relationship with a manic/depressive...???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by d_michael, Jun 26, 2010.

  1. d_michael

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    does anyone here have some advice on how 2 handle a relationship with a manic/depressive??
     
  2. dolfette

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    leave.

    i'm only half joking. there's only room for one mad person in my relationships and it's bloody well going to be me.

    my serious advice is to never blame yourself for their moods. whatever they might say.
     
  3. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    With kid gloves,it will never be easy,be supportive and develop a very thick skin as one day you'll be the devil incarnate (according to your partner) and the next the best thing since sliced bread.

    Get support for yourself as well as some days you'll feel like cracking up yourself.

    Good luck!
     
  4. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    I'm not an expert on the subject. I have been seeking a degree in psychology for a few years and now still working towards it. But if your post is serious, listen to PrincessTasha because she laid it out for you clearly.

    I'm a psychology PHD student who suffers from OCD and my boyfriend is a philosophy major who suffers from major depression. We barely agree on the time of day... but I love him and he loves me so much that he puts up with my bullshit...

    The best way to deal with someone different than you is simply to show them how much you love them. If you both agree on the love.. you are cool :)
     
  5. SpeedoMike

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    don't think you can cure the person... you can't. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and been disabled by it for 25 years ago. I don't have any fantasy thoughts that someone is going to sweep me off my feet, fix me, and make me forever happy. persons suffering from a less serious condition may be more able to deal with it, but still can't expect someone to cure him.

    love for the person simply may not be enough to provide coping skills to help you thru rough times. but you can try.
     
  6. dolfette

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    my thoughts exactly.
     
  7. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    Unfortunatly, it takes a lot more than love, the songs on the radio lie, sorry ):
     
  8. lucidbass

    lucidbass New Member

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    Just remember that they're just a person with manic depression and not a manic depressive.

    There is some advice that may steer you in the right direction and all, but when it comes down to it, all people are different and their mood disorder may inhibit them or express itself in different ways than others.

    There is such a thing as mild manic depression (bipolar II and cyclothymia), it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

    The only thing you can really do is
    1) read the signs. You can predict mania or depression when you see it build up. It's not a 'drastic' change from one minute to another. Try to accommodate that. Same with depression.
    2) don't take some things personal, how hard that might be.

    But most importantly and as I mentioned before. Treat them like a person and try to accommodate their individual needs first.
     
  9. BJs4You IL

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    I'm in the same boat. It hasn't worked so well over the years, but we try, and when it comes down to it, I wouldn't want anyone else to be my significant other. Good luck. It's less difficult to convince myself that I'm not the devil incarnate - usually - than it is for him to believe we can make it work. It helps if there's alot of open communication. But that's difficult and doesn't solve everything all the time. But keep trying.
     
  10. Wish-4-8

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    Ive been there. Here are some tips:
    1. Read, read, read. Read as much as you can on the subject.
    2. The highs are very fun. High sex drive, uncontrolable money spending. But the lows are, well, not fun. Be prepare for possible violence. Learn to dodge shit thrown at you. The slightest thing can set them off.
    3. They need two things: Medication, and weekly threapy.
    4. The meds, like lithium, will get the ups and downs level. So much that the person may not feel they need to take them anymore, which can be a huge mistake.
    5. Same goes for threapy.
    6. If a person is not willing to take their meds and see thier weekly therapist, LEAVE! You cannot help a person who will not help themselves. And yes, that is why I left.
     
  11. sbat

    sbat New Member

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    Re #6.

    Manic depression is very controllable if the person wants to control it. I worked with a psychologist to recognize my emotional state and isolate myself on the ups and the downs. Small things like types of food you eat, the timing of exercise, can help to keep excessive behavior under control even without medication (which turns you into a zombie, at least at the dosages prescribed to me). Certain thoughts just can't be helped, but the damaging behaviors can be.

    The manic depressives who lose complete control simply allow themselves to, the same way a drug addict who keeps falling off the wagon allows themselves to.
     
  12. Desirevous

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    There's only one answer...get out now, before your life is ruined

    I lived this. It cannot work.

    Bipolars have an uncanny way of surviving while they destroy everyone around them. They have no guilt about this. YOU become the enemy
     
  13. helgaleena

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    You become the enemy but you don't stay the enemy. That is the seductive part. The thrills can be amazing but the hurt can be devastating. If you are at all unstable yourself it's best not to even attempt to stay, if the down crushes you too much. There is no dishonor in admitting you can't stay.
     
  14. instynctive

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    I agree. Leave. Unless you can get them into therapy and on meds...

    You will eventually be in an impossible situation and it will end anyway. Save yourself some emotional scarring. I'm almost 3 years out of a 3 year relationship with someone with uncontrolled bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. I'm still trying to heal.
     
  15. OxfordDreams

    OxfordDreams New Member

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    I hear you.

    My ex was an uncontrolled bi-polar person with full-blown personality disorder. He couldn't make up his mind if he was straight, gay, bisexual, bent, or crooked. He couldn't make up his mind who (or what) he wanted to fuck on a daily basis so he fucked anything that moved. Couldn't figure out if he was a Switch, Dom, or submissive. It was maddening! I never knew where I stood with them and they made sure to keep me that way.

    Many with this disorder are also Sociopaths....manipulative and unpredictable. It's always about them, they're never wrong, the world is out to get them, blah, blah, blah.

    I'm almost 2 years out of that 3 year relationship. And I've never been more happy with my life, surroundings, and the family and friends that I have.

    To think, I almost let him and his uncontrolled psychosis' ruin my life!

    Run, don't walk, from someone with this condition. Especially if they're in denial and unmedicated.
     
  16. SpeedoMike

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    I'm glad that this has been your experience. however, some number of us are not so fortunate, particularly when anti-depressants aren't effective. having access to a helpful psychiatrist and therapist is mandatory.
     
  17. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer New Member

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    Okay, I don't really want to talk about this, but I will. I have Type I Bipolar Disorder and have had it since I was about 16 years old. It was not properly diagnosed and treated until I was 30.

    I am very steady and careful about following my treatment plan, and the condition is well-controlled. I still have issues with depression, but almost never with mania.

    I won't lie to you -- being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness isn't easy. It will take some work and adjustment on your part to deal with whatever the illness may do. The thing you need to figure out is whether this person is worth it to you. My husband made the decision several years ago that it is worth it to him.

    However, when I first told him I had Bipolar Disorder, he did not really know what that meant, or what it entailed. Several months after we moved in together, I had an episode, and it was then that I sat down and read The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide together with him. I had read it before by myself, but he really found it helpful in understanding my condition and what kinds of things I should be doing and not doing.

    For example, people with Bipolar Disorder should keep a regular schedule including regular sleep hours, and they should not consume alcohol or illegal drugs, as these can easily interfere with their moods and medications.

    If your potential partner is at all irresponsible in following her treatment plan (or is not in treatment at all), I honestly would advise you to steer clear of her. Even those of us who do our very best can still be difficult to deal with sometimes. Those who are untreated will almost certainly cause you emotional harm; they can't help it.

    But I believe that even though I have a mental illness, I am still responsible for my behaviour and the way I treat the people around me. Some people with mental illness do not take responsibility for their behaviour. If your potential partner is like this, I would probably avoid getting involved further.

    One other thing that might help you is joining the family and friends forum on the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance site. These people have lots of good experience and can help you -- the organization's main web site also has a lot of good reference materials.

    Edit: P.S. Please do not refer to people with Bipolar Disorder as “Bipolars.” They are people first and foremost, people with a mental illness, not the mental illness itself.
     
  18. B_bxmuscle

    B_bxmuscle New Member

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    You can never help someone, you can only help him/her to help themselves. I'd advise someone in such a relationship to be as supportive as he/she possibly could if the other party is doing the best they can given his/her circumstances.

    If, however, the other party refuses to stay on treatment or otherwise do whatever they need to do to get and stay as healthy as they can be, you'll end up being an enabler of their dysfunction. In that case, save yourself and get out asap.
     
  19. AlextheRedhead

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    One word, ZOLOFT
    it works my friend has been on it for years. No odd side effects just makes her normal
     
  20. CockDude

    CockDude New Member

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    I can't believe some of you guys just say leave...that's just cruel. It's not like people choose to have bipolar disorder..