Relationship with best friend just got weird

YBNB

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Ok I'm just back from his mums place. He had got in contact with his brother and was drunkenly rambling about his life being fucked up, which is why she was so worried. We finally got hold of him. One of his girlfriend's mates saw him in a bar and took him back to her flat.

He doesn't want to speak to me right now, but his girlfriend seems to have calmed down a huge deal. She was on the phone to me for a good 15 minutes and she seemed quite alright, to be honest. I told her to pass on to him that I'm here whenever he wants to talk, any day, any time, just ring me. And that I'm not mad or annoyed with him.

Knowing him he'll talk to me tomorrow when the proverbial dust has settled.

Again, thanks to all of you for replying.
 

YBNB

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Well I'm not gonna let it fuck it up. Don't honestly know how he's gonna feel cause, like I've said, this whole thing is a real bolt from the blue. Madness.
 

SpiceFromIndia

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Dude your story is almost same as me and my ex american roommate. When i met him he was straight after some time he became bisexual and had a long time crush on me. He never forced me to do anything but he certainly enjoyed my company a lot.

When i was seeing this girl he was so jelous because i did not have much time to spend with him He accused me that i changed and being a man whore beacause i am chasing bitches. Well i took the situation seriously and told him that i am doing what i want to do and being a good friend he should be happy with me. Finally before situation started getting worse i moved out from the place we still keep in touch but dont hang out much. He is busy with his newly found buddies.
In your case i dont know how you should proceed but i would recommend spending too much time would not be a good option with him. Leave him just with himself and keep a distance for some time he will figure out that not everything in this world is achievable and life is not straight as he things and he will take care of himself.
Best of luck...

ps:pardon my bad english i am not native.
 

Countryguy63

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Hi,

I cannot give any better advice than what has been given, but want to add a bit.

He is going to need you more than ever. You CAN be there for him, while at the same time expressing and maintaining your boundaries. A closer friendship can develop because of this.

Even though his gf has calmed down (and that was very considerate of you to talk with her and not further fuel her anger and hurt), it's a sure thing that she said some pretty angry and hurtful words at first, and no one blames her for that either. Her words will sting and remain for a while. If he is like many, many other guys, his biggest fear is losing the friendship and support of those he values the most.

It will be up to him to be able to figure out how to process his feelings for you. You be the steady, solid friend that you have always been.

I just want to express my appreciation to you for how you have handled this. I wish I had a friend so loyal.

Please keep us informed
 

aztechx

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i cant believe how similar this story is to mine in terms of emotional and feelings involved..i wish my friend was as nice as you are...whatever good things my friend did to or for me would make my day..it might or might not be the same for ur buddy but either way hes just in alot of shock himself..i was and still am scared when i think about my sexuality..its confusing..sometimes the effects of these things can stick with u for a long long time..

i was never attracted to guys before this..until i met my buddy..2 years we were best friends,i really enjoyed his company and we spent so much time doing stuffs together..and 2 years we were something i cant describe myself..it just developed from there..and this guy has been ur best friend for 6 years..he doesnt want to fuck up the friendship as much as you do,he treasures the friendship more then anything else..but those feelings might have been killing him..he must be feeling very guilty at the moment for whatever hes caused..

and yeah..im dramatic at times too.. :)

i dont even know this friend of yours but i wish i could talk to him..
 

amygdala

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Yeah, once I can talk to him I just wanna get a few things clear, one being we're only ever going to be friends, nothing more, and secondly that I still want him as my mate. I couldn't not be friends with this guy. I just hope he still wants that but I don't know!

If that's what you want, I'm certain you can have it. I'm sure he'll be happy and relieved that he didn't ruin the friendship by telling you what he told you. It couldn't have been easy for him to do it, even if he was drunk, and if you're truly his friend, you'll be there for him as he comes to terms with who he really is.
 

amygdala

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i cant believe how similar this story is to mine in terms of emotional and feelings involved..i wish my friend was as nice as you are...whatever good things my friend did to or for me would make my day..it might or might not be the same for ur buddy but either way hes just in alot of shock himself..i was and still am scared when i think about my sexuality..its confusing..sometimes the effects of these things can stick with u for a long long time..

Uhhhh, this situation is *nothing* like yours, aztech. You fondled your friend in his sleep - repeatedly - and convinced yourself that you're the victim. Not even remotely similar.
 

aztechx

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Uhhhh, this situation is *nothing* like yours, aztech. You fondled your friend in his sleep - repeatedly - and convinced yourself that you're the victim. Not even remotely similar.

thats why i mentioned in terms of emotional and feelings..i never regarded myself as the victim..i just thought i could relate to how his friend might be feeling at the moment..thinking that ure in love with ur best friend..i dont think thats something everyone goes through everyday..
 

Florida Boy

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Uhhhh, this situation is *nothing* like yours, aztech. You fondled your friend in his sleep - repeatedly - and convinced yourself that you're the victim. Not even remotely similar.

I agree. Let aztech have both barrels. His situation is nothing like that of the current thread. He is the last person to offer someone advice, whether it be good or bad.

I called that nervy.
 

Stephenmass

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I give aztech a bit of credit for seeing him finally and for once trying to help someone else. I will say one thing. He obviously would know how it is to "crush on someone" badly, so badly it has lasted well over a year. He knows from maybe his own feelings, how his friend may be feeling. Don't be so harsh on him.

I do have to admit tho aztech, your advice would be better accepted and appreciated if you learned how to finally handle your own problem.

I don't want this thread to hijack into something else so last thing I'll say is I'm very happy at the way the OP handled everything. A true friend.
 

B_Nick8

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I do have to admit tho aztech, your advice would be better accepted and appreciated if you learned how to finally handle your own problem.


Seriously. Once and for all. I, too have suffered badly, hideously, but I have rarely encountered such a wallower and whiner.
 

dreamer20

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My best friend...Ryan,..I love the guy like a brother,.. he tells me he's been in love with me for 3 years... I've got no fucking idea what to do or say now.
I hung up on him ...and turned my phone off. I need to clear my head...I just need some help. I can't talk about this with friends or family, not right now. What the hell am I meant to do? :frown1:

I've tried to think back but there's nothing I've ever done that would have given him an idea to try something on,...
His girlfriend is ...saying that ...the 2 of them are finished. Which has made me feel horribly guilty in a fucked up way.
...I just wanna talk things out with him. I don't want him to go and do anything stupid...his phone is off and his GF doesn't know where he's gone...


Don't feel guilty about what happened between Ryan and his former GF YBNB. You didn't cause them to break up. Tell your friend you value his friendship and like him but you aren't in love with him. He must find a guy that can love him in return. Sadly he must suffer the pain of being on the rebound and his unrequited love for you now, but in time his pain will heal.
 

ck85x65

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Been in this situation several times in my 53 years ... grade school, high school, uni, and even after that ... not fun, nor easy.

He's drunk. Not good ... booze gives him courage ... but, is he telling the truth or playing mind games ? (with you and his girlfriend) ... difficult to tell at this juncture. Freaking out his family too ... woo hoo ...

What did I do in my situations ? ... well, it was a little different in that I had a face-to-face personal conversation with each, no one else around or able to overhear ... I had the person right in front of me when I pointed out (very gently, and not breaking eye contact ... that I was astonished and flattered beyond comprehension ... but sorry, I just don't play on that team ... if he does, great, he's still the fabulous worthy and important person whom I have friendship and affection for, regardless. We have "stolen some horses together", and shared our most personal feelings, and have a bond that I treasure, and will take to the grave as one of the highlights of my existence. Finding a soul mate is difficult but worthwhile.

You want my support - just like yesterday, you got it forever, no questions asked, no judgements made.

But I sure wish, in hindsight, that I didn't hear this from anyone else as a "surprise".
 

YBNB

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I've been talking to his now ex girlfriend tonight. He's been sick and is sleeping off his hangover [which I knew he would need to do!] and is gonna call me tomorrow morning.

She's taking things ok at the minute, but I know it'll get worse for her. Her dad committed suicide a while ago and ever since then she has, understandably, found emotional conflict particularly stressful.

Apparently he's told her that he's gay, and has been for a while. I didn't wanna delve too far here, as she was becoming a little upset, and I'm sure Ryan will tell me these things himself, in time.

The way I see it, it's like this. Unrequited love and one way feelings happens all the damn time between friends, be they straight or gay or bi. Doesn't matter. It also doesn't matter to me that it's my closest friend. You guys are right. If anything, it makes it much easier for me to gain some persceptive. It's obviously been unbelievably hard for him to overcome these feelings and try living a lie, keeping his girlfriend. He didn't choose to be gay and he didn't choose to develop feelings for me. But that's life. It's happened, and I know that he needs me now more than ever to help him along.
 
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Stephenmass

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The way I see it, it's like this. Unrequited love and one way feelings happens all the damn time between friends, be they straight or gay or bi. Doesn't matter. It also doesn't matter to me that it's my closest friend. You guys are right. If anything, it makes it much easier for me to gain some persceptive. It's obviously been unbelievably hard for him to overcome these feelings and try living a lie, keeping his girlfriend. He didn't choose to be gay and he didn't choose to develop feelings for me. But that's life. It's happened, and I know that he needs me now more than ever to help him along.

What a perfect way to accept it and realize that he really didn't choose o develop feelings for you or any other male for that matter, he just did. And he has probably been struggling with it for a very long time. You have a very level head and I admire you for the way you are handling the whole thing. The friendship that has already gone by has not changed really. I hope it will all come back around and in time he will realize that he will have to accept your friendship as a straight guy having a gay friend. That is all it really is. And if he can do that, while respecting your "straightness" your friendship can actually get stronger. There can be love between two men that isn't physical. Keep that and I hope he can get past what he wants beyond that if he wants to keep your friendship. You handled it great and I hope you let him know that as long as he respects his boundaries, no foul and forgotten.
 
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