do you build that tension with him?
A few things to unpack from what you've written - but mainly this does come back to communication? If you're not happy with the sex, either the wam bam or the frequency, then you need to talk openly and honestly with each other about each others' needs, drives, desires, etc.
But good luck to you both and i hope that you do find a way through this together.